Advice on How to Help My Daughter.

Hi J.,
I have Irish Twins too! My boys are 11 months and 2 weeks apart and fight like cats and dogs half the time and LOVE eachother the other half. What I did was carry both of them around because I felt so bad for my oldest that he didn't get all my time. My younger one was too little to be jealous and he was given just as much attention. I would recommend that to you also..........treat your daughter like the baby she is........at least until she's 18 months old and your son is crawling.....They are going to be A LOT like twins their whole life..trust me....they are going to have this rivalry but also a bond and it's important for you to coddle and pamper and love the older one especially right after the new baby is born. She needs to feel that secureness that she's not being replaced. She will then, eventually become independent.

Put it this way.......she is gonna still be a baby when your son is born and you would have still babied her....so, that shouldn't change just because a new one is coming.

A little about me..I have 4 children ages 16, (girl) and 3 boys ages 14,10 & 10. (my older 10 year old will turn 11 on January 3rd)

Best of Luck!
J. N

I would really work on putting her around as many babies and small kids as possible. Find a playgroup, story hour at the library, indoor playarea at Eden Prairie or Ridgedale Mall, etc. I had a similar problem I know this sounds weird but with my cat. I made the mistake of never having her around any kids or babies and when my daughter was born the cat flipped out and disliked the new baby and did some pretty bad things in the babies room. Prior to the baby my cat was perfect and had great behavior.

I have a friend who's kids were 11mos. apart and she had problems with the older one still being a baby but being pressured to grow up faster and do things quicker to make room for the younger one. When the kids were toddlers everyone thought they were twins as well.

Do you have books with babies in them? That was one of my daughter's first words. She loves to look at books and point out all the babies. I also think getting a doll would be good. My daughter loves to give her hugs and kisses, and even says "oooh" when she does because she always hears me say it! It is very hard to reason with a baby! but with exposure I'm sure she will be fine.

They say that children can sense other children/babies when you're pregnant...i swear that's true!! When i was pregnant with my son my daughter was 1 1/2... she became more attached to me but I tried to get her use to having other babies around by showing her pictures of her self as a baby, showing her pictures of other babies (magazines, etc...) and then I let her lay on my stomach as I got bigger...she loved it! And she absolutely was attached to my son when he was born. She was my spoiled only child until he came and I thought i was going to have a huge problem with her, but it actually wasn't. Get her use to another baby...maybe buy her a baby doll of her own and compare that to the new baby on the way...we also did that for my daughter... when my son finally came home from the hospital (a month after he was born due to seizures) she didn't have a problem with him at all. When mamma had to feed the baby Hailey (my daughter) would feed her baby... it was like a game to her. Now the two are getting into everything together!!! They are such trouble-makers!! :) She's 2 1/2 and he's 8 months

First off, you're very blessed to have a wonderful family! Congratulations on this pregnancy.

One thing I've always done with my kids (closest age gap was 22 months) is I made the baby THEIRS. I call the baby their baby, I have them help me take care of the baby. I tried to avoid not allowing them to touch the baby, within reason. Also, make sure that your husband shares in taking care of your daughter and the baby, starting NOW with your daughter. That way, the baby doesn't monopolize either parent. ANd my new babies always came bearing small gifts for their older siblings! haha There's been very little jealousy early on between the kids and the baby, it came later. Just make sure you include her as much as you can and still give her one on one time.

Best wishes!!

Get her involved as much as possible. Books with babies, dolls, being around real babies. If you are out and about tell her "lets find the baby" and look for one, when you see one tell her ohhh look nice baby ect.. It worked for my son. He loves babies. Also a good thing my mother did with my sister and I (we are a year apart to the day) is get your daughter a special baby doll, give it to her when you are in the hospital buy bottles and diapers and let her change and feed her baby when you are yours. It works like a charm. They have little car seats too for dolls! Good luck!

Congratulations!
My children are 18 months apart, so I know your daughter will be a lot younger than mine was. In baby time, 6 months is a big difference! :]
The only advice to add is to get a baby doll and let your daughter take care of her and play with her. Treat the doll like it's a real baby. You can even take care of the doll to have her get used to having to give up some of the attention: (Hold, play, change, feed, sing to...and have your daughter involved.) When she starts walking, maybe get the doll a stroller. My daughter loved(s) strolling "her baby" around. The doll even had a potty chair which helped when it came time for potty training.
Oh, and I agree, it's important to have Dad involved and for each of you to get one-on-one time with your daughter.
Good luck! There will definitely be some challenges, but it will work out. They'll probably be best buddies in no time.