Alcoholic?

You don't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic, is my understanding. I've heard the term "weekend alcoholic" before.

You will find most people haven't a clue what is an alcoholic. Everyone just uses antidotes to answer.

It all comes down to is it an addiction?

Think about it this way, smokers. Any regular smoker is addicted. Do they smoke one a day, a pack a day, chain smoke? Doesn't matter, they are addicted.

Usually when people put drinking above their needs and the needs of their family they are addicted.

I am married to an alcoholic. You are also married to an alcoholic.

He doesn't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic. If he cannot control his drinking WHEN he drinks, he is an alcoholic.

My husband didn't drink every day. He only drank wine - no beer, no hard liquor. But if he opened a bottle of wine, he could not have a glass, and put the rest away for later. He could not stop until the bottle was empty. If he bought more than one bottle at a time, he would open another bottle as soon as one was empty and drink until he passed out.

Hi again, the word itself def means different things to different people. But instead of needing to label it, try to look at it as this:

If your husband's drinking is a problem to YOU, then your husband has a problem. There's no real need to NAME that problem.

:(

Don't get medical advice like this here. You need to go to the experts and take it from there. Contact a place like www.hazelden.org or something similiar that might be located in your area.

Alcoholism is a very complicated illness. There are no cookie cutter symptoms because it's more psychological than physical. You do not have to be knock down drunk all the time, or missing work, or beating your kids to be a diagnosable alcoholic. Dependency and how it manifests differs from person to person.

If it does help you at all, there are a lot of people out there who are textbook alcoholics and don't know it, and won't know it unless they know where to get help and guidance.

As for your concerns about your husband. The fact that you are questioning his behavior and habits is a red flag in itself. The fact that he has admitted he can't stop is a red flag. If you sense something is wrong, you're probably right. There is a condition of alcoholism called "funcitonal alcoholism" and people considered "functional alcoholics." They are very much alcoholic, but manage to function normally and "undetected" by those around them, though they are very "buzzed" during the enitre day, or for weeks at a time.. whatever their pattern or MO is, and can do so for a very long time before things get worse.

Besides going to the right places for advice, joining Al-anon in your area will be of great help to you (its for the family and friends of alcoholics). You're going to need all the support you can get as you move forward to get help for your husband. ...which it sounds like is the very wise thing for you to do right now. Get help and trust your instincts that something is wrong.

The difficult thing about functional alcoholism is that these people have learned to lie to themselves and are very convincing to others that everything is okay, when indeed it isn't. That is why it is important that you find experts to help you, and for you to get support. You're going to find getting hubby help an unhill battle...even if he suspects he has a problem. Denial in various forms is part of the package. And if you don't already...you're going to be second guessing yourself a lot, as they will convince you and so will all those who are co-dependant around him, that you're over reacting.

Be strong and nip it now.

He is abusing alcohol, for sure. He has a problem. He will eventually be drinking every single day. He can only go so long like this.

He says he has a problem, so what is he going to do about it?

According to the DSM-IV TR (the current manual used to diagnose psychiatric illnesses and disorders, including addiction), a behavior that interferes with social, family or work life is disordered behavior. If your husband's drinking causes problems with his friends, his family (you) or at work, he's an alcoholic and should see treatment. That's the actual definition of alcoholism.

Yes, that is an alcoholic. He is dependent on it, which makes him an alcoholic.

Ok--you'
re getting lots of answers from everyone who knows and everyone who *thinks* they know.
You CAN drink to "intoxication" and NOT be an alcoholic.
You say yourself he CANNOT stop. "Has to be intoxication." "drinks to get drunk" "1 to 3 times per week"!
He, himself says he "cannot" have just a few.
You know the answer to this. Did you look at the checklist provided by another mom on your last question.
My father was an alcoholic and I have a sibling that struggled with addiction for over 30 years.
Trust me, your husband is an alcoholic.
The issues will get bigger, the valleys will get wider and it will become more apparent.
Think about what "normal" looks like. Is "normal" a father drinking to intoxication, unable to respond to nighttime requests from his children, and telling you that he cannot quit drinking? It might now be normal in your house, but it's not "normal". That's the thing, see, spouses and kids get used to "their normal" over time and eventually forget what "real normal" looks like.
If you have a problem with his drinking, then he has a drinking problem.
You need Alanon.

After looking at some of your other posts, here is my opinion. I don't think it matters if you label him an alcoholic (he may be) to know he needs help and this is not a healthy way to live. Your posts indicate that he drinks too much and it has residual effects on your family. Sounds like he needs help.
I have no experience with this but I think there is a support group for family of people with alcohol problems (alanon) ??? They might can help you better understand what is going on with your husband. Good luck:)

Hi Sweet Tooth,
I just responded to your other question.

