Advice on Night Weaning - Colonia,NJ

Put her down drowsy and let her cry it out. It is very difficult, but it works. Read the Ferber book... there is a method to doing it correctly! Good luck-

hi J.. i had the same problem with my 3rd. actually with all of them, since i never let them cry and always nursed them to sleep. but with tyler it was the worst.. by the time he was 10 mos old, he was waking up every half hour or so, it was awful. we were both getting around 5 hours of sleep in a 24 hr period, and not in a row. not healthy for him, or anyone. so i let him cry, i had no choice, i had tried everything else. i know you dont feel ready to do that, and i understand, i felt the same way. i still do, actually, i hated it. i just want to tell you my experience and you can do with it what you will. i only tell you that because it seems like you are equating letting her cry with weaning, and it doesnt have to be like that at all. at 10 mos, when i was completely desperate, i still nursed him to sleep, and put him in the crib sleeping. but when he woke up during the night i didnt take him out. i wouldnt take him out any of the times he woke until the sun was up. i figured that was the only thing that he could recognize, since he cant tell time :) .... the first few times, i went in and stayed with him, i just felt sick leaving him there crying. but really, it just seemed to make it worse, because there i was, right there, looking at him and not taking him out. i could see the hurt and disbelief on his face. i tried sending hubby in, got the same results as you. tried paci, everything. finally, i just let him cry. it only took a couple of nights, i swear. it sucked, i wont lie. but he only cried for maybe a half hour at a time at the worst of it, the first couple of times he woke. it very quickly dwindled down, the poor guy was so tired.we are still nursing at 21 mos now, but now he sleeps through the night, or if he wakes up, i hear him whine for a minute and go back to sleep. and now i can put him in the crib awake to go to sleep, which i was never able to do with any of my kids before. he knows how to put himself to sleep, its like a miracle. ....its very difficult when you breastfeed, imo, to deal with the whole sleep thing. they just never learn to put themselves to sleep. i swore up and down with my 3rd that THIS TIME i was going to nurse him and wake him before i put him down, it never happened, i just dont see how you do it. i am envious of anyone who could. it is normal for them to wake up several times a night, we all do it, just that we go right back and they dont know how yet. so, i wish you the best, i really do, i have been there. i wasnt going to answer you because i knew this wouldnt be what you wanted to hear, but i didnt see you get any other answers and i feel for you. also, just so you know, once we did start sleeping, it really took me about a month or more until one day i just said OH this is how im supposed to feel! it was like a veil had been lifted that i didnt even know was there. and i was a happier and better mom too. the fact that it took so long, to me, points to the kind of damage we are doing to ourselves without even realizing it, since we do function. not to mention what it must do to the babies. so, i wish you well, i hope you find a way to do it the way you want to, i was never able to, but am now thankful i was able to do what i did when i had to. take care, D.
oh... and by the way, he doesnt have any separation problems or anything like that, none of my kids do at all. if anything, he is the most patient, though that is prob just because he is the 3rd. but if any of them are more emotionally needy than the others, it is my oldest, and he was cuddled and coddled and rocked and held like crazy, all day all night forever. he still comes in my bed and needs lots of kisses and hugs. which i sure dont mind :) i eat it up and am so thankful! but goes to show....

Hi J.,

I understand your frustration and I do have some suggestions. I think the reason the baby is waking up so many times and has gotten worse is because mother's milk is not filling her up anymore. As she gets older her requirements are going to change. This is what I suggest:

1. Get her into a bedtime routine i.e., what works wonders is a warm bath and a massage followed by a bottle (with maybe 1-2 scoops of cereal added). The bath will calm her down and the milk with added cereal will fill her up during the night. Another option is yogurt. Gerber or Beechnut (I can't remember which one) makes a wonderful yoghurt which my son loves. It contains active yoghurt cultures and is good for her.

2. Wean her off the breast milk gradually making sure the bottle is the last thing she drinks at night.

3. Take her into your room and read to her, or play music to her. Baby Einstein has some wonderful cd's and I'm sure she'll enjoy them. I also came across a little alarm clock that plays very soothing tunes like waterfalls, rain, heartbeats, you get the picture. This works wonders for my 11-month old son. By the end of his bath and massage, he's like a zombie. When she's visibly sleepy take her into her crib and say goodnite. Does she have a favorite toy or blanket? Do you give her baby food during the day?

I do not agree with letting the baby cry herself to sleep either; It's just too heartbreaking. See if this works for you and your husband and I'm sure it will. Give it a little time though. There is nothing more satisfying than a dry, full, relaxed baby! Let me know how it works.

