Am I Being Selfish? - Glendale Heights,IL

Sorry, I think you should put a smile on and go. Either get a sitter, yake Grandma to help or suffer through with the kids alone but part of a marriage is supporting each other. Remember men especially need a lot of praise and validation to be happy. Even if you don't think it is that important, it is to him.

This leaves plenty of time for Mother's Day on Sunday.

Good luck!

Yes.
Sorry, it is selfish.

This is a real milestone.
I know, its his 3rd Graduation.
But, will it matter to him if you all are there or not?

My kids are 4 and 8. When my Hubby graduates, we intend to ALL be there, for him.

You can go with him. Get babysitters or the Grandparents to watch the kids.
That is a long drive.

Walking at the Graduation, is MUCH different than getting it in the mail.
I know. I have many degrees as well.
He is the one, that gets to decide, if he walks at the Graduation or not. It is his, accomplishment.
Don't rain on his parade.

Yes, you are. He's worked hard for that degree, and wants the full moment to shine!

I understand not wanting to have the young kids at the ceremony. If you could, find a sitter for them at home and just the two of you go! Then top if off with dinner for just the two of you.

M.

wow...I would TOTALLY go with my husband. It's one day out of how many? Really? your kids should go to and see what dad has been doing. I think it's a fabulous thing....THREE college degrees??? HE ROCKS!
Mama...I think I don't understand the problem. Take the kids, drive, make a day of it! Go out for lunch or pack a picnic...find a park to go to, get ice creams...whatever! Support your husband and all the hard work.
L.

Yes, you are being selfish. You should go. An hour and a half is nothing, and it's one day out of your life. I would never tell my husband no if he really wanted me to do something.

Mother's Day, Schmother's Day. That's something created by companies to sell cards and flowers. He EARNED this day.

Wow, really???!!! Frankly I think its terrible that you don't want to go. I think you should quickly find sitters for the kids and go and support your husband who clearly deserves it for working so hard to PROVIDE for your family.

I don't know if I'd say it's SELFISH, but I'd certainly say un-supportive. I get that if it were YOU you wouldn't feel compelled to walk in the ceremony, but HE does.

If you aren't going to celebrate in a way that is meaningful to him, why celebrate at all? Your "own little celebration" is pointless if HE doesn't feel celebrated.

Suck it up. Go to the graduation... and... be HAPPY to be there.

Yes in my opinion, you are being selfish. It is obviously important to him and you should support him by going. It isn't that big of a deal and in life we often have to do things we don't want to because it is the right thing to do. This is one of those things.

I'm on the opposite side of the fence! & since you've asked our opinions, here I go.....

Yes, you are being selfish. He has achieved his goal. He's talked the talk, & now it's time to walk the walk. It is his Victory Dance! He's earned the priviledge. Be proud of him for wanting to succeed & achieve in today's competitive world. Everything he's accomplished secures a better future for all of you!

Why can't the kids stay with a babysitter? Why can't you make this all about HIM? He deserves it! & as for your comment about Mothers' Day - all the more reason for a "couple's weekend" !! Relax, kick back....get a room with a jacuzzi for Heaven's sake! Peace.....

J., if you had this much schooling, you'd be grateful for someone to come to your graduation, and you would want to go to your own. Please do it for him. You'll have Mother's Day weekend for the rest of your days, and this is the only graduation he'll have, unless he gets his PhD.

Please don't tell him you don't want to go.

Dawn

Yes. You are being selfish. If this is important to your husband, you should put a smile on your face and go. I completely agree that it's a huge pain and an expense, but your husband wants to publically celebrate his achievement. Just because it's his third college graduation doesn't make it any less special for him, or mean the effort he put in was any less than the first two. He's asking for five or six hours of your life. It's really not too much to ask.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't want to go either. Driving 1.5 hours to have to sit with my two four year old girls to watch a super boring ceremony sounds pretty awful. I'd still do it, and pretend to be excited, though. If you drag your heels or whine about it or complain, then you've already ruined it for him because he'll know he's putting you out... and that will take the joy out of the entire day for him.

I would not be happy with you if I were your husband. Any degree -- whether it's your first, second, or 22nd -- is a big accomplishment. The work that goes into obtaining that degree should be honored. Walking for graduation is a big deal. Only your husband is allowed to blow off the graduation ceremony if he wants to. You should really be proud of all that he has accomplished and what is doing for your family and for your future.

