Already Embarrased of Mom. I Thought This Wasn't Going to Happen Until Later.

Hi A.,
Sad!! I completely feel for you, but don't worry; it's normal for some kids. You're right; it seems early. However, speaking as an elementary school teacher this would make me think that you've raised an extremely well-adjusted child. He's comfortable with himself and feels confident enough to be on his own at school - go mama! I bet that as he sees more and more parents coming into the classroom he will realize it's a normal thing and he might not think it's embarrassing anymore. Once he's home I might ask him how he feels about you coming into the classroom and have a conversation about it.
So, even though it's sad, it's absolutely normal for some kids in my experience. It might even be easier than the other way around!

Amanda and Corie are dead in the black.

Good job!

And don't worry. As long as you stay cool & loving & accepting, this independence notice will blend into independent AND lovey.

It seems normal to me. My son is in kindergarten too--he walks to school--after about a week he asked me to please kiss him goodbye in the driveway rather than in the school lobby. In the lobby, as soon as he sees a friend, he pairs off with that person and is off like a shot, walking down the hall with his buddy without a backward glance. I think it's a part of his growing up--he's operating now in a world (elementary school) that is separate from me and he's establishing more independence. I love to see how confident he is, even though I still love the snuggles and sweetness that I get at home (sometimes). Don't worry--if he weren't super confident of your love and support, he couldn't be so independent. At least that's what I tell myself... :)

I agree with those who think your son is secure and reaching for more independence, all completely natural and desirable at his age. Different children will express this differently, and cycle through different forms or stages of independence. This is preferable to a child who clings to Mommy and is unable to explore a new environment or form new social connections. You've been doing a good job.

He might not be embarrassed, but rather completely involved in his new physical and social circumstances. Are you sure you are interpreting his feelings correctly? If so, then maybe you could ease off a bit, and give him lots of space when you are in his classroom. Wanting to remain your son's primary interest would be (I'm sure you already know this) unhealthy for his emotional development. Lavishing him with affection in front of his friends in that environment would cause discomfort for many children.

As long as he remains happy and cooperative at home, away from other distractions, all is well.

That happened with my oldest son, when he was 6. I also thought it wasn't supposed to happen until 12 or so. But, my younger son still hugs and cuddles at age 8. So, I would say its a kid by kid thing, and hopefully we, as moms, didn't do anything "wrong" :-)
D.

Well I am not surprised at all - the influences he gets from other public school kids is the reason - he sees other kids act that way to their parents and thinks its 'cool' - the sad thing is when he gets older (middle/high school) he will maybe think its 'cool' to try drugs, smoke, drink and have sex, be rude and obnoxious. I would not put my kids in any public or private school these days. Things are NOT like they were 20 years ago ! With the bad environment, liberal agenda drilled into the kids, anti-Christian attitude prevalent, nasty kids, learning at a 0 with all the distractions from disruptive kids, the nice kids being bullied by bratty kids - who would want to put their kids in that situation ? We chose to homeschool our 3 kids - and they have a wonderful loving environment in which to learn, are not having to be put in defense mode all day long worried that some bully will steal their lunch money, and they learn so much faster - what it takes one month in public school to learn they can do in a few days. I recommend the book 'Dumbing Us Down' by John Taylor Gatto (a former public school teacher wrote this) who will tell you the truth about the education in America today (you can buy it in Amazon, since most libraries have their copies 'stolen' I think by angry public school teachers !! I am not kidding, check your library (I just went the other day again, they said 'sorry our two copies were stolen the day we put them out !") Pathetic - people trying to hide the truth. My kids are some of the most well adjusted well rounded kids who are equally able to speak to the CEO of a major organization to handling an infant and everything in between.

