Advice Regarding Newborn Infant and How Long They Should Sleep in Bedroom

There was a lot of debate in our house about that too:) I think our daughter slept in our room for about 3 nights- and then she was in her own room. Now, we live in a fairly small home, so we can easily her our daughter...and we use monitors too. I felt that a baby needs to get used to sleeping on his/her own at an early age. I felt that if our daughter slept with us, she would get used to the sounds that we makes (shifting, snoring, etc.) and it would be difficult for her to adapt to a room with new and/or no night sounds. I also felt it was important that our bedroom stayed our bedroom- there is very little time and space for sponses/partners once the baby arrives- I wanted a spot that was ours. Samantha, our daughter, is now a little over a year. She sleeps through the night in her room (I'm crossing my fingers) and my husband and I have our "safe" space, our room. I wouldn't change our decision. H. this helps.

Hi there. It is wonderful when you are given advice and it works. Just remember that not all advice works for every family. What works for one person, even good advice, might not work for another person.

You and your husband are a team and you should both work together to figure out what you want for your baby. Yes - "want" is the key word there. You are not going to ruin your child for life if a "sleep pattern" isn't developed. Many children don't develop "patterns" even when parents stick to a method. Remember that baby knows how to sleep ~ they are born knowing how to sleep. It is not imperative that baby sleep through the night for a long time - years, even. And, even then, 5-year-olds can still wake up in the middle of the night. Its part of being a parent, really, to tend to your baby/child when they need you, even if it is in the middle of the night.

So, listen to the advice if you really feel you need to, but know that your baby will be JUST FINE if they sleep in your room for 3 months or 5 years. Just fine.

Do what is right for your family!! Good luck!

A.
____@____.com
www.Dreambirths.com

Yes, I feel it is necessary for your daughter to be in her own room to develop her own sleeping patterns, AND to let YOU guys get some rest! I'm sure her every coo wakes you... My son was in his own crib in his room by 2 months. He now LOVES his crib (he is one year) and since 2 months of age, he has been going to sleep on his own and sleeping through the night. I definitely recommend getting her into her own room before 6 months. I'm sure you guys tip-toe around your room when your daughter is in there..careful not to make any noise.. heck w/ that! you guys need your life too! hope it helps

J.,

I have to say that I totally agree with you. By 3 - 4 months you and your daughter will be ready to move into her crib in her own room. First, she probably will be outgrowing her bassinet right around the 3 - 4 month mark (maybe earlier!) In my experience, by the time 3 - 4 months rolled around I was ready to move all my babies out of our room. Besides the fact that my husband and I just spent the last few months developing our own system of sign language in the bedroom because we were so afraid of talking and waking them up, the baby also needs that space. Right around that time my son, who was a great sleeper, started waking up every 30 mins - hour wanting me to feed. AHHHHH... this got very frustrating. I remember the ped. telling me to get him out of our room into his own bed. He was waking up and smelling me and only wanted to be with me. We moved him and he went back to sleeping much better! You will also find that even though you will be so exhausted at first, when you do get used to it those few minutes alone with your fiance before bed may be the only time you have to share together. For me it just worked out better for all involved. The baby got a better night sleep and so did I because I wasn't waking up to every little stir they made when they were sleeping right next to me.

I hate to say this but its easy for your fiance to say this right now. Your baby isn't here yet and this is a whole new experience for you. Now you may have the baby and decide that yes, you want her in your room for all that time and that is fine too. It's really a personal choice. I'm sure you will get lots of moms on here saying that keeping them close or cosleeping is the BEST. It's just a personal choice and you will have to see what works best for you!

Hope this helps a little!

A.

P.S. I'm also due July 4th with G/B twins but this will be #3 & #4 for me!

I wouldn't let it cause an argument between you at this point. I think your fiance may come around on his own once he experiences the realities of a newborn baby sleeping in the bedroom with you.

