Advice on Sleeping Routine for 10-Week Old

My son slept in a carseat for the first 4 months and then we moved him to his crib with the mattress slightly elevated. At 4 mo he could roll himself on his belly and he would do that to sleep (the doc said it was ok as long as he could roll himself). I know swaddling was a life saver for a friend, and be prepared, the baby hates it at first.

As for tummy time, most babies hate it until they can roll over, but they need the practice and it keeps their heads from getting that flat shape from being on their backs all the time. I would put him on his tummy under one of those baby gyms so he has something to focus on, or in front of a mirror. Give him a few minutes at a time and he will gradually adjust. Just be prepared that with reflux, he may spit up a bit. Good luck.

Try a sleeping wedge/prop pillow which will elevate him and swaddle him to help him sleep. As far as tummy time goes, he might not like it yet (or at all). Try tummy time propped up in a boppy he may just not like being all the way flat on his tummy especially if he has reflux.

I just wanted to comment on the sleeping in the carseat issue. . . I didn't do this with my son because he didn't need it, but a friend of mind had her son sleep every night in his car seat in the crib until he was six months old. He's perfectly normal, is crawling well, and very active. If you're concerned about it being uncomfortable for him just remember that he has shown you he'll wake up if he's uncomfortable for some reason, so try not to worry about that. Babies with reflux often have trouble sleeping laying flat, so his car seat could be much more comfortable for him than you realize.

Best sleep book... Healthy sleep habits, happy child by Marc Weissbluth. He is an advocate for cry it out, but also gives great advice on parents that do not want to let their child cry... plus you're little one is too young to just let him cry anyway. Sadly, I had a reflux baby as well, and I'm going to be honest with you... sleeping is just plain going to suck for a couple of more months until the reflux gets a little better, he'll grow out of it as he gets bigger (If you don't have him on meds for it, I would consider looking in to that, I know noone wants to put their baby on meds, but from experience, I can tell you that meds made a world of difference for my child and helped him sleep and eat better, and just made him a much happier baby because he wasn't in pain all the time.) Back to the sleeping... have you tried swaddling, or one of those sleep bags? That might make him feel more secure, or a sleep positioner in the crib... one of those elevated ones. We also had our little one spend time in his swing a lot during the day and he slept naps in there... but that only worked till 4.5 months since he became more aware of his surroundings and wouldn't want to fall asleep because he wanted to look around and play instead, but that might be a good idea for you to start with right now. I would also reccommend putting him down more during the day because yes he is probably getting used to you holding him all the time which might be causing some sleep issues. He should be sleeping about 15 or more hours a day at this point in his little life, so you're also dealing with a sleep deficit, which is also contributing to the fact that he can't fall asleep and stay asleep. The book I reccommended changed our lives in regards to sleep and my son is now 19 months old and sleeps 11 hours through the night, and a 2-3 hour nap each day... so I can attest to the fact that his ideas do in fact work :) Happy sleeping!!

M.,
One main thing I want to convey is that you are on the right track in wanting a clearer routine. It really helps the child to have a consistent and well structured routine. My son slept a few nights in the carseat when he was 5-10 weeks old. He also had reflux and we also heard mixed opinions about using the car seat. Sometimes, you just have to do what works and over time, you make changes that you feel good about and the baby adjusts. I can't remember when we started using it, but we have a bedtime routine that works. We watch him for warnings signs that he is tired (rubbing eyes, laying head down, whining, etc). We immediately take him to the nursery. Both of us do the entire routine. That way, if one of us cannot be there one night, he is not upset that it is different. We change him into his sleeper and change his diaper. Then Daddy sits in the glider and reads him 2-3 short stories. At the end of the third story, we turn out the light and I nurse him. WHen he is done nursing, we swaddle him, using the Swaddle Me Blanket. WE put on some soothing music. WE use Enya. One of us rocks him and we lay him in the crib, turn out the light and leave. Sometimes, he does not fall right to sleep, but 95% of the time, he drifts to sleep within 10 minutes. To me, what works about our routine is that we do it the same way every night. Some moms give baths at night. We found this only woke him up more than soothing him. We do morning baths instead.
My son also hated tummy time before the age of three months. Some days, I didn't do it with him at all because he would just cry and cry. Over time, he got more comfortable in that position and now, he loves being on his tummy (Now he is 6 mo old). I would just try it every other day for a while and just start with 2-3 minutes and build it over time. WE all do our best until we know a better way, right? Just keep learning...

