Advice for My 3 Year Old

Girlfriend I think that is just the way 3 yr olds are...my 3 yr old daughter is the same way..what I had to learn how to do is TUNE HER OUT!...and she gets what I want her have when ever I get ready to give it to her...I know this may sound mean, but if I had to jump and get what she wanted, everytime she wanted it, then I would probably go insane before noon!

I have a 5 yr old daughter who is like this as well. If I don't get her what she wants right then she whines "I can't wait". I tell her yes, you can and you will or you will not get your ______ .

One thing to think about though. I realized after my 4th child was born that I was constantly telling my children "in a minute" and most of the time I took care of their requests soon but sometimes not at all. In a minute to my kids meant in a second or a minute or an hour or if mommy remembered it at all. So, start off by meeting his needs promptly and praising him for his patience. Then deliberately prolonging the time you take in getting things for him. Also, you could make a game of it and teach him how to be a gracious 'waiter'.

Hi,

I have had the same problem with my daughter who is 4 now. When my third child was born she started throwing tantrums and whining till she gets what she wants. Even if I told her I would get something for her she would whine if she even had to wait just one minute. As a mother of three I couldn't put up with it anymore. I finally started to just ignore her if she was being impatient, for my sanity and to give time to my other children. If the whining doesn't have an affect they will stop. It takes a lot of patience but pays off. It may even take a month or two. I now tell her I will not even respond until she asks me appropriately and if she whines or throws a tantrum she absolutely DOES NOT get what she asked for. Good Luck!
- Feeling your pain!

I have a friend that has a girl that is almost 3 and a 4 yr old that will be 5 in a few more months. She lets her almost 3 yr old get away with everything so now her daughter is an impatient child. She hates to not cater to her because she says that she is her last child and she wants to keep her a baby as long as possible. To make a long story short, she completely favors her and brags on her to her 4 yr old all the time. She is always telling the 4 yr old that the 2 yr old is a perfect child, so the 4 yr old acts worse to get attention. When I have the 2 yr old here I ignore her. When she starts demanding stuff from me and yelling at me, I just tune her out. If she doesnt listen still, I put her in a chair and stress to her that she needs to wait and be patient. I refuse to jump up and let a 2 yr old control me. So, what I guess I am trying to advise is, just take your time getting whatever he wants. Stress the word patience though so he will learn what it means. Try to get him distracted by something else so you can have some "ME" time w/ your 5 yr old. Maybe your hubby can take him somewhere and let you have a day w/ your 5 yr old? I always feel bad for a kid that lacks attention from their parents. I have a 6 yr old, 4 yr old, and 3 yr old and I make a huge effort to treat them all equal. Their favorite is when I need to run errands when my hubby is home, I take turns taking 1 of them w/ me. They all understand whose turn it is and I never have a problem w/ them getting mad they can't go. I am new to this site, but if there is a way for you to contact me and let me know if my advise makes sense, I would love it. I hope you find the advise you were looking for!

Hi L.,
I have the same problem with my 3 yr old boy. I also have a 5 month old girl. My child was very impatient also and time out wasen't really working at that point anymore. My husband started carrying my son to his room for time out whenever we either asked him to do something or if he started throwing a fit and whining. I wasn't to thrilled with the idea at first but I'm amazed at how well it has been working. We still use time out and I'll do the old 1...2.... and he usually would do whatever by the time i counted to 2.
Good luck!!
K.

It sounds to me like he may not have an understanding of time yet. You can teach him to use a clock or a timer. Then if you can't get to something right away, tell him how much time you need to get to it. Then tell him that it is okay to remind you if that time has passed, but if he comes to you before then, ignore it. This should teach him about time and responsibility. Be sure that it is something not immediately important, and follow-up on all promises. I hope it all works out. (It works great with my 2 1/2 year old. I started 2 months ago!)

