Almost 4 Year Old Boy Refuses to Sit on Potty!

Absolutely! Stop stressing , and make it his job to handle. You cannot control this, you already get that, so let it be 100% his responsibility. Sit down and explain that as of this day, you and daddy aren't going to say or do anything more about his poopies. He's a big boy now, so he can poop whenever and wherever he wants, and you won't say a thing, ever. BUT, he has to take off his own poopy pants, wash his own butt, wash his underwear, put the poopy ones wherever, and put on clean pants or pullups all by himself. That, or poop in the potty. It won't take long for him to decide that he's wasting WAY too much time pooping in his pants.

Maybe it's the particular potty chair?
Uncomfortable?
Maybe the seat is COLD?
Have you talked to him about going in the BIG toilet?
Have you told him why it's important
to make a poo when he feels the urge,
why it's not a good idea to hold it in?
Do you think he might understand/respect an authority figure --
his doctor? his grandparent? -- if they gave him a serious talk,
bypassing whatever various attempts you have made already?
Good luck.
======================
Addition: You mentioned reading books.
I'm assuming you mean reading books together
WHILE he's sitting on the potty, to distract or entertain him.
Yes?
Consider getting some pertinent books,
in particular EVERYBODY POOPS.
There are probably some other books like this.
Not to read in the bathroom but to read together
at non-bathroom times, for mutual education and enjoyment.

Hi C. :-0

Well.. if I had the answer that I KNOW works, with a smile.. I would share it. I agree with Nancy B's response.. it seems simple, humane and to the point.

For me.. when I reached the "point" about potty training, my daughter was four.. she would use the toilet for her urine but not for her stool.. she insisted on using a diaper and standing in a corner.. one morning I just CRACKED and said THAT's IT! You will NOT do this in your diaper again!

Whoa.... next day she was on the potty.. LOL! I do NOT recommend this.. it was stressful to her and me and I'm sure we are STILL doing balancings around this memory.. but it did get the job done.

Try Nancy's idea.. it sounds a whole lot nicer.. LOL!
hugs,
A. R.N., Energy Medicine Practitioner

My son asked for a diaper for a good 4-5 months. He would take his underwear off, get a diaper, have us put it on, go into the bathroom, shut the door, tell us to go bye bye, do his business, come out and tell me he wants a change. Well, everywhere I read said just give them the diaper and don't stress. So, I did that for a long time. Just gave him the diaper, didn't say anything. The day that it came to an end was when we were at a park, he grabbed a diaper out, stripped down had me put it on and ran across the park in a diaper, shoes and a shirt to the bathroom. After this I researched online and a lady said to tell them if they want a diaper then they have to sit on the potty with the diaper on. Do that for a few days, then cut the hole in the bottom, they won't know, have them sit on the potty and leave the room. That was all it took was one time! After the poop was in the potty he was kind of confused and I said, Mommy cut a hole in the diaper and your poopy went right in the potty. Gave him m&m's and he never asked for a diaper again. This was a very easy transition for him. I didn't make a big deal about giving him a diaper for months and would encourage him to use the potty, but he didn't want too. He too stood to pee and didn't understand why he had to sit. Try it out!

Hi C.. I am sorry for your frustration. First, I'd say, no bribes at all. You aren't asking him to do a trick. Doing his BM's in the toilet is expected behavior, and someone turning 4 is capable, we are not talking about a toddler. No bribes, no rewards. And no potty. Potties are for toddlers. He is turning 4, that's toilet age. My kids trained directly to the toilet, no pottying, my daughter just after her third birthday and my son, just before his third. If he is intentionally choosing to poop his pants rather than do a BM in the toilet, it is a behavioral issue and you can discipline for that. I would never suggest a punishment for 2 year old who isn't going in the toilet, but at 4, it's not a developmental issue anymore, it is behavioral. Be straightforward. Tell him the rules, let him know there is no other option than to use the toilet, that there will be no rewards, it is simply expected behavior and that if he breaks the rule, there will be a consequence - and follow through with it.

I remember going through this when we potty trained both kids at age 3. My ped told me to make it hard for them to hold it, slip lots of fiber in their diet. Honestly, I think it became a combination of finding a reward they wanted and finding out what they feared and making up a ridiculous story, plus some good books. My daughter loved hostess and tastycake treats, so we bought a bunch of ho hos and cupcakes and if she pooped, she got one. She also seemed to have bonded with her poop and was upset to see it go. She loved parties, so I made up this story about the poop going to the party in the toilet bowl and she would see it again soon. It seemed to work. Soon she was happily sending them to parties. With my son, I was just happy that he didn't do it in his underpants and as long as it went into the pull up, didn't make a big deal. But I did flush it in the toilet every time with him watching, told him how stinky it was in a pull up. He had a candy jar filled with his favorite kinds of candy and he could pick a few pieces every time he went. He also liked this book called the Potty Train and Where's the Poop. when he did go, he got to call his dad at work and his grandfather who told him how wonderful he was. It took a while but he finally got it.

Let him sit backwards! Like a cowboy on a horse, a spaceman on a rocket ship, a conductor on a train--whatever he's "into" at the moment. I think they feel more secure backwards--they can rest their hands on the tank--or even put a book or paper/crayons there. Might be worth a try. It worked for my son. Good luck!

tatoos worked with mine he got tatoos for sitting with his pants on and then we graduated to with them off. and he did get mad at me the first time he pooped in the toilet. is he using a potty chair or the toilet. if your using a toilet the chair might not scare him as bad. good luck

If he gets constipation problems from 'holding' it.... you will need to take him to the Doctor. That is what we had to do with our Daughter. A Pediatric Gastroenterologist, to be exact.

If his poop, hardens and accumulates internally... and is hard to come out... that is a problem, then it causes pain internally and when coming out, as well. And then.... that is a health problem.
Holding in poop, on purpose.. is not good for the bowels. Constipation, bulging bowels and Encopresis, are some problems that can arise, from holding in poop.

The Specialist we saw for our daughter, said he sees kids ALL day, like this... and that the child should not be forced, to poop.... because then internal problems like this, arises. And then the child has to take prescription things, to alleviate the constipation... in my Daughter's case... for THREE months... it took for her constipation to normalize, again.

all the best,
Susan

has he watched either of you poop? maybe he needs to see that....?
never had that problem with mine. it must suck tho. damn.

I like Nancy's idea. I'll ask this just because I'm curious - what would happen if you were ran out of pull-ups and all of his underwear were, say, in the rinse cycle of the washing machine? Or all his underwear "got lost" for a weekend. IE - no bottoms available whatsoever? Would he make a pile on the floor? Or maybe use a potty?

I have a yound three year old who won't sit on the potty either, except when the mood strikes him (and of course, the mood never strikes when he actually needs to go...), so I'll be interested in hearing about what finally works for you.

Good luck!