Advice on Wetting/stooling Problems

honestly I dont have any suggestions with the starting to pee or poop in clothes, but if she finishes in the toilet I would say its just not paying attention and waiting too long, maybe friendly reminders would work, but I am guessing you have tried that one.
as far as wetting the bed at night, just put her in pullups. My whole family had accidents at night some into their teens. Its not a control thing but development, as far as being able to wake up and go. I would just have her wear the pullups until she is consistantly dry.

Relax. It sounds like you have made this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be. Try positive reinforcement and praise so she won't have a complex about it. I can guarantee she will not be having accidents in high school, Don't worry.

best wishes,
J.

I would continue to back off. At this age, it really has to be her gig, not yours. By the way, it always was her gig. I disagree completely that you can actually "potty train" a kid--they have to be able to do it on their own.

Look at it this way... this is one of the first areas where she had/has control over what is going to happen. As you know now, by trying to take that control from her, you set her up a little bit. Now that you've backed off (have you?), you can enlist her help. "Oops, I noticed you didn't get to the potty on time. How can I help you get there sooner next time? Should we have potty times during the day, just in case, or can you do it with out the potty times? You're such a big girl now and I know you can do this!" Of course, you are saying all of this in a matter of fact tone that turns encouraging at the end with a big smile.

This is all a matter of attitude, I believe. I got caught up in the fact that my oldest was potty training herself at 2 and my younger daughter would still have many accidents at 3 1/2. My friends all did different things and I felt that my kids were "behind" both times. By the way, I have a 14 year old and a 12 year old now who are obviously potty trained (wait until periods if you really want something you have no control over!). I know it is a tough time, though, when you feel like it might be willful.

Let her fly the plane. You can be her wingman.

The night-time wetting, I might get an opinion from the doctor on that. Sometimes, though, that's a physical maturity issue. Is she helping to change sheets when needed? Be matter of fact and cheerful about needing her help...

Matter of fact, cheerful, encouraging--it will happen.

It wouldn't hurt to have a urologist take a look/ talk with them...I believe there are many different things that could be underlying problems. it doesn't sound like she is doing this anymore as a control.

Be encouraged. Sounds like you're doing as much as you know how AND you're reaching out for more ideas. My 5 yr old daughter does the exact same thing with the starting to poop/pee a little in her undies, then rush to the bathroom & finish in the toilet. I know she's potty trained, so I always figured she gets caught up in what she's doing & doesn't want to leave the activity until the very last second. Does your daughter show any signs to trying to 'hold it'? I try to gauge the time it takes from her eating/drinking until she'll have to go. That way, if she hasn't already gone on her own, I'll gently remind her to go when I see its reached a certain time.

I dont have any advise since i'm just starting with my 2 1/2 yr old...but don't beat yourself up! you are not a terrible mom.. you are trying everything you can think of to help her!! keep encouraged!

Maybe you should get a referral to a pediatric urologist. They would be the best ones to check for and rule out any potential physical causes of the problem. We saw Dr. David Lashley, he's with the NW Urological Clinic. He's great!

L.,

This sounds exactly like my current situation! - only I have a 5 yr. old boy... I am anxiously awaiting to see any and all responses to your e-mail. I too am at a loss & feel that my husband & I might be to blame.

Hi L.,

I had the same issues with my son. Once he had to clean himself and his clothing up and help me with the laundry a couple of times, and remake his own bed that was the end of it.

J.

L.,

I have a VERY stubborn, headstrong 4 1/2 year old son that has only been potty trained for about 2 months. He is also our first. We tried everything we could think of too.

What finally worked for us was 1) make him clean his own messes (we used our bathtub with cold water, he hated the cold), 2) Let him squat on the toilet so he could see the monsters in the toilet and tell them to leave him alone (this took a conversation at a calm part of the day), 3) a calendar with stickers and a prize (once he was 10 days accident free he got to ride on a ferry and get some ice cream, his favorite thing to do). It took several tries, but he got his ferry ride. Once he was 7 days, another he was 9 days.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Is it possible she's looking for attention? I know sometimes, when there is a younger sibling in the house, kids will revert back seeking the kind of attention their little brothers and sisters are receiving.

