Advice on How to Get My 4 Year Old to Go #2 in the Toilet Instead of a Diaper.

Try different types of kids pottys. I know my 4 year old son is more comfortable if his feet are on the floor.

My daughter (at the age of 5) held it for 18 days at one time. She was severly impacted. Your son is heading in the same direction. You don't want to punish or say no to diapers or he'll get worse. He may have had a painful bowel movement at one time and that is why he is holding it? For starters, you need to make sure the poop he is making now is soft. Suppositories and enema's are fine in a pinch/emergency but they will become habit forming, you don't want him only going when he gets one of these. You need to make sure his diet is healthy, lots of water and if his Dr. says it is OK, Miralax on a daily basis (half a scoop to start) to help his poop become soft. Once his poop is soft and he realizes it no longer hurts to poop or that there is nothing to be afraid of then you need to make sure he is on the toilet about 15 minutes after eating breakfast every day. This will set up a habit of going the same time everyday. For my daughter, I set up a cd player in the bathroom and she'd go in shortly after breakfast and put on her story, sit down and poop. It didn't take long (a day or so) for her body to just go at the same time every day. She is doing great now but still on Miralax. If I forget to give her Miralax for more than a couple of days her poop starts to become impacted again, so this is something we will be on for a while. It takes some time for the colon to shrink back to it's normal size.

If you have any specific questions, don't hesitate to email me. I know how you feel and what your son is going through is very common! Being patient and calm is very important during this time.
M.
____@____.com

This is exactly what we went thorugh with our oldest boy. We had the same concerns and we tried to force the issue with him only to see him move farther away from the goal. It was not until my brother, who has older kids, assured me that my son would get it on his own. The phrase he used was "don't worry, he will not be in kindergarten still using a diaper!" I assure you the same will happen for you. The positive here is that he is telling you when he has to go so he is aware when it is coming. That is the biggest step. Does he do #1 standing up? That was a mistake we made with our son. We thought it was a good thing so we let it happen. We later just worked on getting him to do #1 sitting down and eventually #2 happened at the same time. Work on the small victories and I assure you he will come around on his own. Take some solace that you are not alone and lots of kids go through this. He will get there!

Hi L.,
We had the same issue with my son, only he would squat and not stand. I thought the same thing you did: that the position was not conducive to sitting on the toilet. My son was almost 4 and in undies 24/7 except when he needed to have a BM in the toilet. He would even get up in the middle of the night to go pee! So, when he asked for a pull-up (which we were running out of), I would send him to the potty to "try" while I got a pull-up. He had a stool for his feet and a potty insert so he wouldn't fall in. He would sit and try, even read sometimes and had his "reward" right there waiting for him (a toy). Nothing would happen and I would put the pull-up on b/c I didn't want it to become a health issue. The breakthrough came when we were on vacation. There wasn't a stool for his feet or an insert to hold him up, so he held himself up which meant that his bottom was lowered into the toilet, somewhat like when he squats. While he waited for me to get the pull-up a little bit came out. We made a big deal of course and then he finished in the pull-up. Fast forward to a few days after we get home and he asks for a pull-up. I again send him to the toilet to "wait" for me to get it. For whatever reason, he didn't use the stool or insert and he went in the toilet!!! We were all so happy, including himself. He was SO proud of himself, he kept singing the poopy in the potty song all day. Never a problem since that day. Who would have thought that the things I thought would help (the stool and the insert) would actually be a hinderance! Lastly, it is true, it will happen when your son is ready. Boys take longer than girls, so the experts say. Hang in there and good luck!!

J.,
Proud mommy of potty trained 4 year old boy and growing too fast 9 year old girl!

I cannot speak from experience, my son didn't have this issue but my friend did. Her daughter wouldn't go poop on the potty. She would do the same thing. Her pedi told her that it is ok to go 5 days with out going poop then use a laxative, she used (baby fleet and liquid sapository). She told her daughter that there are no more diapers and that she needs to go on the potty just like mommy and daddy (and her older sisters). She held it for 4 days the first time and cried when she went. The next time it was 4 days again but then after that it was 2 days and then she was regular. My friend gave her a reward every time she would go in the potty. My friend looks back and wishes she did it earlier that she did but was glad she did!
good luck!

Michele S. is right.
When my daughter was about 2 years old...we had to see a Pediatric Gastroenterologist for her "constipation."

He basically said the same thing that Michelle S. said.
You do Not want the child to "hold it in", and use withholding of diapers as a punishment. Some children WILL call your bluff.
Or, they will find a hidden corner somewhere and poop there.
Either way, it's a "emotions" issue.

Going poop IN the toilet, is often the LAST thing that they will do. No sense forcing it. With kids, this will often just make them NOT do it... and more angry about it.

All the best,
Susan

Hi L.,
I missed this first time around, but can relate to this issue and thought I would share. My friend has a grandson who was still using pull-ups to poop when he started kindergarten, by that age he could hold it for a really long time to the point medical intervention was necessary.
That is totally avoidable if you take the diapers/pull ups away BEFORE they are old enough to hold it so long. My son grew up and started the same pattern, he would pee in the toilet and wouldn't poop till he got a naptime or bedtime diaper. He became very "regular" about when he pooped. So, when he turned 3, I told him he was too big for diapers now. He did hold it two days, then came running to me in a panic that he needed a diaper - we ran to the toilet, but were too late. I didn't make a big deal, just told him to let me know a little sooner. The same thing happened again in two days. The third time, we made it. He pooped on the potty and then said, "That was so easy!" He never had another accident. I'm sure your son could be trained in a week as well. You just have to be firm, that he is too big for pull ups now. Maybe you've already got him trained since you posted - I hope so, you'll both be so happy to be out of the pull ups.

