Advise on Sleeping Through the Night

i can relate!!! my son was over 3 before he slept thru the night and...get this...he was already in bed with me!!! they eventually start sleeping thru the night..i promise! in the meantime, the BEST advice i got was...enjoy it! not too long from now, you won't even get a chance to see them, they'll be so busy! it may be hard now and you may not have enough sleep, but you'll be happier if you just enjoy seeing their sweet little faces a few more times : )
good luck...and nap when you can! hehehe

J.,

My son is 2.5 and has NEVER truly slept through the night...I think it's a myth or a legend. If he does sleep through the WHOLE night its a rare case. He wakes up for water or just to make sure I'm still there.

Here's what I suggest you do...and this is sort of a mix of a bunch of advice I've read and gotten and given to friends. I co-sleep with my son, which for us means he falls asleep in my bed or his bed and eventually makes it my bed by the end of the night. But, it's just me and it works for us...it's not for everyone.

What I've seen work is putting a little bed/cot/mattress on the floor in the parents bedroom and make that the 'special' sleep spot in my Mommy and Daddy's room. If they wake up and need to know Mommy and Daddy are close by then, they can use that space but not the actually parents bed. After a couple of weeks, they get over the thought and stay in their own beds.

As for your daughter, I'm wondering if she's developed any fears? Like night terrors, nightmares, fear of the dark or shadows. My son developed these at around 20 months...well, it was night terrors and then the shadows/dark. We had a nightlight party and had him pick out and put all the lights were he needed them and purchased flashlights to keep by ALL the beds. Now, if he's scared and needs to get to me or somewhere in the house he uses his flashlight to get there. But, he is very confident now in the dark so it fluxes over time.

A consistent routine, it really important for toddlers. Keep up the pre-bedtime routine and make it something that they can basically predict. My son knows when it's bedtime he turns off the TV puts away his toys and when go upstairs he goes straight for the bathroom to brush his teeth.

But, it's got to carry through with how you keep them at ease at night. When my son started having consistent wakings it was usually because he was entering a new phase/stage in his development and needed new guidance back to his regular routine.

Be patient and consistent. If you want your little girl to sleep in her bed, explain what has to happen. But, you have to be consistent with both kids. Tell them both that Mommy and Daddy are there for them if they are needed, and that sleep is important. Talking to kids is vital to thier development and understanding of how the world works and what to expect...change is not something toddlers roll with very well. So, it's our job to make sure they learn how to deal with it in productive and healthy ways.

Good Luck with your little ones!

My daughter did not sleep through the night until about 2.5 years old or more.
My son, is 28-29 months old, and he still sometimes wakes 1 time a night.
Each child is different. Totally.

Your son is now 3 years old, so you can't compare him to when he was younger.

EACH AGE stage, brings a change to the child. Each child being different. Sleep is not static... it changes ALL the time in a child, in a in a pre-teen, in a teen, in a college student, in an adult, in an elderly person.

At 3 years old and older, they begin to have different "needs"...and OFTEN they have night-time "fears." Different than when they were younger. And yes, they like to crawl into bed with the parents. Normal.

THen for your daughter who is 22 months old...well, she is approaching 2 years old....and they have TONS of changes at this time and throughout 2 years old. This is also when they get "night mares" and such and different manifestations of separation anxiety and what not. This is typically a "hard" age to get them to sleep or nap, anyway. But bear through it over the year... because it will fluctuate. It's developmental. It ebbs and flows.

For me & Hubby, we just kept to a consistent, regular, unwavering sleep/nap routine. EVERYDAY. EVERY NIGHT. And, though our kids had different challenges at bedtime, we never used heavy handed methods or punished. Our attitude was... this is normal kid stuff.. and we just waded our way through it. Sure, we had "rules" and routines... but we flexed a lot too. A kid is just a kid.

For my daughter, often times, she just liked to sleep on the floor for example. SO, we didn't MAKE her sleep IN HER BED like a statue. She could sleep where she wanted to... as long as she slept. So there were times like that too.
And we knew that when they were ready or able to...that they would sleep through the night. But yes, offering them consistency and a routine... this is what I find "helps" this child the most.

The main thing for us, was that they slept. Or sleep.
And, I also co-sleep with my kids, in variations, since they were born. For us, it's okay and not a big deal.

So, just find your groove, and the kids. There is no ONE method of making a child sleep all night. But a lot of it is developmental too... so these can cause a hiccup in their usual "ability" to sleep.

To me, there is no ONE thing that will make ALL KIDS AROUND THE WORLD sleep ALL night, EVERY night. Every night is different...and a different vibe.

And if everything for your kids are the same, meaning no major upsets or illness or stress... then it's probably just the usual quirks in kids.

All the best,
Susan

J.,

Ahhhh! I don't like to read posts where parents tell you that being tired or going without sleep or neglecting your own needs is part of the deal! It is absolutely not part of the deal. You should be able to settle into a routine with your children that allows everyone a restful night. Your children NEED you to be rested and alert to care for them.