I am not an expert but I have been there with my 6 year old. She has been having issues as well. You might want to just ignore the accidents but praise her when she does good. I have also tried the reward trick but with a catch. My daughter wanted a buildabear animal. So I said stay dry for a good period and I would take her. I was happy to see she did it for 2 weeks. I took her but I didn't get all the clothes the animal needs. I told her if she kept dry I would bring her back to buy some more clothes and shoes for her animal. I am happy to say she has gone a month so far. I also recommend starting with your 2 year old as it may make your 5 year old want to stay dry as well. Good luck I know how frustrating it can be. Oh by the way target and walmart sell pads to protect the mattress from urine, just thought in case you didn't know I would tell you. V.

Hi L.,
You are a wonderful mommy who is doing the best you can. Do not ever think you are a failure! The only thing I might be able to add is that kids do things in their own time and place. It might be that she is too busy concentrating on other things to know when she has to go, it may be that she is sleeping really heavily and she does not awake in time to go. My daughter is 4 and is potty trained in the day and that is it. She will not poop in the toilet and I have not yet trained her for night time potty as she tends to be awake for hours upon hours. My daughter has autism and so the potty training is a hard time for us too. I bet in time, things will be better. Just let her know how much you love it when she remembers to use the potty. There is a book and a cd out that is called the potty book. IT has a great cd along with it. I got mine at costco.. Best of luck. Know that you are not alone in this challenge!

First of all, you are not a failure as a mother. All children go through phases that are not pleasant and that are hard to deal with. Your child may need to be tested just to rule out any medical issues such as a small baldder or poor bladder control. If there are no medical issues and your child is just waiting too long because playing is much more fun then maybe have her be responsible for cleanin up her accidents, getting herself cleaned up and washing the clothes that she messed up. Obviously, at 5 years old she would still need some assistance with this but you could make her feel like she is the one responsible for it. Also, since she will be starting Kindergarten it will probably be very embarrassing for her to have an accident with her peers around so you may see a big change then on her own. Unless of course the problem is a medical one in which there are things that can be done. It seems when we are in the midst of these "not so fun" phases that they will never end but I promise as a mother of a 10, 9 and 6 year old they do end. Only to go into another one... the great thing is there are many "fun" phases that if you focus on those it makes the others not seem as bad. Good Luck! You are a good mother because you care!

We are trying http://www.3daypottytraining.com . It costs $25 for an e-book and today is our first day. I have gone through 19 pairs of panties so far. But it does adress bedwetting and training older children. You might could give it a try.

L.-

It doesn't sound like a control issue... it sounds like she may just have trouble "hearing" her body signals. Or she may be just ignoring her body signals in favor of whatever it is she's doing at the moment... playing, eating, drawing, etc.

I remember having the same types of problems when I was 5, and my 5-yr-old has alerted me that he needs to go when his "pee is coming out".

I've found that gentle (but firm) reminders to go before it gets bad, and letting him know that accidents happen work best for us. I don't like to have my children associate the bathroom with shame, guilt or punishment.

BTW... congrats on your third. Three is a wonderful number of kids! (2 boys and 1 girl here)

The upswing in accidents could be a result of her knowing that the baby will be her soon. The anticipation of the loss of attention and control may be driving her do get some attention (although negative) now. She may continue to have trouble while the baby is still new. It's not uncommon, but 5 is pretty old for it to be happening, so I totally understand your frustration. Potty training my first daughter was a total power struggle which I still regret.My second was sooo much easier - personality wise, but also because I wasn't so uptight about it.

When I felt my second daughter was having accidents where she "knew better"... I began having her clean things up with me. She had to undress, wash, take her dirty clothes to the laundry room, redress, clean up the mess off the floor or wherever. I even would do this in the middle of the night if she wet her bed. SHE had to really help take the sheets off and put new ones on and carry ALL the dirty ones to the laundry room downstairs. This method worked very quickly - especially for the night time training. Very little needs to be said - just tell her what to do next to help. She will understand very quickly how inconvenient this is for you both.

My chiropractor is a certified pediatric chiropractor as well, and was telling me that children with misalignment can have a lot of trouble with accidents because the slightest pressure on the right nerves can affect the signal to the brain that they have to go potty (prior to actually starting to pee or poo in their pants). Perhaps something worth checking into, but I would be very careful to choose an experienced and certified pediatric chiropractor if you choose to check into it.

stop freaking out and chill. that is the best advice I can give you. This is a control issue like you stated and she is winning.make it a non issue. and start training your other daughter when SHE is ready. I would also talk to your dr. about how to potty train so that this does not happen to your other children.