Ages Between Kids

Mine are 2-1/2 years apart - we were shooting for 3, but got pregnant on the first try! :o) My daughter did WONDERFULLY with her new baby brother (no jealousy issues or anything!). Knowing how she was at 3, I think the 3 year difference is ideal, but I'd say that anything from 2-1/2 to 3-1/2 year difference is going to be great. Old enough to understand, but not so much of a difference that they won't be able to play together :o)

Good luck!

My kids are 3 yrs apart and I love it. Close enough that the older one can be a help when you have a newborn and that they will be buddies throughout childhood but not so close they are always in the same phase, sharing same friends, etc. (Though it's only been in the last year or so -- they're now 9 and 6 -- that the younger one is starting to understand that just because her big brother gets to do something, like go to a birthday party, doesn't mean she's always invited to the same things. However, the fact I have a boy and girl may help on this.) Some families love having their kids closer in age than this but when my firstborn was still a toddler I was not ready to be pregnant and dealing w/ a newborn again. So mine are 3 yrs apart and it's great. Good luck no matter what you decide.

My kids are two yrs apart, to me it is perfect, they both go to the same school at one time, they have more in common, they share music and some stuff, they fight like all normal teens do, and love each other also. I just think they have more in common being closer in age, I was 3 yrs a apart from my sister we have nothing in common at all.

Wow, lots of opinions, here's another. I don't think there is a perfect time anytime, all ages will have their own issues, but I do think which sex each is also matters. Mine are exactly 2 years apart. 5 year old girl and 3 year old boy. He can push her drama buttons a lot and that was really hard for a while between 2 and 3 years. Also, she was very little when he was born, so we did tell her he was her baby. I also let her do to her dolls what I did to my son, she'd put diapers on them, dress them, burp them, pretend to nurse them, this helped her a lot. Now, for the most part, they play a lot together, they love each other a lot, they like a lot of the same toys and games. The one thing that is very hard is that a lot of people give sooo much attention to the little one, because he has learned quickly to be 'cute' to get his way with people. When this happens, I make sure to give her equal attention or ask them to give her some, otherwise, she gets jealous and sad.

Mine are two years apart and I love it. They always have someone to play with and for the most part get along really well. I was am almost 7years apart from my brother and we were more like only children. That bond is not there in the early stages. But each couple needs to make that decision for themselfs. You need to decide when you are ready to have another. No one else can tell you when the time is right. That decision is up to you and your husband. Good Luck!

My 1st 2 kids are 2.5 yrs apart. and #3 is another 3.5 yrs after that. From my experience, it is easier when they are farther apart, BUT, more jealousy. So, if I did it all over again I'd have 2 yrs btwn each one. The jealosy w/ the bottom 2 is horrible.

my five is 3 to 4 years apart. this has been great, a year of a personal break for your self while the first is in pre school before being pregnant again .

If both of you are thinking about it, that GREAT! Yes, for planning it all depends on the family.
1. Finance: Ready and discussed. Some think about spacing
them in order to help them with higher education etc.
2. Time: Can you juggle two children and both share the load?
Good, it does take two.
3. Support: Do you folks have friends/family that can help/
sit in time of need or just a break. Great! Parents need
their quality time with each other as well.

Just some basic questions, sometimes some of us wish we could have discussed. We love our children and would do anything for them, and yes, situations do arise. Yet, having a working communication of the parents that bear them would make these challenges to come more bearable.
I'm glad the thinking stage is with both of you. Good luck!

My girls are 3 yrs 1 mo, 1 week and 1 day apart. It really is perfect. There is certainly a transition at the beginning and the older one has some regression (ie: potty issues and nap issues), but they seem to resolve themselves with extra love, affection and attention within 2 mos. Now my 4 yr old helps "watch" her sister by playing together in our playroom so mommy can get silly things like housework, laundry and cooking done (in 30 minute spurts). It's also much easier to go out only needing diapers for 1. They keep each other entertained and occupied. Timing also allowed me to spend more time with my children individually - the oldest had me to herself for the first 3 yrs, then went to preschool 3 half days during the week beginning just before her sister was born. Now I get 3 half days with the baby, and don't feel like I am neglecting either of my DD's. They love each other immensely and, at least for probably another 5 years, love to do everything together.

