Advise Needed for 16Yr Old Son.

You might consider sending him to a private or specialized school. You have to look harder for them at the high school level, and depending on where you live, it may not be an option. But there are some schools that teach more hands-on subjects that could interest him more. Some people just learn differently which is why Sylvan is helpful. They usually are more expensive, but a lot of them have scholarships. If he seriously wants to go to college, now is the time to learn how to overcome the lack of motivation.

I agree with the other mom who suggested he may be depressed. You might discuss with your doctor about some medication just to see if it could cause an improvement. Another suggestion I have is getting him involved in a church youth group. When my daughter was 14, she started attending one and is a changed girl because of it. The positive influence of adults and other kids her age have turned her into a wonderful 17 yr old who is now getting A's in school. Just yesterday we got a letter in the mail letting us know that her name would be on the National Honor Roll this year. Through this youth group, she has met a wonderful christian boy who is a couple of years older than she is. He has started college classes to become a Youth Pastor. My daughter is all ready contemplating college courses to become a teacher and youth counselor. I know that a christian foundation isn't what alot of people consider, but although it doesn't sound like your son is a troubled teen, you would be surprised what a turn around can be made when our kids get involved with other teens who have their focus on positive things rather than the negative things our teens are up against today. And best of all, it doesn't cost a dime. R.

Could he be depressed? Or has he ever been tested for a learning disabiltiy? From what you wrote, he sounds like a pretty good kid which makes me think that something else could be going on. Lack of motivation and the fact that he doesn't retain what he reads and does poorly on tests(lack of concentration?) can be symptoms of depression. People don't need a reason to become depressed; even people who have great lives and parents can become depressed because it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Also, when I was in high school, I did very poorly(especially on tests) and found out as an adult that I have learning problems. Does he have a counselor or school psychologist at school that you could talk to? Or maybe you could even talk to his doctor and see what he thinks. You seem like you are doing a good job at showing your love and support and even if you don't think that he appreciates it, at some level he does. He just might not realize it until he's older or when he has kids of his own(I think that's typical of most teenagers!)I hope you can find something that works for him soon. Take care! -Mel :)

Does he like to socialize? If he is interested in getting out and doing things (anything but isolation) then I don't think it's depression. However, if he acts tired all the time, feels life is too hard, doesn't like to discuss the future, etc. then it may be possible. Have you talked to him about how hard it is once you get into college, if he doesn't like his classes now, he may not like his major. My first thought is to tap into what he loves. What interests him? That's usually how I got my students to focus in and motivate them to learn--by using their interests. Have you asked him why homework/class seems difficult to him? What a tough situation! I wouldn't drive 40 min. to Sylvan, check with the school first. Usually they have a list of teachers who are willing to tutor on the side. Have you tried talking with the school counselor? She/He may be able to give you some ideas to help.

If he hates his accounting class and doesn't do the work, then there's no way he's going to be able to make it through college majoring in business- it'll just be a lot more of the same. He may want to rethink what he wants to go to college for.

As far as being supportive enough in the pro basketball area, just let him know that he needs an education to fall back on in case something should happen. Even if he makes it to the NBA (which I think 1% of college ballplayers do?), he could get seriously injured and not be able to play after even just one season. Also, he'd only get maybe 10 good playing years, and savings doesn't last forever. Yes, having a dream and going for it is awesome, but you need a back-up plan in case it doesn't work out.

It's sounds like you are doing a lot of the right things. My children and I are involved with special olympics. I have one child who is an athlete and myself and other children are volunteers and unified partners. My child who is the athlete struggles with alot of things. My others pretty much stay on track with what needs to happen. The one thing that I have noticed from my daughter, is that since we have been involved with special olympics her grades have came up, she has become more confident, more outgoing and seems to care about what actually happens to herself and others. Special Olympics cost nothing for anyone, they do have fund raiser from time to time that they ask everyone to help with. There are sports and activities going on all year, swimming, basketball, flag football, volleyball, track and field, golf, weightlifting and bowling just to mention a few things that come to my mind. It is just a thought but sometimes getting outside of our own little world and putting others first can make us see things a little bit better. To follow is the link if you would like to check it out: http://www.specialolympicsindiana.org/

Hi J.!Sounds like you are loving parents beating your head against the wall. This could be the results of a disorder. Infact, as I read your request, my heart goes out to you. But NO ONE, I repeat,NO ONE can solve aproblem unless they know what the problem is. It's definitely not normal behavior. If your stepson's grades depress him, that should tell you he cares about those grades but just can't cut it for what ever reason. And that"whatever reason" should be analyized by a psychologists. Something is causing this low motivation. And it very well could be something physically wrong. Please consider consulting a doctor and help your son.

