I ended my relationship with my fiancee recently. I have two childrens from previous relationships. My son is 7 and daughter 17. I met my fiancee when we were working together he had signs of controlling behavior. We both worked at a warehouse one day my shirt wasnt long enough to cover my butt. He got mad another incident when i was working I had to bend over and count. He got mad saying im a women have some class I have birdies watching you. When we get into arguement he would say tell your kids what u done in the past(referring to me having two diff father). I allowed my daughter to have a bf due to open communications and good grades. He would say look at your daughter making babies history repeats itself. His behavior is constant with him nagging and complaining pointing things out. Before we dated my fiancee was very close to my kids ever since he moved in. The other day i came home from the store with my son and i came to lay in bed. I was tired he said what are you doing laying in bed go watch your son. Its been on going like this i just hold everything inside it just build up. Then the other day my kids were cleaning the house they were resting after that. He said the kids look bored have then clean the windows or something. Then i get mad at my kids and give them attitude because of him. Thats not right seems like i love him more than my kids. A few days ago i had enough my son got home from his afterschool program he was watching tv, my daughter sleeping cause tired from school. There were a few dishes I washed it he said what are you doing? Put it down have your son washed it this kids got to learn, also there was newspaper on the ground he said who is that? I said prob my mom no biggie there was a few papers i threw them away. He said why are you doing that have the kids they need to learn for the future. I told him had enough only a person can take so much and hes a ticking time bomb. Its over between us heres your money find a place to live. Told him we have no kids together nothing under our name no strings attach. He lefted and came picking up his items saying to me tell your kids what you did in the past people are talking about it, good luck with the next guy they only want one thing, and keep the jacket u give me so you can give to next guy. Since then he texted me if i need any money hes here for me. I just ignore his text and phone call. Sorry for venting thank you for reading this far. By me leaving him can a person ever change? I know his childhood he had no parent figures and this causes huge problems for relationships later in life thats why hes controlling. God bless.
Yes he can change enough for you to take him back .... and then he'll go back to his normal bad behavior. Don't fall for it
You did the right thing. No, he will not change. You don't answer his calls or emails/texts. You said yourself you don't have anything together so it's a clean break. Next time, don't let your bf meet your kids until you KNOW he's a good guy and you will be together. Good luck.
Run and don't look back.
Remember... You are setting an example to your children that his behavior is ok because you are allowing him to treat you that way.
Be strong, don't take him back and think about your priorities.... Your children.
He won't change.
Sorry you had to endure his controlling behaviors for so long. I am really glad to hear that you were smart enough to get out of the relationship before going through with the wedding. If he has gotten all of his stuff out of the house and you don't have any money that he can claim is his, then moving forward the best course of action is to have no contact with him at all. There is no reason for you to call or text him, or to answer any calls or texts from him to you. He isn't the father of your children and has no right or need to see them, though it doesn't really sound like he would want to anyway.
I'm sure you're feeling some pain from going through a breakup and I hope that you are able to move on quickly and without too much heartache. You are definitely better off without him.
Focus on your children. Don't look for another guy, another fiance, another date. You have one daughter who's still a teen, and a young son. They need stability. They need a mother who is completely devoted to them, who will provide them with a stable home, and on whom they can rely 100%. Now is the time for you to repair the chaos and dysfunction they've observed during the turbulent time that you spent with this controlling and cruel man. Never mind about whether he can or will change. Become a powerful mother, a strong mother, a trustworthy mother, a loving mother. Set a good example NOW for your daughter, and help your son grow up to be the kind of man that will be a loving partner someday. Be honest with your kids, and tell them that from now on, you're going to establish a safe home, with consistent rules, sensible boundaries, and love. You and them, no more guys parading through their lives. If, down the road, you meet a true gentleman, that's nice. But go slowly and wait and develop a solid relationship before introducing him to your kids and moving in together. It seems like you knew that this guy was no good but you proceeded anyway. Never do that again. You have kids to nurture and protect.
ETA: I agree with what Diane B has said to you. Especially changing the locks on the doors and your phone number. Throw away anything that he left in the dumpster. If he hasn't taken it with him when he left, he looses it for good. He's gone and out of your life and don't take him back.
Original: You deserve much better. Be glad that you put him out. Put that energy into your children and guide them into mature adults.
Anyone who puts another person down and finds nothing good in that person is not someone you want to be around. Your children do not need to be around a negative controlling person. You do not need to be around a negative controlling person.
Look forward to a wonderful life of graduations and possibly college for your children and you. Take some courses to improve yourself and find out who you are and what you want out of life. Respect and love yourself first before you love someone else. If that person cannot respect you, you do not need them.
Your ex fiance's true colors have finally come out and gave you the chance to move on. No need for grief. Consider yourself lucky you didn't marry him. He would only get worse not better.
the other S.
How/when/if he changes - is his problem - not yours.
YOUR problem is in breaking a pattern where you are attracted to guys that have this problem.
You need to take a break from men to work on yourself.
When your self esteem is developed and intact - you will no longer find this sort of guy attractive.
You'll be mature enough to know you want a mature guy who's secure in who he is and doesn't need to control people he loves.
Focus on raising your kids.
You need a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
People can make changes, but not to the depth of their core personality. You did the right thing by breaking it off, but now you have to truly let go of him and keep him in your past. Don't get into conversations, don't let him back in. Be polite but don't attempt to be friends. It's over. Keep it over.
i'm glad he's gone.
don't take him back.
khairete
S.
welcome to mamapedia!!
Your post was hard to go through. You broke up with him. If he won't leave you alone? Tell him to stop. If he won't stop? Get a restraining order on him.
Can a person change? Yes. But this guy doesn't want to change. He is going to try and pull the wool over your eyes and draw you back in. MOVE ON...if you look back - do it as a LEARNING LESSON NOT because you are longing for him.
Ask your cell phone provider if you can change numbers. And do.
Tell your kids NOT to communicate with him.
Tell your kids NOT to give out ANY information to him.
If your 17 year old daughter is pregnant? You need to focus on her and helping her make better decisions.
Good luck!
How did your kids get close to a guy before you dated him after he moved in? Stick with your decisions, that is best for your family.
Glad you left him. Stop making excuses for him. Not having a good role model is NO excuse for being a controlling bastard. There are plenty of people who grew up in similar circumstances who aren't jerks. Change your phone number. Block him. Move on.
