Hi Moms,
I am starting to believe Im the crazy one! Please give me your feedback on my complicated "family" situation! In a nutshell, I made a family portrait appointment. I lost my sister a few years ago & wanted a beautiful picture of my family with my sisters family & my mom & brother. ( we have always been pretty close) My mom is divorced. We took a great picture. I posted this portrait on Facebook and my sister in law wrote my husband a nasty email upset about the picture! ( i still cant believe it) They have never been close! EVER. His mom& I had a huge feud last year & have not seen her or talked but a few times. I am trying to understand why they are so upset! I saw the email & she said to tell me that she expects us to be at all the events/holidays from now on. WTH She never invites us thats why we dont attend. So I talked to my husband about this email & he brushed it off. He said she later apologized to him & to disregard it. However she said alot of ugly things like god forbid we die & we arent important to you.Im Upset because now WE are arguing over this! Im upset because he told her I wanted this pic instead of saying"whats the problem"? They treat my husband like hes a kid. They dont call us or visit but somehow they say we should. I dont know if I should stay quiet & let it go or actually confront her & see why it bothers her?I really dont care. My family has ALWAYS gone out of there way for us & helped us financially & have been our support system. Unlike his family all they do is create drama & arguments. Grrrrr! Am I the crazy one?
Thanks Ladies, I know its a complicated subject since I've had so much drama with them. Its starting to get the best of me! I try to be the bigger person many times & now I feel like they are taking advantage. It was a huge fight with my husband. however, the next day my SIL actually called ME to apologize!!!!!! I think what happened was my husband told her to & I give her kudos for doing it! Someone hit the nail in the head...when they stated its so much more.She claims to be hurt, feels left out. Well fyi her husband is a cop & he had a good schedule.Now he is away alot of the time & I think she finds herself alone. So now I think she has time to realize how distant they have been all these years. I did apologize for how she feels & explained that we can work on it. I deleted my facebook because lately it has been causing a lot of drama. I will try my best to get through this but I know im in a long tough battle. I spoke with my husband & explained why I was so upset. He understood & we all apologized.Now I need lots of prayers & tough skin!!!! Phew family drama is exhausting!
I admit that I don't understand at all what happened. OneAndDone's remarks make sense - especially the moon bat part. I don't know what to advise you to do because I can't make heads or tails out of it. Maybe ask her to go with you to a family counselor because you don't understand what on earth is going on and you need a translator...
Dawn
Clearly, she gets the Captain Crazy award in the family.
I Cannot connect the dots between YOUR family portrait a d her--at all.
She owes you an apology.
If she WANTS a closer family bond, that's not the way to go about it.
Moon bat!
I'm going to go against the croud
it sounds like it's not about the photo and she's hurt and doesnt feel like he cares or makes an effort about his side of the family, and this photo J. reminded her he puts the effort in with youer family. whether that be true or not is up to you to decide.
he's a guy. guys dont ussually keep in contact like girls. if you talked to your family the amount he talks to his would your family be upset?
it doesnt take an invite for M. to visit my family, i'm sure it doesnt with yours. i wouldnt want to write off family, so in your case i'd decide to let it go and perhaps you email her and ask how she would like to connect more?
once a month dinner/breakfast?
yes she went off the crazy train but i'm going to assume she's not officially crazy and she J. reacted when something reminded her of the fact she's not close with him ?
First, go buy your SIL one of those fancy jackets that that has extra long sleeves that cross and buckle in the back. You know the one... Maybe have it monogrammed with her initials? ;)
Your husband told his sister you wanted the picture. It's the truth; it was meaningful to you and you did want one. I think there's an implied "what's the problem" right there. Unless she had requested a family portrait with all of your immediate family included, yes, she is Bat-poo crazy for making a fuss.
It sounds like she might have an ax to grind with you and is just picking at whatever excuse she can find. That said, I think your husband should hear from you "I understand she apologized to you, however, you didn't get the earful I did, so from my perspective, she really apologized to the wrong person." Because, from *my* perspective, making nice with her brother but continuing to let those words hang there is BS.
You deserve an apology from her. However, do not hold your breath. And if you really don't care, then don't hold onto it. I'm sure she's cooking up another batch of crazy to gift you with soon enough. Your husband will have to decide when and if he ever wants to confront them. That's up to him. All you can do is continue to do what works best and is healthiest for you. Good luck.
you're so gonna have to "rise above" on this one...
there's no way to rationalize crazy...you just gotta ride the wave.
maybe sometime when she's calm see if she wants to plan a family pic for her side. or maybe nicely ask, hey when you guys are doing something, let us know, we will totally come!
but don't hang onto this....sounds like she majorly freaked out and she did apologize (to the person she wrote the email to - i think it's a bit much to expect an apology from her to you) so let it go.
hubby was raised by these people, don't forget. give him a break too.