He;s ten weeks old, let him be a baby for awhile. He doesn't relaly need a routine just yet. Don't let hinm sleep in his careat, I never did that wiht my kids. A carseat is for the car not to be used as a crib. YOu may just have to let him cry. It should stop after 3-4 nights. My youngest ahd reflux, and we just elevated her bassinet and made a wedge for her to sleep and it helped some. She was also on medicine and that helped as well. Sleeping six to seven hours is great for a ten week old. YOur son may not take daytime anps, my oldest daughter never really did after the newborn stage. As long as they sleep well at night overall don't worry so much about naps. Let your son have his own schedule for a little while, he is still brnad new and getting used to the world, don't worry about schedules yet

I don't think you are creating too much dependency at all. My daughter is six months now and I just taught her to fall asleep in her bed. Before she was sleeping in our bed, or on my chest. Once she reached six months, I felt she was ready to sleep on her own and she did. It only took me a few days to reach her and it wasn't bad at all. I
Your soon needs all your love and comfort and the sense of security. He just came out of your belly ten weeks ago!
I started tummy time really early. It is normal that your son doesn't like it at first. Just keep doing it even if it is for just a few seconds at the time. He'll learn to love it. My daughter loved when either me or my husband had her on our chest when she was only a few weeks old and she was on her tummy then. So, that's something you can do to get him used to the notion of being on his tummy.
As far as the routine goes, you just have to tune it to your babies needs and the routine will emerge before you know it :-) Don't try to force anything on him and although it is important to listen to other people's advice, so what you feel is best.
Do you have a play mat for him? I found that to be a great stimulating toy for my baby at that stage. And it helps them when they start learning to roll over too.
Well, I hope some of this helps :-)

M. G.

The only way both of my children could sleep was in a car seat. They both had reflux too. Propping them up with a towel under the sheets or the elevated wedge never did the trick. I think they liked the feeling of being more secure with the sides around them. I had different pediatricians for each child, and both said it was ok to let them sleep in the car seat as long as we transitioned them out when they got strong enough to move with such force that they could potentially flip it. It's hard to remember, but I think they slept in their car seats until about month 5 or 6. They are now 5 and 8 years old and have no negative development or side effects from sleeping in the car seats. Good luck.

M.,
As far as telling him sleep in his car seat the majority of the time is not recommened, my nephew who is now 12 yrs old slept in his seat all of the time and as a result the side of his head that he leaned against the seat became flat and at 12 it is still on the flatter side.

I always used a boppy pillow to introduce tummy time to all 5 of my kids. I would put them on the pillow so their arms were hanging over the front and this seemed to encourage them to use their hands as well as hold their head up.

Good luck.

Be careful with the soft surfaces. The reason is that there is a much greater risk of SIDS when they are on softer surfaces, hence the mattresses being so tough. A little online research on SIDS is definitely worthwhile.

At that age I felt no need to train my daughter for anything. In my opinion all they need is love and affection. I have read over and over that you can not possibly spoil a baby that young. The only time I started to push things was when they finally started getting old for me. I moved her from our bed around 4-6 months, then to her own room around 8-9 months. Not because I was told to, but because that is what felt right. I am firm believer in only doing what you know you'll be able to stick with. If it is the car seat that works now, I'd say use it. Many times what works now, they won't even tolerate in a week or two, so just go with what works.

She also continued to eat every three hours until about 3 or 4 months, and the long sleeping periods didn't really start until 6 months.

I'd put him down for tummy time, but when he starts getting sick of it, end the session. Some fun toys or a picture will help. They do need that time though.

Just remember they are all different. Do some research, so you know the pros and cons and possible dangers. Then go with your gut. Mother knows best.

If you have a few minutes to read I highly recommend the book "Babywise." It is very informative and gives a middle of the road approach to setting a routine for baby. My little girl is 8 months and I followed the book as closely as she allowed and she is a great sleeper. She was sleeping 6 hours a night by 10 weeks.

