Advice for Twins! - Oakland,CA

My friend has twins and said the best thing she got was a Boppy that was made for twins so she could breastfeed them at the same time.

She also had a sling used for twins.

Best wishes.

Congratulations!! You are in for a wild, but fantastic ride. My B/G twins just started kinder. I had the opposite of you..I had the twins first and then the single when they were 2 1/2. I had no idea what it was like to have just one.

There is so much advice people will give you...remember to take what you want and ignore the rest. Every pregnancy is different and every child is different. But it is nice to talk with others who have been through the experience.

I could probably write you pages...but will keep it to just a few things. As I look back I wish I would of read up more on sleep. The sleeping was what was the hardest for us. You and your husband need to be on the same page. There are many way to handle it, you just need to pick what works for you. For us, when one woke up, we woke up the other and fed both at the same time. We did this until my daughter really didn't want to be woken up and started sleeping through the night on her own. My son didn't sleep through the night until he was almost 2.

Feeding...if breastfeeding works for you great...but be prepared to have to supplement. I never produced enough milk, hardly any for that matter and I took it very personally. But my kids turned out fine and are very healthy. So don't be hard on yourself if you are not able to breastfeed both.

Ask for and accept help!! I was not so good at this and wish I was. I wanted to do it all on my own. And it is hard and especially with your toddler. Accept the help...I know it is hard sometimes.

Be prepared to be on bedrest for the last few weeks. I have a friend who went full term and was never on bedrest. I went on bedrest at around 29 weeks and delivered at 33 weeks. They were in the special care nursery for 2 to 3 weeks...but all was good.

Take care of yourself and enjoy the ride.

Dear Marieka,
Congratulations!
How exciting!
I don't have twins, but my neice and nephew had twin boys the first of March this year. It took her 14 years to get pregnant with their first child, a girl who was not quite 3 when the boys were born. They didn't expect any more children after her, let alone two! Everyone was worried how the first child would do with it, but she and daddy spent a lot of time together in anticipation of mommy and the babies needing sleep time, etc. She's done just great and she loves to help. Mommy got boppy pillows and just hooks them both up to eat at the same time. She was really nervous about the whole thing, but she said everything has just come so naturally. She has no plans to go back to work and even has a little girl her daughter's age that she takes care of for some extra money. My nephew works a few overtime hours each week so they can have someone come in once a week to help with cleaning. They're just making it work.
One of my best friends had identical twin girls when her son was a toddler. I helped her out quite a bit so she could shower and shave her legs....things like that. I'd throw in laundry and play with her son while she and the babies rested. As the girls got older, to the untrained eye, it was still almost impossible to tell them apart and they would always try to play tricks on me. "I'm not Jessica, I'm Jennifer." As far as dressing them alike, many times they did dress the same out of necessity. One would be upset because the other one had a pocket on a shirt and she didn't, or buttons and she didn't. So, sometimes wearing the same thing in different colors worked, but if they were going to argue over who got what color, they both got the same. After they got into school, that changed. One was more of a tomboy and liked pants...the other liked dresses and bows. When they're infants, they don't even care what they have on as long as they're dry. Cross that bridge when you get to it. My sister and I are 3 years apart and my mom sewed us the same dresses. We have pictures with all 3 of us in dresses from the same fabric.
You'll do just fine. Relax as much as possible, eat well, take good care of yourself, don't be afraid to ask for help. Just know that you will figure things out as they come. There's no way to know exactly how things will work until your babies get here, but they will work.

I wish you the very best!
Please let us know how you're doing and when the babies arrive.

My sister has 16 month old boy twins. She has said that the only thing that saved her was having them eat at the same time all the time or she would have spent her whole day/night feeding. Her twins were a little early, 6 weeks, and they were in the hospital for a little bit, so the nurses helped get them on a good eating schedule. She also has joined the local twins/multiples mothers group and has enjoyed that as well. Good luck!