Hi A.,

My first two kids are 2 years and 4 months apart, and they got along fine when they were young. They are now 15 and 13 and I have 2 more from my current marriage and they are just 2 years apart, and there is 10 years inbetween my 13 yr old and my 3 year old. Now this situation has worked for me and it is not for everyone, you are young! Have them close together, and then if you want more later you can have more.

Best of luck!

M.

My brother and I are 22 months apart and we are super close.

We wanted our kids about the same age separation, but I wasn't ready, when it came time to get pregnant again. So, #1 and #2 are 3.5 years apart. #2 and #3 are 23 months apart. I kind of wish my first two were a little closer, but they get along beautifully most of the time.

My husband is the oldest and 5 years later, he had a sister - they never got along" according to his mother, but when I ask them why, they have no idea. I think most of it came from their mother constantly telling them that. 9 years after my hubsnad was born, he had another sister - and while they get along, they are different generations practically.

I think a lot of it is how you foster their relationship. My mom told me that my brother was my best friend my entire life. And even though I barely can stand is wife, it hasn't changed our relationhip that much at all. It was solid to begin with.

Hi - we are having our second any day now and the boys will be 2.4 apart. I too like you heard that having second before the first was three was good as it helps with jealousy and they will never know life without each other.

I know it will go great but the only challenge I can see with not having done it even sooner is that by this age my son has developed a strong sense of self and MINE and we are just entered the stage where time outs and constant patient reinforcement of good behavior and checking bad behavior are necessary so managing both at this stage will be challenging. But honestly... as I think about it... what stage WOULDN't be challenging with two!

I will say the benefit of this age difference is that my son can follow directions, can express what he needs and does not wander away from me in public which will be helpful when having my hands full with the newborn. Additionally, knowing how everything in his world is MINE... I have fostered a sense of ownership with my son that this baby is HIS brother and only his so he is expressing excitement at the prospect of his brother being here and is sharing in setting up his brother's room and helping with preparations which is so touching.

Good luck with your planning for adding to your family!

Hi A.:
I come from a family of 7 kids,and mom and dad had us all two years apart.Ironically, we always paired up with the one that was 2 years older or two years younger. The others,were either to mature to be bothered with us,or to young and were a pain,because they got into our things,were a pest,around friends,and we were expected to (watch them) rather than getting to run off and play.I Loved coming from a large family,there was always something exciting happening. Wether it was rushing a sibbling to the emergency room after eating a box of chocolate exlax, or watching one of my brothers camp out in the back yard with his cub scout troup!! tee hee. I opted to just have two,and they were 2 years and two months apart.Both boys. They were far enough apart,that it was easier on me...Only one in diapers.And they were close enough to be great playmates,and love pretty much the same toys and later on the same music,sports, Totally different taste in girls...lol but that comes later.They were very close growing up, and they are best bros to this day. If I was to do it all over again, I'd do it the same.If I were you, I'd start working on it Now! I wish you the best,and your son a little brother: )

my son was born march 2004 and my daughter was born april 2008 so pretty much 4years and 2months apart. They absolutley love each other and we have no jealously issues at all! My son loves to help with her and play with her but the best thing to do for jealousy issues is to tell your child that the baby is their baby.

My two boys are exactly 30 months apart.. it's a blessing that they are so close!

Best of luck to you...
M.

Hello, I can only speak from experience. I just recently had a baby, 5 mo ago and my other daughter just turned 4 in August. I love the age difference. My oldest help me when I need help and also is very understanding when it is time to feed the baby and also when it is time to be quiet b/c the baby is sleeping. I love the age difference! This way too, I only have one in diapers. I cant imagine two or more kids in diapers at once. However, many people I know have them back to back and it also works for them. I guess you need to just be ready and have lots of patience! Best of luck!-A.

Perfect is different for everyone. My first two were 2.5 years apart - it was perfect. My next one if I get preg. will be over 4 years apart - for me perfect. Some like them real close together, some don't, some don't care. I chose to wait for a 3rd this long because my son like yours was/is very active and a total Momma's boy so I wanted to make sure he was ready as well. He is more than ready (he is 3), he asks when we'll have another baby often.

Best wishes whatever you decide.
M.

Hi A....
A lot of this depends upon the temperment of the children as to how they will get along. I have 5 kids ranging from 18 to 33 and I was surprised at how they pair up to "hang out". My son who is 27 likes to hang with his 21 yo brother to play sports but will go to documentary movies with his 23 yo computer geek brother. The two girls who are 18 and 33 love to go shopping together. When they were young they all played well together (with the occasional fight or two :-)....good luck with your decision!
S.