Ugh! I HATE family drama!!! You had every right to have a family pic done with your family and have no reason to have to include anyone in a pic you don't choose to. If she wants a portrait what's to stop her from saying 'hey, I loved those pictures, I want to schedule some too in the spring with the whole family.' Or whatever. I think life is too short for you to worry over it though. She contacted your hubby and then said to disregard it. So I say do that. Enjoy your photo and have a wonderful holiday season :)
don't let her get under your skin.
she sounds pretty wack. you'll never make it 'okay' so don't make yourself as crazy as she.
i had a cousin-in-law call me once, not crazy like your SIL but very peeved that we had a family get-together that didn't involve her side of the family. i told her i was sorry she was so upset, and she said it was fine, just never let it happen again. i had to explain that i wasn't apologizing for our actions, just expressing sorrow that she was out of sorts, and that we would continue to have some 'all-in' family gatherings and some that only involved my husband's immediate siblings and their kids. she was a little taken aback, and may well have kvetched about me behind the scenes, but she never brought it up to me again and all has sailed on peacefully. and that's all i wanted.
don't argue with your dh over this. don't try to understand her. her perspective is skewed and you won't rationalize her into sanity.
in addition, don't compare your 'good' family to your dh's wacky one, at least to him. it is likely true, but won't fly well.
take the high road on this one, hon.
khairete
S.
Your husband's sister saw the lovely picture of you and your entire family that included your husband, and she was jealous. Then she lashed out at your husband (her brother). What's to figure out?
Rather than address her own feelings on why or what she was feeling, she decided it was anger at you and your husband. Instead of saying, "Wow, what a lovely picture that is. It's amazing how close you all look. I wish we could be that way too. I was thinking that maybe we could start getting together around the holidays again and you know, start reconnecting."
Instead, she had verbal diarrhea.
She apologized, I think you need to let it go. It's not worth focusing on.
facebook is the devil
Sounds like your husband's family is jealous. Do they want a family portrait too?
Yeesh!
Talk about having just been run over by the crazy-train.
Has the woman never seen a family tree? Does she not realize how EXPONENTIALLY BIG they get when all of a sudden one includes "everyone" I'm related to???
You and your husband come from 2 different families.
Just because your side of the family commissions a family portrait doesn't mean that ALL the inlaws, and then all their inlaws, and then all their in laws, and all their inlaws (ad naseam) ALSO have to be in the family portrait. If your family is anything like most people's families... that's 200 people. If you're from a family like mine, that's 500 people.
Your Sibs + Their Spouses + Each and every single one of their families + all of their spouses + their families = apx 100-500 people.
Then add
You + Your Spouse + His family + Their Spouses + Their families = apx 100-500 people.
_______
Her BROTHER'S INLAWS were having a family portrait done. I have 2 married brothers. I looooooooove both their wives, and the family of one of my SILs. I'm 2 steps removed from their family, though!!! To throw a "you don't love me" fit over her brother's inlaws not including her and her family? I really, really, really hope she's pregnant.
I'm confused -- it was YOUR immediate family. I can't imagine coordinating a picture that includes both my family and my husband's family. We are fortunate enough that no one lives in the same city -- I think the last time both families were all together was at our wedding 13 years ago. Good enough for me! Tell her you'd be more than happy to arrange a similar picture for her side of the family. Then smile like a freak at her every time you're together. She'll either dig your friendliness and calm down or she'll be unnerved by the creepy smile and stop bugging you to be there.
By the way, my family has always treated me like the baby, since I am, and my husband doesn't get why I put up with it. It's hard to break or change those childhood relationships.
NO, you are not crazy! I can totally relate. So you did a picture with your side of the family, that's your business not nosey sisterinlaws, if she wants a family portrait with her side of the family let her set it up! I know it is easier said than but forget about her. We have had similar problems, my family has always been really good to us also. I dont think your husband means to diminish how you feel,I believe the guys just dont get it!
I'm so thankful my husband's family lives far away sometimes. Sometimes I want them close, but come on. My family lives near us, so the last time we did big family pictures, they were in it. I want to get some done the next time we see my husband's side of the family (July hopefully), but we'll see if that 's doable or not. I think your SIL is off her rocker and hubby should have stood up for you. BUT, I'd just let it go. As hard as that may be.