I kept my kids in our bedroom in a bassinet until they slept through the night...for my older son, that was around 5 months, but for my younger son, it was around 3 months. This was only because our bedroom is upstairs and the kids' bedrooms are downstairs, so I didn't want to be getting up a bunch during the night and be up and down the stairs half asleep. I have friends who kept their kids in the room longer because they were breast feeding and the logistical issues with that just make it easier to have the baby in the room or in the bed with you.

Also, I think it was kind of good when they went in their own room. It's nice to have a room that's 'ours'. Sometimes though, my older son, who's 3, will wake up in the middle of the night. He will just grab a pillow and blanket and settle in on the floor next to the bed. We don't even know he's there until we wake up in the morning! I don't really love that he does this, but he does sleep later when he does that, so that's kind of nice...:).

My husband used to always say, around when our older son was about 2 or so, "Aww, wouldn't it be cute if he slept in the bed with us and we all snuggled?" I was always very opposed. One night I finally gave in. That's all it took, was one night of a kicking, turning, hot, wiggly, pillow and blanket stealing kid in bed with us and a night of no sleep for either of us. The next morning, the first thing my husband said when we got up was "You were right."

Here's a secret: There's a lot of things you will 'decide' before the baby is born. Few of them will work out as you planned. Every family is different, and everyone does what works best for their own situation.

I put my daughter in her room the first day I brought her home. The first night I was up and down with her for 24hrs. After that she slept through the night and is still sleeping through the night and she is 3.5 years old. The first day she was also in her crib. I was determined that I was not going to let her sleep with us or in our room, or give her a pacifier. I suggest you make it easy on yourself. My girlfriend let her son sleep in the bed with her and her husband and she is getting up still 3-4 times a night and her son is almost two.

Hi - I'm probably the last person you'd want advice from on this subject. I'm usually pretty even-keeled on most topics but for this one, I lean heavily toward co-sleeping. My first two each spent a year in our bedroom. At a year they each moved into their own room into the crib and adjusted beautifully. The third is 8 months old now and is still in our room - and to boot, she is in our bed! I was pretty good about putting the first in the co-sleeper to sleep at night but I think he ended up in the big bed 40% of the time. The middle child preferred to sleep on her own in the co-sleeper. The third sleeps only about 30 minutes on her own if not touching me. The co-sleeping has been a life-saver in terms of me getting up at night. I never have to get out of bed with them within arms reach and I think this helped each realize that once bedtime hits, we don't get out of bed until the sun comes up! I have never done the night-time playing/walking/rocking/singing stuff and I think it's because they learned this early on.

Don't fret about this too much before the little one is born. So many people go into parenthood with such expectations and the truth is that you'll figure out what works best for you each day at a time. A lot will depend on your own comfort level and much will depend on the temperment of your baby. She may want to be on her own or you may find that the only way you get any sleep is to let her be near you. This is certainly not something worth locking horns with your fiance on ~ things will work themselves out once she's born and you'll both see things in such a different light.

Regardless of what you end up doing, just enjoy these last few months of actually sleeping through the night (if you are still able to do that!)

Best wishes to you all!!

B.

Our son slept in our room till he was about 2-3 months old. Then he slept in a bedroom next to ours (we lived in a small apartment). He did perfectly fine and learned how to fall asleep without our help. He's one now and all I have to do is put him in bed with a blankie and he falls to sleep on his own.

J.-

My own personal preference is that a child can sleep in their own room as early as the parent is ready. I nursed my 16 month old son and the rocker was in his room so I just put him down in his crib. It seemed like he slept longer when he was in his crib as opposed to the bassinett. I have also heard that when they are able to roll over then they should be moved to the crib.

This is something I think each person should decide. However, my daughter started sleeping in her own crib and room at 6 weeks. I found that when she was in our room, her little noises and her moving around kept me awake which allowed me no sleep. It ended up being better for both us and our baby to be in our own rooms, with no distraction and good sound sleep.
She soon started sleeping 6 hrs at a time, and I honestly believe its because she got used to her bed and being in her own room without any noises from us and it gave my husband and I good sleep.
I put a night light and a fan in her room so it wasnt too dark or too quiet.
Hope this helps!