My hubby and I have just started "ferberizing" our baby boy. I have heard this is successful - we will see. Anyway, if this is something that is of concern to you, you need to tell your pediatrician to make sure there is not a medical reason for it. And don't settle for "this is just how it is". It's not. No parent I know just decided to allow their children to run their lives, and all of their children have healthy sleep habits.

There are SO many reasons children don't sleep through the night, i.e. growth spurts, inappropriate sleep associations, anxiety, things happening at school, the environment at home, bedtime rituals (or lack of), etc. Even if you do not decide to use the Ferber method, get his book and see what he says is a healthy sleep situation. He has suggestions other than the Progressive Waiting Method that will help. Once you get to the route of the problem, you can easily fix it and start getting the rest you deserve!

Best of luck!

Hi J. - i just posted a similar sleep concern, but my little one is only 3 months old,so the advice won't help you. My oldest is 3 1/2 - she sleeps through the night, but is good about calling for us to get out of bed (we made that rule early on)... and we close her door before we go to bed at night, open it when we wake up)... but i did download a great e-book from the www.sleeplady.com website, only 9.95 and gives great advice for children newborn up to 5 years... might be helpful for you and worth the $.

It makes me tired just thinking about having two kids waking at night. I did 2 years with each of my daughters where sleep patterns were erratic and I was exhausted.

Eileen O'Sullivan is a sleep consultant who works with families with kids of all ages. She's warm, knowledgeable and excellent at what she does. I know she could help you. It would probably take just a few sessions.

Her number is ###-###-####.

Best of luck.
D.

hi J. my name is J. and i had the same problem what i found that worked for my 14 month old son is putting him to bed later my kids use to go to bed at 7:30pm and i keep my son up until 8:30-9pm depending on what kind of day he has had. my daughter never slept through the night from the time she was in my belly she use to wake up at 3am every morning up until probley last year, but she now sleeps and my son sleeps in alittle later!! as far as your son getting into bed with you there are 2 ways to do this the easy way or the hard way. you can make a star chart and at the end of the week if he has stars for sleeping in his own bed all week get him alittle suprise!! that works or you can be hard and just put him back in his own bed (without talking to him) when he creeps in yours! i had to do that with my daughter. you have to do it repeatedly and stick to it, it wont get better overnight it will be hard for you both but i works too. i hope my advice was helpful and good luck!

Pick up a copy of "The Sleepeasy Solution." It gives a common-sense and very specific plan for teaching your children to soothe themselves to sleep. It also provides information regarding children's sleep needs at each age and a very basic explanation of the biological reasons we need to sleep and why sleep is disrupted. If you are interested in a more in-depth, scientific explanation, I would suggest "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child."

All kids are different, my son slept through the night at 4weeks. Perhaps they need to cry a bit to stop this pattern.

Hi J.,

Both my kids sleep through the night. My daughter is 5 and she has since she was 6 months. My son is 21 months and he has since 8 months. I just wanted to let you know it is possible! :) The thing that worked for me is letting them cry it out when they're younger. Don't go in. I believe they know you'll come when they cry so they continue to do it. With your 3 year old, continue to bring him back to bed (if you don't want to co sleep. We didn't). Don't talk much to him when you do, just bring him back. Have a reward chart for him when he stays in bed all night without crying for you or getting up.

It will be work for 3-4 nights but well worth it to get a full night of sleep for everyone, not just you but your kids as well. Be mentally prepared for a long night the first night. At 8 months when I was getting no sleep, I did the cry it out method and had to close both doors so I didn't hear him cry anymore after 1 hour. The next night it was 30 minutes and then not at all! I'm very thankful I did it!

Good luck!

All three of my children/babies went through erratic sleep patterns. My husband and I didn't beleive in letting them cry it out as some peolpe do. It just wasn't somthing we thought was fair or kind. Anyway, we did have sleepless nights and eventually they all stated sleeping well. However, even at 10 years old, my oldest will occasionally wake from a bad dream and climb into bed with us until he's feeling secure, and then we put him back into his bed. Our 5 year old daughter wakes sometimes as well. And our middle son rarely wakes. All children need the security from their parents, so I say go with it, be their for them when they need you, and before you know it your precious-ones will be sleeping better.

Having children and tending to their needs isn't always the most convenient for parents, but it is our obligation to be there for them. And being tired is a part of the deal!

We have never regreted being there to comfort our children during the night when they needed it. They are all well adjusted, kind and happy children!

And remember they will grow up before your eyes and you will miss these times of closeness. Enjoy and consider the time, even during the night as special.

I understand how it feels to be a tired mommy, but this will pass!

I had to put a blanket down beside my bed and tell my son he can not get in our bed. For a few nights he came in and slept on the blanket, but he soon realized his bed was more comfortable.