Advice on Non Listening Behaivior

I know exactly what you are going through...Our 4 year-old is the same way. Now that she is in Pre-K it has gotten a little better. She is ver strong minded and very smart. I just chose my battles with her carefully. We tried time out too, and that failed. My husband and I have tried everything with her and we are hoping that the Pre-K will continue to change her ways. Good Luck!

Hi,
I have a four year old that has the same type of personailty, he is very smart and also very very strong willed (think he takes after mom humm) anyway I think you have to have more patience with this issue because of her age however do not let that fool you completly I think she knows exactly what she is doing and this is the age they will begin to test you, its kind of a game and she is trying to see who will win. My advice and something I did with my older ones that worked very well is at first I spent time explaining to them the importance of listening, when I saw they were not listening out of rebellion of some sort I always made sure I would follow thru with a consequence and it payed off now that two of my kids are older. The first step is to respect her first before demanding respect from her, however it is you see fit in doing so.The more patience you can show the better results you will get, keep in mind it is very important to address and take care of this on going matter now whether then waiting(you do not want a teenager that does not think she has to listen to you)remember everything you do now will determine her behavoior in the future.If you decide there should be a consequence to her actions on not listening, sit her down and explain them as well as you can for her age so she knows ahead of time what will happen, basically empower her with the choice she is to make and remember at 3 yrs of age they are a lot smarter then we give them credit for they understand far more then we think. Good luck!!

Hey, you are not alone!! (I have a three year old and a seven yr old. I homschool and my husband works from 8am to 8:30 pm all week, exept weekend..(Horray!!).
3 yr olds typically don't listen...remember their world is still new and always exciting, so they're mostly feeling and seeing. One method I've found that works well is getting down and looking them in the eye and saying "I need you to listen, Ok,..." and when you get a response from the child say what you want from them....and if they don't do it, figure out why, maybe what your asking is too much for a three yr old, maybe it's bad timing, maybe she's just being contrary. Let me tell you, I am not an advocate for immediate obedience, I'm an advocate for training a child to want to do the right thing out of their heart... not out of fear of punishment. I wouldn't punish not listening, 3 is still a baby, She needs your training and guidance and help to do those things you require. That's my two cents. I've been there and made mistakes and I hope it helps. God Bless, T.

My kids are just the same age as yours and my daughter is xactly the same age (3 in a couple weeks) and we are going through exactly the same thing! She sounds just like your daughter--smart, loving, wonderful, independent and STRONG-WILLED! Lately we have been using the "token" reward system for the things that we repeatedly have problems with her not listening on and that timeouts don't seem to work for. So far it has been working pretty well. We made a "token board" with boxes to fill in when she uses the right behavior on her "problem" areas. Since she's young, for the tokens we use stickers (she gets to choose which to put on the board) and when she earns enough "tokens" she gets to do something fun that she enjoys like going to the playground for an extra long time or going swimming at the rec center, etc. Right on the board we list the activities she gets "tokens" for and how many she will receive for completing the action. We also list how many "tokens" it takes to get different rewards. (for example, for going to bed when asked and staying in bed, she gets one token the next morning. When she has earned 10 tokens, she gets to go to the playground and stay for an hour (we usually only stay 20 or 30 mins). This system has completely resolved our issues with not going to bed/staying in bed at bedtime--she now does the right thing without needing tokens. It has also fixed most of the other things that she was not listening to us or acting out on. She does the right thing without asking for or needing tokens. Might be worth a try for you. Good luck!

I have a daughter that just turned 4, same kind of thing you are going through!! Very strong-willed!!! I know she hears me, and I KNOW she understands....tried the 'nanny' solutions & all of that...the only thing that has worked is a positive reinforcement system. We use tokens. When she listens & follows directs (or even itiates on her own) she recieves a token. If she does not, one is taken away. This is very clearly explained to her. She can use 3 tokens to watch a movie. This has worked very, very well for us. You have to be very consisten with it, but it worked for us, and it started to work very quickly.
The important thing to remember is that of course, all children are vastly different, and different techniques work on different kids!!
Good luck!!

My daughter is 2 1/2 and I have the same problem. She pretends not to hear me, or I'll tell her to do something and she will look me straight in the eye and do it anyway. I've tried putting her in time out, but she after awhile, she started putting HERSELF in time out! And that completely defies the purpose of the punishment. I've tried taking toys away... but she just plays with something else like the others never existed. I, too, have tried everything. We should get together and work on some solutions!

I read this and kind of chuckled. My daughter is now 4 and has always been very independent, strong-willed, and very much has her own ideas on how things should go and what she should do. I noticed it got particularly bad around 3..not listening, etc. My daughter is a Leo (August 17th) and I did some research on her sign and it fit her to a "t", so it made me realize that this is just going to be her tempermant to a certain degree. She is now 4 and it is not quite as bad, but if I tell her to do something like pick up something she dropped on the floor or her toys, it is a struggle. I try not to let it turn in to a power struggle as it very easily could (i mostly lose them). For example, if she throws a wrapper on the floor and doesnt pick it up, I have stopped picking it up for her and will leave it there and tell her to pick it up, if she doesnt then it stays there until she wants something and I tell her not until she picks up the wrapper (or whatever it may be). Then, I praise her and tell her "thank you so much for picking up after yourself and helping mommy..your such a big girl, etc.". It is kind of funny, becuase sometimes it feels like everything like that is such a struggle, that when she does pick things up the first time I tell her..I am like whoa..she listened.
Like almost everything else, I think this type of behavior to a certain extend is temporary, but I also beleive that how we parents deal with it now lays the ground work for how they react to us in the future with this type of thing. My main thing, is I try not to turn it in to a power struggle. It would be interesting to know if your daughter too is a Leo.
I am a 35 year old mother with a 4-year old daughter who is the love of my life, and I am sure will very soon give me many gray hairs :)

I have the same isse with my daughter. She is going to turn 4 in 2 weeks. I have tried everything from timeouts to spanking, from speaking nicely to yelling like a mad woman. Nothing helped except one thing. My dad used to do this to me and it seems to work with my daughter. I make her kneel with her face in the corner. When she doesn't follow directions after being told several times I warn her she is going to have to go on her knees if she doesn't listen. If the problem continues after the warning I make her kneel down in the corner.kneeling on the carpet gets uncomfortable after a few minutes and this seems to be enough to make her want to do whats been asked. After I punished her this way a few times all I have to do now is mention it and she listens.