Am I Babying My Clingy Child?

Gifted children will be sensitive to noise, light, touch, etc too. Every person has different levels of discomfort. If your child is very keen to such things, you may want to do some research on profoundly gifted children. These children don't want tags in their clothes, socks may irritate them, lights may be too bright, noise may be painful to their sensitive ears, may be picky eaters, may need less sleep.

If your son won't look at you, won't talk or has regressed in talking, won't show affection, then you may want to get another opinion about autism, because early intervention is key. Otherwise I may look for other reasons he acts this way. None of which are that you are overprotective.

I would say maybe a little. (babying him) You should try and make him be independent because doctors don't know everything. My guy, when he was little did not talk until he was 3 years old and he was a loner also, he never clung to me, but I didn't let him. The doctors all said he thought that we were probably dealing with autism. I had his hearing checked and I put him through all kinds of development testing. My heart told me the whole time that he was fine, he just wasn't as social as other kids cause he was used to being at home, just him and me most of the time. The other kids however had brothers or sisters and most were in day care with other friends. He is now 5 and not autistic at all. He is in pre-school and he interacts well. He started speaking in sentences after 3 and I then got him into pre-school and he became more social. It took a year or so though and even now he has just a couple of buddies that he really likes to play with, he could care less about other kids. He is definitly a mama's boy, and loves to hang with me, but he grew out of what the doctors were concerned about. I feel like I knew the whole time. So I say mothers intuition is very strong and you should follow what you truely think and feel. Hope this helps a little!

Have you ever tried going not being around when he plays? sometimes our kids use us as an excuse to not interact. it's safer to stay with mom than jump in and experience something new.

I am not saying torture him, but more introverted kids need that extra "push" sometimes to get involved.

My son seemed a little clingy at first, so we called the AEA and had him evaluated. there were things that we thought might have been signs, but then he did others things that literally negated that. The AEA has a group called toddler talk that is like a play group where you can leave them to play with kids their age for about an hour. And the teachers are trained to help with things like that. It did wonders for Sam. And now he's much more a "normal" 4 year old.

You have to let go enough to let them experience things enough on their own to learn how to deal with things they don't like. That's hard as a mom, but if you start now, it won't be so hard when their older and asking to do more and wanting to disengage from you more.

It's too bad your friends aren't being supportive of you. and remember that "normal" is a subjective term, not a finite one.
****
I just thought of something else, that we do with our son as he would "be afraid" before we went into someplace different. We started telling him the plan ahead of time, and now he's awesome at adjusting. He knows a little of what to expect.

K.-
Whenver somebody asks you to go against your instinct you know it is wrong. If he is sensitive to noise that is something he can not change. Imagine being in his situation all this noise is stimulating his brain and he does have the ability to process the stimili, which leaves him feeling overwhelmed. It is probably pretty similar to the way you would feel if you were at a noisy concert and trying to talk on the phone. You should take things slowly and make sure he is confortable. I know being a shy person if my mother had tried to force me to interact with other children it would have backfired. I would have felt very panicked and would have wanted to get out of there.
Brekka

I think if you know your son has a problem, you should get a doctor who will address it NOW! This is not the kind of thing that should be ignored for another year. It is possible to diagnose autism as young as one year! You are a mother, you have a maturnal instinct for a reason! Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. I would really suggest addressing it now and not waiting, that will just make it worse. If he is like this now, imagine what it will be like in a whole year from now!!! GET THIS ADDRESSED NOW!!!!!
Good luck!

Is your son talking? How does he do around family members? My son was diagnosed at 3.5 years at Monroe Meyer and was clinically diagnosed at 2yrs. Have you checked with the school system about early intervention. This is where I started... They will do brief testing to see if he qualifies for services. If he does, then they start in the home. Do you live in Omaha? Bellevue and Millard have an awesome program! I am not too sure of Omaha as I don't know much about theirs. The noises, could be something different. My son was diagnosed Sensory Integration Dysfuntion in Jan. and when you read about it-- it all starts to make sense. My son too is bothered by some sounds, not all. I am in your shoes and know exactly what you mean about noone understanding. Even with a diagnosis, my family doesn't get it. It is hard for anyone to understand until they walk in our shoes. If your gut tells you there is something just not right, go with your gut. It is better to be safe and overprotective than sorry a few years from now, when it is harder to manage.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing by talking with his doctor and by taking steps to figure out what he needs...nevermind what your friends are saying and trust me honey, no kid is "normal". Maybe try getting together with just one other child versus a whole playgroup? My oldest was painfully shy when he was that age and had a tough time in large groups of people. One thing that helped him was interacting with new people on a daily basis...for example, in the beginning I would have him hand the cashier my credit card at the store and try to get him to say "bye" when we left. After that, we started having a friend over to our house and once he was comfortable doing this in his environment, we would try to go to someone else's home. It took a little while, but it worked...his teacher at school has a hard time believing he was ever shy! Good luck and keep trusting your instincts!

you are going to be okay your baby boy is going to be okay. He may just hate noise, he may just be introveted. I hate noise, ALWAYS HAVE I am not autistic. IF YOUR SON IS AUTISTIC Then htere are so many wonderful support groups and resources oyur son will have an IEP (FOR WHAT THAT IS WORTH) HE WILL QUALIFY FOR SO MANY FREE SERVICES AND THE STATE WILL BEND over backwards to help you and your child. have you had him assessed by a developmental specialist?