J.,

Our son, who was born in September 2006 has slept in his crib in his own room, since he came home from the hospital at 3 days old. My husband said about him sleeping in our room but I said NO. I didn't want the baby getting used to our sleeping sounds and then have a hard time sleeping in his own room by himself. He is 7 months old now and is very good at putting himself to sleep and insists on sleeping by himself. I hope I helped. If you have any more questions, let me know.

take it from a mommy of 4[yes four] girls. and i to was scared of putting them in another room. but time and time again when i waited to put them in their own room latter it became a battle royal payperview event. :] the truth of it all is the younger you get them in to a routine the better for you and them. no one wants to be away from their new baby, but belive it or not one day you will want to or at the least have to. don't wait to long. or you will come to find you self being kicked, and the surprise is it will be by your own foot.
good luck................been there done that...L.

my son (7 1/2 months)was in the bassinett for 2 only months then straight into the crib. another friend of mine put her baby in the crib after 3 wks old. it all depends on what you want to do. the sooner they are in there the better i think. but i also think they shouldn't be in the bassinett for more 3 months.

3 months max....your fiancee doesn't have a clue!!! Put it to him this way, if your baby sleeps in your room for a year, then he/she will be there until there about 10 years old (to be extreme). Ypu don't want to condition your baby to sleeping only when mom and dad are near. Truthfully, you all will never have your space back as a husband and wife, which might infringe upon some activities at times...

Revelie

I had a small bassinet & large babies. They slept in our room with us for as long as they fit comfortably in the bassinet which for my son was about a month & my daughter was maybe 2 months. They have baby monitors for a reason! I've never in my life heard of a set amount of time for a baby to sleep in the same room as the parents, unless of course, you WANT to be more sleep deprived than absolutely neccessary for the next year of your life!

Hi J.!
I think it is a complete matter of personal opinion, and EVERYONE is going to tell you something different! :) Ultimately it should be a compromise that you and your husband make. I will however tell you what my husband and I did for our son...He was born in January 2006 and slept in a bassinet in our room until he was 5 months old. (I wanted him to stay longer, but he was growing out of his bassinet and my husband was a strong supporter of him going into his own room and into a crib.) He developed completely normal sleeping patterns the whole time he was sleeping in our room, if anything I was the one with the abnormal patterns because I woke to every noise and movement :) I will tell you this, if you are anything like me, the longer you keep your child in your bedroom, the harder it will be for YOU to adjust to him not being in there. I cried the first night we had our son sleep in his own room, but I knew it was best for him, but it was still very hard on ME. He could have cared less! :) Do what you and your husband feel is best, but coming from a first time mom, it is VERY hard to let them go, even if it is just to the room next door, so the earlier you do it, the easier I think it shoudl be! :) Good luck!!!

J.,

I think it is great that you want your daughter to be in here own room at 3 months. When my son was born we kept him in our room until he was 3 months. He is not 3 years old and great when it comes to bed time. I think it is important that you get them in there own room early so they dont develop a habit of wanting to be in your bed with you. My son has only asked to sleep with my husband and I maybe 3 times in 3 years. And that was only because he was sick. Good luck with your now bundle of joy and tell your fiance he is the crazy one for wanting the baby in the room for 6 months to a year.

C.

Our first son stayed in our room until he was several months old and I had no trouble moving him to a crib.
Our second son actually stayed in a crib in his own room starting at only a couple of weeks old. It really depends on the baby and you. I decided that I had lost a lot of sleep with our first son in the room, because even if he just moved a little or snored quietly, I would wake up.
I was a lot less sleep deprived the second time around.

Our first child starting sleeping in her crib at 1 month. Our second has a heart condition and is now 3 months. He is still in the bassinet in our room, but we are going to put him in the crib within the next month.

Ultimately, it depends on the child. If your child is sleeping well, I would put him/her in the crib and leave the baby monitor on throughout the night.