We just went through the SAME thing with my 3 1/2 yr old! He'll be four in two months and started pooping in the potty about two months ago. We were letting him go int he diaper for the same reason you are - he would hold it for days and we knew that wasn't healthy... SO here's how it ended. When we got to the last ten diapers I told him "When these diapers are gone, there won't be any more to poop in. You can use the potty." Then when we were down to five diapers I told him again, "In a few days the diapers will be gone, then you can use the potty." We had one diaper left and I showed it to him "This is the LAST diaper!" He looked at me and said "Oh no, I'm too little to use the potty." I said, "Well, that's ok, because you still have this one diaper to use." That was at night time before bed on a Friday. On Saturday I was out of town and while my son was washing the car with Daddy he disappeared into the house and then came back out - "I pooped in the potty Dad, wanna come see?" Sure enough he had done it, and never used that last diaper! He's had no problems since then. I guess we just had to raise the bar on expectations from him and give him ample warning but not make a huge deal of it. Just a simple quick mentioning of him not having diapers anymore and moving on with our day. Then he knew that when that day came we weren't going to sit and argue with him or negotiate or bribe or reward or anything, it was just something he was going to do... no big deal. Of course it was a HUGE deal to us, but we didn't let it show. Hope this helps, I know it feels like this is never going to end!

Some kids (boys more than girls, I've read) just aren't ready to give up the security of that diaper completely. The very best thing to do is to defer to your son, as this isn't a situation you can control at all. He'll be ready soon if you don't push him on this. Every month or so, you might want to gently suggest or remind him that he could do his poop in the toilet like mommy and daddy. He'll let you know when he's ready!! (Another idea is to check out a toilet training dvd from the library-they're free at mine and watch it a few times to see if that will help speed this process up.)

L.- I was in your EXACT same boat 2 years ago. We bribed him, promised him a bike as soon as he pooped in the potty. No luck. The only thing that worked with my almost-4-year-old son at the time was preschool. One day just before his 4th birthday, he was at preschool and had to go. He asked the teacher for a pull up. She told him that she didn't have a pull up. He squatted to go and she picked him up and put him on the toilet. That was it. He hasn't asked for a pull up since and we will be celebrating his 6th birhtday tomorrow. I immediately took him to pick out a bike. I also continued to remind him that if he had any accidents, I would take the bike away. It seemed to work. I hope this helps. I hope you find something that works for you.

My daughter was the same way. The doc suggested we let her go in the diaper but make her physically be in the bathroom when she pooped. This was so she knew that was the appropriate place to poop. After a month or so of doing this she wanted to sit on the toilet. Good luck!

You should talk to your Pediatrician first. Your child knows that you will eventually give in and go back to the diaper, so the pattern has been layed out. Let your doctor tell you how long is safe for him to hold it in. My daughter went a few days after a camping trip (she refused to use the public bathrooms that had a gazillion flies) and had a painful elimination, but no problem after that. Good luck!

Hi L.,

I think this is a pretty normal problem. My friend's almost four year-old daughter does what your son does too. She has decided just to go with it until her daughter gives this up on her own. I think this is not a bad idea--I've heard of a lot of kids who do this and who eventually stop when they are ready (and don't worry--this happens before kindergarten!) A friend of a friend's boy did this until he was 4 1/2--then one day he announced that he was ready to use the toilet, and he never went back to pooping in a diaper.

Our son had a fear of pooping on the potty too. He would wait to poop until it was nap time (and then he would poop in his pull-up). A few months after we started potty training, my husband and I noticed one day that he was trying to poop and we took him into the bathroom and camped out in there, all three of us. We cheered him on--our son cried--but he was already going, so within a few minutes, he had done it. We took him to get frozen yogurt right away (our kid is very food-motivated). We didn't have a problem with it after that.

I'm not saying that you should do this--you can constipate them if you insist too much, and then pooping is a much bigger deal because it will actually hurt! We just happened to catch our son almost in the act one day--and like many things, once our kid actually tries something, his hesitation about it almost completely disappears. If it hadn't worked that day, I'm sure we would have just relaxed about it and tried again another time when he wasn't as anxious.

I recommend Kandoo wipes--they make things easier. Also, Potty Toppers are great for using public potties (I carry Kandoo wipes in my purse too). I'm sure some moms will think I'm crazy, but oh well. Those products make using the potty in public easier for my kid and thus easier for me!

:-) D.

Find out what he REALLY REALLY REALLY wants more than anything in the whole world and then tell him he can have it when he can go #2 in the potty. My son was four years old and wanted a two wheeler bike like his older sister. My spouse made a deal with him that if he was potty trained he could get the bike (with training wheels of course). Well, three days later, he was completely using the potty during the day and was never wet again at night. He got his bike within the week and we never had another issue about it. In this case it took the right motivation. My son knew that we always kept our promises (if possible) and he is great young man today.

Hi L., you probably have a lot of responses. However we went through exactly the same thing. My oldest (son) was toilet trained for urine for a long time- but he would not have a bowel movement in the toilet. I think he he got scared- because he had an accident at a public park. It wasn't a big deal, but I had to get him cleaned up. The toilets there were very noisy and he got upset. Sometimes kids think things of which we're not aware.

Well after awhile my son stopped having a bowel movement period- he wasn't going in the diaper or anything. One night he woke up about 12 times to go to the bathroom (must have been the pressure in the bowels).Naturally I was very worried, exhausted from not sleeping and stressed. I went to his pediatrician and she loaded him up with the maximum laxative his nearly 4 year old body could take. Three days later when I was at work my mom in law noticed that he looked like he needed to void. She put him on the toilet, he had a b.m and said "It didn't hurt." That was it- he never needed another diaper after that.

Bottom line- I would go talk to the pediatrician asap.