If you choose to be ultra casual about your own accomplishments, that is certainly your perogative to do so. Obviously this means a lot to him so you should show him your support and not rain on his parade.

I understand not wanting to drive such a distance and sit through the ceremony with your children. Graduation ceremonies are not always the best place for young children to be. I would suggest hiring a babysitter or finding a family member or friend to watch the kids so that you can be there to cheer your husband on.

I understand the dread because after all you will be stuck with the kids and all, but if it were me, I would go and support my husband. What's a few hours? It will be over before you know it!

Personaly I would want to go to celebrate with my husband. It is a huge accomplishment and he is wanting to take it all in. My husband is in school and I am wanting to share in his graduation. By the time he graduates we will have 3 kids (5,2 and 1) and we will all be there cheering him on. Ok so this is your husbands 3rd graduation but look at how hard he has worked.

See if you can find someone to watch the kids and go. I am working on the same degree your husband just finished, which will also be my third degree. I am absolutely walking in the ceremony and expect my husband to be there. Now my kids, they don't need to come, and, you're right, it's a lot for them to sit through.

J.,

In my opinion, pick your battles with your hubby. If it is important to your husband, it should be important to you as well. I would go and support him. Men need their wives to cheer them on just as much as we as women need validation and support from our husbands. He may not say it, but he needs it. Try to look at it as an adventure for your family and go and have a great time! You never know who you will run into or meet----it could be alot of fun for you and your kids....GL!

M

Um, yeah. It's a MAJOR accomplishment and one that he should be able to fully celebrate. Don't take this away from him. Go and enjoy it and celebrate with him, and let him know that he owes you an extra special Mother's Day gift/celebration this year. If you can recruit a family member or friend to go with you, it might make juggling the kids during the ceremony a little easier and more enjoyable - or see if you can get a sitter to come with you and help if you're really not looking forward to handling them yourself.

Yes, I think you are being selfish. You could turn this event into a wonderful family day for you and your family. Unless he's real DUD, I suspect he has something special planned for you too. If he's been thoughtless about you in the past, perhaps you have a good reason to stay home alone??

Blessings...

I think you should go, with or without the kids. I worked my rear end off to get my master's, and then couldn't go to the graduation ceremony b/c my sister-in-law decided to have her American wedding in Detroit the same day. (She already had been married in England and was living there.) I hate to say it, but I'm still bitter that I didn't get to go, and even if I had gone, I would not have been able to have my husband or any of my family there. (my parents lived near Detroit as well...) Go, and allow him to enjoy the moment. This may be the last degree he gets, and you don't want either one of you to regret it. It's only one day.

Could you get someone to watch the kids for the day and still be able to go and be there to see him get his degree? It's on the Saturday and Mother's Day is the Sunday, so it's not like you are going to miss out on Mother's Day stuff.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but YES you are being very selfish. It doesn't matter how many degrees your husband has earned, those are achievements. You should be by his side to support him( better or worse to death do you part). If the shoe we're on the other foot I'm sure you would want him to attend your ceremony! It doesn't matter what holiday it is your husband needs your moral support.

Yep. If it's important to him, it should be important to you.

I think you are being selfish. He just graduated. Who cares how many times he graduated? It's not as if he's doing it every weekend, every month, or even every year. It's been five years since the last one. (Now, if it were me graduating, I wouldn't go myself...in fact, I DIDN'T go when I graduated and it drove my parents nuts. I could care less...) ...but HE obviously cares, and it's your job to be totally supportive of him. If it were you, he'd go, I'll bet. Plus, it's Saturday...not on Mother's Day. And you could really make a special day out of it! Without him, you wouldn't BE a mother. Go, and have fun, and don't hold a grudge.

It would be selfish if you forbid him to go. If he wants to go then he should go. Hopefully you could be supportive of him because, as someone who also has a bachelors in education, a masters in my content area, and a masters in educational administration, understand that this was no small undertaking. Additionally, this is also a time for him to celebrate with his cohorts - the ones who were in the trenches with him, doing the case studies, projects, etc. Finally, this is another great opportunity for your family to show your children the merits of hard work and education.

Yes, it might be a pain in the butt. Saturday isn't mother's day so perhaps you can find a babysitter or family member to watch the kids while the two of you go. But, even if you make the decision to sit it out, at the very least he should have the opportunity to go.

