Almost 4 Year Old Fibbing - Normal?

My friend is going through the same thing. I sent her a link to a cute book about fibbing that can be read free online through WeGiveBooks.org (a great FREE site that donates books for every book you read online) called Doug Dennis and the Flyaway Fib.Here is the link. http://www.wegivebooks.org/books/doug-dennis-and-the-flya...
I know in my family reading books about touchy subjects makes it easier for us to discuss without my kids knowing we are really talking about them :)

Yay!!! His imagination is kicking into high gear!!! You want this. It's a sign of normal/ healthy neural development. You also have to nip it... but it is a FANTASTIC sign of his brain developing as it should / (a rather irritating) milestone being met.

Specifically, the fibs that happen around this age are a combo of

- Imagination
- Situational Awareness
- Increasing verbal abilities (that need to be nudged, just a bit... more in a moment)
- Emotional Development / self regulation

What your son is doing is he's IMAGINING certain situations happening (What IF...) and trying to work out how he'd deal with them (mentally and emotionally), AND how other people would deal with them AND how they would react to the way that he has imagined himself dealing with them (aka looking for guidance). He's figuring out "grey" areas. His brain is switching from black and white concrete thinking, to the much more adult shades of grey thinking. At the beginning these will be "very bad" or "very good" possibilities (like WHAT IF everyone else got fed and I didn't???? or WHAT IF I made it through my nap with a dry diaper???). Things he would view to be hurtful/scary, or exciting/happy. As he gets older, they will be far more subtle, things that DEPENDING ON THE SITUATION AND HOW THEY ARE DEALT WITH could be either good, bad, or both.... instead of bad no matter what, or good no matter what.

TO KNOW: he's actually going through the emotions and reasoning that FOLLOW the "what ifs". Which makes it hard on parents, because their kid will actually BE in tears that no one played with them, or they didn't get fed, or their best friend died. OR they'll be REALLY excited about a "victory" that didn't happen. ((Imagine how upset you've gotten from time to time when he was a baby at the sheer *thought* that something could happen to him. Or when you are hormonal and are watching a poignant commercial that ordinarilly wouldn't even touch you. Or non-hormonal and watching a brilliant movie; tear jerker brilliant. You know it's not real, but even as an adult, your emotions respond AS IF it's really real. As ADULTS, we've mostly already done all of our "what if" thinking. It takes becoming a parent, or another major life scare -or a well done book/movie- to have NEW "what ifs" popping into our brains. And then we actually do the full on emotional "practice".))

As a matter of fact... that is a phrase to teach a child going through this phase "What IF __________?", or "Wouldn't it be exciting if __________?", or "Wouldn't it be scary if __________?".

Your son is leaving the land of concrete reasoning and entering into the land of metaphors and imagination and planning for multiple eventualities.

It's kind of a pain to deal with (teaching them new phrases, and being ON them about the difference between why one is acceptable and one is a lie), but like all phases... it passes.

my son is 3 1/2 and we havent hit this stage yet, but MIL was out visting last weekend and we were talking about recent changes with him getting opinionated and more stubborn. she said, wait til he turns 4, you wont believe the lies that come out of their mouth as they look you in the eye. She has 4 kids (grown) and 7 grandkids who she has been around a lot. 6 of them are older now and all have turned into good kids so im thinking its a normal stage (not saying you should ignore it, just that its a normal phase :) )

I think it is normal. My 4 y. o. has been doing it some too. I have begun to think it is just a side effect of his rapidly developing imagination. Not that he doesn't know imagined things from reality just that he gets a little confused about remembering what he made up as a part of playing and what really happened. Or, it may be a way of expressing a feeling that was associated with something that did happen but he can't express how he feels or really explain what happened (I am thinking of small disputes with other kids). Does any of that make sense? He has also begun to tell some real lies e.g. "I didn't do it." When I know he did. There I think he is just testing boundaries.

I have generally ignored it unless he is telling me a direct lie, it seems to be better lately though.

My daughter was about 4 when she tried her first lies. Clear explanation of what she was doing and some discipline for it was all it took, she's now a very honest 5 year old. My son is 3 and hasn't tried the lies yet. I think 4 is about standard.

To clarify, we never discipline fictional imaginative stories. Just straight up lies told to self preserve, like "I didn't do it" type stuff. We also made a huge positive celebration out of telling the truth.

Yes, I know it's shocking when your sweet little one first tells fibs, but kids will lie to get attention, to get out of trouble, to make up a story, and they honestly do not realize that you are smart enough to know that it is not true. It's not too early to have a talk about lying, the consequences (and start implementing them now even if the lies seem harmless in nature) and that you know he did not tell the truth - let him know that you are older and wiser and can see through these lies so it's pointless to bother telling them.

Yeah kids go through periods of lying, sounds normal to me. Here's some good info for you:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/mora...

Yes, this is normal. For a kid to be excessively honest at this stage is actually a worrisome sign, usually indicating some type of developmental or speech problem. My son didn't start to lie until after he'd had a year of speech therapy!

In the long term, the best way to discourage lying is to be really really dramatically proud when your child tells a difficult truth.

All kids lie. This is a great article on why http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1122...

It is really interesting. It was also fascinating to me that PARENTS CANNOT TELL WHEN KIDS ARE LYING. Yep, it's true.

Though some fibbing is normal at this age, you son's seems excessive, and the things he is lying about probably give light to why your son is lying. IMO, he is trying to get your attention. Though he enjoys daycare, he doesn't want to go because he wants to spend time with you. You say nothing's changed, but are you sure? Are you working more hours at work, or spending less time with him or any other reason?

I have a 4 yo, and I know that this age is a bit hard because they are capable of so much now - they are no longer babies!, so it can be easy to forget they are still very young, and still need a lot of your attention and affection. Try giving him a bit more quality time, even if it's just 20 minutes a day reading or playing a game, or whatever he likes to do, and see if the fibbing stops.

You have received a lot of answers and the basic concensus is that it is normal, or common for that age. And yes, I agree. But I also STRONGLY agree that you should use this as an opportunity to teach him about lying. AND, it could be an opportunity for something creative. When our son did that around that age, we told him to start writing, or telling stories, and that he had to tell us first if something was real or happening in his imagination. At 13, he is now a fantastic writer and quite a weaver of tales. Just a thought! have a great day!~