I can't imagine my kids 'brushing me off' like this woman above - its a sad thing I tell you. It's not right ! Your child needs to respect you as their parent, and you them - whats 'not cool' is that you wonder if this is normal ? At 5 ? Don't think so !!! Totally unacceptable. Think about what I mentioned, because its the best advice I could give you.....here are a few articles:
this book every parent should read:

http://www.amazon.com/Dumbing-Down-Curriculum-Compulsory-...

http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/17467.htm

My granddaughter is now in the fourth grade. This is the first year she's wanted me to volunteer in her classroom because she's proud of me. Yes, she wanted me to be there before but it was because she wanted me for herself. She was unaware of what other kids thought. She was jealous if I paid attention to the other kids.

Not paying attention to you could be his way of protecting himself from jealous feelings. He may have "disconnected" with you without being aware that is what he is doing.

Or he may be ahead of "most" kids in his need to be independent and that could be a good thing. I suggest he could be trying out being independent and that once he's aware that he can still be independent while doing those warm things with you he'll go back to being "close."

So....not running up to you, hugging you, etc. doesn't mean that he doesn't still feel close to you. In fact it may mean just the opposite; that he knows he's close so he can risk not doing the touching sort of things. He can ignore you because he knows that you love him. He can try out independence.

His behavior doesn't necessarily mean he's embarrassed. Have you asked him why he seems to have changed? Have you asked him if he wants you to not come into the classroom? Have you been able to be calm and not let your pain show thru your questions.

One way to help get back to the touching sort of things you miss is to relax and let him take the lead. Say, hello to him in the classroom, be available for a hug if he wants it but don't push one on him.

Sometimes we overwhelm our kids with our own need for reassurance. Work on regaining your own sense of security before talking with him. Let him know that you miss the hugs but it's OK that he doesn't pay attention to you.

It's normal for kids to appear stand offish at school. I can tell you from experience that he'll figure it out and soon be back to giving you a hug if you let him do it in his own way.

As I was just reading other mothers' messages I remembered that when I went to my grandson's Grandparents and Special Friends program a couple of weeks ago he ignored me. He's 6 and in the first grade, special ed. Other times he's run to me and given me a hug. On this day an aide was reading to he and a friend. I knew my grandson had seen me but perhaps the aide didn't know that. The aide stopped reading and told my grandson I was there. My grandson looked up and looked confused before he quietly ran up to me. Quiet is unusual for him.

I think that he was in his own world, a world in which I didn't play a part for him. His lack of enthusiasm and a hug had nothing to do with me or his feelings for me.

A. D-

Don't take it too hard it might be over something trivial like something another kid said or did and not a rejection of you. How is he at home. Does he still love you in your own environment.
A teacher told me when I was in your position that when my child got to third grade it would be different. She said 8 year olds love their mothers. It turned out to be true.

Sad to say, but this is normal behavior. Not only have I witnessed it as a classroom teacher, but I have experienced it with my own son when he was in K (he's now in 2nd). Your guy is trying to fit in and branch out without mommy there to coax him along like she did his toddler years. You should see this as a good act of independence. At least that's how I looked at it. My guy was still all over me when we would get home, wanting to play, cuddle, read together, etc. Give it time, mama. Hope this helps!

Are you certain he was "embarrassed"???

As much as we want our babies to always want to give us love and attention, when we send them off to school, we send them off to their own "world". When you show up to help out in a different aspect of that world, it's awkward. I remember thinking that I probably shouldn't "bug" my mom when she came to help out because she was there for the WHOLE class, not just me. I bet your son was experiencing some of that awkwardness.

Even when he goes through the genuine "my parents are uncool" phase, it's just a show. I teach jr. high aged kids, and although they may "act" that way, when we have conversations and discussions about concepts in life (independence, responsibility, respect, advice, choices), it's very clear that the vast majority of my students really respect and admire their parents... and the lucky ones who have gotten to know their grandparents well too.

Maybe ask your son (while you're doing something fun together like playing lego or something) if it was "strange" to have Mom at school when she's not normally there. Then ask him if it would be okay next time if he could at least say "Hi" to you once.... just to gauge his reaction.

Take care.