Am I Crazy? - Miles City,MT

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time with this. However, I have to say, that if your husband is adamantly against it, then that is your determining factor... right? It doesn't really matter if you feel your reasoning is logical--he isn't agreeing to it. It seems like the only option you have would be to put the baby things in storage and see if he changes his mind. Right now, it seems like the more you push on it, the more it will strengthen his resolve to say no.

I think sometimes depression can be caused by an internal conflict between how you define yourself versus what your perceive as your reality. It sounds like you have a really strong self-identity of being a mommy to small children; of course, whether 2 children or 5, you will always be a mommy... Perhaps if you developed other interests or start some volunteer work, you could strengthen a secondary self-identity and then it might not be so hard on you emotionally as your children grow older and conflict with your 'mommy identity'.

Hello!

I think that the feeling of wanting another baby never goes away. Maybe temporarily but not completely. I have my tubes tied and desperately want another baby (now, you know, after I thought that was the best decision) even though I have 3 daughters. There is just something in us that pulls us to the babies! I think I would suggest waiting a little while so that your baby is just a little older. Enjoy your baby now because if you have another one right away, you're just "condensing" your baby experience all into a few years. You may end up wanting another one a year later. =) Planning a pregnancy is great...you can plan to try to have a baby when your 1 year old is 3 or 4. This way, you have a helper when the baby comes. The 1 year old will be old enough by then that it wouldn't be like taking care of a baby while you're pregnant. That way, if you end up with the same symptoms, at least you're not taking care of an 18 month old. It looks like it would be pretty much like what you went through while you were pregnant with your now 1 year old (since your first would have been around the age I am suggesting). I am guessing the older the better when we're talking about you being so sick. Plan ahead, too! Maybe you could be in a position to hire a house keeper once a week? Stock up on paper plates so you're not throwing up and trying to do the dishes? Get a recipe book together with quick and easy to make dinners? Just think of everything that you went through before and see if you can make some of those things easier to deal with should you become pregnant and get sick. Also, have you asked a doctor? Are some of your issues in the last pregnancies issues they would expect you to have again? I would definitely start there. Your babies were born healthy, which is great! I don't think you're being selfish! You're just being a Mommy! I would just suggest getting some answers from a doctor and getting prepared! Yay for babies!

Have you considered adopting? There are lots of kids out there who need loving parents, and through adoption you could grow your family without putting yourself and your marriage at risk. It's not for everyone, but I have several friends who are parents of the heart to children who did not come from their bodies, and those kids are every bit as loved and cherished as the ones who were born to them.

I don't think you're crazy. You are wonderful to want to have more children and don't let anyone make you think otherwise!!! You can have loving, kind talks with your husband and try to make him understand how you really feel. Your happiness is just as important as his. It is not your fault that you're going thru tough pregnancies. You, your mom and sisters can all help each other out, and may be your husband would feel more comfortable if you had your family's support, and mostly, help. It'll go so fast, and every pregnancy is different. You might just want to talk to your dr. to make sure it is safe for you. Good luck. wish you and your family the best.

You know, you are not crazy. I don't know if you are a Christian or not, but the Bible says that an empty womb is never satisfied. God made us to want babies. I don't think it ever goes away. I think our society is so backwards on their view of children, wanting so few in a family. I love having children, and hope that we will have more. It isn't looking like we will, but we aren't giving up hope. (We have 6, by the way.) The time of pregnancy is so short, in the grand scheme of things. It's but a distant memory once the baby is born and learning and being such a blessing! You have a lifetime with this new person, where you and your husband sacrificed through the hardship for less than a year. I know that it can be hard on the rest of the family, but I also know you'd never change your mind once they are here! You wouldn't give up that life for the convenience of not being pregnant to get it. Be sure to thank your husband for his part of the sacrifice. Make sure he doesn't feel used and unappreciated. It is hard on our men to work hard at work and then work hard at home. Thank him for providing so beautifully for you and the children. Our heartfelt thanks and respect go such a long way in building them up.
Blessings!