As far as sleep goes I would suggest you try laying the baby down right after he's fed and burped even if he's not asleep. Try swaddling him tightly since he probably does like the comfort and warmth of being in your arms. Don't be afraid to let him cry a little (as much as you can handle I suggest no longer than 5-10 minutes at his age) some babies need to let out a few yelps before drifting off into dream land. My little one would scream for about 30 seconds (the longest of my life) and then drift off to sleep. I don't have any experience with reflux and sleeping in a car seat but I know parents who have had to do it and haven't seen any ill effects in their children.

As far as daytime routine goes this is really the best time to have your little guy practice drifting off to sleep by himself. After he's fed and burped try playing with him and keeping him awake even if its only for 10 minutes. Then when you notice the sleepy signs lay him down in his bed or playpen, swaddled tightly, and let him fall asleep on his own. Try to establish a cylce of eat, awake, and then sleep time. It really will pay off come night time. And as far as this routine goes don't give up too quickly, it can take up to two weeks to get it established.

As far as tummy time goes keep doing it even if its just for short periods of time. He's going to look like a fish out of water and get frustrated but he'll figure it out. Try laying down with him and helping him by putting your arm under his armpits or rolling a towel and putting it under his armpits and chest. It will give him a little lift and help him avoid those irritating face plants. Try a mirror close to his face, seeing his reflection may peek his curiosity and and keep him occupied for a few seconds. What we see as panic and frustration is sometimes just a babies way of working things out. Remember at his age the only thing he can do well is cry, poop, pee, and eat.

I hope this helps a little. Sorry its such a long response.

I put my now 6 month old to sleep for naps and at night in this infant to child rocker: http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2001&e=detail&.... for a few weeks when he first came home, he would sleep on my chest at night, or next to me in the bed while he was swaddled. he was a preemie, so i felt he needed extra attention and kangaroo care, but it also afforded me more sleep because i didn't have to actually get up to nurse him. also, it was just me in the bed (no hubby) and i am more attuned to him than my husband would be so i was not worried i would roll onto him. he hasn't slept in his crib yet, although I think he's ready to do it now (though i may not be ready to say goodbye yet.) it may take time before your baby is ready to be on his own in his big, cold crib.

((my 1st son, on the other hand, slept in his crib from day one. he was, however, swaddled in the miracle blanket which he could not escape from. and he was full-term.))

you can try to nurse your baby already swaddled so he doesn't wake himself up after falling asleep nursing. try to get your son to use a pacifier.

he will not be happy with tummy time until he's much older. you should place his little hands where they should be. and pick him up or roll him over when he starts to cry. he will little by little work up to longer tummy time.

i think you may be expecting too much from him, as he's only 10 weeks old!

Hi M.,

First, congrats on your little one! I have a seven week old, so I feel your pain! I also have a 2 year old, a five year old, a seven year old, and a nine year old.

You've gotten some CRAZY advice here. Follow your AP instincts, please. Your baby will thank you for it later!!! And www.kellymom.com can be an absolute lifesaver for you. But on the website, look for the message boards. There's a world of AP support out there for you.

I recommend you find Dr. Karp's "The Happiest Baby on the Block." The book is good, the dvd is probably better so you can see the techniques he uses. He's very AP.

I recommend you stay as far away from "Babywise" as humanly possible.

There is a lot of research going on right now on the longterm damage done to a child's well being by letting them CIO. Check out www.askdrsears.com or look it up on Kellymom. I used to work for a therapist that told me about this research, and then I started doing a little research on the matter myself and lo and behold, it's true!

You're a great mom! Trust your instincts! Every 3 hours at 10 weeks is fantastic. Ask for more sleep advice on the message boards at kellymom, and they'll lead you in the right direction.

Good luck!
Oh, and please, never put a pillow in your baby's crib!!! :O

The best advice I can give is to go buy the book "The Baby Whisperer Answers All Your Questions." by Tracy Hogg. It will literally answer ALL your questions, as well as give you a step by step plan on how to reverse what you have done. Although she does not agree with attachment parenting, I have been able to "marry" her principles and still keep my little ones with me some of the time. My older daughter was sleeping on her own in a crib at 4 weeks and my 4 week old younger daughter is learning to do so now. And this was not because we let her "cry it out." I think this woman understands babies and mommies so well and I truly appreciate her outlook and how she explains things - for example, she says to do everything EASY - that means your baby wakes, eats, has activity, goes to sleep, then there's time for you. It really does work! From personal experience two times, as well as a sister who has done it twice and several friends who have also had success. Good Luck!