I have brown eyes. Now, I can yell at my reflection, "I have blue eyes!!!", but my eyes are still brown. In other words, it doesn't matter what I call it, it is what it is.

A label can be useful. Identifying problematic behaviors can also be a useful process. Heck, it's (part of) THE first step, in a 12 step based recovery program. Giving myself a label can be helpful because it may allow me to better access resources that otherwise might have been missed / seemed unnecessary.

For example, if I have arthritis and I refuse to acknowledge it, I've short changed myself. I may not be giving myself a chance to learn new tools to help myself live more fully. On the other hand, I need not identify as arthritis to 1. have it or, conversely, 2. utilize tools as though I have it.

Let's bring up a different example. Nora is married to a man who is at work 14-19 hours of every day. He is absent from their familial life, and usually prioritizes work over family. Nora doesn't feel good about her marriage. In my mind, it doesn't really matter if Nora's husband is a workaholic or not. What does matter is that Nora has identified behaviors that don't work for her. Regardless of the label she/her husband/society gives Nora's husband, Nora feels neglected, isolated, frustrated, etc. So rather than Nora trying to figure out Nora's husband, it may be more productive for Nora to figure out Nora.

Nora doesn't feel healthy in her marriage...what does Nora get to do for Nora?

We are not responsible for anyone's behavior and choices but ourselves (and children). We don't get to fix anyone or love them/punish them into the change we think is right for them. We can plead with, control, yell at, have sex with, coddle, or ultimatum our spouses - and they are still going to do what they are going to do. We do get to create healthy fluid boundaries for ourselves.

Sweet*tooth* you ARE describing alcoholism. It's definitely a type of alcoholism that your husband is dealing with, in my opinion, even if he doesn't recognize it. No, it doesn't have to be every day. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this.

It's just that some people have a very narrow definition of what being an addict means. Please don't let those narrow definitions drive you with doubt when you know the truth already. Have confidence that even if you're unsure of anything else, you know what to call "this."

Yes, he IS an alcoholic! I'm sorry to hear that... Just because he doesn't drink EVERYDAY, doesn't mean he can't be one...

At this point he's psychologically addicted.
He's making choices (to buy, to drink, his frequency- how many times a week).
He's making noises like he's sorry, but he's not facing up to the fact he's got a problem and he's not doing anything to stop.
Realizing there's a problem and acting to fix it are different things.
Denial, excuses, evasions can last for YEARS.
You - need Al-anon. You need to hear other peoples stories and see how your husbands behavior affects you and your kids, his work, your finances, his health, etc. You also need to figure out what you can live with and for how long.
He - needs at the very least a doctor and Alcoholics Anonymous would be good for him, too.
Additional:
Next time he's peeing on the floor anywhere there's not a toilet - take pictures or video tape it so you can show him when he's sober what he's doing when he's drunk.
It's irrefutable evidence and it can't be brushed away with 'You are making it all up!'.

He is definitely an alcoholic - you dont have to drink everyday to be classified an alcoholic. Was he like this when you first got together? I bet your answer is no. So this leads to, do you honestly think its gonna get better? Not until it gets worse Im afraid. You really need to try to do what you can now to help him from truly hitting rock bottom. Dont wait until he is drinking daily to realize that it is an issue. Its probably going to be too late at that point
Good Luck

It's a little more complicated than just is he or isn't he.. Based on what you've said I don't think he's physically addicted to alcohol at all, and him telling you "I can't" really just means "I won't." He COULD stop drinking if he wanted to, he just doesn't want to. It's easier for him to make you think it's a physical addiction rather than an emotional vice. So is he an alcoholic? No. Does he have a problem? Obviously. Regardless of if he's a nice drunk or not I know how freaking annoying it is being around someone who is trashed and you're completely sober. It's ridiculous. Not to mention having to do that 1-3 times per week? No thanks. If I were you I'd put my foot down and tell him how it's going to be or you won't stick around for it. He's obviously immature and he's sort of screwing himself in the long run with you by saying "Yes, I drink too much" because in all reality he ISN'T physically addicted and that means that he doesn't have to drink at all. You should probably point out to him that it's NOT a physical addiction and that means he just refuses to change something he agrees is a problem and what kind of husband does that make him? Does he have any sort of emotional/mental problems, like depression, ADHD, OCD.. something doesn't seem right and some problem like that could account for the lack of control. Good luck.