I totally understand! I would love to have another (we have 2 now) but I too have a tough time being pregnant and it's a huge burden on my husband and our family members while I'm pregnant and after since I have to have c-sections someone has to be able to drive me for 4-6 weeks. My 2nd pregnancy was much easier-only had to go to the hospital once for contractions and once for a tummy flu-yeah me! But I still needed help during my recovery and had to plan the what if's.

I know that being pregnant again wouldn't be a good thing for my family and I am trying to make my peace with that. It's tough though for sure. But maybe down the road I'd like to investigate adoption. That cuts out that pesky pregnant part that my body just doesn't do well with. And gives me the end result that I'd love-a baby! Right now I just try to focus on what I do have and spend as much good times as possible appreciating my little ones.

Oh Gosh you are not certifiable for sure; it's absolutely normal to want another baby, how can we not? Honestly, in my opinion there's nothing else in this life that brings as much joy as a baby. Just watching them grow and interact with their siblings, it makes everything worthwhile.
I've never heard anyone saying they regret how many kids they have, if anything I've heard older adults saying they regret not having more (not everyone but I know many who think so).

Having said that I'll recommend you to have a talk with your doctor about possible risks and your overall health. If your OB gives you the go, then have a serious talk with your husband, without fighting or being pushy; just ask him the reasons why he does not want another child. Also offer solutions, if it's money tell him you are willing to make a budget and stick to it! if it's the night feedings, tell him you'll handle those and really mean it. Don't just say it to make him agree and then expect him to work 60+ hours and then help around the house. Show him that you can handle three children, make a commitment and make it work, maybe he is worried about finances and the extra work; I'm positive he will love the baby as soon as it arrives.
also, make your health a priority before trying to get pregnant, really be in your BEST shape so you can nourish your baby and hopefully have an easier pregnancy.

If after a heart to heart talk he doesn't want to have another child then I think you should leave it to fate/God and really make your peace with having your two wonderful children.

I always wanted to have 4 children, I have two, I talked to my husband about another and he said no. After he saw how happy I am staying home, playing games with my girls and just enjoying them he decided not to get a vasectomy (which I had initially asked him to do but changed my mind, what was I thinking!). I wasn't putting an act, I really made an effort to keep the house clean and not slack, it turns out it became a routine and it's easy now. I cook 4 days out of 7, the girls are happy and I'm planning to homeschool both of them starting next year (3rd grade and preschool). Not everything is perfect but we've learned to let go of "perfect", if another baby comes (my youngest is 1 like yours I want to start trying when she turns 2 next year) the house won't be perfect but we will have each other, I can't wait for my family of 5.

By the way can you believe that 3 children are considered a lot nowadays! my mom is the youngest girl from 11 siblings! It's a shame that some people look down upon big families, if a couple can afford it why not? children are a blessing,

Good luck to you and have a great long weekend!

I have two biological kids and we are adopting our third. Have you considered it? It seems like a good solution if you want to grow your family and have lots of kiddos around but have had hard pregnancies. So many kids would love to be in your family!

Good luck!
M.

I completly understand!!

I think it has to be a decision between you and your hubby or it will cause alot of problems between the two of you.

I too have had a hard time with not sure if I want more or not. I have 5 (1.5-13 yrs) already and still would like to have another one or two!! I was lucky to have had very easy pregnancies ( #4 was touch and go and a couple of miscarriages) and deliveries. I just love being pregnant and love when they are little!! I miss the first 6 months of a babies life so much!

I have had so many problems with birth control to where it has put me in the hospitial a couple of times and twice ended in emergancy surgeries. My hubby and I have talked ALOT since we had our last child about having more or not. He does not want to have another. He will be 40 next year ( Im 32) and our youngest still doesn't sleep all night plus the cost... etc. We finally chose not to. My insurance covers me getting fixed but not him. I actually set the appt up twice and canceled the day before getting my tubes tied. On the third time I actually went through it (just a month ago). I cried the week before... really bad up until the time I went in and then a couple weeks after. Just knowing that I can't ever have any more was really really hard on me!! But now I have come to terms with it and very happy with the wonderful healthy children we have! It would be selfish to have more when I would be the only one wanting more. I had asked the three older kids thier thoughts about it and they all agreed they like what we have now and our house is crazy already, lol. I still have all of my "baby" stuff, even though I know I can't have anymore Im still not ready to take the step of getting rid of it even though we need the space. But someday I will be ready to take that step also!