Hi! I just wanted to give you a quick tip that I used with my first son for his daytime naps. He would fall asleep in our arms with his bottle, then we would lay him down in a Moses Basket. This was much cozier and softer for him and we could keep him close to us, where ever we were. When he would start to fuss a little, we could pop his binky in quickly and he would fall back to sleep.
For our second son, we used a baby Papasan for naps(I forget who makes it, but it is super soft). It had a vibrate option and lullaby music as well. He could have stayed in that all day :)
Good luck... I know it's frustrating and exhausting. He'll get into a routine eventually.

Congrats on your son and for successfully breastfeeding! I breastfed my son for 10 weeks, at which point we found out that his acid reflux was so severe that nursing him actually made it worse. Through the advise of his pediatrician and a pediatric gasteroentorolgist, I stopped breastfeeding, switched him to formula and add lots of rice cereal to each of his bottles (he is now 6 months, drinking 4 oz bottles and in each one has 3 tbls of rice cereal). Do not do this without consulting a dr first though.

On the topic of reflux, we were told not to allow Cody to sleep in the car seat, and actually, to keep him out of the car seat for at least 30 mins after feeding (which, of course, is not always feasible). The reason for this is that the carseat keeps them in a scrunched up position, which can impede the milk traveling through the digestive track. Cody spent a lot of time in the bouncy seat and in our arms. We were told to keep him semi-upright for at least 30 mins after feedings.

As for the sleeping in the crib issue, its up to you. Different things work for different people. Cody has only spent three nights in bed with us, and two were because he was sick and couldn't breathe if he wasn't elevated (the other was the night before we left for vacation because his bassinet was already packed). At 4 months old I began working on getting Cody to go to sleep on his own. I would give him his bottle, kiss him and lay him in his crib. I would stand next to him and pat his back and "shhhh" until he fell asleep. After a couple days I cut back the amount of time I would spend patting and "shhhh". About 2 weeks later I would just lay him in his bed, tell him to go night-night and walk away. Sometimes Cody would fuss (not cry) for a few minutes, and occasionally I would have to put the pacifier back in his mouth and pat his back to get him settled back down. If Cody would actually cry I would pick him up, settle him down and put him right back into his bed. The time we allowed him to fuss would start with 2 mins, then 5 mins, then 8 mins. The maximum was 10 mins. After 1 week, he was going to sleep on his own. Now all we do is put him in his bed and walk away.

We were blessed with a great sleeper. At your son's age its perfectly normal for him to need to eat every 3 hours around the clock (and breastfed babies tend to need this longer than formula fed babies). At the direction of your pediatrician you can work out cutting out middle of the night feedings usually around 4-6 months. The "rule" with Cody is that if he wakes before 5 AM, we ignore him until he starts crying (often he just goes right back to sleep). If he starts crying we give him the pacifier, pat his back and tell him its sleepy time. If its after 5 AM we give him a bottle (and he goes back to sleep until at least 6.

As for tummy time, I wouldn't stress too much about it. One thing you could try is doing tummy time on you. Lay on the bed and put your son on your chest. This will encourage him to lift his head to look at your face, which will help with building the muscles.

Sorry this turned into a novel. I hope I was able to help you some!

So here are some bottom of the line things:

MOST IMPORTANT
If you do not want to use a technique for the next 6 months DO NOT do it now. If you don't want to have your baby sleep on you - then don't make it an option. If you are ok with it, just be prepared to do it for a while. So if you practice baby wearing and you love it - keep it up, if not stop now and only use it for extremely fussy times.

I never let my kids Cry It Out until about 6 months. You don't have to do it to make Babywise work for you. I did use Dr. Karps suggestions instead. He is a genius and you can get his DVD at almost any public library. Its awesome because it shows him doing the techniques which is so much better than just reading about it.

Baby Wise was awesome IF you combine it with your mothering instincts and what works for your family. Read it and use some of the features that work for you. It could only be detrimental if you are the type of Mom that does what the book says no matter what. Babywise does not tell you that you have to let your little one cry it out - it only suggests that as one possible solution. The most important things are the eat, play, sleep cycle that teaches kids that eating is not the only way to get to sleep and the fact that you should put your child down after no more than 2 hours awake.

