Advice for Transitioning from Full-time Working Mom to SAHM

try to wake up before they do for personal time. teach them how to and let them help you with chores. Make that part a game.

A couple of things I have learned...

1) Do not feel as though you have to pick up everything all day every day. It's ok that there are some messes, and it's ok if the snack dishes are on the counter until after dinner, etc.

2) As soon as kids learn to dump and fill, they can help pick up their things. Some picking up as you go will help!

3) We have always had a clean up time at the end of the day, with the reward being some TV time while I get dinner ready. It helps with the routine (as you mentioned, very important), the TV was motivating because that was the only time they got to watch it (you can tape or TVO Sesame street or whatever, if that is whatyou want them to watch at tv time), and we had a neatened up house when daddy came home. My kids are 10 and 7 and still we make sure the house is straightened up at the end of the day (there is less time for TV now tho!)

I am a 1/2 time SAHM of a 10 and 7 yo

I have found with my children that if I put time with them first, that they are more likely to let me have time to do the household chores I need to do without interruption. For example, after we are done getting ready in the morning (with clean up of breakfast dishes the only housework I've done) I play with my kids for a full hour. This seems like a long time at first, but if you break it up between reading, imaginative play, taking a walk, crafts, etc... it goes by at a decent pace. Then, I tell them I need to have my time and they need to play alone for a while. It seems to work not only because I have already given them a lot of attention, but also because they are now engaged in play and aren't just wandering around whining about what to do. I can usually then get in an hour to an hour and a half of cleaning time before I move back to being with them for just a little while before I start lunch. I do this all day, alternating time with them and time on my own, but always putting them first. My kids are a tad older (3 1/2yr girl and 21mo boy), but I think you could modify it to match your kids attention span. Good luck, and welcome home!

Hi, K.! How exciting to be moving out into your own space! I can empathize with your dilemma: I have a hard time doing chores while my kids are around, because I want to spend quality time with them--especially since I work full-time. But I have to remind myself that other things need to get done, too, and that having an orderly (if not perfectly clean--is that even possible?!?!) house is good for my kids, too, so that they're not surrounded by chaos. So, what I do is have my 2-yr old daughter help me unload the dishwasher or put the clothes in the dryer, while my 11-week old son hangs out in his bouncy nearby; we sing songs or tell stories while we do these things, or we name the things we're putting away, or talk about how the dryer works, etc. That way, I'm still spending time with them, but getting my chores done, too--and they're learning, whether they know it or not! :)
Remember, too, who is in control here: you are the mom, and they need to start realizing the limits of what you can do--and learning about responsibility. This can happen through your actions and example: "Kids, mommy has to take 15 minutes to do the laundry. I'd rather play with you, but other things have to get done, too, so that we have clean clothes, etc. Here is a game/puzzle/book (whatever your kids like) for each of you; you can take turns working with those, or you can come help me." Giving kids a choice makes them feel like they are in control, when really you are the one making the acceptable choice options and controlling what you want to happen.
It may seem like a 16-month old won't understand all of this, but you'd be surprised; my daughter was "bussing" her own dishes at 15 months, and enjoying it! Kids like to feel important, and giving them jobs to do achieves that--as long as you still have fun!
I know this answer is kind of all over the place, but I just typed it quickly as things came to mind. Good luck!

K.,
I know it is easy to stress out. I used to work full time but now I am a sahm. I would never go back to work now! What I do is plan out my days. I don't try and do everything in one day. I split the chores up throughout the week. The ones you can anyway. Obviously dishes and things have to be done everyday. Just prioritize. I actually use my daughters nap times( 2hours as well) to do the daily chores. I can usually get things done fast so that I do have time to relax before she wakes. I vacuum while she eats her lunch in her high chair because it will wake her up from her nap. I have also cleaned the bathroom while she's playing in the bath. So if you can do things while their occupied but still keep a watchful eye on them, do that.
Also since you have twins they can play with one another. They say babies should have time where they learn to play alone and of course time playing with mommy and daddy.
Hope this helps!!
A.