Its a really hard thing to decide on when everything around you says no more and your heart doesn't agree. Good luck with your choice and if you need someone to talk to you can contact me :)
( sorry this is so long!)

OMG--we must be soul sisters! I cannot give up the idea of number 3 either. Both my pregnancies were hard too--I won't go into the gory details. My husband says no way, no how, end of discussion. But I can't stop thinking about it. I always wanted 3. Of course I am thankful for the two I have now but why I can't I let go of having the third?? So anyway, no advice but you are not alone!

There was a study (sorry, I don't remember where I saw this) showing that morning sickness corresponds to the amount of fat in the diet for the year before pregnancy. So go on a low- to no-fat diet (I think trans-fats were especially implicated) and then try pregnancy again. Some studies have also shown that vitamin K and B-vitamins can be helpful;if you take supplements and stick with the RDA's, it shouldn't hurt.
Good luck!
Oh, artificial fats (olestra) aren't supposed to be good - I don't think the study specifically checked those, but I assume the think was lots of fresh fruits and veggies, since that's the most natural way to bring your dietary fat down.

You're not crazy! What's better than a good thing? More of it! And yet, this is a HUGE decision that affects many people other than you, so it should only be made under the best circumstances So, take your time and do your leg work - get healthy in body mind and spirit, show your husband how well you are handling your children, and then engage him in discussion when you are truly ready to be open-minded and open-hearted.

I think the decision to have another needs to be mutual between you and your husband, otherwise this will create a lot of tension in the years to come if you decide to get pregnant without his wanting it as well. Do you think you could be having post partum depression? This would explain the crying, depressed feelings. Why not wait a few months since your newest one is still only 1 month and decide how you feel about having another then. Maybe your husband will also be willing to entertain the thought of another one by then.

I don't think you are crazy at all. I had 2 rough pregnancies with bedrest for both, a placental abrubtion, and early deliveries. When my baby turned one I cried and cried. I thought maybe I wanted another baby. I just weaned my little guy this week at 15.75 months and I cried and cried. I keep telling myself I am done, but sometimes have that thought in the back of my head that I want another. I would just maybe not do anything permananent with birth control and wait and see how you feel every so often. I came to the conclusion that it is just hormones and having a hard time accepting my baby is growing up so fast. I have to remind myself of the positives like he sleeps through the night, don't need to add extra time for nursing into my morning routine. This helps me cry a little less and be content. Hang in there and just keep thinking, talking and maybe praying about the plan for your family! Good luck!

The thing with having babies is that both parents are on board. I totally understand you wanting more, I am just like you, but somehow you need to come to grips with the fact that you are the only one that wants another. EVERYONE else will have to suffer through your decision and most of all your husband doesn't want another. You cannot make someone want another child or there will be resentment to you and that child.

Now all that being said, you might want to get more detail on why your husband doesn't want another. Is it because the pregnancy is so difficult or does he not want a child. They are two totally different issues. Pregnancy is only 7 months of torture for you and your family, a child is a lifetime. I would venture to say that you could probably talk you husband into one if it is just a pregnancy thing. Just present it as "It is only a tiny bit of time for a lifetime of love" type of thing. If he does not want a child, because he doesn't want another child, then you need to find a way to drop it. Babies must be wanted and loved, not forced into a family.

I wish I had a solid way to tell you to handle it with your own self, I know how hard it is. You might want to look at how much you miss with your current children when you are pregnant, a lot happens in 9 months.

Good luck to you.

So what happens if you try for number 3 and you die? Who will mother your 5 yr old and your 1 yr old? How is your husband going to cope without you? Maybe adopting is the way for you to have a larger family.