Hmm. I wonder if there is any way you can make it an entire fun weekend, and combine it into a Mother's Day celebration. You might find a hotel near a fun attraction if there is one in your area, and if it wouldn't put too much of a financial burden on you. That way you could drive down, have some time to unwind and let the kids nap, hit up the ceremony, then dedicate the rest of the time to having fun! Heck, find out if there is a spa nearby, and ditch him with the kids while YOU get a massage. LOL! I can understand both sides though... He has worked hard, even if it is his 3rd graduation, and wants to recognise that work. You work hard with the children, and deserve your Mother's Day....

Glad to read your 'So what happened'. It is very important you support your partner in these milestones rather you agree with him or not. Tell your husband Congrats!!! That is an awesome accomplishment!

It is a pain to go to a long boring ceremony with little kids (mine are about the age of yours). Bring a bag full of toys! (and maybe binoculars.) But it is still worth going and taking a bunch of pictures. How great for your husband to have his kids at his graduation! As an adult I love looking at the pictures of family moments from my childhood. Your older one may remember the day and it will encourage both kids to value their education when they get older.

your kids will remember, to me that's priceless....

glad to see that you are going

I think you need to show up. He has worked hard for this and deserves
the recognition from his family You say ceremonial things are not important
to you, it should be. Yes the kids are young to sit there. Bring a few little
things to keep them busy. They need to be there for their Daddy.

I have no idea if you are being selfish, but I would have the exact same feelings as you do about the situation.

I very firmly believe that strong marriages are built almost entirely on small kindnesses - let that go and you have very little left to work with. Do you want to dig in your heels and get it your way or do you want to do something nice for your husband? It's been five years since the last graduation - give up the one day, put a smile on your face, and let your man know that you are proud of him.

I am sorry, but I do think you are being selfish. Its a huge accomplishment no matter how many he has. I would definitely be there. I have 2 kids age 3 and 6. My husband was just awarded a very important award at our University and it was 2 1/2 hours away. I attened with our two kids without a second thought. We made a whole weekend out of it and talked to the kids a lot about how important it was for daddy and how they needed to be on their best behavior. I prepared myself mentally for the challange, and you know what, I couldn't have been happier with our kids. They were replaced with 2 angels that day. They were just so proud of daddy and I am grateful they got to see it too. Its a good influence on them.

I guess I'm in the minority but no, I don't think you're being selfish. Graduation ceremonies are long and boring for adults (let alone little kids!) and I am saying this as a woman who is proud to have completed my BA over the past several years, part time as a SAHM. Although I never "walked" I got my degree in the mail and I was THRILLED!
But if it's important to your husband then try to find someone to watch the kids so you can go. Everyone's different, maybe it really means a lot to him that you are there (?) But with a 3 and 6 year old, that just sounds miserable for all, I hope you can work it out :)

My son was in the navy and later on got a degree. I wished to go to his graduation and he said, 'Oh gee MOM, I always went to those things in the Navy'. To which I replied 'But I didn't'. We all have different feelings. Looks like you are more like my son and I am more like your husband. Congrats and Happy Mother's day!

I have a doctorate level degree and did not go to my own graduation.

I can't believe he's that into it - wow. Especially expecting little kids to sit through that sort of thing, that's asking alot imho.

Just wanted to let you know I agree with you.

Yes, you were being selfish. No matter how many degrees he has he worked hard and is (or was) proud of his accomplishment. How would you like it if he said he didn't need to be at the birth of your next child because he's seen you labor & deliver before and it takes a long time? Or what if he said Mother's Day shouldn't be a big deal since the kids are a little bigger? Do you expect him to celebrate anniversaries and birthdays? Is it okay if he decides to disregard those milestones because they come every year? Would you have felt differently if it had been closer to home? It being Mother's Day weekend should not have made a difference. Mother's DAY was Sunday May 8th. I'm sure one of the many things he'd like to celebrate about you being the mother of his children would be how supportive you are. All you needed to do was pack some simple entertaining things for the kids (snacks, inexpensive, new toys -- the Dollar Spot at Target is great for that). If nothing else you could have gotten a sitter for that time. I really hope you didn't tell him you felt that way and that you all went and had a great time.

If your husband decides to do it, then I would fully back him and go. It's his most important graduation yet. I wouldn't be like, "Eh, whatever, it's his third graduation" but more like, "How awesome is this? It's his third degree!" You can have your Mother's Day celebration out there too. Just have some back-up plans for your children to keep them occupied during the ceremony or in case you have to leave the ceremony early and you'll be fine.