I don't know that it really matters if he fits the definition of an alcoholic ( whatever that is). What matters is if his behavior is effecting your marital / family relationships & other important relationships in his life. I have not read your previous posts , so I can't speak to your specific situation.

What you describe is a dependency on and an inability to control the consumption of alcohol.

Here is a link to a quiz to take to find out if you or someone else a drinking problem.

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/problem/a/blquiz1.htm

You need to find an alanon meeting close to you so that you can talk to and get advice from others. It is a serious disease that kills people and controls lives.

You need to come to a place where you understand and accept that you have no control over his disease or his drinking. You cannot make him stop no matter how you talk, nag, cry, work the situation, or cut deals with him. He has to get help and it has to be his choice, which leaves you to make the best choices you can for you and your family.

If the time comes for you to make a choice to stay or go then you have to take care of yourself and the little ones who depend on you. They didn't ask for this anymore than you did so you have to make the right choice for them even if it hurts you or your husband. It might be the "rock bottom" he needs to get sober.

Hope this helps,

L.

I'm not a doctor.

If one drinks to intoxication - that's a problem.

My husband drinks beer - because he likes the taste - not to get drunk.

If he knows he can't stop himself- that is a problem. He sounds like an Alcoholic to me - but again, I'm not a doctor. You should go to Al-Anon meetings and ask your husband if he's willing to stop drinking..he has to want to do it...he cannot be forced to do it.

GOOD LUCK

http://helpguide.org/mental/alcohol_abuse_alcoholism_sign...

I think that your husband is walking that very FINE line between the two. My bestfriend has addiction isses in her family both parents are Alcoholics, as well as my father. Both by best friend and father sought help, understood the effects of alochol on them and how they are with it. They both took a break while learning how to be responsible - they are still alcoholics but can manage a lifestyle where alocohol is used appropriately. I think this could be your husband from what you have posted. I do not think he needs to stop forever but stop for a few years while he gets the help he needs to learn what responsible means. It means drinking one or two a week not drinking until drunk. Getting drunk periodically is not always bad but is rarely appropriate.
Oh and there is such a thing as a functioning alcoholic ... that is my sister - she has not yet gotten all the help she needs in my opinion.

http://www.alcoholism-and-drug-addiction-help.com/alcohol...

Sounds like your husband is an alcoholic. He was peeing in the kitchen!! He says he cant stop drinking. It affects his parenting, since he can't get up in the middle of the night. He doesn't social drink, he drinks to get drunk. You could go to an Al-Anon meeting and see what they say and learn how to support your husband if HE decides to quit drinking. If he DOESN'T than you need to decide if you want to stick around for it. Your other question said something about him being a nice drunk. I say he's a sloppy drunk. Those suck just as much. GL
L.
(wife of a recovering alcoholic...9 years sober)

Sounds like an alcoholic to me.

If you go by written facts, then the daily drinking will be one of the warning signs. But I think it's a gray area, honestly.

There are MANY many types of alcoholics. It does sound your husband has a problem. But sadly until HE wants to address it, there's not much you can do. But if it really starts affecting your life, you can ask him to leave or you can. Good luck to you. It is not an easy road.

Sounds like an alcoholic to me. My dad was able to stay sober enough to drive an 18 wheeler 3-4 days a week to make ends meet. But if he was home, he was drunk. Like your husband, it was never just a few. No less than a half case of Budweiser. He drank every day he was not working for 15 years. My mom asked for a divorce when she graduated from nursing school. He has been sober ever since. Go to Al-Anon. See if he will go to AA. Good luck and blessings to you and your family.

Binge drinking is a form of alcoholism.
Stating that he needs to drink is a sign of alcoholism.
His stating that be thinks he has a problem is another sign.

Please urge him to contact his physician and begin attending Alcholics Anonymous. You may also want to begin attending Al-Anon meeting for the family support.

Good Luck
God Bless

That IS an alcoholic. For a long time i was having a glass of wine with my every single dinner and i certainly WAS NOT an alcoholic. Its not the amount or how often someone drinks, its the manner in which they drink and whether or not it controls them and changes their behavior.

I would consider an alcoholic someone that lets it interfere with daily life, and relationships. Is he violent when he drinks or just calm? Drive while he is drunk? That makes a difference as well.

The definition of alcoholic is: A person who has a subjective awareness of compulsion to drink, exhibits prominent drink-seeking behaviour, becomes tolerant to alcohol and has obvious physical, psychological and social problems related thereto.

I responded to your other question differently, but how that you explain it now, it sure does seem like a problem. I think I would try to get him some help. Either way, if it is a problem for you it is going to affect your marriage so he should make an effort to stop this behavior.