Am I Going Nutts!!!!

Updated on May 21, 2009
B.J. asks from Rochester, MN
7 answers

I will try to make this short so here goes. I moved from a not so nice part of town to a very nice part of town. I did not want my children to live near gangs and drugs! We spend a very good portion of our income on our mortgage. To make it shorter (nice neighborhood (maybe to nice?) were poor, and we both work very hard to make ends meet.) We have 2 very bad dogs (I have spent a great deal of time and money on these rescued pups with no result so I gave up and we enjoy them as they are). During the day we put them out side as we have for the last 3 years that we have had them. Mama my 13 year old hound liked our neighbor’s yard better and went over to his yard. He had animal control take our dog stating we should of watched out dog better. again the shorted version (lot of money that we did not have was spent on fixing the fence, nothing worked so the dogs got confined to the deck and tearing up out house) Animal control has visited us many time, but has only written us a warning for not having licensed dogs (they are licensed and I have tried several times to tell them this, each time they tell me they will check on it). Now my sister in law (who does not have kids) is threatening to call social services because she thought she smelled mold in my basement, my house was messy and she saw 2 dropping from my sons guinea pig next to her cage (she claims my 18 month old is going to climb up onto his dresser and eat one of them. My house is not messy, but very cluttered with toys. I do a home preschool with my 5 year old and so we have a lot of that sitting around since we work on it every day. I am so stressed I am starting to forget stuff like my husbands name and our phone #!!!! I lost my phone and my purse last week only to find them latter in my car. I just can't take it any more. I really felt that if I could get my family into this better neighbor hood and better house I would be doing so much for my kids. Now I feel like I am just a failure and everything I did was very wrong. I can't take anymore! Help!!!!

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So What Happened?

Thanks for the advise. I am going to tell my siter in law to take a hike!!! My dogs sit out on the deck all day (except if it's bad weather, then they sit in the kennel in the house) and sleep. They have never barked. The behavior issue is more hyperness. My gromer and my dog trainer both have told me he may have ADD. Even my vet made a simular commet. i have him run for a hour or 2 every night on the treadmill. My older hound dog is just a hound that is living out her life. She is a hound so she gets on the smelling trails. So I keep them both locked on the deck as I did before. in talking to other neibors they said he is really strange. One neighbor saw him peeing in his back yard another said he spends his days in his garage drinking beer. I have my dogs lisenses handy and I will make coffie for my animal controll guy just as someone sugesed to me (thank you I liked that one):) Yes my house is still cluttered. I like clutter. I get craby if my house isn't cluttered. So i'm laving it they way I like it ;)

More Answers

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

Huge hugs to you! Stress stinks when it comes in huge doses like you have.

My 2 cents:

Dogs- they need to be kenneled inside during the day when you can't be there. Take them for walks with the kids everyday rather than just letting them out in the yard. The walks will be good for your stress as well. Schedule a morning walk by yourself early, maybe before your DH leaves for work so that you can have time to yourself just to think and gather your thoughts for the day. Then take an afternoon/evening walk with the kids too.

SIL- these are your DH's sisters, then ask him to step in and talk to them about boundaries. They should know that you would rather have their help than their threats. Ways they can help (and maybe this would teach them that it isn't so easy) could include watching the kids (taking them for an outing) while you get some serious decluttering done. If they can't bring themselves to help, then your DH should severely limit their presence in your house.

Stress/memory- stress causes a depletion of vitamins and the B vitamins are especially critical for memory and brain function. I know money is tight but budget for a B vitamin supplement for you.

Neighbors- Throw a neighborhood potluck dinner on one of these nice summer weekend evenings. A potluck won't cost you anything (especially if you make sure someone will bring plates/cups/utensils as their item. Get to know your neighbors better and let them know you want to be an involved, friendly neighbor so they feel comfortable coming to you directly with problems. Also let your neighbors know that you will be trying some different techniques with your dogs and to let you know if they see (or hear) an improvement.

Get out and away from the kids occasionally. Find a friend who will trade babysitting with you once a month. Go out and do a free activity somewhere with DH or out with a friend for a walk.

Good luck and power to you!

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D.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

A lot of good advice below but one thing I have to say is I commend you for trying to expose your children to a better way of life. You might be going through a stressful transition now but it will likely be the best thing for your family in the long run. I say ignore the SIL and do what you can to simplify your life. It sounds like you are being pulled in many directions by many unnecessary issues/distractions.

