Advice on the "Beeka" (Pacifier)

Dont give in.....stay positive and tell him what a big boy he is!!Thats a big deal for him/but dont give in you will just have to do it again!!You are a perfect "beeka"filler!!!!!!Keep up the good work!!!!!!!!

The same thing happened with my 3-1/2year old girl just a few months ago. She gave her binky to the "binky fairy" and regretted doing so that night at bedtime. I also had to start laying down with her until she fell asleep (this didn't work well for me). Well, she was monstrous for several weeks but she has totally gotten over it and doesn't even talk about it anymore. Expect it to get rough, but it will get better. Just stay strong and consistent. Best of luck.

You are not wrong for taking it away from him - it NEEDS to be taken away. The longer you wait, the worse for his attachment, AND WORSE FOR HIS TEETH AND PALATE, as well as speech development. I respectfully disagree with Megan that posted earlier. I'm a speech-language pathologist and have seen numerous children with disordered speech due to changes in palate vault hight and tooth misalignment due to pacifier and thumb/finger sucking (things that therapy will NOT correct - only orthodontics AND therapy will when he is older, which doesn't help speech clarity and self esteem while he's younger). Pacifiers should really be taken away very early... preferably before or slightly after age 1 - probably by the time the bottle is done - about 15 months at the latest (as the palate is still forming and the teeth are typically not all in on the top jaw). You'd be surprised at how the attachment we think they have at an early age isn't as strong as WE think it is - as they get over quite quickly when taken away that soon. Even having sippy cups too long can promote a tongue forward position, which impacts the mouth structures. It's frustrating to us SLP's that the pediatricians never tell parents this - so how would they know!? It sounds like you already have noticed the affects of the pacifier on his teeth as you posted "beeka -teeth" and your fear of them getting worse. We took our daughter's away at 11 months and I feared the worst behaviors and upset.. and she was fine with slight fussing for about 3-5 nights... less each night, and then done! I really thought it would be much harder.

I wouldn't wait until he is ready, as HE would never be ready at this point... you must stay the course and you have made the smart decision FOR him that he cannot make or understand the benefit to making. Just remember as he's "flipping out", that you are doing it for his well being, not to torture him. It's like refusing to allow him to have 12 cookies or 3 pieces of birthday cake... you know what's best, and he doesn't yet... so stick to your guns! As for security, I think that replacing the pacifier with a snuggly, stuffed animal or something similar would be better than you lying with him - now how will you fade YOU out? Good luck!

personally, I think you are a fabulous substitute for his beeka. This doesn't mean all night or even for an hour, but for a set amount of time (whatever feels right for you... long enough for him, short enough that you don't feel resentful).
As he grows this bedtime ritual will be the time that he tells you about the great things and heart breaks of his day. He will always go to sleep at night knowing you or your partner love him and care about him. You want him to be comfortable with touch and cuddling, and to appreciate that closeness. It seems silly with a 14 month old to think there will be a time he doesn't want your hugs and cuddles, but there will be (probably b/c he wants to be cool). If you have a bedtime routine where he gets a hug, kisses or cuddles, or a back rub, it will hold him through those times too. So enjoy it!

ahhhh! i just did it last night with my 3 1/2 year old little girl. it really was sad for me. i felt so bad when she was crying for it. we did the whole let's send it in the mail to the "bobee" (that's what we call it) fairy. and in the morning she will leave you a present. a little fit last night but tonight i am at work and my husband said she asked for it but didn't fit. i am not counting my chickens yet though. i just had to do it. i know it comforts her but at 3 and a half, where is the cut off point? her teeth are spreading and i just don't think there will ever be a good time or easy time. so good luck and i am feeling your pain as i write this.

pacifier's dont hurt their teeth, but if you already took it away don't give in.. you'll only be opening the door to new things for him to get out of... i would try telling him they don't make them in his size anymore! that's what i did to my daughter (3) because she was getting a bad rash from it. (oh i'm bad i also bought her some dolls to sleep with to make her feel special and like a big girl for giving it up)

I think you are correct in getting rid of the pacifier for the sake of his teeth. It sounds like that was his only way of consoling himself and by laying down with him you are the replacement for the pacifier. I would suggest you try a different replacement, such as a speical stuffed animal or blanket or maybe a t-shirt you wore that day (maybe your scent will be calming). You could also try white noise or music. Whatever you choose, it is likely to be challenging for a little while as he learns a new way to self-comfort. Stay the course and know you are doing the right thing for him! Good luck!