A little about me: I'm a 46-year old full-time working mom to 2 beautiful sons: a 21-year old and an 11-month old.

Good Morning J.-

A few things that I picked up on in your narrative:

1) She co-sleeps with you the second half of the night. This makes you "readily available" and may be leading to more nighttime comfort nursing than needed. A few ideas that might help this are a) put her down in a pack n' play in your room so she is close by and not alone but you are each sleeping in your own space or b) nurse her in her room and avoid all the chaos of moving to a new location.

2) Start sending in your husband at least once per night. A bottle of forumla (so you don't have to wake up, warm BM, try to console her while she wails, etc. etc.) at night won't hurt her and in fact, she may decide very quickly that she doesn't like the taste and opt out of the feeding.

3) What made her birthday so special that she was SO tired? Did she run around alot? Was there lots of positive energy that you were able to gently transition into a calm environment? How did her birthday vary from a "standard" day? Did she get one last bite of cake before bed so her tummy stayed fuller longer? Take a deep look and see if there are things about that day that you can easily replicate in your daily schedule.

For me and my little girl, we were forced to drop the last nighttime feeding at midnight around 7 months. I had to go to VT for a wedding and could not take her. I was crushed and pumped all weekend including twice at night. My first night home, all I wanted to do was nurse with her but my folks had already put her to bed and announced that I should get some good rest after that driving. I told them I was looking forward to cuddling with her that night and I was told there would be no need. After three nights with Grandpa (Grandma had a broken foot at the time) attempting to feed her a formula bottle, she was content to sleep through the night. I think it was a combo of things that worked... 1) It wasn't me. 2) It wasn't BM. 3) I doubt that Grandpa cuddled up with her like I was doing.

When we were nighttime feeding, I made a concerted effort to keep things very calm. I used a motion sensored night light, picked her up, changed her diaper, nursed her but did not speak to her and put her back down in her bed. I did not rock and I tried to avoid walking and/or back patting/rubbing so that she would not be dependent on those things. As long as it was a calm event and I knew she was fed and safe, I generally slipped back to sleep right away too.

Good luck.
~C.

Buy the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It really helped me alot! Good luck to you.

~Annie

oops, you are reading that. Just be patient - it does get better. My daughter didn't sleep through the night until almost two. She sleeps in her own bed now, but I still lay with her almost every night and still likes to fall asleep at the breast sometimes.

I think your daughter is using this time at night to spend time with you. She obviously misses you during the day. Try to explain to a 12 month old how important it is that you have to go out to work every day and spend time with others. Can you rearrange your schedule, at least temporarily, so you can be home with her during the day and spend the bulk of your day interacting with her? She might be happy then to let you sleep at night.Just a thought from aloving Mom and Grandmom.

In my experience, I don't think your husband would be able to help at this point since Riley has already got used to see you during the night time because she feels safe and secure by having you next to her.

I have a son who is 3 and a half years old now. He used to wake up 4 to 5 times every nights. Finally I found a method to train him and it only took me a week. I found out that he loves trains very much. So, I told him that I would give him a train sticker every time if he could sleep on his own throughout the night and I promised him that I won't go anywhere and I will stay in my room. I also told him that I would take him to a train-ride if he could sleep on his own for a week. On the first day, he was sleeping very well, so I gave him a sticker. On the next day, he asked for me again but I insisted. I showed him the sticker book and reminded him that he can choose one on the next day. He finally made it for a whole week. Then, of course I took him to a train-ride. From then on, he doesn't need any sticker and can still sleep throughout the night. All you need to do is telling Riley that although you are not in her room, you are still very closed to her making her feel it's safe and secure to sleep on her own. I hope my experience could help you.

Finally, I DO NOT recommend that you offer Riley anything, like water, milk, or sippy cup during the night time. Don't make her rely on it. She is 12 months old now. I don't think she would be thirsty or hungry during the night time. All she needs is Security!!

Hi J.,
You just made me feel so much better. You described exactly what I'm going through. I was thinking today I must be the only one that is having such a problem. My son hasn't taken a bottle in a while but I'm wanting to start weaning him at night and hoping that will help if he has a bottle. I am so tired and frustrated. I just don't know what to do and feel I keep taking the easy way out because I can't stand his crying. I thought maybe if I wean him at night He'll start sleeping. I nurse him at 11pm,2am,4 or 5am and then 7am. I think it's just comfort. I'm up every 2hrs just about. I called the doctor today to see if I can start milk. Our year appt isn't for another month. Something needs to give because I'm wiped out. Let me know how it goes for you.