I just had my third... my first two are 14 months apart and I LOVE it. My second and my third are 3 years apart and so far that is great too! There are pluses and minuses to any age gap. It is awesome that my son and daughter (3 and 4 yrs old) can help me with the baby as far as grabbing me a diaper, a burp cloth etc. It is also great that they can do little things by themself - grab and peel a banana, buckle and un-buckle their seatbelts, get themselves dressed etc. That sounds so trivial but believe me those little things that they can do independently help soo much when you have a newborn. Also there is no jealousy towards the baby at all since they are past the "toddler" stage. However, the closeness between my son and daughter is amazing. They are best buddies and hate to be apart. I am a little worried that my baby will end up being "odd man out" since she and my daughter have 3 years between them. That being said, however, my husband and his brother are 5 years apart and they were close as kids as well. I think that as long as they are within 4-5 years of one another they will be great friends (at least for now) and you will see great benefits no matter what age gap you choose.

I think 2.5-3yrs is a good range (mine are 5 and 3), but you can't always guarantee things are going to happen quickly and you can get the age range you want. I think once you've decided to have another go for it.

Hi A., we tried to have ours ni more than 2 years apart, cause we wanted then to be best friends and play together. Our first two sons are 3 years and 5 months apart, the same size and are the very best of friends, our daughter and second son are only 2 years and 4 months apart and are very close, our daughter and our first born are 5 years apart and very close, and all 3 of our kids are almost the same hight, they are all grown now 24, 21, and 19. J. L.

My boys are 3 1/2 years apart and we think it's great!

I have a 5 yr. old son and a now 5 month old daughter, to be honest I was very worried about the gap, just because my son was an only child for so long. But boy was I suprised, he loves her more then anything and talks and plays with her all the time. It is the sweetest relationship, she glows when she sees him. Now things might change as they get older but I love the relationship they have now.
My brother and I are 2 years and 9 months apart and growing up we use to fight a lot, I definetly wouldn't have my kids with this gap just from my experience.
Hope this helps. But again it's different for everyone.

Hi A.,
I've read some of your responses so if this is a repeat I apologize. There are good and bad to every age difference. From a physical point of view it is best to wait at least eighteen months after the birth of a child before conceiving again to allow your body to recover. Also, I've heard people say that when the kids are closer together in age they grow up as buddies. Just because kids are close in age when they are younger doesn't necessarily mean they will be close when they are older. My mother was ten and twelve years older than her sisters. Admittedly, when she married my dad she wasn't real close to them. But after both sisters married the three of them were the best of friends until my mother's passing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that they may not be best buddies all of the time regardless of age. But they can still be loving siblings, whether they are one year or ten years apart. Good luck whatever you decide.

I found that 2 1/2 years is the perfect gap. The oldest is mature enough to understand that there is a new baby and how to help Mama with the new baby and they are close enough in age to enjoy playing together when the baby get a little older.

Good Luck!

I'll tell you honestly, whatever age it happens will be right! I know that's not what you want to hear, but kids are so wonderful - when they love someone (a sibling) any age is going to be great whether it's real close, or 6 and 8 years difference, like between my kids. They make it work and it's great! But yeah, I've always thought 3 years was great timing because my first two were 2 years apart, and it seemed too soon while I went thru it. But of course, it helped them to be very close and have a perfect playful relationship. Go for it, and trust God. He know what he's doing!
M.

I think 2-3 years is ideal... so hop to it! :)

I have heard that it's better when one is out of diapers, and in preschool. So I would think when your little one turns 2 to 2 and a half. Having them really close together can be fun, but it is a lot of work. My older sister had her kids 8 years apart, and one really helped with the other. My older sister and are 10 years apart, with a brother in between us, and unfortunately, a baby girl that came two years after my older sister and passed away (5 days after birth)before I was born. My older sister and I are very close. I know plenty of siblings that are closer in age than us, but are not as close as we are. So good luck, go with your gut!

We have three years between our kids (we have three) and it's perfect for us because the toddler is almost out of diapers when the newborn arrives and then it seemed easier to potty train because the toddler didn't want to be associated with the 'baby diapers" (that's what we started to call them during potty training. Also, it's said that the sibling will take a step back on whatever they're working on (potty training, etc.) when a sibling arrives so this works out well, too, because we didn't start until after the baby arrived. Hope that helps!

