Allowing Children to Talk to Their Friends on the Phone

Why do the phone calls have to be private? Just let her talk to this girl on the phone for a few minutes in a family area. I don't see what harm there would be in that at all.

I recall my daughters exchanging phone numbers - but it was more like sealing the deal of a friendship. It didn't turn into a habit of calling each other on the phone. IF someone wants to call your daughter give it a try and see - I know my son didn't like when friends called him because he didn't want to talk on the phone - he'd keep it short and sweet. And I was always around.

I agree that kindergarten is probably a little young. If the friend just wants to call once in a while to schedule a playdate or something that would be ok but to just sit and talk seems odd. My daughter is just finishing up kindergarten and my son is in 2nd grade and this hasn't come up with either one of them yet.

I will say though, that to expect your daughter to not have any private conversations with her friends throughout the elementary years is a bit much. For us elementary school goes through 6th grade, when I was in the upper elementary years (4, 5, 6th) I would have been mortified if my parents and siblings were around when I was on the phone. Not that we were talking about anything that great, but as a kid it would have been awful. Anything that you're afraid they are going to talk about in private they are probably talking about during recess, on the bus, etc. I don't see the harm in giving her a little privacy when she is older. Limiting the time and taking the phone away for inappropriate behavior is a good idea of course.

Good luck,
K.

My son, who just turned 5, and one of his little preschool friends "talk" on the phone pretty often. Mostly about batman and spongebob. Its actually hilarious to listen to them. Mine will even fill his friend in on what I'm making for dinner :) Us moms were already friends and they boys had several playdates, so they already had one anothers phone numbers. The other little boy actually uses his moms cell phone to call my cell phone (he knows exactly how to find my number already). It can sometimes be a little annoying bcause most of the conversations are just pre k "nonsense" but still, I guess I think its a good idea to learn how to use the phone and have a conversation instead of just sitting there mute while the adult tells the child what to say. Also, my son and his friends do have sleepovers, but only because all the moms know one another really well and the boys (and one girl) are comfortable enough to sleep away from home. You'll have to use your judgement based on your knowledge of your own child on that one, as well as your comfort level. But I would say----go ahead and let them talk on the phone. Its pretty much guarenteed that they will be very silly and very short conversations that only occur every once in awhile.

I remember my brother and sister at this age. In kindergarten they meet new friends and phone numbers were exchanged to make play dates. When they talked on the phone, near an adult, the conversations were so short and cute. They really didn't know what to say on the phone and it was more the moms on both ends having the conversation. I think I started using the phone in private around 3rd grade, when the sleep overs were more consistent.

Girls arel ike that. Boys don't want to talk they want to play. Girls sit around and talk. I have noticed this pattern with my children and other kids in the neighborhood. The boys are always playing and the girls mostly sit on on of the driveways and play with chalk and talk or just sit in a circle and talk.
If the phone is in a place where you guys are that isn't talking in private. You can hear everything she is saying and can conclude what the other girl is saying by how your daughter responds. Even though you exchange numbers, chances are they really won't call much except to ask to play together. Maybe this was the other mom's solution to her daughter asking to go to your daughters house all the time and she isn't comfortable letting her go somewhere without her yet so she suggested she call her instead.
The only rules I have as of yet would be after homework and chores are done. Which are the same rules I have for playing outside. My kids are still young. I will deal with the rest as it comes. I remember as a teen thats all I had to do so thats all I did. It started about 5th grade. I either spent time with my friends or was on the phone with them.

I don't feel that talking on the phone is that big of a deal as long as all of their responsibilities are taking care of. It's no different than the tv or playing outside.

I think it's great! And it doesn't have to be private. My 5 year old daughter's "BFF" moved away - they talk on the phone maybe once a month. It's so cute to hear them chat about preschool and playing outside, etc. I do admit, it's a lot earlier than when I started talking on the phone to my friends, but I think these days our kids are starting and experiencing everything early. I say, give it a try and see how it works out. You can put it a limit to once a week or something like that on it. I think it's great for them socially and getting used to using the phone in case of an emergency. Best Wishes!

