Advice on How to Potty Train a 3 1/2 Year Old Girl:

Updated on December 14, 2006
K.W. asks from Shakopee, MN
12 answers

My daughter, Alexys knows what the potty is and what its used for, but she refuses to even stand next to it. I've backed off thinking that she needs more time. She just simply refuses. It's driving me nuts. How do I get her to at least try? When we sit her onto the toilet, she starts crying and screaming! Everyone tells me she should be going potty already and it's frustrating. Help me!

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A.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

What I did with my 2 year old is when Mommy went potty so did she. We sat on the potty together.. She also had a sticker chart on the back of the door. When she went #1 she got 1 sticker and if she went #2 she got 2 stickers. Let her pick out the stickers and let her make the chart... Hope it helps!

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S.B.

answers from Janesville-Beloit on

My son is 3 and 1/2 years old and he has just been potty trained for 2 weeks. He still can't make it through the night and has to wear pull-ups while sleeping. Everyone kept pressuring me and telling me that he should be trained, but I just let him do it at his own pace and it really did happen. In the 2 weeks that he has worn underwear, he has only had 4 or 5 accidents during the day. When she is ready, she will let you know. I would just keep trying to get her in the bathroom and if it becomes emotional be done. I can't offer you much advice, but to just be patient and I completely understand your frustration.

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M.S.

answers from St. Cloud on

There is no "magic" age when children are ready or become potty trained. I wouldn't force her to sit, becaues then it become a power struggle. I would still suggest it or ask, every other hour if she would like to try. I know alot of children like to be read stories and it can be a very special, fun time for child and mommy.
Good Luck!

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K.M.

answers from Milwaukee on

Honestly... the best way is the messy way. You have to just tell her she's a big girl and she'll have to go on the potty an just put underware on her. No pull-ups. She won't like peeing on herself and she'll go. Don't pester her about trying to go all the time or it will become a power struggle. Good luck:)

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B.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I agree with Kali M, the best way is the messy way. She is 3 1/2 and she understands what she is doing, and what she needs to be doing. Put her in underwear, make a big deal out of it ,let her pick them out, and get a bunch of the pretty ones that she likes. Put them on her, and tell her she needs to use the potty. IF she has an accident, make HER take her wets off, make HER help wipe up the mess, make HER get new dry clothes and put them on herself. A few times of this and she will realize its much easier to just use the potty instead of taking all that time to clean up.
Sticker charts and M&M's work great too, especially at her age, she is old enough to understand the consequences.

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A.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

My daughter woke up on her 3rd birthday and she decided she was going to start using the potty. I was trying to get her trained before then and it was hard on us both. A few weeks before she was to turn 3 we had her cousins come in from out of state to visit for 1 1/2 weeks. They were 3 and 6 at the time. She wanted to do everything they did but she was limited due to her wearing a diaper. I kept telling her they were big kids and they can do things she can't because she's a baby in diapers. She woke up on her 3rd birthdate and decided she was a big kid too. That may sound a little harsh to some but hey it worked. She felt in control and had 1 accident that day. I explained to her it was ok and we all make mistakes and she has not had an accident since. She's now 4 1/2 and a big sister now and she is proud to be the big girl and happy to not wear "nasty, stinky diapers" as she puts it. My husband and I do special things with her and not the baby because she's a big girl. We take her to McDonalds playland and Chuck-e-cheeses, and even the park. To really make her feel like the big girl. I also used to put her potty chair right in front of the toilet and I would ask her to go potty every time I went. She liked doing that. I hope this helps, but remember to not stress her out to much with pressuring her to go potty.

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G.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

I totally agree with everyone eles. She will do it when she is ready. Poty training is one of the only things kids have total control over. It is probably partly a control issue, when she decides it is something she wants to do, she'll do it. I have an almost 4 yr old and he didn't start using the toilet until around 3 1/2. He freaked out when we mentioned using the toilet. We started referring to the toilet as something "big kids" use. My son even had a song about how he would not use the potty, then one day, out of the blue, his dad was going and he decided he wanted to try. Never went backwards after that! Have a huge party everytime she sits on or near the toilet! Lots and lots of jumping up and down, blow whistles, get out balloons, bribe her with candy if you have to.