Congratulations!! Your life is going to be turned upside down...in a good way of course! I have fraternal b/b twins who turn one next week. When they were born I had a 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. I agree with the advice given by other moms - ask for help and accept help for sure. You may feel like you can be super mom, but don't! The biggest thing that made me feel like I could survive the difficult first year was keeping the babies on the same schedule. I nursed them both at the same time or one right after the other. Even through the night, if I fed one I would wake the other one up to feed him too. If they aren't on the same schedule, you'll be feeding babies ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT.

As for the pregnancy, it will depend on how your body carries babies. Eat healthy, drink LOTS of water, take it easy. Listen to your body. When you're tired, lay down while you read books with your toddler. I carried to 39 weeks and delivered two 7 lb babies. All the horror stories you hear about delivering at 30 weeks, NICU time, etc. may not be the case for you so don't let it get you down. Also, I had to search for a doctor who would let me deliver my twins vaginally. Most OB's opt for doing a C-section automatically. If that's important to you, find a doctor who will work with your wishes.

Your toddler will need mommy time (without the babies around). When people offer to come over and help, have them hold babies so you can play with your toddler. Your older child will probably want to help you with the babies a lot at the beginning. I let my kids hold the babies anytime they asked (when the twins weren't napping of course). That really helped with the jealousy issue. Find lots of times that you can say "yes" to your toddler. I found that my natural response to their requests were always "no" or "wait" because I was so busy with the babies and once I realized that, I tried to say "yes" whenever I could (within reason).

If I'm absolutely honest, I'd tell you it's really hard. But every moment is worth it and IT DOES GET EASIER!! Promise! Feel free to message me if you have any personal questions and I'd be happy to help.

First off congratulations! There are a few twins clubs in the area. I joined TVMOTC which is the Twin Valley Mother of Twins Club. It covers a lot of areas...livermore,tracy,dublin,pleasanton,danville,san ramon,castro valley....This club was a huge resource for me! I learned a lot before my twins (who are now 8) were born. I already had 2 kids when I found out we were having twins so I get the excited yet overwhelmed feeling. You can always email me as well for more info. There are 2 other twins/multiples clubs around too. Contra Costa Mothers of Mulitiples up in the Antioch,Concord, Brentwood area and Twins triplets and more located in Danville.
M.
____@____.com

Congratulations! I'm a mother to 19 month old twin girls. It is great.

Doctor: I'm sure you already have a great pediatrician, but I noticed that you live in Oakland, so I recommend my ped who happens to also be a mother to twins as well as an older child. It made me feel very supported the first year, to have a pediatrician who also fully understood what I was going through as an mom. And, of course, she is a great dr. Her name is Dr. Patricia Chiang and she is located in Oakland. http://ppmg.homestead.com/

Pregnancy help: My OB/GYN recommended a support belt at about 7 months which I wore until the end of my pregnancy. I think this was one of the reasons I never went on bed rest and delivered naturally at 37 weeks. There are two kinds: a skinnier kind and a more substantial one. Twin pregnancies need the more substantial one but they are great and really help support the weight of the babies.

Night help: Get it. If you can afford it, pay for it. If you can't, ask for help from friends or relatives. For a couple of months at least. Breastfeeding twins is hard, period, and tandem breast feeding is really, really hard. And, as much as you try, you cannot get them sleeping at exactly the same time. There were so many nights when I would just pray that my fussier one would settle down before the next one woke up for her feeding.

Nursing: Congrats to those here who were able to nurse their babies exclusively. I was not, from the get-go. Nor were a number of twin moms that I know. Just do what you can do. If you don't have enough milk, supplement with formula and know that it isn't necessarily the quantity of breast milk that helps your baby, it is the amount of time that you provide some to them. So if they can get nourishment from breast milk plus formula for 3, 4, or 5 months, you are still providing all of the good immunity, etc to them.