I also made the transition from working Mom to SAHM about 6 months ago. It is wonderful but it is a huge transition for you and your children. My daughter and I are still adjusting!! My daughter was very clingy to me and always wanted me to play with her when I was with her, but that has gotten better has she has adjusted to me being home more. She is actually getting to where she will go off and play on her own for longer periods of time and just knowing I am there is good enough. My advice is just be patient and let them get used to the fact that you are there with them more now and will be spending more time with them. I suspect you will see as I did that they will relax and you will find more time to get the other things done. Again, just be pateint and allow an adjustment period. A freind of mine that has a teenage daughter told me to enjoy this time, because they grow up to be teenagers and dont want to be around you and then you will miss it!! LOL

Kim have you though about working from home part time that way you set a schedual and your home with you kids. I am a stay at home mom and I just started working in my spare time with work at home united its great i can work when I want and i can spend time with my kids.
R.
www.workathome.com/momof3forever

K.,

I remember when I was in your shoes. Being a stay at home mother was a huge adjustment for me also. I was always wanting to spend time with the children, but also wanted to make sure the house was clean and orderly. And I agree naptime is your downtime also. In fact, many times I would give myself "a nap" at the same time. Resting in bed or watching a older movie.

Its great that you want to organize your time this early in the situation. What I did was enroll my children into assisting me with what they can. I realize that your children may be a little young, but my children loved to sweep the floor and play the sorting game with laundry socks.

As you start to see your household chores as something that you get to do so that your house can be clean and orderly,
instead of something that you have to do... You might be surprised how much the twins enjoy watching you do things around the house. They might even insist on helping you.

Writing this I realize now why my son loved to clean and organize his room while he was little (something that he forgot as he got older) As he saw my joy in a clean house he also wished to experience it in his room also.

Wishing you wonderful times ahead,
because there are lots of them to come,

With Joy, C.
Loving Connections LLC

I am a mother of 3 - 11,8,7. I have worked most of their lives. My suggestion is that "Laundry on the Floor" is one of the best games your 16 month old enjoy. they also enjoy picking up and doing dishes when it is with Mom. When it is a game and not a job it is always more fun. Just remember your standards may have to be adjusted to what is "folded and what is "okay folded" . Sometimes the folding just doesn't get done at all. Your standards from working a full time job are probably high. Becareful you enjoy the standards of a 16 month old

One thing you should know is you are in the middle of major life chages and it will take time for all of you ajust.

It is a lot of work to care for kids. So don't expect your house to be spotless all the time.

I used to have time when I played and time when I worked. So you should figure out a schedule that works for you. Also I tryied to nap when the kids did so I would not be as tired when they got up from doing things when I needed sleep.

I tried to schedule my days so I would throw a load of laundry in first thing in the morning. Eat Breakfast and Have one or two chores a day to get done. Then play or go to the park or something to socialize with other mothers and kids. My day was not so structured as to be confineing but it was open enough to have room to play.

Everything sounds so exciting!
C. B

Hi K.,
First of all you are in for a big change. Secondly, your weekends used to be stressful because that was your only time to get those household things done. Now you have the entire week to spread them out. However, after years of struggling with this issue, what finally helped me was coming to the realization that I was not unemployed. My JOB was to be home and attend to the needs of my children. I used to pay someone else to do it and now I am doing it. Once I made that mental shift it was easier for me to not get frustrated and overwhelmed with all of the housework and to remember that my most imortant job was to attend to my kids. Then I learned how to squeeze the laundry in one load a day, mop the floor while the kids were busy with toys near me, do the dishes after dinner when Dad played with the kids. It just helped me to get creative. I would hand my kids dusting cloths and let them rub on whatever they could reach while I did the real dusting. They had their own vacuum and would push it alongside me, or I would let them help push my vacuum. Basically I figured out a way to keep them involved and near me and still be able to get things done. But, believe me, it didn't always work and some days were better than others. Staying homeis a very tough job. But I wouldn't trade being here for me kids for anything.