J....as for my opinion...you are SOOOO right! Both my boys were out of my bed and in their own bedrooms by 4 months. It took a little bit of work to get them sleeping through the night in their own beds but they sleep better, and you sleep better, when they have their own places to sleep.

However, if you and your fiancee were in agreement, it's not necessarily WRONG for them to stay in your bed longer and some would say, I guess, that staying in your bed longer builds a stronger bond between you and your baby. But I don't really think this is true. I think you'll just end up losing more sleep than you need to lose, and your baby's development of independence and self-assuredness will be delayed.

This is just my humble opinion...no research went into, and no children were harmed, in the making of these beliefs! :-)

My son who is now 4 yrs old slept in a bassinet in my room for the first 4 months ONLY because he was a sick. After his problems were corrected and we had the all clear after his surgery, I immediatly switched him over to his own room in a crib. If it hadn't been for him being sick, I would have started him on his own probably 1 to 2 months at the most. Sleep deprivation kicks in and it is the only way you, your fiance and your baby will get quality sleep. I have to admit,when I read your request my devil horns immediatly came out and I thought of a "snippy remark" that you could tell him....The baby is welcome to sleep in our room with you, but I will be on the sofa with the baby monitor!, but that would only serve one purpose, irk a sleep deprived new father! You could try to explain to him that your bedroom is yours and his sanctuary to share and enjoy each other ALONE as adults, and you don't want to risk loosing that place to be yourself to diapers, wipes, bassinet, diaper genie and soiled diapers, burpie towels, etc etc etc...when baby will have his/her own room. I agree with Melissa...that's what they make baby monitors for...I still use mine 4 years later to make sure the "coast is clear" for adult time, and that he is not up playing when he should be sleeping! Good luck trying to change your fiance's mind. If there is still disagreement, take him with your to the baby's doctors appointments and get the pediatricians advice on it, they can tell you what should be a normal sleep set up that will benefit your whole family!!

Jennifer

Hi there. There is no *right* answer. Some parents never sleep in the same room as their newborn, others co-sleep, and others have a bassinet in their room.

Let's see... for me.
I co-slept with both of my children.

My first was in a bassinet next to the bed for a while, but my husband travelled all week, so he slept in the bed next to me without covers or pillow during the week until he was 18 months... wait, no that's when we relocated... he slept in the same room as us until he was 27 months.

Our second has always slept in *his* own room, BUT, I slept in there with him on and off for the first few months. He was a MUCH easier baby and actually slept. My first didn't ever sleep unless I was holding him or touching him. Each child is different, alot will be a natural reaction to how your child acts.

Oh, for what it's worth... I liked being in the same room as my children because I breast fed exclusively and it was easier for me to be able to lay down next to them in bed to feed them and close my eyes while they nursed. And although I had a crib, my first one would NOT go near it. My second would sleep in it very easily...

Best wishes!
S.

Hi J.,

I my experence in the same matter.The longer my kids slept in my room the harder it was to break them out of the habit. My yougest still sleeps in my room and he will be 2 next month. I would be easier if you let her sleep in your room for the first 3- 4 months. Then move her to her own room. There wouldn't be anything to worry about if you take precautions of SIDS. Maybe that is why your partner suggested that she sleep in you room for the first year. I heard that kids can die of SIDS up to the age of 2. Now i don't know if that is true or not. Well i wish you the best of luck and congrats on becoming a mom.

L. R

Our daughter was in our room in her bassinet till she was exactly 3 months old. Then she was off to sleep in her own crib in her room. I think that new SIDS reports are now stating that parents should sleep in the same room as their child till their child is 6 months of age. I think it's all a personal opinion. Our daughter was fine going to her crib at 3 months and we felt good about it. We also have a baby moniter that picks up every little sounds so we could be there when needed and I could tell that she was breathing if I woke worried in the night. You and your partner just need to do what the two of you feels is best. Don't worry about what other people say. It's your child and you should be able to make your own personal opinions on how the two of you are going to raise your child. Congrats on the little one!