give the 5 year old positive attebtion ignore attention seeking behaviors that are negative praise the 3 year old when positive behavior is displayed

might be hard to ignore at first but play a game with the 5 year old and talk about gaining mommy's attention by behaving appropiatly strike up a great conversation

make a meal with the 5 year old or cookies

spend mommy and me time at a park tell the 3 year old when you ask and behave appropiatly I will give you the same great attention

sounds very childish but you have young children i want and got a peice of black paper laminated used stick on velcro on it and had the colors reg and green also laminated when i was spending time with someone else in the family i wore the black paper around my neck by a long strong/yarn for looseness and when it was okay to interupt with behavior or questions i wore a green traffic light and red when i was busy this only took 2 weeks and then it moved to the fridge with red and green there.... i soon noticwd when my son was talking to my husband he would wear the traffic sign to have his needs met... out of the box but i have a bipolar child and this was very effective it sounds goofy but it really works

S. message me with your ideas and results

This is a learned behaviour as a result of knowing what they can get by with. Sometimes giving in and sometimes not results in continued impatience because the child already knows it is possible to get their way, so the older they get the easier it is for them to hold out longer to get exactly what they want when they want it. So good for you wanting to curb this now! I always have thought to myself, if I cannot manage my 2-5 yr old (I have a 2, 3.5 and 5 yr old) and redirect them so they can learn appropriate behaviour, then I am in BIG trouble for teen years. Having that thought in the back of my head has been one motivation for me to try to guide them from the start. You must stay 100% strong and consistent. You cannot show frustration or anger because they KNOW they have won and can keep pushing to get their way. Talking matter of fact and keeping true to a consequences type structure will help significantly. There are natural consequences such as spending time whining instead of getting ready fast enough will cause them to miss a fun event. In my house whining is not permitted, period! If anyone starts to whine, it must be rephrased in a rational way before their need or desire is even taken into consideration and under no circumstances will they get anything by whining. Imapatient children often come off as though they are not just demanding something, but whining about not getting it immediately. They must ask appropriately in order to even consider getting it. You will have to take baby steps to get there because he is now 3...retraining is important. Start with teaching him to ask for things nicely rather than demanding. Then you have to tell him that he must listen closely to your words and understand because you will only tell him one time, then you must stick with what you say. Make up something that you need to do that doesn't take long such as throw a load of clothes in the wash so you can postpone giving him what he has asked. Tell him that you need to do this FIRST and THEN he can have whatever it was he felt he needed. Make him repeat back to you what you said so it sticks in his brain and helps him better accept it. After this you can even ask him if he would like to help you separate the laundry or help you throw it in the machine, or help you with whatever you are doing. Secondly try to omit the word "want". It is a selfish, whiny word and they need to understand the difference between what they want and what they need. He may say he wants a drink, but tell him that a drink is a need because he is apparently thirsty so you will be happy to help him with his need. Thank him when he uses nice words or big boy words or his manners. Help him understand the why it is a need. You will have to play his requests by ear to help him understand if each is a need or a want. Then talk to him about each request he has differentiating between wants and needs, and if he tells you he wants candy for example, you can tell him you understand he WANTS candy, but he doesn't NEED candy before dinner. However maybe he can have a small piece after he eats a good dinner. Then there is some compromise to show he doesn't lose, but rather just must wait until the timing is better. This will help instill patience. You can even set a timer and tell him that when the timer goes beep beep he can watch the video he wanted. You have to set limits, you have to be consistent, he has to know that you are in charge. If you get frustrated and show anger, he is in charge. This is not to say that you can't get angry. However you have to control your impulses to give in out of frustration and show anger because you gave in and blame him for controlling you. You can do this! It is hard and it will take work. It is a process. Eventually it would be good to even instill other things like if he needs to talk to you when you are already busy talking he needs to touch you and then you touch him back to let him know that when you have a second to talk and find out his NEED, then you will do so. Impatience can also be a symptom of not feeling like they get the attention they desire so it becomes a circle of him being angry and frustrated doing what he can to grab your attention, and you being angry and frustrated giving in to make him stop...and the cycle continues. It is hard, but you can do it! You may even need to take a break for yourself daily to just breathe and listen to music that is relaxing. If you don't do it already, consider turning music on in the background for your entire day and even for the kids. It actually helps quite a bit for everyone. I wish you the best of luck. Take 3 deep breaths before you deal with anything frustrating, be consistent and I know you will do a great job!

B. :)

our 3 year old daughter can be very demanding like that at times as well.We taught her how to wait her turn and be patient. It takes time for them to understand it.