Almost 7 Year Old Needs Us to Lay down with Her at Bedtime

Just let her know that you won't be doing it anymore and that she is a big enough girl not to need it. The next night, stop laying down with her. She is old enough to reason. Tell her she has to stay in bed. If my 3 year old gets out of bed to get me for no reason, I just flat out tell him to go back to bed. I tell him I love him and I'll see him in the morning. If she gives you a hard time then start taking away parts of the bed time routine she enjoys. Tell her she can either have a story or nothing... Good luck.

We used to have the same issue with our son when he was 4. We then told him months before his 5th birthday that when he turned 5 he had to sleep on his own. The day after his birthday I started by sitting in a chair at his BR door, then I moved it a little further out each night. Then I would say, "I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be back." and stay away until he fell asleep. After about two weeks, I didn't need the chair anymore.

J., you're the parent. Which means you're the boss. Just stop. Tell her it won't be that way anymore. That you need her to be able to do that on her own for her own good. She'll be mad about it and there will be an adjustment phase but it won't last long. You are allowing her to manipulate you. I say cut her off and hold firm to your position.

How about a "sleep over" with her sister? One girl can sleep in the other's room and they can fall asleep together. Hopefully she will realize that she doesn't need mom or dad to fall asleep. Maybe it will work so well that they'll want to go to sleep together every night!

J., I am currently stuck in a similar pattern with my 3 year-old daughter. I lay down with her every night for "a few minutes" and then leave. It has worked really well for me to tell mu daughter that I'll be there for a specific number of minutes. She's too young to know time, but your daughter might be able to monitor it herself with a watch. What I've got to do now is wean her off and work down from 5 minutes to 0 minutes -- with a big celebration about how she's able to fall asleep on her own. You might want to try something similar and start with a large number of minutes and work your way down.

S.
Mom of 2 -- 6 and 3

You just need to make a clean break. It might be rough the first couple of nights but after story,etc. tuck her in and leave. Maybe you could leave the door cracked for a while and then when she's completely asleep, close it. This happened with my son after he was sick at age 4 and we nixed it right away.

What about some soft, calming music in her room. It will calm her mind and help her fall asleep. My parents had to do this with me when I was about her age ~ and it worked. Still works today when my mind is going 1,000 miles an hour at night. Prepare her for the change in routine.

it sounds like your daughter is also not getting enough daddy time, and the only way for her to get it without being turned down is to have him fall asleep with her.
that said, like any transition with a child who can talk, TALK to her about it! :) have her dad, or you tell her together, that you and daddy want to spend a little time together at night, too, and so daddy is going to help her brush teeth and read to her, etc, but that he is only going to lay with her for 5 minutes. (or 2 minutes, or whatever) you might also do something else special with her before bed or on the weekends to make up for the special snuggles she gets at night -- like a game after dinner, or a walk or bike ride. let her help choose what she wants to replace daddy falling asleep with her, so that she has some ownership of the situation. you might also try weaning down the minutes - he lays with her for 10 minutes after reading tonight, 7 tomorrow, 5 wednesday, until he's down to reading and then tucking in (or very minimal laying -- i read and then usually rub my 8 year old's back for a minute or two before getting up. very stressful days i lay with her for longer).

Instead of laying in her bed, can this bedtime routine be transfered to somewhere else, such as the living room couch? Start earlier, and read a book or whatever. Maybe have Dad say he isn't feeling well or he's too tired (preferably use the same reason this whole thing started with), and he wants to stay laying on the couch. But we can still do the bedtime stuff. We'll just have "Goodnight" here. Then they can read the book or whatever until bed time, and then she goes off by herself. Then, she's getting what she wants, and you're getting more control over it, and it can't stretch out for a long time. Over time, you can shorten the amount of time this takes so it's not a lengthy ritual. Make her bedtime the absolute end. "It's bedtime!" Scoot her off to bed. No stretching the time out.

If she complains about not being tucked in, keep a blanket throw nearby, and wrap it snuggly around her, and tell her the same things you do when you tuck her in. ("Night night, Dear! Sweet dreams. See you in the morning.") So she gets a portable tuck in. Then send her on her way to bed with the blanket around her. If she's into dolls or stuffed animals, give the doll a big hug and kiss, and tell the doll to keep her company for you.

The following night you can make a big deal out of how grown up she was the night before, and how proud you are of her. She must be getting too big for that baby stuff. "Let's do it again tonight!" (Besides, Dad still isn't feeling well.)

Good luck!

Our five-year-old son had a similar issue. At first, laying with him helped him to fall asleep faster (starting around two or so), but after a while it got longer and longer and we started feeling as though he was actually using the interaction to stay awake. So we established "snuggle time." After bath, story, water, etc, he gets ten minutes with each of us. We set a timer, and when it beeps the first time, we switch, and when it beeps the second time, snuggle time is over and he has to fall asleep on his own. Sometimes he fights it, of course, but the boundaries are clear. It also has become something that, if he's particularly naughty, can be withdrawn, which has proven very effective. And this way, we actually get a little adult time while both of us are still awake.

Hi J.-
My oldest was the same way until we accidently found the answer. For her 8th birthday she got a bunk bed. She couldn't wait to sleep on the top bunk. Of course Mommy and Daddy are too big to be up there with her :) so a kiss goodnight and she was up those steps.
We have never had to stay with her at night again. If I had know it was that easy, I would have gotten it years sooner.

I really have no bits of wisdom but this happened to my sisters son and her husband ended up sleeping with there son til he was in 5th or 6th grade. They tried everything and nothing seemed to work.
I can say this when our son wanted to do the same thing my husband said no and we would make a fortress with his stuffed animals. His big ones were the guards and the little one were there just for him. He had some really big stuffed animals and believed that nothing but mom and dad could get by his stuffed animals. Of course he was 4 and your daughter is 7 but you just never now.

Good Luck,