After Bedtime Eating

Hi Becky,

I have not gone through this. Fortunately both my girls are pretty good eaters. But I would say it is not that your son is so hungry, it's that he knows if he complains you will get him up and feed him. Anything to stay up a little longer! Maybe on the nights he doesn't eat, offer him a snack 10 minutes before bed. Tell him he can have (whatever you decide) now or nothing because he will NOT be getting out of bed to eat. Then if he chooses to eat nothing stand firm and don't get him up.

Not really sure if that will work, but I think that is what I would do.

One more thing, I find that putting kids back to bed the super nanny way works really well. The first time you say something like "you may not get out of bed for food, you had your opportunity to eat and you did not. Good night and I love you." Everytime after that you simply put them in bed without saying a word.

Good luck! S.

Hi Becky,
As part of being human, we put a lot of importance on food (how many of us have grand or great-grand parents who went hungry in wartime or during The Depression?) How many families are going hungry now because of the recession?

...and somehow, children pick up on this right away: it is the perfect way for them to tug at our heartstrings, and to get us running after them (which, really, is what every child craves from their parents)... but then we run the risk of *replacing* love with food.

I've personally used the "eat-at-designated-meal/snack-times ONLY" philosophy, and my boys are healthy and NOT starving.

It means ignoring requests for food during ALL non-meal/snack times (day and night), and providing a good variety, so your child can pick what they want/need at a particular time of the day (our boys tend to choose starches and grains at breakfast, proteins at lunch, and starches and veggies at dinner (and fruits at snacktimes), but that's not consistent every day.

Yup, your kid's going to fuss. That's how kids are, especially when *we* take our position as family leaders (not followers).

Good luck.
t

When our daughter did this, we started offering her something to eat (cereal) before bedtime. If she was hungry, she could eat, otherwise we were able to decide it was merely a delay tactic. After about 8 months of this cereal before bedtime, we told her no more cereal and told her to eat dinner. (now I realize we just gave her a different bad habit to replace the one we were trying to fix).

What I would suggest is that you offer exactly the same food that was given at dinner time and offer it 15 minutes before bedtime.
Good luck!

It's a battle of the wills and he's winning. I know it has to be annoying/sad when he won't let up, but he knows he can get what he wants if he goes on long enough. He's in control of the situation. I would be firm about no post-bedtime eating (maybe offer him his leftover dinner once again right before the bedtime routine). He will NOT starve. Just let him know you'll be feeding him a nice big meal in the morning if he keeps saying he's hungry. If he keeps going, shut his door so you don't have to hear it. Let him know that you're happy to keep his door open when he's quiet and staying in his room. It's his choice. If he chooses to go on and on, shut his door (have a nightlight or something so he's not scared). You can lovingly say, "I'm happy to keep the door open for kids who are quiet. Would you rather talk quietly or would you rather have your door shut? It's your choice, sweetie." Then follow through and be gentle, but firm and consistent.

This can be challenging. May I suggest that you feed him ONLY at meal time and regular snack times...and do NOT give him food after he is supposed to be in bed. SInce he is not starving, then missing a meal will not hurt him. He may cry a lot the first night, but after a couple of nights of this behavior, he will soon realize that if he wants to eat, he needs to eat during meal time. It's hard to hear a little one crying in the other room and you know he is hungry. Do not give in. When you say, "NO!", then mean it--and follow through with the discipline/reward/punishment/whatever... Stand your ground--otherwise, he'll figure out that he can manipulate you in other ways later...or he will continue to cry and complain or throw a temper tantrum 'til you give in. Once you give in, then it's harder to get back in control of the situation...
You can do it!

--L. W

A little about me: My husband and I have been married going on 14 years. We have 5 active children. I have learned somethings over the years and am willing to share my "wisdom?" with whoever is willing to listen... I love to sew and bake...I love my family very much.

we did a bedtime (or bednight) snack for a while.

We had this same issue - you don't give your son's age, but I'm sure they can start this at any age. What I did is I told them they had to stay in their bed and I would bring them crackers and only crackers and water. That was their only choice if they were hungry. Crackers aren't exciting and they weren't allowed to get out of bed, so eventually they just got older and stopped even asking. We still give them a bottle of water by their bed though. I know I wouldn't be able to sleep if I was hungry, so I'd rather give them something but not let them use it to get out of bed. Whatever you do, just be consistent.

You didn't say whether you give your son snacks throughout the day, but if you are, stop doing it so that he'll be hungry for dinner. Also, remind him at dinner that if he doesn't eat his dinner, he's not getting anything else until the morning. He may scream and fuss at bedtime, but just hold strong and tell him no. He won't starve and he needs to learn that you are in control and that he is not. Also, it's not a good habit to start for him that eating at bedtime is good. I do not believe in bedtime snacks and with all of the child obesity that is out there, that is not a good habit to start. Good luck.

We are currently dealing with a similar issue - we used to give our son a bedtime snack, but he was using that snack to make up for the dinner he wouldn't eat. So we have moved dinner to a little later of an hour (6p instead of 5p) and make sure that he knows that there will be no more food until breakfast - and then we have to stick to it. We don't want a picky eater, which is what he was becoming (because he knew he could make up for it later at snack time). Since we started this a few days ago, we've seen vast improvements. Good luck!

You're right, you can't force anyone to eat. How old is your son? I would think that he is probably old enough to know what he is doing. There are a lot of kids that would do most anything to stay up a little longer with their parents, and he has figured out how to do it - and he gets all your attention, too. You simply have to be firm. Even if he stays up all night complaining, it is a shorter amount of time than if he did it every night for a year. Make a rule - no food after 8 or 9 pm (you choose) and then be firm. Also, when he does eat at dinner (because he will eventually be hungry enough and realize that you won't change), pay attention to him - what he is interested in - not necessarily about him eating at the right time. Talk to him and enjoy the meal. He will get the attention he wants and it will be a positive experience.