I have 3 1/2 year old twin sons and they have become very angry and aggressive. The recent thing they have done was slam our new puppy on the ground and we had to bring him back to life. When they get mad they scream at the top of their lungs at us or whoever they are mad at. They hit each other with toys making each other bleed at times and giving each other bruises. I'm not sure what route to go. Have them checked out my Help me grow take them to a therapist. I have talked to my husband about changing the way we discipline them. My boys behavior isn't okay and I want to put a stop to it right now before they are to much older and get into school. I would like opinions and advice of other mothers that have been there.
I dealt with triplets that were a bit like this. Not as extreme, though. They were super rough and yelled all the time.
What do you use as discipline right now?
I don't have any advice about your twins, but I know the first thing I would do is find that innocent puppy a new safe home.
What sorts of discipline have you used until now?
as Mrs. Robinson said, the puppy needs to go. It is a privilege to be a pet owner, & your sons have proven that they are not ready for the responsibility.
Do you have any idea how much of a Red Flag this incident is for parents? & to think that playing escalates into making each other bleed! OMG! I think you are very aware of how unacceptable this behavior is, & I think that's "why" you're asking for our help.
Now for the helpful comments: watch the "1-2-3 Magic" video. It will save your family. Seriously. Totally. Completely. Buy it tonight.
What type of media are they allowed to watch? Do they watch "G"-rated only, or are they allowed to watch anything/everything? During my older son's preschool years, he was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle freak (20+ years ago)....& we all ended up paying the price for it! We learned our lessons & knew better when our younger son was born.
Start with your pediatrician, & ask for counseling.
Be proactive in watching them while they're playing. Step in BEFORE any intensity begins! Do not allow them to escalate into violence....& that's what this is.....it is unnecessary violence & it can be stopped. They are 3 & they can be taught a better way to treat each other.
Yes, twins approach life differently, but it does not have to be like this. Siblings can also reach this level of brutality....as can cousins & best friends. It is 100% the responsibility of the adults present to prevent this type of interaction. Peace.
I'm confused, Have you taken them to a therapist yet? have you talked to your pediatrician? What do you do when they hit each other?
Holy moly! This sounds pretty extreme. Have you talked to their pediatrician about this? Perhaps some further evaluation is in order. Enlisting the aid of a good family/behavioral therapist would be a good place to start, too.
One thing I would definitely NOT do is yell at them or hit them for any reason. That would just reinforce their bad behavior, since you would be modeling the same behavior you object to. In that light, consider how you're disciplining them now. Are you consistent? Do you respond immediately to improper behavior firmly but in a controlled way and nonviolently? Or, do you or your husband just "take it" until you lash out in frustration and anger? (I'm not being judgmental here, just offering alternative scenarios at the extremes as food for thought). Also, how long has this been going on? Is it new behavior? Has something changed recently, like the addition of a new baby or a move that they may be acting out over? Could they be responding to additional stress in the family over something, like the death of a relative, job loss, financial problems, etc?
Also, I agree with Mrs. Robinson -- find the puppy and any other pets you have good homes. I wouldn't bring other pets of any kind (even fish) into the home until you have their behavior under much better control.
As moms, we tend to blame ourselves for everything that we perceive as "bad parenting" leading to behavior problems. Try not to feel guilty: good for you for recognizing a potential problem and seeking out support for a solution before it gets bigger!
Have you started Help Me Grow? I can't tell from your post. I think they only work with kids birth to age 3. Anyway... your sons need to be evaluated. Not saying that anything is "wrong" with them but it would be a great step to get a professional opinion. My son has some issues and used to be aggressive toward us, but not animals, before we figured out what was going on with him. We tried 123 Magic, and lots of other stuff, but they only work on "typical" kids. They only worked for our son a tiny bit.
I feel your pain!! I have 4-1/2 year old twin boys and let me tell you when they were 3 it was awful! They fought every 30 seconds....really! I was in the same boat as you wondering if I should seek professional help. One of my sons was seeing an OT and she was a wonderful help to me! I don't think professional help is needed at this age for this issue. It truly is double trouble and anyone having single kids at different ages is entirely different. 4 is a magic number for them and life is much, much better!!! At 3 the sharing was very tough and they had the same interests. Preschool really helped them (they were in separate classes) and I hate to say this but video games is a help too! One had an interest in them and the other one didn't. This allowed them to play separate. It is a very peaceful house! Yes, they do fight still on a daily basis, but not like 3! Good luck to you and feel free to e-mail me if you need to vent! I am just glad I didn't have triplets! LOL
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I feel your pain!! I have 4-1/2 year old twin boys and let me tell you when they were 3 it was awful! They fought every 30 seconds....really! I was in the same boat as you wondering if I should seek professional help. One of my sons was seeing an OT and she was a wonderful help to me! I don't think professional help is needed at this age for this issue. It truly is double trouble and anyone having single kids at different ages is entirely different. 4 is a magic number for them and life is much, much better!!! At 3 the sharing was very tough and they had the same interests. Preschool really helped them (they were in separate classes) and I hate to say this but video games is a help too! One had an interest in them and the other one didn't. This allowed them to play separate. It is a very peaceful house! Yes, they do fight still on a daily basis, but not like 3! Good luck to you and feel free to e-mail me if you need to vent! I am just glad I didn't have triplets! LOL
Wow - I think I may have Baker Acted my own children once the puppy incident occurred. This is not just a behavioral issue - I firmly believe it is a mental illness and you need to find a psychiatrist and facility to keep them at for 24/7 therapy and medication treatment. As a Nurse, my instinct would be to tell you to RUN for these professional services right now - today.
This is not normal behavior.
get some outside help along with some proven parenting classes, like love and logic. And yes, the puppy needs a new home.