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S.A.

answers from Minneapolis on

I'm an against the grain mom on this one. I DO believe kids can be potty trained earlier...and my ped agrees! Look at European countries...their kids are NOT in diapers at 3! Anyhoo...I potty trained my 2.5 year old boy in a weekend using a modified Dr. Phil method (google it online, or buy the book...totally worth the investment!). Now, Im talking daytime trained. He's now 4.5 and while nighttime trained...he still has an occassional accident. He wasn't mostly nighttime trained until about 3.5ish.

My little girl is 21 months. I'm going to do the same approach with her around her 2nd bday. She has a 'little' interest in the potty, so that's enough for me to push it. She's getting Dora undies (her absolute favorite person!) for Christmas...and we'll see what happens.

You have to be willing to spend the time on it though. I"m a full time WOHM...and while the weekend we did it was a total lost...it was newfound freedom to have a child without diapers on when we went places.

Don't bother with pull ups...it's just a glorified diaper! Wet those undies a few times...she won't like it!

GOOD LUCK!

S. (31)
Mom to Parker, 4.5 and Madeline 21 months

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A.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

I potty trained my daughter at two right after my son was born and I started with a little potty chair and then she was not really responding to that and so I had her pick out a Dora seat that fits over the big toilet. After that she was thrilled to go and I took her every 15 to 30 min. And like the other mom Amanda I too had a sticker chart, stickers of course to her liking and within that week I had her potty trained. Good luck hope this helps

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J.W.

answers from Eau Claire on

I have been a daycare teacher for almost 6 years now. I have worked with one year olds to three year olds. When it comes to potty training. You can't force a child. It can make the child to refuse even more to use the potty and emontional damage. But you can try rewards like sticker chart or stamps. Put a sticker on each time the child goes or try to go. Have it were if she gets so many stickers she gets a toy or something that she wants. Go shopping for underwear that she wants. She will go when she feels ready. Good luck!

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D.F.

answers from Milwaukee on

when my friend had her 3 year old potty trained she had her son and 3 year old went back into diapers because she stopped using the potty. the doctors said that it was normal, a kind of rebellion, she wasnt the baby anymore. so maybe your older one doesnt want to because of the younger one. with my own child who will be three in march, it took a few months to potty train her. my mother wouldnt stop telling me how my daughter need to be trained and she actually took my daughter for a week to help train her. every two hours i would put her on a toilet no matter where i was. after what seemed to be a long time she finally was dry every time we took her to the bathroom. it took many days of dad yelling at her and me offering her prizes if she did it. and for a few weeks i didnt think she cared about it at all. try what ever you can and dont give up. try different bathrooms and busy ones where she can see everyone else doing it.

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J.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

Just last week I bought the book "Toilet Training in Less than a Day" after someone on here recommended it to another mom. My son is 2 1/2. I am not going to really start until January, because this month is just too crazy to expect him to potty train, and to find the time to let him. I have only read part of the book so far, but am very impressed, and actually have done a few of the things it says (though not in order and trying hard), he has been in underwear since 9:30 this morning, and just had his first accident. The book recommends teaching them to do everything on their own, including cleaning up the messes. They even empty the potty chair after they go. They just get up and go in the bathroom when they need to, instead of relying on mom to remind them. My son has been doing great all day. He takes off his underwear, sits down and goes, and puts the underwear back on by himself. When I try to follow him in... I am told don't come with. He gets a reward every time. I check him every few minutes, and if he is dry, he gets an M & M. If he goes potty in the potty chair, he gets 3. The main thing this book recommends is getting a doll that can go potty, and have them help you teach the doll to go potty, before you start expecting them to. Check the doll every couple minutes, and if it is still dry, they get a reward. This bood was tested on many kids, and they were all successful except for 2, and both of their fathers were against starting them on potty training. The successful kids were potty trained in 30 minutes to 2 days, with rare accidents after. I know it will work for my son, just from how I know him, and the little bit that I have started so far (without the doll.. bought it on ebay and it will be here soon) is making him really excited and want to go potty. Good luck with your daughter! She will do it, you just have to make her feel proud of her accomplishments when she does, so that she will want to do it again.

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