Advice on Night Weaning

I'm big on attachment (co-slept my daughter for nearly 3 years and never regretted it), and breast milk is awfully good for children for as long as you can provide it (you'll know when it's time to stop), and teething could become an even bigger issue for your son if you were to withhold nursing when he wakes at night, so I'd say that as long as you can flow with it, go with it.

The other thing I've noted with my grandboy, and heard about from other parents, is that babies and toddlers get whims that can quite suddenly change their preferences. The technical term for this is "stages." It's possible that starting tonight, your sweet, silly son will suddenly decide that ONLY daddy can put him down at night. Then he could switch again in a few weeks. (I think they do this because life needs regular doses of the unexpected and puzzling.)

If you'd like to encourage a shift, you and Papa might both put him to bed together for several nights. Sometimes small shifts eventually reach a tipping point, and voila!, suddenly new preferences take hold.

I just wanted to share some of my own experiences with my son who is now 5. I nursed him until he was nearly 3 and he still likes to sleep with me. I feel attachment parenting is a wonderful thing and I feel that our children will let us know when they no longer need to be nursed and have the need to sleep with us. My son is a very healthy and secure person and I believe it is because he was allowed to nurse as long as he did. When he was around 2 I started to wean him. Then he only nursed at night and for comfort when he got a boo boo. I was given some advise from a friend that read several books on nursing and attachment parenting. She said to not offer but to also not refuse if your child asks for it. I used that with my son and it really helped. As he got older he only asked for it once in a while then by the time he was 3 he rarely asked. If he got hurt he would say "I need boobie" I would give it to him but he only wanted it for 10 seconds then he was off and running. As far as bed time goes he learned being cuddled was good enough for him to fall asleep. Anyhow I hope what I have shared helps you in some way.

Hi K.- Our babies slept with us too and nursed as well. With baby # 1 I started to wean him by putting rice milk in a bottle at nite time and slowly started saying "no more booby- mommy sleep time"! Then gradually that went to water in the bottle, then no bottle. I will warn you- this does take a while and a lot of patience. Also- bc of the bottle,he had some of his baby teeth get a little stained. So with baby # 2, I quickly went from rice milk or soy to water only in the bottle at nite. His teeth are perfect. So, do what feels best and take care.

Hi there!
My dh and I practice attachment parenting and our son who is 6 and our daughter who is 2 1/2 still sleep in our room. Hopefully not for too much longer.
My feeling is that 13 months may be a little early to start night weaning. I waited until my son was 18 months and my daughter was 20, mainly because that was the point that I just had to start getting more uninterrupted sleep and they seemed to understand what was going on better. We pretty much followed the Dr. Sears model. We started talking about how we were only going to nurse right before bed and then it was time for "nursies" to go nite nite, and baby to go nite nite and mommy and daddy go nite nite. We will have nursies again in the morning. There was some protest, but not nearly as much as I thought. My son took 2 nights and then he was sleeping through the night. My daughter was and still is a little more persistant and took more like a week, but then was sleeping through the night. We just gently reminded both of them that it was time for "nite nite" and offered cuddles and pats and such. My husband has always had a harder time putting the kids down, but it usually goes ok when I am out. We can pretty much forget about it with the 2 1/2 year old if I am home. She will just scream for me until one of us gives in.
Anyway, there are my two cents.... enjoy that baby!

I know that it can be tiring I too nursed my baby till well after one and night breast feed in my bed. I say just stick it out it is only for a short time that he will want you the way he does now. I have a 3 year old that I just weaned a few months ago. And she sleeps fine at night. Keep up the good work your son will thank you for it in the long run, he will be secure and confident and he will have you to thank for it!

As far as your son only letting you put him to bed at night....he is attached to you, you are the one who can comfort him with the food! He is attached to you. This is not a bad thing obviously....but after you wean him, and dad gets to feed him bottles, etc..it should get easier.

How about trying a pacifier? That way he could still cuddle with you until you're ready to move him to his own room. That might eventually make it easier for daddy too, cuz he could also give him the binky. Whenever I want my husband to put our little guy to bed, I always have him watch how I do it first, lol! It seems to work, although 99% of the time I am the one to put him down out of habit (I don't mind, but he does sleep through the night except an occasional wakeup that I can slip in the binky and walk out). Good luck!

Hi!