Equipment: Accept donations and use Craigslist bc it gets expensive. I have 3 pack n plays ... one was a gift, I bought the other new, and the 3rd I bought off craigslist. And while you shouldn't buy everything in duplicate sometimes you need to. Example, walkers -- I bought 1 new and 1 off of Craigslist bc there was a short period of time where they both liked to use them. I bought a new Fisherprice rainforest jumperoo when they were about 4 months and it was a lifesaver for over a year!

Good luck! It is hard, particularly the first year, but it is just so great too!

Hi Marieka:
The BEST piece of advice we got was to check out our local Parents of Multiples club (use zip code search at http://www.NOMOTC.org to find nearest club, or you could probably google your city name and "twins club' to find one). It's been an awesome resource - connects you in to a community of other families with multiples - both the anxious expectant ones with all the same questions and worries, and the been-there-done-that ones who gave us practical advice on what worked for them and reassured us that as exhausting as it is, you'll find a way to manage. Our local club has support groups for new and expectant parents, and many families end up forming play groups after their babies have moved on from the newborn stage. We also have a variety of email forums including ones for families who have other children in addition to their twins or triplets, as well as a general parenting questions one which is great for finding out other families' experiences with things like twin-friendly OB and pediatrician offices.

Best wishes for a safe and healthy pregnancy! My fraternal g/g twins are almost 8YO now and I credit my local multiples club for helping me get this far with most of my sanity intact! :-) :-)

I'm not a mom of twins, so this is just my personal opinion: except on rare occasion, don't dress them alike. It makes me crazy when people dress their identical twins the same all the time. They are individuals. Would people dress their other children the same?

Hi Marieka-
I don't have twins, but my sister in law did. She read the book "the quietest (or happiest- can't remember) baby on the block." I skimmed through and was amazed at the advice. It was geared towards single children, but the techniques are great for twins. I think the biggest sanity keeper for her was a set schedule for the babies- tummy time/play time/parent time with the babies, food, nap....Repeat. The timing of the schedule grows as the children grow, and you will NEED both parents and if you can manage it, get a grandparent or sibling to help out once in a while so you can catch a few hours of sleep. My sis wouldn't change anything for the world, but the effort required is intense. ALso, she went from trying to breast feed two boys to pumping- more time with the babies and a set supply of food for two.
I hope this helps.
There's also the book called what to expect when you're expecting. I have been told that that book is really great, too.
CONGRATS!
-E.

Congratulations! You are in for quite an adventure! It's very hard but far more fabulous! My twins were born the day after my first turned two so I fully understand what you are/will be going through. If you want to chat with me privately about specific things I'd be glad to help you. Just send me a message and I will reply in detail. How you experience this adventure will very much depend on the nature of you, your toddler, your new babies and their father as well as how much help you have. I worried about things that didn't eventuate and didn't worry about things that did so my general advice is just be excited and ready to roll with the punches. I believe I have the best little family situation for myself and wouldn't want it any other way. I hope you will come to feel the same way. I have a friend who has 4 boys. When the newborn twins were born, she had a 2 year old and a 4 year old (and she survives and so do they!!) It will be very difficult at times but there are always situations more difficult and yours will be achievable. I'm so happy for you!!

Marieka -

As a parent of 3 singles, then twins (5 total) I can heartily say CONGRATULATIONS!!! I freaked out when I found out! I was excited, scared, nervous, happy, all at the same time. All my children are wonderful, the twins just add to the fun, they're 20 months now. At the time of their birth I had 2 other children under age 4. Scary crazy.

In reality, my pregnancy was not horrible, but I did not have to be concerned about bedrest as you may with a history of a preemie (but that's not the end of the world if you do). Remember, the pregnancy is temporary and every day you make choices to help keep your twins safe, remind yourself of that when you feel down.

I agree with getting a double boppy, I had 2 single boppys and they worked fine. One baby would not breastfeed (smaller one 4 lbs 14 oz) while the other bigger one (6 lbs 2 oz) did after 6 weeks. So I pumped and supplemented the first 3 weeks until I could really produce. They both received breastmilk (one by breast the other by bottle) until they were 12 months.