You are completely right in that they really only need to be in your room for about 3 months. First of all they grow out of the bassinet around that time so they will have to go to a crib no matter where you put them. Trust me...he will be ready to have his room and his wife back in a few months so I don't think you'll have to worry about it. I had to move my son out at about 2.5 months because he kept waking up to our noises and my husbands snoring.

Maybe you could suggest getting a video monitor so that when you do move the baby out you both will be able to see him/her whenever you want.

I would say it is better to have the baby in your room as sort a time as you can. If you are nursing, it does make it easier and given how often they eat, it will save you from getting out of bed every 2-3 hours. But onve the baby start sleepin longer stretches, which is usually around 3 months, you should move them into their own room, because the longer you wait the harder the transition will be for them. They get very used to their surroundings and need a consistancey in order for them to learn how and when to fall asleep. If they are used to you being there and the sounds and smells of your room, it will be a bigger shock to move them out of their comfort zone. Plus it will be harder for you and your fiance to sleep well if the baby is in your room, because you will hear every little sound. Play some music or use a mobile to make your baby feel more confortable when switching rooms and feed them in thier room so you don't confuse them. Good luck!!

J.--I completely agree with those that have responded that there is no "RIGHT" answer. It is a matter of personal preference. Do what works for your family. And remember, nothing says you can't mix it up a bit. You can start her out in the crib...and move her into your room when she wakes up. I've found that being flexible is key to keeping your sanity as a parent. (OK, I say that...but, I'm pretty sure that despite my flexibility...my sanity is gone!) Good luck! Traci

This is a hard question for any one. the books say to put them in their own room. but i am a single mother of 3 and each one of my kids stay in my room up until 3 or 4 years old. this was for two reasons: one, i am hearing impaired and i wanted to be able to hear them, two, this world is so determinded to make us feel alone even though we live in a over crowded place, by placing a child in another room, it start a system in their mind/soul (to me) to be alone. it may sound crazy and maybe that is what your mate is worrying on. but if you look around you, there are too many family that are sad with too many mistrust, lack of warmth acceptance between parents, and so many more. raising kids isnt just put your foot down and tell control their lives, it is learning about life by their eyes too. the best advice is to do what you and your mate feels is right. dont listen to other people unless it feels right. if you question it, it may be wrong way to go about or the wrong reason. my three kids are turning out really good. my two oldest is now grown, one is a mother herself (working as a cook, too), the other is in the army, my youngest is now a teen and because we are such a close knit family, we share all kinds of problems and talk about our weakness/strenght all the time. i push them out when i feel they are strong enough to go and just be their friends. it is so tight but we are each independed person, too. i am still single mom at that going back to school with their support. hope this help some. (smile) i made it lenghtly but...oh well, this is me. take care.

Hi there! You have gotten many great responses. And in reality you'll just do what works for you when your own baby comes!

But my experience is... With my first my DH was out to sea for the first 3 months of my son's life. My birth experience was really good, but the aftercare was NOT! I wasn't moving any more then I needed to!! SO I ended up sleeping on the couch and the pack 'n' play sat right behind it. We slept like that for those 3 months. Soon as my DH got home my son went into his crib!!

My second, my daughter... She was a whole other story!!! She nursed so stinkin' often that she did end up in our bed most the time most nights. We did try and have her in her crib as much as possible, but it just didn't work out like that!! She just nursed way too much!!

It really is all up to you, there are people who strongly believe in co-sleeping and keep the kids with them until their in school or later. I am NOT one of those people. My pediatrician said that once I didn't have to wake the baby the baby up to nurse that he was fine to go into the nursery, with a baby monitor. I kept him in my room until he was a month old, then into the nursey he went. I'm a scientist and spent my graduate work studying circadian rhythms (your bodies way of telling night and day). I think having the baby in their own environment that doesn't change when your husband gets up for work or when you go to bed is critical! I also feel that moving the baby when they are younger rather than older is better for them. When they are a year old, they will know you changed their environment from being right next to you and that can be tramatic (it can not be as well). I strongely recommend some time before 5 months for that reason alone, but my background in rhythms supports it. If you would like more information or a direction to scietific research, please feel free to email me at ____@____.com luck to you and do what you feel is best, as a mommy, you'll know what's right for you and your baby!!