I have 3 kids, the 1st two are 16 mo apart and the last two are almost exactly 2 yrs apart putting my 1st and 3rd 3 1/2 yrs apart. So on all of those age differences...my older 2 (16 mo apart) play great together. I love that they are so close in age because they always have a playmate. Some people think they are too close together but I think it is great. It wasn't all that hard having 2 "babies" in the house at the same time. As for the 2 yr difference. The older ones tend to get irritated at the little one when he tries to play with them, but again that could be because the older have been playing together so long. The 3 yr age difference meant my daughter really wanted to help when my last one was born. So did my 2 yr old though. Right now at 5 and 2 my oldest still helps out some with her brother, but gets agitated with a "baby" trying to get into her stuff. I think it is a personal choice and there is no perfect age separation for siblings. My brother and I are 20 mo apart and never played together and only have really become friends as adults. It is all in how you raise them, not how old they are.

Hi...I think 3 years would be good. I had my 2 14 months apart...partly due to my age...didn't want to be preggie after 35. Anyway, they are now 4 and 3, and they LOVE babies...baby toes, baby fingers,,etc. Also, when your son is a little older, he can "help" do things for the baby...Good luck!

I think 2-3 years is good. Our son is 21 months and we will start trying again this Dec-Jan. I have heard some moms say the older they get the jealousy starts in, too young then it's harder. So, going for that in between. All from the experience of one mom I just met with three boys 3 months 18 months and 3 1/2. She said the gap was easier between first two then the gap with middle and third. Hope that helps a little. Good luck and have fun trying!!!!

My children are 3 yrs and 3 months apart and it is really great for us. My daughter started pre-school p/t when I had my son so that gave me a little time with just him. They are now 7 and 10 and we have a good rhythm going. Good luck!

Hi A.,
This is not so much advice as my experience.
Have them close together. So the children have things in common and friends the same ages. Its nice to have children that play together. You dont want your eldest to turn into a babysiter(meaning) when they are 4 to 5 years apart the older child really just helps watch the little ones. Hey what works for some may not work for others. I have four kids. my eldest is 14 and youngest is 4 and the middle two are 10 and 11 and i feel sad for my 4 year old sometims because i feel like he is being raised alone. His sibilings play with him all the time but i can tell he is lonly sometimes. If I could go back i would of had another baby right away.

My children are 4 years apart. I heard at the time that I was terribly unwise to have them this far apart, that they would never be close; they could never play together, and so on. I haven’t seen much of that. When they were little it was much easier having them further apart than close together. Only one in diapers and bottles at a time. The elder, my son, was tickled pink with his little sister and didn’t suffer the terrible jealousness that comes from having a “new baby” in the house. The older child tends to be a big help with the baby. It was like having a third hand. The hardest part was when my son hit junior high and high school and thought he was too cool for his little sister. Now he’s in college and my daughter who is in high school is too cool for him! The biggest divide between them now and in the future is that they are not the same sex. However, they were always pretty sweet to each other and still are.

Everyone is different, but a 3 year age difference is perfect for us. Especially since both our kids are the same sex.

We have two girls - newly 7 and almost 4 - and couldn't be happier with their spacing. They are just far enough apart that they each got intense one on one baby time, but they're close enough in age that they can play together and enjoy the same things. They are already best friends and it fills my husband and me with such joy to watch our older daughter helping and guiding her little sister, and to watch out younger daughter idolize her sweet big sister. Like I said, 3 years apart was perfect for us, but everyone is different.

Best of luck to you and your precious little guy!

My kids are 3 1/2 years apart and I wish they would have been a little closer. I'm not sure wheather it's because their genders are different but they aren't as close as I wish they would be. My daughter is 13 and my son is 10. They practically ignore each other at school and don't share any of the same friends. If I could've waved a magic wand they would have been only 1 or 2 years apart.

We have 3 children and are each 2 years apart. Although we didn't plan it out this way, it has worked out to be a huge blessing. Our kids are the best of friends, closely knit together. It was sort of hard when they were young because of the diaper/bottle thing, but as the years progressed it has proved to be an amazing experience....watching them interact and grow individually as well as corporately. I would have loved to have more but after the 3rd just couldn't seem to get pregnant. I love being a mother........a prayer answered! What a privilege!

Best to you and your family!