The only part of this that I feel qualified to respond to is the morning sickness. I assume that your ob gave you something for it. Maybe I assume wrong. I was really worried about morning sickness even before it started. I was an older mother so the high risk group and the fertility Dr. both asked lots of questions. I just happened to mention some problems my sister had with her pregnancies (blood not getting through the placenta or umbilical cord very well causing slow growth of baby). They ran some tests and it turns out I have two disorders that cause thick blood. The med. to treat one of them is really a super high dose of B vitamins and a small amount of drug to make my body absorb them. I was sick all of 6 times- with twins!!! I was told that every thing would be twice as bad because I was carrying twins, so I asked why so little vomit? The answer: B vitamins cure morning sickness (or at the least make it much less) Bonus: Excess B vitamins that your body doesnt need are flushed out in urine and cause no problems.
As far as the rest -It will have to be decided between the two of you. I would love to have another, but I almost died AFTER my girls were born. (The preeclampsia didn't do away and they sent me home anyway. Almost drowned in my sleep from the fluid building up in lungs- when DH got me back to the hospital BP was 215 / 110. Scared the nurse to death) I decided that being here to be a Mommy to my little girls is more important than having another sweet little bundle of joy. I'm just glad gave me two at a time. I guess he knew I shouldn't get pregnant again!

It doesn't sound like it would be a good idea for you to have another child, but that's something personal that you and your husband need to discuss together. I just like to add, think about the 2 beautiful children that you've been blessed with, and what if you were unable to care for them.

Maybe the best thing to do for now is to pack up those baby items and put them in storage. Take several months or even a year to determine whether or not another child is right for you.

If you have the room for the baby things, I would say keep them for now. Your youngest is only 1. After our 3rd child was born (hard pregnancy ended in a c-section.) my husband said "no more." When I decided I really wanted another, he still said "no more." I realized the more I pushed, the more he was going to push back. I would suggest you give it more time. If you can keep the baby stuff, keep it. If you can't, keep the most special stuff and let the rest go. Focus for now on the joy of the children you have now and being a great wife. Work on being as healthy as you can be. (I went on to have 4 more children. By eating lots of protein I had much easier pregnancies.I also had friends praying to change my husbands heart towards more babies.) Realize your husband sees it as his job to protect you - he may truly want more children & probably wants to give you the desires of your heart & may be scared spitless about what another pregnancy would do to you. When your little one is more capable of doing things and helping mommy (3 years old?) see how you feel then. If you still really want another baby talk to your husband about it again. Hopefully the memories of your last pregnancy will have faded some - and maybe your life circumstances will have changed so you will have lots of help if you need it.) I discovered the baby things I got rid of were just things - and I had people practically begging me to take the baby things they couldn't use anymore (I got really nice stuff!) Try to focus on how very blessed you truly are to have 2 beautiful children & a husband who loves you.

I would wait to talk to your Dr. about it too for the same reason. Your OB would likely discourage you from having more children - and not necessarily because of your health. Give your body more time to recover from your last pregnancy & see how you feel in a year or 2.

I am with the other moms. There are so many precious babies that need a loving home. Maybe you could be a foster mom? Or adopt a baby?

I was sad when I found out that my youngest was a boy. Only because I want a girl soooo bad. With three boys, I will admit My initial feeling was devastation when I was told that I would not be able to have more. We were willing to try once more for a girl. But the doc said I would die. My body went through too much with the baby. The thing that really set me straight was my doctor. He said, " Go home, you have 3 wonderful, handsome sons. They need you. More than your husband needs 4 kids to raise alone."

I still want a baby girl. But, I would never trade my sons for anything.

Honey, I understand, too. I always thought I would enjoy being pregnant, then not like having a baby to take care of....boy was I wrong! Pregnancy is hard on me, too. I have morning sickness, etc...and have had five c-sections. But I love my babies. My husband just got fixed, since that last one just about killed me! Nonetheless, I'm keeping some baby stuff just in case we end up adopting or something.