Clearly your child is not getting enough sleep - should be at least 14 hours at this stage. To help him get to sleep better you should put him down at the very first sign of tiredness and at this age he should almost never be awake for more than 2 hours at a time. That means one yawn or eyerub and you start the bedtime routine. It seems like maybe he isn't giving you enough cues and then is staying awake until he is overtired. An overtired baby CANNOT get to sleep until they are so far overtired that they cannot stay awake. Either the books Babywise or Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child can help you recognize sleep cues.

Tummy time will get better eventually, my kids hated it until they could put themselves on their bellies with out my help, once they were in control they loved it. My Dr said that unless head control was behind normal development, it wasn't important to push the issue.

I do understand that your Dr. suggested the carseat, I would not be very comfortable about that because car seat manufacturers say that babies should not sleep in the seats when unobserved since their heads can fall forward and restrict the airway.

As for sleeping on soft surfaces it just isn't safe, which is why crib mattresses are hard. I think that swaddling would really help your little one in that area.

Congratulations on your little one! You're going to get answers from one end of the spectrum to the other on the sleep topic. Although you have to go with what works for you and your family (and what your gut is telling you), I personally could not use any of the "sleep training" and "cry it out" techniques. Your baby is so young, he needs you, and especially needs to be close to you! At this age, his wants ARE his needs and of course he is going to sleep best in your arms or right next to you!! This is not spoiling him, as some will no doubt tell you. Have you tried bringing him into bed with you? If you're still BF'ing, this would allow everyone to get some good rest. Even placing a co-sleeper next to the bed may work for your situation.

Have you tried using a sling or baby carrier during the day? They are wonderful and babies love to nap in them while you're on the move. They are also great while they are awake, as the babies are right at eye level and you can talk to them and interact with them as you do things around the house. As for activities and development, keeping him close to you in a sling and going about your daily routine throughout the day is great. Tell him what you are doing, show him things around the house and tell him what they are. Take a walk outside and show him the trees and grass, or go to a museum and let him see all of the color.

Trust your gut! These babies are only little and only really *need* us for such a short period of time.

I am going to start with the tummy time comment. My son hated tummy time and would scream his head off the entire time he was on his tummy until a few weeks ago when he figured out how to roll from his tummy to his back on his own (about 5 months)Now he plays happily on the floor and rolls over and plays on his tummy and back. However until then I had to let him scream it out. It is really hard to listen to but it is good exercize and I would sit right by him and rub his back and tell him what a good boy he was and what a good job he was doing. That way he knew I was there for him but I had to fight the urge to pick him up.

Onto the sleeping questions. You must be so exhausted! He is not getting enough sleep either. For during the day if you have a baby swing I would try getting him to sleep in that. The rocking motion helps sooth them to sleep (so put him in awake) and then when he is sound asleep turn it off. Hopefully he will keep sleeping.

At night try 1) swaddling him in a thicker baby blanket before bed, it will make the surface softer and the restriction of the swaddle may help keep him from startling himself awake, like possibly the constriction of the carseat is now. 2)try doing tummy time closer to bed time so that he is really tired out and hopefully will sleep better.

It gets better as they get older i promise but there will always be seasons where they go through a growthspurt and eat every 3 hours day and night. My son just finished one and he is 6 months old today

Hi, M..

Personally, I think you are doing the right things right now. I know that it is a hot topic. I LOVE the attachment parenting philosophy for the baby's first 4 months... particularly in regards to sleep. It is difficult, but I really do think they are still transitioning from their time in your uterus... to being in the outside world.

I would not worry about the car seat. If it works, go for it.

You might want to start to be open to more schedule-oriented philosophies for when your baby is about 5-6 months. We basically followed a hybrid sleeping strategy based on Weissbluth and Ferber. It is really tough to teach your child to sooth themselves... but I am so happy that we did and that we did it at the right time. Again, I think you should continue just doing what works for now... until your baby is a little older... but not too old... or else it is really tough to get good sleep habits if you wait too long.

Also, if you need a better baby carrier... I LOVE the ERGO BABY CARRIER. Wonderful. Great for walking for miles... no back pressure.