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C.G.

answers from Davenport on

I am so sorry for what you are going through...it is too bad you have a sister-in-law that would rather call social service then to ask you if you need help with anything. It sounds like you have a lot going on, I would suggest de-cluttering. I always feel stressed when my house is cluttered (and I completely understand there is a difference between clutter and being dirty). The truth is that you probably do not need a lot of the stuff cluttering your home and if you get rid of it, maybe it will help you feel more organized.

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J.

answers from Minneapolis on

Maybe put a restraining order if justified, on this nosey sister-in-law for a little time to let her know she is causing that much stress that you would have to do such a thing? Or go to counseling to help your feeling or write in a diary and get exercise. Maybe donate or sell some of the unused "extra" toys in a garage sale or to a charity. Maybe get a discounted Yoga exercise video to practice good breathing techniques. Just deep relaxed breathing can be a bid stress reducer. People that do not breathe deeply could just from that suffer from panic attacks! We have used a pully type chain that is suspended from a post to a tree to let our two dogs run around in our yard but still have to listen to their barking. Read books on how to train dogs to only bark for certain issues. If you "reward" a dog with negative or positive attention after they bark it reinforces this behaviour. Best to note it and "walk away" and when the dog quiets down then reward them not when they are barking to no end.

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S.F.

answers from Madison on

It's great that you accept your dogs for who they are, but your neighbors shouldn't have to. I would suggest getting indoor kennels if your dogs can't be trusted in the house while you are away. It really isn't fair to your neighbors to let your dogs be out unsupervised all day. Then make sure they get out for a walk and plenty of exercise each day.

Maybe you could set up one area of your house for all the things you use for preschool. Get some shelves, baskets to organize things better. If your house is less cluttered and better organized it may help to relieve some of your stress. I know when I see clutter all over my house it makes me cranky and I feel much better when things are organized and put away!!

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A.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

Take a breath.........

I don't want to add any stress to your already stressful life, but I think you need to kennel your dogs or give them up to a rescue. I am a dog owner (2 dogs) and I get mad as hell when my neighbor lets her dogs out and they bark and bark and bark. I would be very angry if her dogs kept getting into our yard. I also don't know how it is in your area, but animal control will not visit unless someone spots a stray dog or a home gets multiple complaints here. So if animal control is visiting you several times, something else is going on or several neighbors are complaining. I know how it is to be short on money, but I have found kennels on freecycle.com or inexpensively on craigslist. You need to be a responsible dog owner and kennel them in the house in my opinion.

CPS will not visit you because your sister-in-law calls and complains. They will make a note of it, but unless there are several complaints nothing will happen. And unless you have something to hide, I wouldn't give it a second thought.

And if your sister-in-law causes you so much stress you need to tell her to "buck-up" and help or to stay away from your home if she doesn't like it. It is your home and you don't have to let her in.

After you take care of the above issues you need to give yourself a break. Heck, give yourself a break now. Go sit outside for 10 minutes, go for a long or short walk, just get away for a while to clear your head. Do it every day if you need to. You can make time for a 15 minute walk every day. I have even gotten in my car, driven a block or two a way, parked the car and just cried or sat in silence for 1/2 hour.

I also have found it useful to set a timer during the day when I am feeling overwhelmed when I have a lot to do. I will set it for 15 minutes and do whatever cleaning I can in a specific room and then I am done when the timer goes off. I will also watch my favorite show but make myself get up and clean during the commercials. It is amazing how much you can do in these little periods of time and how much better you will feel.

If you can't tell already, I get easily stressed and anxious and I have learned a lot of techniques to cope with this over the years. I have a very specific schedule for each day of the week and there are a few websites I go to regularly for tips. If you want to hear more or see my schedule, please let me know. It isn't fun when you feel so stressed that it feels as though you can't breath. Just this morning I got up, came downstairs and saw my super messy living room and felt everything muscle in my tighten up!! I reminded myself to take a breath and just do what I could. I set the timer and got a good amount done and felt 100 times better after that and I didn't even get everything done :)

Oh, and make yourself laugh or make yourself watch a super-funny movie. It WILL lift your mood, I promise.

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B.T.

answers from Minneapolis on

have you tried getting away for a few hours. When I come back with a fresh look, I get way more done.
Go sit at a coffee shop, book store, go for walk in park, meet up with a girl friend. something that will refresh yourself.

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