Advice on Telling a 5 Year Old He Is Losing His Hearing

Updated on November 28, 2008
S.C. asks from Lutz, FL
7 answers

Hello Mamasource! I recently found out that my 5 year old son has severe hearing loss in his right ear. It is only high frequency hearing loss- which is the best news I have. The majority of what we speak is in low frequency, so he hears everything okay. His left ear is perfectly fine (Praise God!). We have done a cat scan and determined that he has an Enlarged Vestibular Aqueduct in the right ear that can be correlated with hearing loss. We do not know if he was born with it, but I do know that he had a hard time passing the hearing test in the hospital and it was in his right ear- we had to come back several times to try again so they would release his paperwork. I am preparing to see a pediatric Audiologist after the holidays to test him again and get on an every 3 month testing schedule to see if it is getting worse or staying level (fingers crossed it is staying level!). The ENT has cleared him for a hearing aid and says that he would certainly benefit from one since he is in his early learning stages and getting ready to start Kindergarten (he missed the Sept. 1 cutoff). So, my question is... How do I tell him? How do I explain to him that he needs to wear this thing in his ear? It breaks my heart because I know how judgmental kids are and how cruel they are when things are different from what they are use to. I am sure he will be okay when I tell him, but I think it is me that will not be okay! I start tearing up just thinking about it, so explaining it to him will be difficult for me. Anyone out there ever dealt with this before?

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So What Happened?

I have received many great comments from moms with similar situations and moms that just care! Thank you so much! I don't have much to report, but I wanted to let everyone know where we stand. I still have not told my son yet about his hearing. We are going to visit the audiologist next month and I wanted to wait to see what they had to say about the situation. It was kind of odd, but just after I found out, a friend of a friend had also just found out that her son had hearing loss (much worse than my son's) in his left ear. They say that he is almost lost all hearing. Her son is 9 so she is in a little different situation than I am in both the severity and the age, but I now have someone I know that will be going through all of this at the same time as I am. Thanks for all the encouragement and the wonderful words of kindness from you all. I will be reaching out to you again for many things to come. God bless you all, Merry Christmas & Happy Hanukkah!

More Answers

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C.S.

answers from Lakeland on

Hi S.. I have not been through this before, but I was thinking maybe presenting it to your son as some "cool" piece of technology might work. You could show him pics of businessmen wearing their bluetooth adapters on their ears and tell him that his will help him hear better. You can even take it into imaginary play and say that maybe he'll be able to hear the animals in Africa, or the ants walking around on the ground (of course, making it clear that this is only play). That way, if kids at school ask about it, he can talk about it proudly. Just an idea. Good luck. I'm sure your son will do just fine. :)

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S.S.

answers from Tampa on

Oh Sweetheart,
I am so sorry that you have to go through this but the bright side is there is something - hearing aid - to help him. Many kids wear glasses from early on as they have weak eyesight .. just explain him that it is for you to hear better -- I read somewhere about a little girl, may be 9 or 10, who liked her hearing aid because she could turn it off and tune out everything .. Also, kids at 5 and 6 are pretty cute and not judgemental. They accept the things as they see -- if his daycare or kindergarten teacher just explains the curious minds -- Hi .. here is John and he has this special cool device to hear him better just like Sandra has glasses to se better. In few days they will forget all about it as it will be nothing new for them. My boys are 6,6 and 9 and I have always told them that if someone is different, then you do not make fun -- if you are curious, ask politely, and up till now, I am proud and happy that they are pretty good with kids of all kinds. Mostly girls when they are 8 or 9 .. they start making fun of each other beacuse of they way they look (fat, ugly, ....)and my son comes and tells me sometimes that he finds it so rude that girls in his class were making fun of ...but it mostly stays among girls....I wish I knew about teenagers but I don't. Just find courage inside you -- it is hardest for a mom to deal, do your best and make your son comfortable and confident that it is normal and he is just a fine little boy.

Take Care
S.

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J.G.

answers from Tampa on

Hello S.. I truly know that as a Mom we hurt for our kids when they are a bit "different"; kids in general can be mean. My daughter has a sever heart condition - leaving her body riddled with scars and a feeding tube, cerebral palsy - so she wears braces on both her legs and has poor eye sight - so she has worn glasses since she was 8 months old. Her brain and cognative skills are spot on perfect, so one day she will undrstand that she is "different". (She is 4.5 right now) Our approach, to this, has been a sort of a "So what" approach. I beleive that if we don't make a big deal out of it, she won't made a big deal out of it. We want her to be confident about who she is and always talk to her about what is happening in her body and why she has all the things she has. In a perfect situation, I hope that when the day comes and other kids tell her she's...what ever word they will use...she will be confident enough to tell them "so what". The bottom line is that bullies don't pick on kids who have no reaction when they are teased. Of course, deep inside, I am terrified about that day, but that is something "I" need to deal with. Bottom line is that I think you should make your son comfortable about his hearing aid and having to wear it. Don't hide details from him; they can understand a lot if presented the right way. Best of luck to you - Mommy to Mommy!

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J.C.

answers from Fort Myers on

I read your other advice and those moms have great ideas! I just wanted to add a little comfort for you- I work with a guy who has to wear an ear piece to hear and his speach is slurred a bit due to his hearing loss, but in general, I think people, even children, are more compassionate than we think and will support him and even want to be around him MORE becasue he is different. Where I work we are mostly all college age people- this particular young man included - and he is one of the most popular and well liked guys at FGCU!

When I was in 1st grade, I got hit by a car and was in a wheel chair for the whole year and I remember my class mates fighting over who would get to push me to the gym for P.E.

The toughest time won't be until late middle school or early high school when the kids can be the cruelest, but even then I bet you'll find more compassion in the children than negative reaction so hold your head up high and let your son know that you love him so very very much!

@}~>~~

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R.W.

answers from Tampa on

My daughter had to start wearing a hearing aid at the same age your son it now. Don't worry. He will adapt will quick and surpirsingly the other kids won't even notice and if they do they will think it's cool. When she got hers the first thing out of her mouth was, "Mom, listen the birds can whistle" and she started in trying to whistle and it didn't take her long to learn and she is 22 and has whisteling every since. Make sure he gets a childs hearing aid designed for a small child. He will have to get a new one about every two or three years until he becomes a teenager. Then they will fit him with a small one he can wear that you can't even see unless you really look for it. Don't make a big deal out of it and he will be fine.

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J.P.

answers from Tampa on

I don't have a lot of advice on how to tell him except to be honest. Explain what it is and how it will help him. I wouldn't worry about the kids at school. I work as a substitute teacher and in most classes I have taught, there is at least one child with some type of disability. The other kids respect it and no one will make fun of him especially in kindergarten. They may be curious, but they won't be malicious.

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K.R.

answers from Sarasota on

I have found being a teacher in the elementary schools that early elementary children don't really see differences in each other and are very accepting. I think your son will understand if you explain it to him simply and without really a talk of what may happen in the future.

Good luck.

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