I had people come help and watch them while I napped, and I had people come take the other children so they felt special too.

I will tell you that I don't remember a whole lot of their newborn days. It was all pumping, feeding and diapers. They slept in their carseats at night until they were 4 months, and not in their cribs except for a nap here & there until 5 months. They slept together in their crib for only about a month then kept waking each other, so I separated them and they slept fine but would sleep on the side of the crib closest to the other one. I really began to feel human again around 5 months. I kept them on the same feeding schedule though at times they varied. People came to help clean the house and I accepted it.

As for dressing them alike, do whatever you want. They are individuals whether wearing the same outfit or not. I will vary a color, but have them in the same style outfit. Not every day, but whenever I feel like it. It is so cute and makes great pictures. Be prepared for lookie-loos. People stop you everywhere and want to look at your twins. Just forgive their strange questions and advice and remarks and move on. I could tell you a few! (Like, "they're twins, why don't their names rhyme?" or "They should be dressed alike" or "Never dress them alike" it goes on and on.)

You can send me a private message with ANY question and I will do my best to be honest, but to encourage you as well. It isn't easy, but it is SO worth it.

Your boy may not be interested in them like a girl would be, but be patient, make sure he gets some mommy time too, even when you are tired. Ask him to help get a diaper, bring a onesie, cuddle the baby etc.

Congrats again. It's a wild ride, but you'll do great and I so wish you and your family the best. (By the way, though people will tell you otherwise, twins are NOT double trouble, they are a double blessing).

D.

Get the book "When your expecting twins, triplets and quads" by Barbara Luke and Tamara Eberlein. I was given that book by a friend that had twins and carried them full term and they never needed to be in the NICU. I read it front to back and carried my twins full term and then were both born at 5lbs 15oz 19 in long. My twin girls are now 4 years old. I followed the advice in the book and firmly believe that that is why I was able to carry them so long and they were a good size. The other thing that I did is to keep them on the same feeding schedule. I did this from day one and they in turn usually went to the bathroom around the same time, it made it so much easier. The one thing that I used and was so handy was a special nursing pillow for twins. I was able to feed them both at the same time. I had one for home and then an inflatable one for traveling. I exclusively breastfed my girls until they were one year old, so it can be done. If you decide to not nurse them or you can't don't beat yourself up about it. Something that you will learn from having twins, just go with the flow. When I had my girls we had two other daughters ages almost 4 and almost 8, so I can understand that part too. If you can have help take it. My husband and I had no help but he was able to take 6 weeks off due to the FMLA, once he went back to work I was solo. It was hard but I did it. For sure get the above book and follow it. Also, I dress my girls the same, except for when they want to dress themselves differently. Some people will say not to because they will feel like a unit and not like an individual. That is bologne. My girls have their own distinct personalities and are able to be who God has created them to be. I have dressed them the same, but once they express the desire to dress themselves I fully honor that. But for the most part they like to be dressed a like and are so fond of eachother. Don't sweat the small stuff. Also, don't buy two of everything (equipment) you will be surprised at what is not needed. Also, if you can try and buy some of the baby stuff (swings, bouncers etc) second hand from a local twins club. They only use it for a short amount of time. The last thing, give yourself time to adjust. It is not easy having twins and also having other children. You will be with your babies a lot of the time, and of course you will want to spend some time with your other child, but don't forget yourself. When your babies sleep you need to sleep. Have snacks readily available, it was hard to sit down for a meal, but easier to munch on bars and such while nursing. There will be an adjustment time for the whole family and not everyones needs will be met all the time,and know that that is ok. You just do the best you can do one day at a time. Well that's it from me. If you have any questions feel free to email me and I will get back with you. It is such a blessing to be able to have these two little blessings growing inside and to take care of them. They are truly a gift from God.