Advice Needed - Newark,CA

I would lightly punch him back like another kid might do. He needs to see how it makes others feel then make him apologize and have a time out. You should demonstrate that by going in timeout and apologizing to. It always worked fpor me.

Greetings K.: I think you have recieved alot of good advice. So I want to think of this a bit differently. I have 5 children and have raised many foster children and now have grandchildren. There are 22 years differance between my oldest and youngest. You have also a large span of years I noted.
My older children have always wrestled and played hard with the youngest boy. So my question is -- have you looked at the interaction of the ages. Is your little one just doing something that is ok with his older siblings but not at all acceptable with children his own age or younger??
Since I think of my children all as super human beings and see them as parents of wonderful children, I know that this interaction with the youngest sibling is not ment to be harmful or hurtful.
I personally have seen kids get sent to their rooms and BIG DEAL- they have a tv, cell phone, some even a frig so what is the punishment. I was a hard mom. When one of my kids did something they had to pull something out of the ugly jar to do. It might be pulling weeds, cleaning all the window frames of mold, painting a fence (which led us to read Tom Swayer and Huck Finn) cleaning out the garage was hated by all. This can back fire as one teen had to trim a tree and he was angry because he had been falsely accused of starting a fight--- so he trimmed the tree all the way to the ground before he could calm down. I had to sacrifice a tree but I saved a Man it was worth it.
So when he hits be strong and firm and remember that the boy you help today will be the man and leader of tomorrow.
I also made them as the situation dictated WRITE a note to the person they had problems with.
i have also learned over the years that my foster children who hit did it because of situations they were in before they came here, & did it to show strength and to be top dog. I always explained that there was only one set of family leaders and that was my husband and myself. To be honest the kids will all tell you that dad talked them to death and mom was action orientated.
Feel free to contact me if you want support. Parenthood is an adventure that is like no other and I know it is the most rewarding thing - note not easiest thing I have ever done. Nana G

"A spanking is a parental tool, not the equivalent of a child punching someone, and a parent may use it, whereas a child may not."

A child may very well use it on other children, and you're not around to witness it or pre-empt it. If you teach your children not to hit others, then do not hit your children. Spanking is hitting your child. It is meant to inflict pain. Please do not say that it is not. We all know it is.

If he or she is doing it because they're mad, I guess try to figure out what's wrong and help solve the problem. Also tell them more appropriate ways to handle things when they get upset. Then discipline. No consequences mean they don't have anything negative to relate to the bad behavior. A time out, take things away-(toys, treats, tv, etc.), or an early bedtime. Other than that, I don't know. Hope this helped.

I would advise:
First send him to his room or other quiet place to cool off.
Then have a talk - tell him it's not ok and give him examples of other things he can do when he is angry
Last wrap up with taking away future privlidges or assigning an extra chore - preferably something that will happen more than once.

This is a case where your child needs to re-train on what to do when angry. Learning of this type does not usually take place in one shot and that's why the punishment should be one that reminds him a few more times over the course of the next several days.

K.,
When your child does this, make him have a time out for six minutes, then ask him to explain why he does it.
He also owes the person he did it to an apology. He also needs to be told that it is not acceptable to be doing this type of thing. Maybe he is angry about not getting his way?
W. M.

Hi K. -

I have a 6 year old, and we have been going through the hitting thing since he was about 3. There are several things I have had to do, along with his dad and others in our circle of support. First, he needs to know that without exception, hitting is not ok. I am assuming your child is a boy. Anyways, he needs to know that hitting is not ok, and then let him know that everytime he hits, he is going to get a consequence. Of course, mostly it is timeouts. But when it is in public or at a place with other kids, it is leaving. The key is the adult showing thier displeasure with out shaming, screaming or getting crazy - because that is what they will imitate. The other thing, is to cut out tv shows where he sees a lot of hitting or action packed hitting in cartoons. We put our son in TaeKwon Do, and then he learns from the instructor about using his aggression in the appropriate forum, and also the character skills that go along with it.
I can tell you from first hand experience, that I spanked my son, and that enabled him to beleive that if he was mad or frustrated, it was ok to hit. But at this age, they have enough reasoning skills that even if they didn't instigate it, they have other choices than to hit back.
Hope that is helpful.

Depends WHY you think he is punching..."punishment" should fit the crime.

Put them on a chair, in the middle or the room, with a timer set at 5 minutes. No yelling, just sit them there. Believe me, especially if it a boy, they will HATE it. =)

Kids already know they aren't supposed to hit, by that age, and they know they will get in trouble if caught.
Boredom is often an ideal punishment (isolation, long lectures), but to actually solve the problem you need to find the cause, so you can help.

What I have learned is, if it is a continuing pattern of behavior, a parent needs to teach the child strategies to replace the problem behavior with something better.
They hit for a reason! Some kids do it to get what they want (by intimidation, pain) and this often comes because they are insecure, or think this is the ONLY way to get what they want, or because they feel a strong need to have control over their environment. They need to be taught other ways to get what they need/want and be shown that it works.
But others do it just because they honestly can't handle their own emotions (frustration, hurt, anger), they actually lose control of themselves (which doesn't feel good!)and they need to be helped with that. Think how you feel if you "lose it" and how hard it is afterward, to be full of adrenalin and guilt.
I had one of each of these 2 types of hitters. They are both better now. = )
There are books for children about children and anger. Since your child is only 6, if he/she is the second type, I would recommend one called "When Sophie Gets Angry...Really Really Angry", which is a picture book. It shows a child exploding emotionally, and then shows her strategy for calming down by herself, and then returning. If h/s is the first type, it's a tough lesson that we can't always have our own way, and can't always be in control...in this case, let your child know that h/s can't be "the boss", but if h/s really needs or wants something, h/s can ask or tell someone what is needed or wanted, and MAYBE someone will give it to them, if it is something appropriate at that time. But SOMETIMES they may have to wait, or let someone else have a turn, or find a "second choice", or just give up, and that is how it is sometimes, and you're sorry but no one can change it.
GOOD LUCK!

K.,

First, tell them no punching. Then find out why they decided to hit--- say hitting hurts and to use their words next time. They should have a time out and apologize to whoever they punched.

Molly