Hi - I did this with my now 4 year old son when he was about your daughter's age. Basically, when he woke at night, I went in and picked him up, but told him "No ba ba" (that is what he called nursing). He would scream and cry and eventually fall asleep. My husband and I would try anything to distract him - even taking him outside in the fresh air. He liked when we would talk to him and tell him about all the animals in the zoo. That would quiet him down and help him get back to sleep. It took a few weeks, but eventually he started sleeping through the night - but you have to be strong and NEVER give in after you make the no night nursing rule.

GOOD LUCK!

J.,

You've gotten a lot of good suggestions, and I just wanted to offer another book recommendation (not that you have the energy to read more...!):

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, MD

Good luck!
A.

Not really about night weaning, but one thing that gets overlooked with frequent night waking, is the baby's need to pee. When your baby starts to get restless, try taking off her diaper and holding her over a diaper/potty/toilet and talk to her gently telling her "it's time to go pee-pee" and see if she'll relieve herself.

Although we haven't totally night weaned, I found early on that if I tried to just nurse my daughter back to sleep at night without "peeing her" she would wake up 5-6 times a night (if not more). But if I took her to the potty she would relieve herself within a few seconds and fall right back to sleep without even nursing which took us down to 1 potty break late at night and one early morning (4 am) nursing session.

Give it a trial period for about a week or so and see if it helps--it definitely can't hurt and maybe everyone will get a bit more sleep at night :D

I always found that, as long as I had my son in the same bed, he wanted to nurse all night. And even when he was in our room, but in his crib, he still woke a lot. So we started by first moving him out of our bed. I would nurse him in a glider (so I wouldn't fall asleep, and to try to break the association of nursing in bed), then put him in his own crib (in our room). Once I was comfortable doing this, I cut back the number of feedings. I decided I would let him nurse every 3 hours instead of every hour and a half to two hours as he had been doing. If it hadn't been three hours, my husband would get up and soothe him (pick him up, hold him, rock him, whatever). After a few nights of this, he seemed to wake less, realizing he wasn't going to nurse every time. Once I felt comfortable going to the next step, we moved him to his own room. At that point, I started to cut him back to once a night, which worked for me. Any other time, my husband would go into him. I can't exactly remember, but I think when I wanted to cut out the final feeding, my husband went into him again. I think the key is to start somewhere--if something doesn't work, you can always change it. Also, move at a pace that works for you and your family, and modify the solutions to your needs. For example, the book I read said not to pick the baby up. We just couldn't do that. Also, I was not prepared to let him cry as long as they said to. I came up with my own cutoff time for crying. If he went past that, I gave in and nursed, but only for that session. There were some nights where we didn't make much progress. It will all work out for you. Good luck!

I have heard of (and am trying it myself) to reduce the time you spend nursing. If you nurse on both sides at night, reduce a minute each side every week. My 6 1/2 month old goes right back to sleep after a nursing even if I'm reducing the time she normally spends eating. Good luck!

Hi,

I went through this too, at one year, we were sharing a bed so it was different, but.. i first stopped nursing my son in the bed, but went to the living room, just to begin dissociated nursing from bed, and making it a little less delicious for him. Then, I gradually reduced the time I nursed at each session, made a gradual reduction (maybe 30 seconds or a minute less, depends on how long she nurses now) every 3 days or so, then when I was down to a minute, (if your daughter only nurses for comfort she may already only nurse briefly, so that may not apply), then I stopped but stayed near while my son cried and protested like crazy. Provide comfort and encouragement and tell her it's sleepy time or whatever phrase she knows. Let her learn this phrase during the tapering off process.

Like you, I was always against Cry it Out and there is plenty of evidence that this is not a good practice. I felt much better about being near, being supportive. Unfortunately, some crying is unavoidable After maybe 3 nights without nursing, he went from 3 hours max stretch of sleep to 5 hours, and that was heaven! If I remember, I set a the time of 5 AM for the first nursing of the day.

I loved the book "Good Nioght, Sleep Tight" for teaching my son to learn to go to sleep on his own. I highly recommend it as an emotionally responsive way to help your child learn to fall asleep by herself. It also helped my son to have one of those crib music players he could play if he woke at night. This was for my older (verbal) child, so I could discuss this with him, but it could be helpful for a young toddler, you never know exactly what will work, just try what you choose very consistently for several days. In my opinion, anything that takes more that that without a change in sleep pattern is probably not the best choice at the time. Especially when it comes to something that brings on a lot of crying.

here's the website for the book

http://www.sleeplady.com/index.htm

Best of luck!
C.