Many children who perform poorly in academics, have learning difficulty or ADHD have low cognitive skills. I know you said that you had him tested at Sylvan, but check out LearningRx. I have been a trainer there for a while now, and have a background in teaching. I am amazed at how the students who have gone through these programs raise the grades and desire to do things. LearningRx focuses on getting to the core of the problem. It is not like sylvan, they do not teach subjects...but academic skills. Training students to remember things quicker and easier, to visualize better, to read and comprehend things. I have seen many ages of students come through this center, and your son would not be out of place. Check out their website to get some more information, but I would highly recommend it!

I have a 16 yr old myself, and she has ADD .... even when taking her medication, she just didnt try to do good work. Now that she is eligible for her Driving Permit and License, I told her she had to wait until she brought home a good report card before I would let her take the driving test. She has been a little on the lazy side all her life, just laid back and whatever happens, happens is her motto.... But the Driving privlidges turned her grades around. She went from D's and F's to A's and B's in one semester at school. Maybe a reward of some kind will motivate him ????? Just a thought, it worked for my daughter. She also has the stipulation that if her grades fall down to where they were before, I pull the permit! Hope this helps.

I have a son who isn't motivated and he is only 11 but he's been like that for along time. So, we had him tested at school for learning problems he has ADD and dsylexia which makes it hard for him to read and stay focus. We did go to Sylvan and it was 60 miles round trip for us 2X a week and it cost us$3,000. but I would pay that much again to help him. Maybe you could try rewarding him for doing his work with something he likes. Sometimes taking things away help but sometimes it just makes them worst. I know we have tried everything even couseling which seem to help but it's also expense.I do know nagging doesn't help the best thing that has helped us is always showing that you are there for them which I think you are doing. Also see if the school can help you . We are having our best year of school this year he's got A's,B's C's on his report card and I know what it feels like to have to always have to be on top of school work it's tiring. So , hang in there with him and hopefully he will see will see what he need's to do. Also you may take him to a college and let him see what it's like to to get though college our one daughter was in the Honor Society and never had had a card below B and when she got into college she said it was really hard and she got her first D which was really hard on her. So maybe he might talk to someone who been to college and they can tell him how much you have to study and that it's not easy unless you study.

J.
Holy cow I think we have the same kid!! I have four kids, my oldest is a 16 year old boy. He is a great kid, but would love to sit and play video games and watch TV all day every day. He doesn't get real excited about much. He doesn't go out with friends....he just hangs out at home. He has a difficult time in school...mostly because he doesn't want to do the work. I have implemented the rule....no electronics on school days (that includes everything xbox, wii, computer)...computer only for school purposes. And the rule applies to all kids in the family.
It's been extremely frustrating for my husband and I. We have tried everything from being nice and supportive, to getting him extra help, to taking away privilege's, to "we'll buy you anything" to get you motivated. As a sophamore in high school, he now only participates in golf....in the past 3 years he has dropped out of basketball, football, and baseball. He pretty much let one thing go a year....until now he's down to golf. Sometimes I just talk to him about participating in life...which he doesn't seem to be doing. It really saddens me, and I feel helpless.
Some people I've talked to have said....oh, hang in there, everyone matures at a different age....or....maybe he's depressed....or....oh, he's just a boy...and the guidance counselor at school offered that some people are just comfortable being by themselves...Hmmm...not so sure about that. Which in my opinion, none of these seem to help. I guess I don't really have any advice other than...I seem to be in the same boat with no paddles... If something seems to suddenly work for you, let me know....or if you find something that enlightens you please share.
Good luck,
M.

hi, i feel for you, my youngest daughter is 18 yrs old and is a senior and she has struggled all her school years, as i was reading this, i sat back in my chair thinking this sounds just like J., my daughter. before we moved here to wv our last school had this program for kids who struggle with tests so i found the same program at huntington high school i would call the guidence office and ask for the program, it has done wonders for jenn and has given her self esteem also. as far as vocab tests, we use flash cards, the word on one side and the definition on the other and it is wonderful how she can remember them, you are doing everything right and stick with the teachers too, they really help us too, i have weekly contact thru email with my daughters teachers there were many days i wanted to rip my hair out but i stood by her and now she will graduate in the spring. hang in there and keep doing what you are doing, as far as the tv and games, once during the week wouldn't hurt, i took the computer away and her cell phone and she only resented me for that and it made my life miserable so i gave in and gave those things back and she has changed, she knows that they can be taken away at any time so she keeps the grades up and does all her homework......i hope i have helped you in some way, let me know how you are doing with this.....good luck....D.