Almost 4 Month-old Waking Frequently for Comfort Nursing

Hi,
Have to agree with the other comments about the Weissluth method. He has a blog, so if you read some of the back stuff you can get a sense of his method.
http://weissbluthmethod.wordpress.com/

I will say, he is a bit long winded. I found Dana Obelman to be on the same page as he is but more practical (and she can be hired for consulting). She does a video blog that is great and free and you can get lots of good ideas by just searching on her site.
http://www.sleepsense.net/

Good luck. This too shall pass.

You may have to ride it out, but I suggest getting Dr. Marc Weisbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". She's a bit young for sleep training but it will get you ready.

Also she may be teething, or gassy. Babies tend to want to eat when they have any stomach discomfort, as they confuse it for hunger. Try a bit of Tylenol and/or gas drops. Gas drops do not absorb so they can be given at every feeding.

Try having your husband get her and rock her in another room without offering food. My kids never fell for that, but maybe your will! :) The theory is if she doesn't get offered what she's after she will give up trying. It works with some kids, I've heard! (Does she take a pacifier? She may need it to suckle so she is not using you for one all night)
One more thing, I don't suggest letting her sleep with you unless you really want to co-sleep. Its a terrible habit to break once it starts. I know it can come from desperation and I have been there but I never gave in. Now that we have two energetic boys, the only alone time my husband and I have is when we are sleeping. Conscious or not, we have that!!
Just some thoughts, I hope they help. If its any consolation I had 2 difficult sleepers. Both nursed exclusively, mostly on-demand. The book I mentioned totally converted our older son and we still have to work our 2 1/2 year old from time to time but he's so much better than he was!

Hi R.. I know it may be hard, but I would move the baby out of your room. I never used a monitor either. If she really needs you, you will hear her scream from another room and the monitor will just keep you awake.

Also, how is she during the day? Do you think she gets enough to eat during the day or does she sleep a lot? I tried to feed my kids every 3-4 hours during the day at that age. You may also want to start solids pretty soon.

I have 2 kids, but I remember with my first someone told me to put my baby in the other room and shut the door. I couldn't believe it! But after months of no sleep and going crazy with my husband, I actually took the advice and it worked! As long as you know she is getting enough during the day and she is safe, I would leave her and get some sleep!

Hi R.,
My son is 7 months old and is ebf. When he was 4 months,he was getting up every hour and eating for 45 minutes! I was going nuts:) at 5 months we decided to sleep train since we figured the growth spurt was over. We followed the weisbluth book. Good luck.

Hi R.,

I was going to suggest the Weissbluth book too. It makes a lot of sense to me, and has come highly recommended.

My son just turned 3 months (our first child) and we haven't started sleep training him yet in an official way. The books say to start only at 4 months unless you're desperate.
He is sleeping typically 5,5-8 hours, up for a feeding, then down again for 4-2 hours (his night sleep lasts about 10-11 hours, broken by the nursing.)

We started out with him in a co-sleeper, and when I was pregnant thought we'd have him in the room with us until he was at least 6months to a year, and I also thought that sleep training was bad and mean! Well, we moved him into his crib in the nursery at 5 weeks because we found that he actually slept better that way! Discovered this after his napping was better in there. After a few weeks of this, my husband traveled for business, and I put him in the co-sleeper because I had anxiety that day about SIDS (irrationally so). We both slept terribly! He was up every couple of hours. I think it was because he could hear me rustling about, and could smell the milk. And HE is a little grunter and squealer in his sleep, which kept waking me up. At least with the monitor and a fan in his room, his noises are muffled unless they continue long enough for me to know he is actually awake and needs attention. (He has NEVER cried for me at night, he only fusses a bit and he knows his mommy will come and get him. Or his daddy on the weekends with a bottle - yay!)