Hello J.,
Knowing firsthand that all children are different, and their sleep patterns, likes/dislikes etc. I will tell you what I did and it worked very well. I had my son in a pack and play next to the bed for the first 4 months. I breastfed and would rather reach over and grab him to eat than to get up each time to feed him. During the day, however, I would let him nap in his crib. He was used to sleeping in both places. At about 4 months we decided it was time to make the transition because he was getting too big for the pack and play. Now he falls asleep without any coaxing from us. We just put him down, wind up the mobile (only at night) and close the door. Not a peep!
As for your hubby, I wonder where he is getting his informaiton from? Believe me he will want the baby to have his own room before you are ready. The men always are ready to get back to business...ha!
Hope this helps.
E.

I would recommend both of you sitting back, doing your homework, and then discussing how you both want to parent. It can be really frustrating if you end up on completely different sides of a major parenting thing, like you have found yourselves in. The good thing is, you found out now, as compared to post-baby.

There is nothing *wrong* with either of your sides. The other thing is, you both may change your minds once the baby is actually there. Whether or not you breastfeed may also take some of that into consideration, as well. (we ended up going the co-sleeping route because that way I could nurse without having to get up and be fully awake and then never be able to get back to sleep, it saved my sanity and I didn't resent DH as much. But that wasn't what we had originally planned for.)

Some babies will sleep better by themselves, others will only do well with the comfort of knowing you all are close. Only time and your baby's temperment will tell on that one.

Like I said, you should both pick up a couple of different parenting books, of different "styles" and see what works best for you all.

hello J.!!

well... as all people have different oppinons on this matter, i don't think that either of you are "wrong". every baby is different. you need to follow her lead on that. my son was with me in my room until he was 7 monthes. i started to easy him into his own room at naps...and he LOVED it. soon after he was in his crib all night. he is now a happy, healthy 2 year old. he sleeps like a champ. it is important to make sure they getting good sleep. some parents think that being in the bed with their parents creates good self estem and i think that IS true. but on the other hand doesn't make them as indepentandt as they should be. not to mention that it can take a strain on you love life. happy parents are important too. your child needs to see you both happy and loved by one another too. so really i think that it is a matter of right and wrong. all children are different. try to come to a common ground...parenting all about compromise. :-) GOOD LUCK!!!

L.

Hi J., This is N. D. I don't think there ARE any right or wrong anwsers with this. My oldest child, who is now seven, was born when I was single. I was living with my dad, and even though he had his own room, I slept in his crib thru the night for about one month, when he was three months old. After that, I would put him in, but he always woke up. After a while, I didn't even bother putting him in the crib, because I could never get him to go back to sleep, and I was still working and we both had to be out of the house very early. Needless to say, he shared a bed with me until I got married and we moved in with my husband, and at three years old, we had to transition him into his own bedroom. We were fortunate that it worked without a lot of difficulty. With my second child, who is now three, his bed was my chest for the first four months of his life!!!! I had a c-section, so it was easier to keep in close to me. When I could not hold him, we strapped him into his baby seat. Once that became a no no( he became more mobile), we transitioned to a crib. It was a struggle, and sometimes, my hubby and I had to let him cry it out, but eventually, he adjusted and actually slept thru the nite. You and your husband should decide what's best. Maybe when the baby gets too big for the bassinet, you might consider the transition. A normal sleeping pattern for her is DEFINITELY beneficial to you. Hope this helps!!!!!

My daughter was out of our bedroom by 6 weeks. I wasn't one who wanted my child in my room, and would have been fine not using the cradle...but a friend hand-made us one so we felt obligated to use it!