I don't think this is a big deal. Probably she is too little to keep a conversation with her friends at this time, but eventually she will. My kid started having phone conversations at the age of 8. He speaks with a couple of friends about movies, inviting them to come over, school, books, etc. They speak during the week after school, during weekends no more than 20 minutes. He speaks from my extension in the kitchen.
As he gets to the teen years, we''ll get there and worry about other things, for now while he is behaving, studying and respectful on the phone and everywhere, I don't have any reason to prohibit him to have phone conversations. Just be open minded and teach him not to have Loooong conversations, and be considerate at what time he calls to another house.

S.,
I don't know if I'll be in the minority or the majority of the responses that you'll get, but I'll tell you this; since my kids were about that age, they've had friends, and since they needed to learn their phone numbers and address they would give my number to their friends (they learned my cell number in case of emergency, rather than the home number where I wouldn't be during the day anyway). I would get phone calls on my cell and this little voice would say "can I speak to Matthew?" or Marcus or Hannah! Most the time that they happened to talk to their friends in my presence they would not say much, they would be silent after the first question was answered. Then they would hang up the phone and if they remembered something else later on they would call each other again.
I never saw anything wrong with it, since they are at the age of making friends and wanting to play with other children, especially the ones they get along with in class. I don't think you should get yourself all worked up about it, just hang around your daughter when she is on the phone and you will see :)
Remember, she is making friends and wants to know a little more about them. They are not allowed to talk much in class either.
Blessings

I never talked much on the phone till I was in high school (and we had a party line - we shared the line with a few little old ladies who would go on about their soap operas for HOURS at a time). My son is finishing elementary school this year, and he's never wanted to talk on the phone except to Grandma who's 3 states away. In middle school I expect he'll be on the phone a bit more (he'll be using the land line - no cell phone for him till he's MUCH older and perhaps can pay a portion of the bill himself). He can talk with his friends at lunch, on the bus and in between classes.

You don't know what you are missing! From the time my girls could talk they have been on the phone. At first they would call Granny or Grandma and just talk about nothing and everything. As they grew they began to talk to friends from school and their cousins. They wander around the house chatting about everything. I get the best laughs sometimes from listening to the world from their perspective.

When my daughter was in kindergarten she was not mature enough to talk on the phone, if she did she just fooled around. I discouraged it. She is now in third grade and really just started to call friends to make plans and ask for playdates but not to sit and talk about nonsense. As far as sleep overs, I was always adament that we would not have them. Well she is at the end of 3rd grade and is good friends with a little girl, My husband and I like the parents and feel very comfortable with them. Guess what, we had our first sleep over just the other night. It was at our house and it went great they were so excited. This week is school vacation and last night my daughter had her first sleep over at her friends house. I really missed her. But, now that I see the glow and joy that this has brought I realize that it is just a right of passage and is great for her confidence. She will not sleep over just anyones house, I will know the parents and feel completely comfortable with them first. And, I think kindergarten is too young for talking on the phone and sleep overs.

My 4 year old has been chatting on the phone with her friends several days a week ever since the school year started. She goes to preschool 4 mornings a week (2 of them until 1pm since she stays for lunch bunch). I was pretty surprised the first time the phone rang and a little girl was on the other end asking to talk with her! (my son is 7 and I don't think he's ever talked on the phone with a friend - he just doesn't want to). We've told her the phone must stay in the family room/kitchen area and I keep an ear on her side of the conversation. We also limit calls to 30 minutes a day. For the first few weeks, she was on the phone daily but after a little while the novelty wore off and now it's like once or twice a week - if that.

We plan on sticking to the 30 minutes a day rule for years to come. We see no harm in preventing kids from talking with friends in the evening after their homework is done and before bedtime. Once kids reach elementary school, it's harder for them to talk with each other during the school day... separate classes, not alot of 'downtime', only 30 minutes for lunch (and you can't really pick who sit with, especially if they are in another class and only 15 minutes of recess. My son gets together with his best friend (who lives 2 houses down) almost everyday after homework so they can talk a bit... they are lucky if they get 5 minutes together at school.

Who says these conversations should be private? Say, she can only call with your permission and that she has to stay in the same room you are. Get a timer and say that she gets 5 minutes, max. Seriously, what does a Kindergarten kid have to talk about that will take longer than 5 minutes?

I say let her use the phone and that way, you can teach her proper phone etiquette.