I try to plan out my chores over the course of the week - floors on Monday, bathrooms on Friday, laundry on Tuesday, etc. That way I don't feel like all I'm doing is housework. Then make sure you carve out time for your kids throughout the day - say after breakfast, after naps, etc. And try to find an activity that will keep them occupied while you cook - like fingerpainting or blocks - that they only get to do while you cook. It will seem a little chaotic the first few months, but you'll eventually fall into a pattern. And good for you using their nap time for yourself - we all need a break during the day!

Also, you should look into www.momsclub.org and/or www.mops.org Both are organizations for SAHMs where you get together for activities with other SAHM and their kids. It's a great way to meet new friends (for both you and your kids) and it will get you out of the house!

I hope you enjoy being a SAHM in your new place!

If I need to get something done but the kids want me to play with them, I will sit down with my kids to play for a few minutes. Once they are creative and really going with their toys they will continue to play without my help so I can get the dishes in the dishwasher or laundry started. While the twins are so young, get them to help you, they can help throw laundry in etc. Also, don't get too frustrated with the house, now that you are at home with them, it will be more messy then when you were working. It can be an adjustment and may take time getting used to being a SAHM but it will be so worth it, the time flies and they are only little for so long.

Being a SAHM is wonderful. My kids are a little older than yours, so what I do is set aside some time each day, no more than an hour, to get my chores done. While I am doing that my kids either watch TV or play near by. That way I can spend more time with them, which, in my opinion, is the best part of motherhood. When your kids are 16 months old I think its easier to break up the time you do your chores so that you can spend time with your kids in between. Good Luck!

I agree with the other ladies- spread it out over the week. What I will add is after a year of being home with my daughter and working on the weekends and attending school one day a week while trying to keep up with the house was killing me. I finally (with some resistance on my husbands part) put a chore chart on the fridge for both of us. We will switch each week which chores we are doing. They are all basically 10-15 min jobs that will keep the house clean throughout the week. Needless to say, I still end up doing about three more chores to his one each day, but this has helped so much! Also, kids learn from doing and my daughter will "help" fold laundry, hands me stuff out of the dishwasher (after I take out dangerous things), etc...
Good luck!

My mom always told me, "Give the kids time first 10 to 20 mins and it will fill their "bucket" for awhile and you can get them involved in playing and walk away. I try that w/ my kids and it works! The kids just need to know they are important and will need to know that throughout the day. But if you can leave the chores for awhile and give them attention first, they will give you your time. I remember coming home from my job 12 yrs. ago and going crazy! I was used to structure, finishing a task without interruption, having my own space and time, etc. Now with my 4 kids (9 to 1 yr) it is a challenge to get anything done. I usually write emails, like right now, with my little one on my lap or I get a few dishes done and pick up the crying baby or tend to a hurt child, etc. I've really had to lower my expectations of a clean house. It really used to bug me and I would get so stressed out because there was so much work to be done. The problem about the housework is it that is never done! Your children grow up so fast. Enjoy them while you have the time with them. You'll never have this time again. I changed my attitude with my kids, looking at them as burdens some days, into everyday, looking at them as huge blessings, when my great friend of 36 yrs. died. She left her 5 children from 10 yrs to 2 days old. I realized that time on this earth is short and we need to find joy in the little things and let the things that don't matter go. If you walk into my house right now, you will see a messy floor, things strewn all over, my office a wreck, dishes and laundry to do, etc. We've all been sick with the flu the past few days. But when my 4 yr old daughter asked me to hold her this morning, I dropped everything and spent time stroking her hair and rubbing her back. It took maybe 10 mins. and now she is peacefully asleep. I held my baby for about 10 mins. and he is now on the floor engaged in something else. I'll go get a few things done now, but the kids are my priority and I'll stop what I'm doing to serve and love them. I am so much happier living this way, than when I wouldn't allow the kid's friends in the house because they would make messes and not clean up, or when I just put the house before the kids. The children grow to resent that attitude and you for it. Good luck!