Afraid 12 Year Old

Spoke with my husband. He says maybe your son has made a mistake that he feels will disappoint all of you. Or maybe a lie (probably a lot bigger to him than it will be to all of you) and he is so overwhelmed trying to hide this, he cannot keep hiding it. Give him a safe place and time to just be totally honest.

My mom once told me, "I will always love you and I will ALWAYS be on your side. Even if you do the worst thing ever, I will be on your side. That does not mean I may not be disappointed or hurt, but nothing you could ever do would make me stop loving you.. "

This empowered me so much and has helped me though all sorts of situations in my life. This is what I also feel as a mom. Unconditional love. Maybe this is what is happening with your stepson.

Hmm, .. he is between boyhood and a young man. Lots of hormonal things can be going on and he does not even realize it.

Aso he is in a different position, going back and forth from homes, is very emotional. I am a child of divorce and you cannot believe the emotions one has back and forth, and being a teen needing and wanting things, but not always able to figure out what.. Also having to hold in certain emotions for true feelings because if he is a pleaser, he does not want to hurt anyones feelings.

Get him alone over a milkshake away from the house. Ask him what is going on. What is he looking forward to this summer. Is he still enjoying school? Is there a class or something he may want o go to this summer. Ask him what his friends are up to.. At some point ask him what the deal is at night.

Let him know it is ok to be truthful, you will not laugh or be mad, but you are concerned, because he seems so frightened and no one should have to feel so afraid.

Is it school?
Grades?
Friends?
Bullies?
Something happening with his body?
Did something happen that freaked him out?
Is he needing help with something?
Is he concerned about something?

Just let him know, there will not be any judgement, no hard feelings. He is safe.

If he cannot open up, ask him if he would like to speak with his doctor or with a counselor (remember school counselors are academic counselors) so you need to find someone that specializes in teens.. Just in case.

Hope you all can figure this out. I am so sorry is so distressed,.

Did he watch a scary movie or have a scary dream? Maybe somebody told him the boogie mans going to get him or something dumb.

You guys need to talk to your stepson and peel away a few layers and find out why he's acting like this. Use your best psychology skills. I find that being outside on a clear night in a position where you all can stare into the starry sky and not have to look each other in the eye while talking is a really great way to get them comfortable enough to bring up issues that they normally wouldnt discuss while sitting around the dinner table.

Has there been something new?
Is his dad overly aggressive?
Has he been abused that you know of? Could he be?
What about the kids at school? Bullies?

At 12 I am assuming he is in middle school. This is a really hard age. Are they picking classes for next year and did he not get what he wanted? Did a girl dump him?
Do some fun things to let him relax.
Go out for ice cream, a movie, bowling, paint ball.
Do some step dad and son things, no little boys, they can stay with mom.

It sounds like it would be beneficial for him to start seeing a counselor, he can easily start by seeing the one at school.

Hi, W.:

I suggest that you all, both families and your son, have a circle dialogue.
call or write the Philadelphia Good Shepherd's mediation center to see if
someone is near by your town to help you run one.

____@____.com

or

###-###-####

Everyone needs to be informed of the challenges that your son is going through.

Good luck.
D.