I have now come to the conclusion that sleep training is actually a loving thing to do for your child. The HSHHC books says you wouldn't feed junk food to your child, why would you 'junk sleep' him? I can put my baby down drowsy but awake and he'll go off to sleep, and after his night feeding too. I'm pretty sure he feels safe and secure, and when he is awake and needs the attention he gets it. I know plenty of people who breastfed for a long time, and didn't co-sleep, so that doesn't have to be an issue.

Ultimately you have to do what is best for your family, what works for all of you to get your rest, and keep your sanity.

All the best to you!

Well I am not sure that what you are going though is normal, but I know that it is not abnormal. Many moms have bfing kids who wake this frequently for some period of time ( like during teething and growth spurts). Does your "mama sense" tell you that there is something wrong?

If not, I would look into full time co-sleeping (info at www.cosleeping.org) A lot of times babies stir and when they don't feel mom they wake up more fully and need help getting back to sleep. So maybe try co-sleeping and see if she is able to sleep for longer stretches.

Just talk to your husband from the perspective of doing what works to get you a better nights rest. Like, let's try this and see if it works. (Maybe share some of the research if he is interested.)

I have attached an article that I wrote yesterday which is very timely for you.

Best Wishes!
D.

Doing What Works
I am a big fan of doing what works for my family. I recently saw a post on Mamasource from a sleep deprived mom of an 18 month old who was trying to find a solution to her nighttime woes. She described the scenario that happens all across this country of the up and down at night going back and forth from Master Bedroom to babies room. I wrote back to her and suggested co-sleeping and the website www.cosleeping.org.

Co-sleeping is something that works for many families allowing everyone to get the rest they need. But there is some stigma in society around the issue of having children sleep with us. (I find it interesting that people are potentially more willing to allow their pets in the bed than they are their children.) Many parents opt for the crib/ seperate sleeping arrangement even though it isn't working for them because that is the social norm.

I say it's time to buck all the social norms and do what works!

Questions of the week: What is really working well for me and my family?
(Be grateful!)
How can I have resolution in the areas that are not working as well as I would like? Is there anything I think might work that I have been adverse to trying?

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Hi there! All babies go through a major sleep transition at 3-4 months of age, so the change sounds totally normal! I can't give any advice about the breastfeeding schedule, but I suggest that it's time to select a sleep training method. There are many different wonderful books you can select. I have had wonderful success (with both my kids) using "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It was written by a Chicago-based Pediatrician, Marc Weissbluth, MD, who happens to be the country's leading researcher on sleep and children. (The nice thing about this book is you don't have the read the whole thing...just the section written for your child's age!)

Congratulations on your daughter! She'll be changing so much month-over-month -- it's an exciting time. (And she WILL start sleeping for longer stretches!) Good luck!

R.,

This is normal. She is very young, still.
IMO, you are doing things just right. Keep her close to you to make these nights as easy as possible to endure. You will be able to breastfeed longer by doing things this way.

Hubby can "adjust." This is what it is like to have a baby.

Amy

No, i dont think that's ok. I agree with the person who suggested sleep training. Im sure she is not hungry every hour or 2 so you dont need to nurse her constantly. Talk to your pediatrician or get one of the sleep books suggested. Otherwise this can go on for a very long time. Get her in the habit of sleeping through the night. I was very lucky with my babies and they slept 8-10 hours within a 4-8 weeks of being born, so it is possible, but you have to encourage it. Do it now and save yourself a big hassle in the months to come. Yes babies need comfort, but not when they are supposed to be sleeping. They need their sleep to grow and develop. I strongly suggest fixing this now and set up good sleep habits so she will continue them as she grows. I know its hard and im sure you are doing a great job and wanting to comfort her, but she also needs to learn how to sleep all night. Its the best thing for her. Talk to your ped if you dont have one of the books to read.

