"Advice on New Fathers"

First and foremost... TALK TO HIM!! When our first daughter came along we had the same situation... my husband just "assumed" I wanted to do it all. After talking, we worked out a deal. I would get up with the baby Sunday-Thursday nights, and he would get up Friday and Saturday nights. Also, he would do dishes, and I would take care of laundry. After talking it worked out great and we continued to do our routine after we had our next 2 kids.
So good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!!! Welcome to mommyhood!! The land of all-nighters, spit-up on good clothes, kiss the body goodbye, hugs, kisses, and unconditional love!! :)

The instinct to help out didn't come to my hubby either. I stayed home for 8 weeks on maternity leave.

After the first week, we made the deal that I would get up with her during the week and he would get up with her on the weekends (Friday/Sat nights). He also took over making dinner and we swapped off on cleaning up afterwards. That helped tremendously.

Once I went back to work, we swapped every other night getting up with her. We still do this even though she's 22 months. If she is sick etc., we still swap off the nights.

I suggest you sit down and talk. I met my husband at the door when she was 1 week old in tears. I didn't want to stay home for another 7 weeks and felt like my whole life was suddenly baby/laundry/feedings/diapers where for the last 10+ years I had an identity that was tied to being an employee/manager. I had a hard time dealing with that. From that day forward, my husband helped out more and even gave me time to do thing by myself a bit.

And ASK..."will you please do xxx for me today?" My hubby doesn't see what needs to be done sometimes and is more than willing to do it if I ask him to.

Welcome to mommyhood. Seriously, the most joyful experience I have ever had as well as the most frustrating and exhausting! But I wouldn't trade it for anything!

My husband was the same way too. I think it is just the way guys are, without meaning to be, they are clueless on the demands of motherhood. And why wouldn't they be - I myself had no idea how stressful the first two months or so could be! I agree with another poster - don't make it look like you can do everything, and as other posters say, sit down and talk to him and let him know the stress you are feeling. The last thing you want to do is make the first few months of your life as parents a stressful and unenjoyable experience. It goes way too fast!
As far as him only holding the baby for a little bit - that I personally believe will get better in time as the baby gets older. Many men don't see as much joy in holding a little ball with no emotions, no communication, not much of a personality. In about 2 months I bet your husband will naturally start spending more time with your daughter because he will be more comfortable with the little person she becomes. The first two months of my daughter's life my husband barely noticed she was around, but gradually when he was able to "play" with her more he started spending more and more time. Now she is 8 months old and they are best buddies. Congratulations, and good luck!

He really doesn't sound and different from any other husband. At least he feeds her. Some guys wouldn't even do that. You just need to tell him what you need. Maybe mention that you cannot do all the chores in the house right now so maybe he could help do a few things. I offered to hire Merry Maids to get us through during that time. (I also have a new baby but she is 5 months old now.. He ended up doing the work himself because he didn't want to pay for extra help. I asked for help with things like cleaning the bathroom, the laundry and shoppping. If you try to make it look like you can do everything, then he will think you can and for some reason they will not offer up the help. Just ask him if he could chip in more but make sure you give specific tasks. If you find he is not following through then go to the To do lists. Usually when I tell my husband I need help with things he will do them without me having to write lists.

I would definitely try to get him to do more to take some of the stress off of you. Maybe you could get him to help if you phrased it like this..."Could you give Lyla a bath while I wash dishes (or vice versa)?" I think for me it was important that he understand that I wasn't just asking him to do something and then I WASN'T doing something...this way he could understand that we were BOTH doing something.
I agree with other posters that he will probably interact more with her naturally when she starts to interact more with people.
As far as night time feedings, I guess everyone has their own way of doing this. We took 6 week shifts, I did the first 6 weeks because we were co-sleeping and I was breast feeding. He took the second 6 weeks and now he gets the first wake up and I get the second. Whatever you decide is has to work for both of you.

This is TRULY EVERY woman's battle!!
These are a few things that helped us:

1) I know at one month it is hard to leave a baby (esp. if you are breast feeding like I did). What helped my husband to understand a little better was when I left the twins with him for four to six hours (NOT JUST ONE HOUR!). I didn't do this until they were probably two or three months old, but it helped him realise a little that I wasn't just sitting on my butt all day or napping!! Of course, he would get much more done than I usually do because he only had to do it for a few hours and sometimes he would brag that he did the laundry, cleaned the floors, etc. I had to ask him "Did you hold the kids at all while I was gone or change their diapers?" When I got home I would have to change their diapers and feed them.

2) It is amazing what men really think when you ask them what you do all day. It helps to log what you do all day for a week. I did that as well. Included was "10:00 A.m. 20 minute feeding," "10:20 A.m. Pooped through outfit - took 30 minutes to change, bath, and rinse out poopy clothes" "10:50 baby finally naps - did dishes, started laundry with poopy clothes, sat for four minutes and baby woke up" and especially "1:45 p.m. Realised I didn't eat lunch because I didn't have the time to fix anything, ate a few carrots and a piece of toast" Your days may not be quite that busy, with twins there were many days that I didn't have time to eat. I also logged how much sleep I was getting. I wrote down when I laid down and when I got up for feedings and when I finally got back into bed. The totals even astounded me (five or six hours tops).

3) I have a friend who does a swap with her husband. He gets nights on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. You may even just have him do Wednesday, Friday and Saturday if he works all week or even just Friday and Saturday. I had to get up with my daughter because I breast fed her until she was 8 months old. But he did watch her in the evenings so that I could nap. And we did supplement sometimes with a bottle after she was five or six months old, so if he didn't have to work the next day I would whack him to wake him up and tell him it was his turn. Most of the time that worked. I am usually pretty timid, but I have gotten more assertive and aggressive when it comes to dealing with my husband and kids.

My daughter still takes a bottle sometimes at night. Usually it is atound 11:30 p.m. or 5:00 A.m. which gives me some good sleep in the middle of the night, but last night it was 3:00 A.m. My husband sleeps right through all those feedings and I make sure ALWAYS to tell him in the morning what time she got up and what time I went back to bed.

Make sure to tell your husband you are feeling overwhelmed and could use some help with ANYTHING. When I start getting overwhlemed my wonderful husband will talk four hours out of his day and clean the whole house, including laundry. This gives me a clean slate. Your husband may not take the hint, but you could power clean together for an hour.

It really took about two years before my husband started to really understand that I was working harder at home than he was at work. With our little girl it was much smoother and I got a lot more help from him. It may just take some time.