Hey J.,

First I just want to say please don't beat yourself up over this we have all rocked, cuddled, and fed our babies to sleep. Sleep training to me is the most difficult part of parenting because like you I hated to make my baby cry. However with my daughter I felt like you desperate. I didn't know what sleep was her first year of life. I also was not open to letting her cry however I was a walking zombie and felt I had no choice. I never co-slept because my husband is about 6"3 and 300 lbs so I was so afraid he would roll over on her so that was not an option. My daughter did take the pacifier and would wake up every hour for me to plug her back up even though she had 10 in her crib. She was a horrible sleeper. So I became desperate and did the crying it out method. I put her in awake, put music on, said night night and left the room. I went in every 10 minutes or so (that was the part that sucks) laid her back down put the music back on said night night and left the room. I repeated this for about 1 hour the first night until she fell asleep. I also did it at nap time as well to so I could be consistent. The second night we did the same thing she cried half an hour and the third night maybe 5 minutes. By night four no tears right to sleep. The reason for going in frequently is so they do not feel abandoned by you, it is difficult though because they cry harder when you go. However you are sending the message that it is time to sleep, mommy still loves you, I am here etc. If leaving the room is hard you can sit in a chair but do not take her out!!!! Once you give in you will have to start all over. I am telling you it is tough my husband pretty much had to hold me down even though we were both in agreement on doing this it was very difficult. All I can say is my kids are now 24 and almost 20 we are very close, they don't hate me, and they didn't grow up to be serial killers lol!!! I know you are going to get mom's who say it is cruel but I look at it as a gift of independence that you are giving to your child and a gift of sleep for your family. One more tip is I did it on a Friday night so I would have the weekend to do it and rest during the day if I needed to. Also so my husband was not sleep deprived for work. Good luck and keep us posted!!!

On the advice of my brother who has 9 kids, we weaned my daughter from night nursing by having my husband be the only one who goes in to get her at night. He would give her a bottle of water only (not milk, because you also have to eliminate nighttime hunger and get them used to not eating in the middle of the night). After a while he wouldn't even have to give her a bottle he'd just walk her around until she got back to sleep. Of course, this means at some point we'll have to wean her from the bottle / walking thing too but i figure one thing at a time! It only took a week for her to start sleeping through the night almost every night after we started this routine, because she knew she wasn't getting mama or milk. Thing is, she was already very used to the bottle at this point, so that's one different with your daughter that may make it a bit more challenging. But definitely the daddy being on night shift thing is something I would recommend. It worked for us.
I am totally with you on the crying it out thing, I haven't been able to do that, and am trying to give my daughter good sleep habits without putting her through that.
Good luck!

Dear J.,
I started to night wean my 18 month old daughter at 17 months of age. I'm a single Mom who works full time and sleeps in the same room with my daughter (due to the fact that we live in a tiny one bedroom, she sleeps in a small crib). Up until 17 months of age, I didn't mind getting up ~3 times per night b/c I missed her so much during the day and enjoyed the together time. However, the constant fatigue finally got to me and I realized that something had to give. I hated the idea of letting her cry for many reasons, but realized that we'd have to go "cold turkey" b/c the more subtle approaches weren't working/available (reduced nursing time, sending someone else in to feed her etc.). I was really afraid that night-weaning would affect our nursing relationship in the morning/evening before/after work (thankfully, it didn't).
What is slowly working for us....
1. I go to her immediately when she cries out (not when she just whimpers a little), but step away from the crib as soon as she is calm (initially I had to leave the room and sit in the living room, but now I go back into my room).
2. If she started to cry again right away, I would not go back into the room immediately. This was really bad the first three nights only.
3 I don't nurse in bed any more :( Only outside the bedroom. Therefore, she would stop expecting the breast even when I came to her bedside or if she snuggled with me in the morning.

After 3 days she started to sleep for longer stretches of time, and now we only get up once a night (rarely she sleeps through the night). I pat her for a minute of so and she goes right back to sleep (usually!). Thankfully, the terrible crying of the first few days is extremely rare now. With regard to our nursing relationship, at first, she wanted to nurse more during the day for longer stretches of time. Now, it's more "typical". She also gets up earlier in the morning b/c she's sleeping more solidly. That's a bummer on the weekends, but helpful during the week.
One challenge that I had is that it's not light out in the morning when we get up, so it's hard for her to differentiate day from night. However, that hasn't been as confusing for her as I would have thought. Secondly, I don't believe that you should "never" night nurse again once you've made your decision to wean at night. My daughter was sick about 2 weeks into this and was inconsolable one night until she briefly nursed. It didn't set us back at all.
I wish you the best of luck!
J.