Aggressive Behavior - Aransas Pass,TX

Sometimes anger is a way of acting out and could be due to some frustrations he's having. Another child at the daycare may be antagonizing him. Maybe try asking him what he's feeling or why he's doing it, while he's committing the act, or right after. Or tell him that you know sometimes things can be frustrating, and make you want to kick and hit, but instead you have to use your words and talk it out. I don't think at age 4 that kids are just mean and spiteful, so this is probably his way of dealing with something, or someone, that is bothering him.

You are a very busy woman working & going to school full time. Your son is crying out for your attention. Apparently you have other children and although you try to best to be there for them (I take it he is also the youngest), he wants individual attention. Now for you, it is most difficult! But he is grasping at straws. Any attention, including negative, is good for him. When he misbehaves, you are taking the time to talk to him (focus on him) alone. Give your children 15-20 minutes of alone time with you talking about their day, reading their favorite story, bathing them or listening to their favorite music. And then add another 20 minutes of group session where all the kids spend time with you. This way you cover both family time and individual time. Each child is different and will want to do something different. Perhaps as a group you can do something one child wants today and what the other wants tomorrow. Or for your own sanity, sit with them and watch something on discovery channel, history channel, animal planet (this way it is an educational program). My church BRCC.net offers lessons on virtues and short bible stories, etc. Like I said mom, this will be toughest on you. Gather everyone together to bake a batch of cookies or make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Make an indoor picnic (or outdoor) where everyone chips in.

Good Luck to you. Also, if you think/fear he has/can develop psycological problems, you can reach out to the USAA university's Psychology team (or any college for that matter). They have students and licensed instructors who will meet with your child to acess his behavioral needs and recommend treatment. I will pray for peace within your household.

I dont have much advice but just want to let you know that I am going threw the same thing with my little boy he is about to be 4, the taking toys away didnt work for me either!
I simply think that he is just testing me to see how far he can get.
Good luck and hang in there!!!

M., it sounds like he needs a different motivator. I've actually decided to try this when my little one is old enough.

I'd start by asking him why he gets so mad that he wants to hit and kick his friends. Then I'd help him empathize with the other kids and ask him how he'd feel if they hit or kicked him.

He probably also needs help discovering a healthy means of dealing with his anger, like practicing counting slow, deep breaths. Ideally, it should be something he can easily do, he likes to do, and something he can be easily reminded to do until it becomes a habitual way of calming down. He might even need suggestions about what words to use with his friends when he's feeling the anger.

I'd then shift the focus from the negative (things taken away for bad behavior) to the positive (good behavior earns extra privileges). Seeing his progress will encourage him, so I might try a reward system instead of a punishment system. You could decide on a treat he really enjoys (time at the park, an extra book at bedtime one night, etc). and let him earn it weekly.

Get him his own "good behavior" calendar and let him put a star on each day that he doesn't act out against other kids. Set a number of stars he has to earn to get his weekly reward. As he improves, you might encourage him to do even better and increase the number of stars required, or even change the frequency of the reward from weekly to monthly. (If it's a monthly reward, I'd make it a littler bigger, like going to see a movie or having a friend stay the night).

Get excited about the good days and don't dwell on the bad days - the less attention bad behavior gets, the more likely he will be to seek out the positive attention he gets when he behaves well.

Good luck!