Afraid to Have 3 Yr Old Seen by Devl. Ped for His Devl. Delays/Speech.

M., I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter.

It sounds like you're already taking steps to help Joshy with his challenges. That's good, you've made a start. It sounds like he may have sensory issues because of the pickiness with food. Here's one website that may give you ideas about how to deal with that, and there are many others you can find by googling Sensory Processing Disorder. These problems are pretty common among all kids, but much more likely to be present among children on the autism spectrum.

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-proces...

I'am sorry for what has happened to your family.Don't put this evaluation off keep the screening.I read that the early signs can be detected @ 4 months,this was in a magazine when pregnant with my 3rd child.So I think 3 yrs is early to but the sooner the better his life is depending on the his parents I would do everything I possibly could if it were my child.

Oh, M. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter...how terribly sad to lose her at such a young age. As far as evaluations for your son, please do not put it off. Autism can be diagnosed at one year old...3 years old is definitely not too young. The earlier you start an intensive (40 hours/week) ABA program the better his future will be, and he won't qualify for those services unless he has an autism spectrum diagnosis. My son was diagnosed as "severely autistic" at 15 months and the diagnosis was confirmed with a second opinion at age 2. We did speech therapy, OT, and early intervention play therapy, with very little improvement, for a year. At 2 1/2 we started a 40-hour per week ABA program, and his progress has been amazing ever since. On the autism rating scales, he is now in the "mildly autistic" category, and only one "rating point" away from being in the "non-autistic" category (he is now 8 years old). Don't get me wrong, he is not "cured" or "recovered", and his language and social skills are still around a 4 year old level. He will always have autism, and the challenges that come with it. But the child he is today is happy, funny, sweet, social, talkative, popular with his peers, and not at all where we thought he would be when we received that "severe autism" diagnosis. People comment to me quite often that he may just be the happiest child they have ever seen, and I have to agree with them, 99% of the time he is just an absolute sweetheart and a delight! Not all children do this well, but some do, with very intensive therapy. Please don't let fear of an "autism" diagnosis scare you. It really can be a blessing to get, because (good or bad), there are many more services for autistic children than for "speech delayed" or "developmentally delayed" children. Your son is still the same sweet child that you know and love, regardless of what label he has or what his disability is called. Best wished to you and please email me if you would like to talk further. I would be happy to help you out in any way I can (as a mom who has walked a similar path that you are on).

My chiropractor helped our 3 year old that up to the age of 3 was developing normally then suddenly showed symptoms of autism. The symptoms just came on and it was a very emotional experience and I felt helpless. We take him to Dr. Monica Mills in Midvale. She does cranial techniques and nutrition for his immune and GI system and Brain Gym. She is really compassionate and patient. There's been alot of improvement especially with his night time aggression and lashing out.

All I can say is "the earlier, the better". Please know that even if he is on the spectrum, he can be helped. Educate yourself and make the appointment.

My grandson is now 6 and in a special education class. He was also evaluated and is being treated thru the school district because of a speech delay. The district has not asked to do an autism evaluation. They've said that it does not benefit the child to place a label on him this early. They do use curriculum developed for autism as well as the specific delays with which each child has been diagnosed.

I've done quite a bit of research and believe that my grandson is somewhere on the autistic spectrum. I've become comfortable with that idea as I see him develop. He has many strengths as well as handicaps.

A couple of weeks ago I saw a film about a Son Rise program in which they suggest that children can be taught to engage with the world in a "normal" way. The speaker had been diagnosed as autistic as a preschooler. I know that the idea of a "cure" is not generally accepted and I'm not looking for a cure. I did find the film encouraging in that many of the techniques that they use at their center are similar to ones that we are using with my grandson.

I also saw a couple of reality programs on TV that were not about autism that showed men who were autistic and who led normal lives with wives and children. Their personalities seemed to be more intellectual than emotional. I've known lots of people who seemed similar to the ones on TV with an autistic diagnosis. All of them, the ones on TV and the ones I've known, had successful lives with families or had chosen to remain single and still seemed happy.

My general philosophy of life is that everything happens for a reason and for me that reason is to help me grow and become more mature in a healthy way. I believe that my grandson is and will be the person that he is intended to be. It is my role to help him as much as I'm able. Others will also help him in ways that they are able.

I also believe that all of us have choices about who we become. It is not true that we can be whoever we want to be. We are limited by our genetics, environment, and experiences. When we recognize our limitations as well as our strengths we can focus our effort toward becoming a successful and happy person.

I've seen my grandson grow from a defiant, angry preschooler to an energetic and still difficult to manage first grader. He was in a therapeutic preschool because of his anger and acting out and he's now doing well in a regular special ed class. He doesn't seem to need friends tho he is friendly. He has an active imaginary life with imaginary friends with whom he doesn't have to speak clearly. He does work on having better speech and is patient with us who don't understand what he's saying some of the time. He gets a break from the difficulty of working on being like other kids by having his imaginary friends. I worried about this at first but no one else seemed to be concerned and I came to see this as beneficial for him.

I would discuss with the school officials why want to do an official assessment. I would ask how having a diagnosis would change the way that they are treating him; how it would not only help them but how it would help your son and you. If you do not think that an assessment would be beneficial I would not give them authorization.

I empathize with your loss of your baby. This certainly does add stress to your life. In your situation I would ask how I could best manage my life with my son in the situation in which I'm living. For me knowing that my son is most likely autistic and how I can help him would reduce my stress. But if knowing does not provide a better focus and help me to feel more confident in how I could help, I'd not seek an answer. I spent months wanting to know. My daughter doesn't think it's important to have a diagnosis. She wants to deal with specific behaviors as they appear. I've come to agree with her view.

I was only able to relax and accept not knowing after I accepted that autism was a strong possibility. Until then I was anxious.

Consider the possibility that not knowing increases your stress because you don't want to believe that your son is autistic. Perhaps your stress will decrease if you were able to accept the possibility. You do not need a test to do this. The school district may need a test to provide better services.
Apparently our school district has a different philosophy and perhaps focus. They're able and choose to work without an official evaluation. Perhaps your district can't do that.

Focus on finding our information and use that information to make a decision. Perhaps working with a counselor or therapist would help you to deal with the grief that a child's death creates and then the grief that having an autistic child creates. You are already grieving the possibility of autism. Allow yourself to grieve in whatever way works for you.

Also keep in mind that Joshy is also grieving his sister's death. That will influence his behavior. I recommend grief counseling for all of you.

Please don't wait - if he does have an autism spectrum disorder, the most successful interventions happen early. You sound like you're already very committed to helping your child. Getting advice/help from someone who specializes in spectrum disorders will help you to better help him.

I'm so sorry for everything that you are going through. My son was diagnosed when he was 4 1/2 with Aspergers. He is now about to turn 8 and even now I regret that I was not able to see the signs and have him evaluated sooner. I know it's hard, but once you have the diagnosis, you can start to educate yourself and then help your son. It makes things so much easier to deal with when you know what to expect and where to get help.

The sooner you get the screening done the sooner you can get your son the appropriate help.

Best of luck to you and your family,
K.

Oh honey, I am so sorry for your loss.

For your son, research has shown that children with Autism and Aspergers that are diagnosed early enough have an easier time learning new coping skills. There is a small window of learning opportunity for this.

I strongly encourage you to go ahead and get the evaluation done sooner rather than later. If they say that he does NOT have Autism, wonderful! If they determine that he does have it, then that opens a whole new world of learning, understanding, and support. Delaying the evaluation won't change the outcome, just the opportunities.

Hugs.
M.