Best of luck to you and hang in there.

Hi M.,

I am mom to 2, a ds who is 7 and a dd who is 2.5. First of breathe :)

It's so tough getting a handle on baby and sleep schedules and such. Basically what I learned is that you pretty much have to go with the flow of the babe. Make sure you are sleeping whenever he does!! Have you tried bringing him to bed with you at night? I found that worked wonders for my son and when my daughter came around we didn't even set up the crib. I agree with you about those hard crib mattresses. Plus, babies come into the world from a warm, cozy place where they could feel your heartbeat, that is what comforts them.

I would hold off on tummy time or only do it for a couple of minutes, if he's fussing about it he's not ready. Again, go with the flow of the babe. If we 'really' listen they will tell us what works. It's hard to know what's 'right' when there is so much input about do this, do that, etc., but in time your mommy instinct will develop and then just follow that!!

Some great websites for info are www.askdrsears.com, www.mothering.com, www.llli.org, and www.kellymom.com.

Good luck and hang in there!!
S.

Congradulations on your little boy. Some babies can be a bit more difficult on sleeping in their beds. He like the comfort of you or your husband's body. Keep swaddling him and trying to get him into his bed. It takes time. I have always let my babies sleep in bed with me and just transitioned them out when they are older. As for establishing a rountine, watch your baby for cues. When is he most tired? Take him to his room and get him to sleep. If he wakes up and is still really tired, keep him in there and get him back to sleep.

Some babies don't like tummy time until they can move more. I would lay down next to mine so they could see my face, or a mirror. Just keep putting him on his tummy for a little each day and lengthen it as he gets more comfortable with it. The more corrdinated a baby get, the happier they are with it.

First, baby mattresses are so hard so they can't accidentally suffocate. Uncomfortable, perhaps, but safety is the most important thing. That's why they say to take away blankets and such when they are little.

All babies hate tummy time. It's work out time. No babies like to work out like this. They want to see what is going on around them (not face plant into the floor/bed) so they have to struggle to lift their heads. They want it easy. No, it is not too early, you have to make him do the work. It will help him be healthier in the long run.

It is ok for your son to cry. You have to learn to let it happen. Let him learn to put himself to sleep at night. Let him learn to hold his head up in tummy time so he's strong enough to learn to crawl. We did tummy time from really early on and it frustrates them... but it is very valuable exercise.

I suggest you purchase the book... "our baby's first year". It is put out by the American academy of pediatrics. Our pediatricians gave us this book and said they follow the recommendations in the book. So, every question I have that can be answered in the book, will be the same answer as if I called the peds. So, I read the book, cover to cover. It's wonderful. What to expect, when to try new things, what milestones they should be hitting, when to worry, when to call the doctor. Special sections on how to help siblings relate (maybe useful in the future), how to handle breast feeding issues, how to introduce foods, good activities to do with your baby to develop different abilities, what abilities your child should have...etc. It's a wonderful reference that I used for both of my children and I recommend it to everyone.

Being a first time mom is so stressful because they don't come with an instruction book. Or do they? This book is pretty close.

I'd suggest you get your baby very groggy and then put him down in the bed and let him put himself to sleep. It is a wonderful thing once he learns how to handle it. He'd much rather you hold him and snuggle him, but that isn't realistic and will make you very unhappy down the road since he'll never learn to put himself to sleep. I don't have time right now to look up what it says in the book, but if you have a specific question you want me to look up, I can look up the details for you and let you know.

Good luck.
Liz

I can't really tell you about a routine to get into. My boys set their own and I went with it. It worked out really well. But I can help you with tummy time. Our youngest now 1 1/2) hated to be put on his tummy. He would scream till the cows came home. Well we finally started putting him in a walker and it was history ever since. He crawls more now than he did then. Plus he has on olde brother. We figured he just wanted to run and play like him. Even though he is an only child try to let him stand in a walker and see what happens. We een had a bouncy thathung in a door way. Which usually put him to sleep.

Plus him liking softer surfaces. Both my boys did too. Though many disagree with what I am about to say, I put a pillow in the crib with them. I never went long periods without checking on them though. Even at night!! It got them to sleep in their crib. I'm not recommending you do this. I'm only saying it worked for us. I wish you luck in whatever is right for you.