My best advice--get healthy. Look into your health, examine your history. If there were events that may have compromised your health in the past, try to detox your body and do the best you can to get as healthy as you can. It's tough for a mommy to concentrate on herself, but give it a whirl and see what happens. IF you let your body rest and recover, you may be surprised with a future blessing...

I had to give up the idea of 3 as I lost a couple of babies, and my post pardum depression is really bad even with the miscarriages.
I don't know what your answer will be. Right now your baby is only 1 month old. I don't think the decision needs to be made today. Part of the depression and feeling like you have to make the decision now might be post pardum depression.
I don't think you need to make the decison today. let your body heal. get in good health and good shape. let your baby grow up a little and then sit down and make an educated decision after talking with your OBGYN and your spouse. Hear him out. Listen to what his objections are. and go forward from there.
For me, the doctors said you CAN try to have another. There are no guarantees that you will keep the baby. there is 100% guarantee you will go through the PPD and that it will most likely be worse than the last time. (each time it progressively got worse for me.) I was on bed rest and hospitalized keeping my beautiful daughter--the only one I was able to carry to term out of 4 pregnancies.
it was a hard decision for us but ultimately in my situation I realized that it wasn't fair to my husband or my daughter to go through the PPD again, especially where I didn't know if I would even keep the baby. I knew I couldn't handle another loss.
Stopping at 1 was never in the plans for me. Its an adjustment. She's 4 now and the most beautiful little girl.
I don't know what your answer will be~just thought I would share my experience and just say take your time, at 1 month you don't need to make this decision today.

There are other ways to add to your family besides birth. Since you still feel strongly about wanting more children, perhaps adoption or being a foster family is the path that is right for you.

I heard once that two yes votes are needed to have a baby and I think there is a lot of wisdom in that.

Sending you good thoughts and wishing you good luck!

I feel your pain, but I think it is selfish to have another and put everyone through that again - your kids, your husband, etc.

What about adoption? I think your sadness and longing for a child are normal and very sweet, but I think maybe you are grieving over the loss of ever having more children, and that is why your emotions are so strong. It is sad.

Well I have a couple friends very similar to you. One has had three c-sections and all difficult pregnancies, always sick etc. The other is now prego with number four and always loses weight pregnant and had some weird health thing going on before she got pregs. They are both really crappy pregnant people, but really great mommies:) So I think if it is in your heart, just pray on it, talk it over some more with your man, but I definitely don't think you are crazy. As consuming as pregnancy and babies is right now, it is a relatively short period of time compared to a lifetime of happiness with your children. Now I think that if you had something like pre-eclampsia, as another poster did, that is a different story. But from your post I didn't see anything life threatening so as hard as it is, if you want another I say hold your ground and keep talking it over with your man. Of course this is a decision for the two of you, and one of you will end up compromising but I really don't think you desire for another is crazy, just depends on what you and your guy decide is best as a couple. Good luck!!:)

Boy do I understand. I was put on full bed rest for 3 months till my first came by c-section because every time they turned him he went right back. My next I was so sick and I all most died on the OR table while in the middle of a c-section. She tried holding on while they were getting her out. I had my tubes tied while in the OR right then. Well after years I am remarried and we decided to give it another try. We had surgery and untied my tubes. So at lest you have not went as far as I have. Hang in there. If nothing else use one of the birth controls that you can try for a baby as soon as they remove it. I wish you all the best.

I can understand your feelings about wanting a baby. I have felt great longings for another child, and I was fortunate enough to have a large family. So it isn't just a situation of not having as many children as you want--I think it is something that many, many women who love children experience. Being a mother--even with all of it's challenges--is such a special experience, and children bring such delight, that it is a heaven-born desire to wish that this could continue. Whether or not you have more is not for anyone but you and your husband to work out since your marriage is so critical to the happiness of your family. Prayer really helped me through my intense desires to have another child--I know the timing isn't right, and that if that ever changes, that God will help me to work out the details. My husband and I also take comfort knowing that because we have been married for eternity, that our family can continue after this life.