Hi there! I would stay the course if I were you. I took my younger son's pacifier away when he was about 17 months old. I replaced with a stuffed animal. It worked great, but he was also much younger than your son. My oldest son however sucked his thumb. He did that until this past summer (he's 7). I had to go to the dentist to have them put an appliance in so that he couldn't suck it anymore. I think that a couple of weeks of sleepless nights is far better than having serious dental work done later on. Good luck!!

A.

I think you did the right thing. When my son was two we took his binkys to a my friends new baby in a little gift bag, and we had a couple tough naps/nights and then he moved on when he realized that the binkys were gone and that was that. I think the key is for you to not feel sad/sorry for taking them away because he will pick up on that. You need to feel confidant that you did the right thing and tell him how proud you are of him, that he doesn't need the binkys because he is such a big boy like his brother. You could also take him to the store and let him pick out a new sleep buddy (small stuffed animal) and tell him that this sleep buddy will help him fall asleep if he needs him. We did that w/ our son - we told him to hold "Horsie's" hand if he had trouble falling asleep without his binky and Horsie would help him sleep. Again, the key is that he knows that YOU know that it was the right thing to do and that he doesn't need them anymore.

I think it's great that you finally rid him of the pacifier. But yes, you are making a bigger deal out of it by laying with him and starting a whole new problem. The more you feed into the absense of the paci...the worse it is. He will forget about the paci if you do.

Hey K.,
Keep the beeka away!! Maybe find a toy/action figure that he can lay with and try a white noise machine to take the place of you laying with him, as he settles for the night. Make a bedtime ritual where he picks out a book and settles in his bed, you and dad take turns reading etc.
My dau now 8, hardly ever took a pacifier and used 2 fingers to calm and settle herself, which I loved, until it became a horrible habit to break, which we still catch her doing even now, and she has teeth issues too. At least with the pacifier you can give it away, as you did, or even have a 'ceremony' to throw it away/bury it whatever...can't do that with fingers!
So, hang in there!!!

Hi K., My advice would be to stop the pacifer now. It can cause problems with speech and their teeth. I am a mom of 3 and all of my kids used it. My son gave it up on his own at 9 mos. My middle child I took it at 18 mos and my youngest now 16 mos has not used it in about a week and a half. It's a tough thing to break them of, that's for sure, but it's not like it's a blanket or stuffed animal. It's better they're addicted to you for a while then something that can cause health problems.

I'm no expert, but thought I'd offer an idea. My daughter was 3 1/2 when we prepared her to give up her "paci". We had her decide what toy/thing she'd like to trade it in for. She chose a ballerina leotard and music cd. I was just wondering if maybe you presented him with a return gift from the baby as you had him give it away? He may feel upset or jealous? We had only one night of her waking once or twice and that was that. I wish you luck and hope you find a solution - quickly! J.

I know how you are feeling! We did the same thing with our son and with our daughter. I did the same thing and would lay down with him when he was sad he didn't have it and when he got sick right after we took it, I gave it back and he didn't want it, he didn't like the feel of it, it was about two weeks after he stopped using it. It is tough but it will be better for him and his teeth if you stay the course and just stay strong, it is so much easier said than done but I have been there with the tears and they do stop!!! I found that having him pick out the book we were going to read and a little distraction at bed time worked well. Hope you find something that works for you guys! Good luck!!

You are doing the right thing mommy :)

Stay with him as his comfort item but I would sit rather that lay with him. And be sure to leave the room before he really falls asleep and say things like "I'll be right back" or " I'm going to check on daddy/brother and see if hes ok" ALWAYS come back but don't always sit down. This can be tricky but you want him to learn to fall asleep alone. And to go back to sleep without help if he wakes up.

A little present such as a stuffed animal or special toy will help keep his mind off his missing beeka. Maybe it can be a thank you gift from the new baby.

If you already took it away then hold strong and don't give in. the first few days are hard, but well worth it afterward. Wishing you the best! I'm sure you will pull through in a few days.

I think your doing the right thing by taking it away, and what a nice way to do it! And I know it seems easier to lay with him and help him calm down and get over this, but you are replacing one habit with another and not letting him comfort himself, which is an important skill. Good luck!

Cold Turkey is the way to go.Just hang in there.We did the same with our son. It really causes problem with the teeth.We took it away when he was two and his teeth went back into place.Since it's alrready been so many days it probably won't be much longer.Good luck.T.