Honestly, autism or not, I don't think that if your son is distressed that you should FORCE him to do something. Encourage, sure, but what good does forcing do? In my opinion, if a child is clingy and you FORCE them away from you, you are compounding the problem, not solving anything. At two years old, he's not trying to manipulate you, he truly feels unsafe or uncomfortable and abandoning him would only make him feel MORE so. Even in he had no behavior issues I would feel like that, so maybe that's something your friends could understand.

Maybe if you sat with the kids and did the things you would like him to be doing that might help. But I don't know anything about autism, and I think you have some good ideas about resources for that sort of thing.

Good luck!

I think that we as moms know what is best for our children!!! IF you think that you are doing the right thing then stick to it and take the time to figure out what is going on with your son.
But I was also wondering how he acts when you are playing with others at your home or at the sitters? IF this is a bahavior that he does only when you are aroung then you should approach it in a different way.
I still say that you will know what is right for your son!!

Have you tried just one on one time play date with a calmer child? If you know of a friend that also has a child who may be a bit shy or overwhelmed by crowds you might get them together to hang out. I do not have much personal experience with Autism, but until you know for sure this might be a way to go?

Just a thought...
good luck
E.

Dear K.,

I do not believe you are babying your child. This is most especially the case if your son has autism. I practiced (attachment parenting) for my son's whole life, and he is a well adjusted 7 year old turning 8 in july. If you feel in your heart and in your gut that you are doing the best for you child, then do not worry in the least about what other people are saying or thinking. My son has his own bed, of course, but there are still nights where he wants to sleep with his "Mama" and "Papa" just to have someone to cuddle with. I do not find this sort of parenting unacceptable, although it can be seen as socially dependent or even backwards. Those who feel this way think that it makes your child clingy, but in all actuality it gives them a greater independence than other kids their age who have not been parented like this. For more information, do a search on attachment parenting, family bed, breastfeeding beyong a year old, that sort of thing. If you can't find anything, I'll do some searching for you for some good books and websites. Good luck!

K.,

I don't have experience with autism, but I do firmly believe that we as mothers know what is best for our children. It is "hard wired" into us. Trust your instincts! I am sure you are doing what is best for your son!

I am with everyone else, you know what is best for your child! Another thought that I don't see here is having ONE friend come over to your house where he feels more secure. See how that goes and gradually increase the number of friends. As he gets more comfortable with the other kids, he may forget that he is in a less "secure" place if he then feels comforatable around the other kids. You may even want to get him together with each one seperately before you move to two playmates. Just an idea. Good luck! I also agree that you should be finding another doctor to get a second opinion from. Ask your doctor more questions about why he doesn't think it necessary to do a formal diagnostic test also.

They don't understand! Don't feel bad. My son also has signs of autism but not enough for the schools to classify him as such. He also has SIDs which is basically Sensory overload. This all makes him a picky eater, sensitive to noise, sunlight, and makes him do odd things. Luckily my friends know this but normally they come to my house anyway.
Be sure to have ear plugs in your purse next time. With my son when we go to see fireworks, an airshow, a parade, we always use the ear plugs. The first couple of times at school when they did a fire drill he freaked out! He is in Special Needs through the school system and they work with him. Have the school system test him and they can get him into an early intervention program. My son started going to school at four to get help...the city also has Head Start programs especially meant for these things.
Children with autism can not be forced to do these things. It will only hurt them. However, you can work with them on learning to live with it. I just read an article about introducing new foods to a picky eater (due to autism) and it took them about two weeks to introduce ONE new food. Over time that has shortened to only a few days. Read all you can on the internet. My mom also finds articles in magazines and rips them out for me. You just have to learn the tricks of the trade.
If it helps, sit your friends down and explain autism and encourage them to look it up on the internet. Reading the different stories will help them see that it is not like a child who is after of the dark, or a child who is not socialable. There is way more to it.
GOOD LUCK! And don't forget to buy ear plugs for your purse!

I don't think that you are being overprotective. If he really shows signs of autism, than those types of situations can be tramatic for him. Do your friends know that he might have autism? If not then they don't understand, but if they do, than you might need to teach them about autism. Sensory overload is very tramatic in a kid with autism, and a lot just shut down when they are overloaded.

K.,

Have him tested by another doctor immediately! You know as his mother that you are his best and most concerned advocate and you are on track, girl! If you have him tested, and the specialists don't find any cause for concern, try some of the other suggestions of putting him in a playgroup for maybe only 20 minutes the first time. Increase his playtime after that by 15 mins or so. He may be simply clingy or it may be something else. But have him tested as soon as possible as early intervention is key.

By the way, there isn't a "normal" kid out there, or adult, for that matter! Remember, God gave you this child to raise and in His eyes, your son is perfect!

Blessings!

If you believe he has got some form of autism, you need to get him tested by another doctor or hospital!!!! The earlier it is diagnosed the better for the child!!!! Then you'll know if you're being too overprotective or if you need to find him a place for treatment. I have NO experience with any autistic children this is just my opinion and what I would do if this were MY child!!!! Good luck and God speed.

You are not being too overprotective! Every child is different and has different likes and dislikes. Even if your child is not autistic, his is clearly very unhappy being forced to interact with other people. This may turn out to be a phase but for right now, this is very real for him. Don't force him into any situation where his reaction is so extreme. If it does turn out to be a phase, he will let you know when he's ready to socialize. And certainly don't let your friends criticize you for responding to your son's needs. You can tell them that these types of situations make your son very uncomfortable and that you need to avoid them, if just for now. Don't let them make you second guess your decisions as a parent. You know your son better than anyone else does.