My brother and I are three years apart. I wish we were closer in age.

Hi,
My kids are exactly 3 years apart and I think it is perfect (they are 1 and 4). The older one can help and understands better and can do some things on his own. They are close enough in age to play together. My sister-in-law's kids are only 2 years apart and the older one doesn't help and doesn't understand that the baby needs things too and is still in diapers and can't do as much on his own.
Let me know if you have any questions.
Good luck!

What is "perfect" for one couple may not be for another.

For us, our kids are 4 years apart... and the eldest is a girl. For us, this is perfect. Our girl, being a girl, was most helpful and understanding and like a mini-Mommy when her baby brother was born. The 2 kids love each other so much and are so close...it's like heaven.

I learned though, that you can't exactly 'plan' the age spacing out... unless you have no problem getting pregnant whenever you want. Our kids are spaced 4 years....but it wasn't planned. It was just how we were blessed. And it took time before I got pregnant again, albeit naturally.

Anywho... also, go according to "you." Meaning, personally, does it really matter to you/hubby how your kids are spaced? For me, it didn't really matter....but I "knew" I didn't want them spaced too closely....just for my own sanity sake. But how it turned out is how it turned out. And, I think for most people, how it turns out is just what they will love and appreciate. Ya know?

All the best, sorry if this didn't help much. But just some thoughts.
~Susan

My kids are almost exactly 3 1/2 yrs apart, and it's GREAT! My three year old son started preschool this fall which gives me time to grocery shop with just the baby and time to play with her a little bit before I pick him up. the age difference was enough time that he didn't regress back to wanting baby things when she arrived (a pacifier, a crib), although he did act like a baby sometimes (baby talking, sitting in the baby car seat, wanting to rock in the rocking chair) but this happened just before she was born. He certainly wouldn't have been ready for school before this fall which would have left me trying to tackle all the daily tasks with two small children and no break as he hasn't napped for two years, if I had had her earlier. He is able to entertain himself while I put her to sleep and understands that if he is quiet then I can get to him sooner. Because he is old enough to be very verbal and interested in talking we play word games while I nurse her (what rhymes with spoon? car? mat? OR Tell me about your day at school OR When I finish feeding sister what do you want to play?) and being able to entertain him just by talking to him is super helpful. Not to mention that he is fully potty trained (meaning he doesn't even need help in the bathroom from going potty to cleaning up to flushing and washing and drying hands). So I would highly recommend 3 1/2 yrs as a great age difference - even three years would have been more challenging, my son grew and matured SO much in that six months. So there's my take on it, I'm sure other have had different experiences, just konw that whatever the age difference you end up with, you'll all survive!! :)

My husband and I tried to have our children 2 years and 1 month apart. However, we didn't anticipate problems getting pregnant with our second child. Now it looks like they'll be 2 years and 10 months apart. Which is fine.

We wanted them at least 2 years apart in case we have another boy. I know of more than one set of brothers that are less than 2 years apart and constantly fight. Also, my siblings and I were born 2 years and 1 month apart. We had a rough patch in our teens, but for the most part are very close. My sister's first two kids are 3 years apart. They were best friends from the beginning. The oldest did regress with his potty training a bit, but finished his training after the baby was around for a while. My sister's second and third kids are 3 years 8 months apart. This was a big enough gap to where the middle child didn't regress at all.

So, I think that your kids should get along fine, since your little boy is already 20 months. You may want to be make sure that he is potty trained before you are too pregnant, though. Sometimes kids regress when it becomes really obvious that they aren't the baby anymore, which is usually when Mommy is really showing. Which reminds me, I really should start my son's potty training soon. Haha.

My best to you and your family!
M.

mine are 4 years apart and both girls. For a long time it was great and they played together great, but now the older one is a teen and doesn't want to do much with the younger one, so it's kind of sad. Also, the younger one is growing up way too quick because she wants to be like the older one. I think 3 years apart is probably good, and even 2 years apart, while it's a lot of work in the beginning, it's probably a good age difference when they are a little older. When they were younger, I loved that we had 4 years alone with our older one before the baby came along. Then, she was a great help when the baby did come along!

Hi A.-

I did 3 years apart and that worked great for our family. I think all the age differences have their advantages and disadvantages. Remember that just because you are trying for a certain number of years apart, it might not always turn out that way. We had a miscarriage between the two kids.

Good Luck!!