Am I Being Too Sensitive?

i'd like to respond just to the eating in the car issue... i think this is something that you'd be completely justified in asking for it to stop- i have read just recently that children should NOT be allowed to eat while driving in a car. it's a choking hazard. then i thought about it- what would i do if my baby started choking while i was driving?

Katheryn,

If I were you, I'd weigh my options. You said that your SIL is coming to your house (I’m assuming using her own gas and vehicle), is very affordable and helpful. It also sounds as if this is not a daily routine, so even if it is an annoyance, it is not something that you have to deal with all the time.

Yes, you are correct, out of common curtsey, she should have asked. I am guessing that she just assumed that it would be ok, some people are like this.

It is probably easier for her to have 2 six year olds, because they play together, and probably help out with your daughter too. Unless this child becomes unruly and monopolizes the time your SIL should be spending watching your daughter, I would not worry about this.

As for the other things, eating in the back of her car, marker, etc, everyone has a different parenting style. Is this really something to worry over? Is this worth ending not only affordable child care, but creating a rift in the family? I would mention these things once, and if it is the worse thing that annoys you, consider yourself lucky and let it go. If it becomes an issue of safety (not wearing seat belt, etc) that would be the time to sit down and have a talk.

Call a couple of child care centers and ask their rates. I think that you will find that for the price, your SIL is well worth the money (and the slight aggravation).

Buy your SIL a thank you card; tell her how much you appreciate the services. My guess is that she will be so touched, that even if you do bring up some of the things that are bugging you, it might go down a bit easier.

Hope this helps,
S.

About her daughter's friend...yes, I think she should have absolutely run it by you first. It is your house, and potentially your 'liability' so you certainly have the right to know who is in your house. Is this in-law on your side or your husband's side? Whoever is the 'relative' here should handle this, simply saying "We don't mind if Susie comes over when you watch our child, but in the future can you please just let us know ahead of time?"

About the eating in the car and marker/pen on the skin...you're going to have to choose your battles here. You have a 1 year old. They're going to get messy and make messes. While I wouldn't want anyone turning my home into a pigsty, you need to weigh the quality (and affordability!) of the child care with the mess that is left. Is it worth stirring up the issue?

It's quite simple!! You pay her so the fact that she is your SIL is of no matter, if you can't get past it make your hubby do it!! This is your child!!!!!! You wouldn't let the day care or other sitter get away with things you don't feel comfortable with so there is no reason for you to let this slide simply b/c it's family!! Be nice about it just say if your need to babysit another child at the same time as ours please let us know in advance! Please don't allow our daughter to eat where ever she pleases especially in the car if she were to choke or get sick you may not hae time to pull over!! Not to mention if the radio were on you may not even hear her choking!! This is YOUR daughter it doesn't matter how crazy or inconvient your request it's your child and her job!! Your the boss. M.

You're not being too sensitive - you sound normal and reasonable to me!

Katheryn,

Yes, she should have asked, but it's not worth fighting the battle. Let it go. If you were to say something and cause a rift between you her and possibly lose your babysitter, then you would be gaining a lot more headaches.

B.

Lets flip places. If your SIL was watching your daughter at her house would this still be an issue? Don't get me wrong I would have wanted her to warn me that she would also have her daughters friend too, but its really no big deal. As far as the other little stuff like the baby eating in the backseat of her car, eating all over the house you need to let her know what you think about that indirectly. Start it out as small talk. You can say something to your daughter along the lines like hey you have you been eating your food all the place the again. Something like that. Be sure to say it in front of your SIL and that way she will know that you can clearly see that the kids are eating lunch all over.

Hndle this gently first and formost it is family you are dealing witha nd she is doing you a favor. i would talk to her about bringing other ppl to the house but if you don't really care that she does bring this little girl i would go about it more as a hey you know we don't mind but could you let us know first kinda thing. for the other issues, as a child care proiveder myself i have to say it's a little extreme to complain that your daughter is normal kid dirty at the end of the day, i send kids home with grass stains, paity hands and sand in thier shoes every day, but the parents know that we are outside a lot and that we do an art progect on rainy or cold days or days it's just to hot to be out, and while i wash hands and faces and they wear smocks to paint they are kids and it happens, at least you know that your daughter is getting to do more than sit in front of the tv. About your daughter eatiung in ehr car, ok you think it's unsafe so tell ehr that, be like it makes me uneasy to have her eat in the car in case tehre is an accident, maybe she'll see your point, honestly i don't let the kdis do it for the sake of my van but it never occured to me that it was dangerous. as for crumbs in your house, do you let you daughter eat in other rooms than the kitchen? if so then you have to deal if not you could politely let her know that you only let your child eat a the table, and it may be shady but lie if it makes you feel better, tell her your child has started rebelling against sitting down for dinenr or whatever and you would like her help in geting her to eat at the table again, it could save some hurt feelings. good luck.

SHe should have asked first, I think most would have, but it isn't that big a deal ( IMO).
The fact that she is coming to you is really nice and while I have to admit I wouldn't personally want anyone in my home while I was gone (I can be stupidly anal about things) the fact that she drives to you is pretty big. As long as there are no major messes, and you know your daughter is being well taken care of by someone that loves her, I would brush it off and be thankful. If it is something that is really bothering you, if you bring it up in a nice way, I am sure she would be understanding, most are. Good Luck to you!
I also second the idea about having the person who's side of the family she is on to bring things up. : )

Your SIL comes to your house to watch your child, and does it cheaply. I don't think I would rock the boat unless you are prepared to quit your job and be a SAHM.
Just having someone who you know to babysit is worth more than you can imagine. It's family, and you don't have to drag the child out in the morning with that bag of necessities... another plus.
I take it this is your first child, so you don't yet know the messes kids make. You have to get used to a lot of things when you add kids to your life, you will drive yourself crazy if you try and still keep your house perfect like when it was just you and hubby. it sounds like your SIL has a few years of experience being a mom, so she will probably be more relaxed when it comes to rules like eating in the kitchen and that stuff.
My Sister used to watch my kids, and she let them do a lot of stuff I didn't allow, but, a few years down the road, now I am alot less picky.
LIn

I agree w/ everyone, having other people in your house- yes, you should be told about/asked. about the eating in the car, just ask her not to give food to your daughter while in the car, no big deal, about the marker, sorry but suck it up, if having marker on your child bothers you then never by her coloring books, crayons, markers cause they'll end up everywhere and on everything. can your child hold things? if yes then there is also a good chance that she got the pen/marker on herself, she could have easily taken it from her cousin and got it on herself- that you might want to calm down a bit. as for the crumbs, ask her to onlt eat at the table, there problems solved. if you over react there will be drama w/ the in-laws and that is no good, or you can always pay the MINIMUM $120-$150/wk for alternative child care.

I think you and your husband DO have a right to know before hand. At least the first time. That would make me more angry then you seem to be. After you get to know the little girl, it would be different. That just isn't cool. But as far as pen and marker marks and crumbs, as frustrating as that is, kids are bound to have it happen. That is just something that I think is innevitable. I am a neat freak, and I had to learn that kids are kids and anything they do will more then likely be or cause a mess. That wouldn't so much bother me but as far as just bringing random people with out asking.......
Who is to say next time it won't be a boyfriend or something? I feel you, you aren't totally crazy! (yet) :) I would just let her know you felt uncomfortable and next time please just give a heads up or even to ask would be nice. I think that keeping it "nice" will not hurt your relationship or cause friction. Good luck to you, I hope it works out to the best.