Hi R.!
I just wanted to let you know that what you are going through is 100% natural. This is just what nursing babies do. Especially the ones that co-sleep. Trust me, it will get better. I have an almost 15 month old that is still nursing and she sleeps in a crib that is sidecarred to our bed. She is now pretty much sleeping all night and only nursing once before bed (around 7:30pm) and when she wakes up (about 6am). Every once in a while she will wake up in the middle of the night to nurse - usually when she doesn't feel good or if she is scared.
But I just wanted you to know that not too many months ago, I was right where you are! Frustrated hubby and all! It will get better! Most of the co-sleeping breastfeeding moms will tell you this is completely normal!
I agree with Tanya that she most likley teething!

yea most husbands are a PITA about that, but unless they are doing night duty they have no say. Your child is most likely teething. They need to nurse frequently to relieve the pain. People will tell you to cry it out, some will tell you to put that baby in bed next to you and let him nurse all night and not disturb you. Honestly you have to do what you can live with. No one can tell you which one is right as it is up to you. I would do a little research before you do cry it out and such a young one first though. Dr. Sears has a great section on sleep on his website. My daughter was the same, we bed shared, helped but sometimes when they are teething it seems you are up all night....also make sure the room isnt too dry and she is waking due to a dry throat! Good luck and do what YOU fell is best for you both!

The only thing I can suggest that I didn't see suggested yet is let her fuss a little. I'm not talking about cry it out, but don't run to her everytime she fusses during the night. I know with my 4 month old, sometimes if I let him fuss just a little he will go right back to sleep. If it goes to all out crying for a few minutes than I will get up and get him. What do you mean by up for the day? Does she take any other naps throughout the day? My son usually sleeps through the night- he gets up around 7:00 am, takes a catnap around 9:30, nurses around 11:30 then naps until aound 2. Nurses when he wakes up, nurses at 6:30. takes a short catnap, and then nurses again and falls asleep around 10. (that last part of the schedual has changed the last couple weeks. I want to get back on the earlier bed time schedual!!) I know its different for each child, but I just wanted to give you an idea of my child's sleep schedual.

I also wanted to second the gas drops suggestion. If she is pulling her feet into her stomach and pushing them out when she creis there is a good chance she has gas. Those gas drops were a lifesaver in the beginning for me. He would wake and cry and want to nurse, but not want to nurse, etc.. Good luck to you, and I hope you find something that works for you and your little one.

Hi R.,

If I remember it right, around 4 mos. is a common time for sleep disruptions to occur. I've found the blog www.askmoxie.org to be very helpful in dealing with sleep issues. Eventually, your child will learn to sleep longer (my daughter was up every 3 hours from about 3 mos. to 6 mos. and then started sleeping some longer chunks). We did the same thing as you. The way we managed was by going to bed as close to when our daughter did as we could (and doing some co-sleeping in the wee hours of the morning).

You might also want to check out Elizabeth Pantley's "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" which was somewhat helpful.

Hang in there, you're doing a great job! By 9 or 10 mos., our daughter was sleeping 12 hours at night. So hang in there, it gets better! You can do it!

All the best from another R. S.

I have had the opposite problem. We use to put my son down to bed around 9:30/10:00pm (after waking him up from his evening nap around 7:30/8:00pm); however, he was occassionally sleeping so well (8-9 hours) that my milk supply suffered as a result. Someone suggested that I put him to be earlier (around 7:00pm) so that his normal wake-up times would be during the night. Well, that has certainly been the case for us. He now wakes up at least one or two (last night it was three) times during the night - go figure.

Well you asked if it was normal, and yes would be my answer. I've nursed 5 babies and sometimes it seems like they were on a feeding frenzy all night. Don't worry, she'll grow up, this is temporary!!

I nursed my 2nd son for the 1st year. He slept in a bassinet next to us for the 1st 2 weeks (Grandma and Grandpa were using his room). I would hear him stir with little noises, then he would wake up and want to eat. As soon as I moved him across the hall - I would only wake up to his full-blown crying - which happened every 2 hours when he was a newborn and then it eventually went to a 2.5 - 3 hour time span.

We also used a pacifier with both kids. If I nursed him laying down - I used the bed in his room and not our bed -
I was too scared I would fall asleep and roll over onto him.

Just my thoughts.

M.