We weaned our son at almost 3 (bad, bad!!) and it was okay. My sister in law was pregnant and we "sent" the binki to Texas in a box he picked out. We also said that after 2 days of watching, the binki fairy would come and drop off something special (we left money for him to go to the toy store and getting something with "his" money). Binki fairy is best friends with Santa and the Easter Bunny (if that works for your family). It was hard at first but after 2 naps and 2 nights, the binki fairy came and left him money. He did very well and knowing that his cousin "has them" made him feel ok about it. Just a thought! Good luck - but stay strong. We have major dental/ortho work in our future!!!

I hear ya with the teething nights. Those can be rough. Once a night feedings seem to still allow for some good sleep for mom but three to four night wakings can make you feel like a walking zombie. I don't know, particularly during the teething times, what you can try. But I will say that we've recently moved our nearly ten month old to his crib - which was originally placed right next to our bed - and now his crib and him have been moved to his own room. If there is more than one night waking, I'll bring him into the room because that seems easiest for all of us.

When making the switch from bed to crib, we made sure to buy a quality mattress, and have been working to get our son to form attachments to one or two woobie-type toys so he doesn't feel abandoned. We never let him alone to cry but we would say something like "whoops, mommy forgot something, I'll be right back!" (I think this technique was in the No-Cry Sleep Solution book.) He would fuss but we, luckily, have not had hysterics.

Of course, the nighttime routine is great at prepping baby for what's to come. Ours goes something like this: dinner, light play and/or walk outside, bath, being read to while nursing, and place in crib. I might continue reading if he isn't quite asleep when he goes in the crib or I will sometimes sing a lullaby. If he squirms to get up, I'll hug him and give him a kiss, and place him back in the crib. If he gets up several times, it usually means he wants to nurse some more.

Is your kid pretty skinny? Ours is, so I won't even consider night weaning until he packs on a little more weight.

I don't know if this helps at all or really even addresses your issue of weaning - it's my understanding from friends that the kids can wean themselves when they are ready. Anyway, good luck.

On only falling asleep nursing: yes he will grow out of it :).
Second thought, related to that. I think (based on a huge amount of study and thinking and also my experiences) that males literally _need_ female-comfort going to sleep the same way females need male-comfort to face the day. (Hence, to massively generalize, men want sex in the evening and find it a bother in the morning, and women want sex in the morning and really wish men would just let them _sleep_ already at bedtime.) It has to do with how men are naturally stronger physically and we are naturally stronger spiritually/intuitively (the inner world).

My older boy will literally be almost asleep, and as he is doing the final slip into unconsciousness, will cry out for me (now he's old enough to use a word, "Momma! Snuggles!", but he used to just make a sudden desperate cry). It is hard to remember how much that matters to him, and that that cry is my one chance to meet this need each night, because literally within 10 seconds it will be too late. He is five, and just even a finger to hold (while I'm getting the baby to sleep) is enough. But he really does 'need' that to fall asleep securely. (He'll fall asleep either way. But not in confidence.)

Anyhow. That was all probably not what you were asking for. But I am pretty excited by the whole equal-partnership aspect of the women's actual strength thing, and the beautiful way the two genders fit together if we understand the _gift_ we can be to each other. And I thought I'd offer it to you for your son :).

--K. :).

K.,
Congrats to you on your parenting style. I completely understand where you are at right now. I have 25 month old twins who were just recently completely weaned. I was totally sleep deprived by 18 months because they were both wanting to nurse 3 or more times a night. But ultimately, it was a comfort for them, they didn't really need it. We would put them to sleep in their cribs, but they'd always end up in bed with us and want to nurse. What we decided for night weaning (which we did at about 19 months) was this... For a week or so before I stoped the night feeding, I explained to them that mommy's boobies were almost empty and that soon, we wouldn't be able to nurse at night. I kept reinforcing it. Then one day, I just stopped. I would still nurse them to sleep and put them in to their cribs. When they woke up, Daddy would go in and get them. They did cry (the longest time was 7 minutes) and he would rock them back to sleep. Those 7 minutes were hell on me and I wanted to go get them, but I knew this was the only way. We'd bring them into bed with us after about 4 a.m. or so and just reinforce that mommy's boobies were sleeping. It took 3 nights (3 rough nights, albeit) but they have never asked to nurse again in the middle of the night. They still wake at times and want to come in to bed with us and we let them. Although it is getting kind of crowded now that we have 2 adults and 2 toddlers in a queen size bed. But I wouldn't change anything about what we did, except maybe do the night weaning earlier. I was a much better mom to them when I was more rested. Good luck to you!!!!