Advice for Getting Toddler to Stay in His Bed

Updated on May 16, 2008
C.S. asks from Littleton, CO
12 answers

My son is 26 months. He started crawling out of his crib regularly at 24 months. Instead of risking an injury (sometimes he would fall on his head) I transitioned his bed to a toddler bed. As he did when he climbed out of his crib, he would immediately get out of his toddler bed and leave his room. Nothing I said or did would keep him in his room. I bought an extra tall gate to put in front of his door. That worked for a few weeks. Last week he started pushing everything he could find in his room to the gate and climbing over it. I took every possible thing out of his room he could use, but thought that was ridiculous. So I bought a door handle with a lock and reversed it. This obviously keeps him in his room, but now he just destroys his room before he goes to sleep. He actually goes to sleep at night in a reasonable amount of time, but has refused to take naps all week. He literally tears apart his room for hours during nap time. I put him in there once he starts yawning and acting tired but the minute he goes in he refuses to go to sleep. Sometimes I just leave him, he sounds quiet, then I go check on him and he is sitting there playing with something and it doesn't even phase him when I get mad or ask him to get into bed. He goes back into his bed, gives me kisses, says night and as soon as I leave he is up again. By the end of the day he is so tired and whiney because he didn't take a nap. It's so frustrating. Any advise on how to coax your child into taking a nap that is much needed, he is such a busy boy and needs the downtime during the day and so do I.

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G.M.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I have, at times, resorted to taking my daughter on a car ride so that she would fall asleep for a nap. Once she's asleep, I can transfer to her bed, and that's where she wakes up. I've found this to help on the days when we stay home, and I can now take her in for her nap, lay her down, and she'll stay. Very frustrating, but good luck!

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A.G.

answers from Pocatello on

I have heard that when children are getting ready to stop taking naps all together that they can go through this faze where they won't sleep but still act cranky and tired. So in another month or two he might not nap at all and not be sleepy during the day. Now that doesn't mean he still can't have quiet time. I would place him on his bad with books and toys maybe a drink and explain to him that it's quiet time and he doesn't have to sleep but he has to be quiet. Then still lock the door so he can't come out. I know it's nicer when you know he is actually sleeping but as long as he will play quietly in his room for like an hour I would go with that. There may be days when he sleeps and days when he doesn't but if you just keep up that routine then you will both still get your down time every day.

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J.H.

answers from Billings on

That's tough... Have you considered taking him for a drive? I know with the cost of gas that probably isn't a great option, but he would at least be contained! My kids sleep great in the car when given the chance.

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K.B.

answers from Provo on

Wow, that's tough! Sounds like he needs a big lesson in obedience, which is tough on all involved. Knowning it's going to be tough helps though. Look up ideas online, check out books, anything you can until you find your answer. My son went through a phase like this but he was not ready to get rid of naps. Once or twice I lay in his bed with him (I just put a twin mattress on the floor 'cause a toddler bed won't hold much) and held him, facing away from me whispering to him about his need to stay in bed, or not talking at all. Just listen to your 'inner voice'. You know your child. The second time he fell asleep. After that he was fine. I guess he decided he'd rather be good and stay in bed than have me hold him tight like that, and when he stayed in bed by himself he fell asleep and that's how I knew he wasn't ready to stop napping. He napped for two more years after that. :)
K.

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B.G.

answers from Billings on

I would suggest to stand in the doorway and tell him to close his eyes and watch him to make sure, and if he gets out, give him a little swat on the butt and tell him to get back in bed and close his eyes.

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M.H.

answers from Denver on

For my nephew, my sister made the rule that he has to stay in bed laying down, but he can read a book or play quietly with small toys while laying down. 90% of the time, he would sleep after 20-30 minutes of quiet play. You might sit in a chair and read a book near the door, or even in his room to supervise and make sure he is staying on his bed and laying down.

Just a thought. Good luck! I don't think your 26 month old is ready to give up naps quite yet.

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A.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Dear C.,
My youngest son was out of the bed and into a lower bunk bed at the same age as your son is now. Bed time at night wasn't the problem, it was nap time. If he had even his little finger moving (I kid you not) he would not nap. And come evening time he was a terror. So this is what worked for me. I would watch for the "I'm tired" signs, then I would say "nap time" and for the first week drag him kicking and screaming to his room, put him on the lower bunk and get in with him, wrap my arms around him, and hold him still. I know it sounds cruel, but I would hold him still, even his little hands. After about 10 minites the first day he was asleep, the second day 8 minites, by the fifth day it was three minites. Sometimes I was so tired I'd fall asleep with him but I didn't care at that point. Boys can be so active and curious that they will be afraid to go to sleep because they might miss something, unlike girls who will dutifully take a nap, but come bedtime it's nothing but endless drama. By the end of the second week he figured out that nap time was inevitable, and that he felt better taking a nap than not. By the third week he would just come tell me he was tired, I only had to sit with him for a few minites and he'd be out, at the end of a month he went to his room on his own climbed in and went to sleep.

I would suggest that you not lock him in his room, because much like a prisoner who is locked in, he will destroy his environment because there is nothing else left to do. And you don't want him to equate his room with a punishment. They are very smart and pick up on that.

Well that's just my 2 cents worth, and it did work for me, you might give it a shot.

God bless

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J.M.

answers from San Francisco on

My sister encountered this with her son at the same age. She did everything you did with the gate, the reversed door knob etc. to no avail. When he'd tear his room apart and trash everything, she began removing all of his stuff. If he continued to do it, she would remove more stuff. Pretty soon, EVERYTHING was taken out of his room, but the bed, his pillow and his balnkets. With nothing else to do, he would eventually go to sleep. Granted, it wasnt in his bed always. She would find him in the closet on the floor or under his toddler bed. He grew out of it and once he got in the habit of sleeping, she gradually put the stuff back in his room. It took about a month. She did the same thing w/ naps too and kept naps & bedtime consistant. She told him that even if he didn't feel tired or think he needed a nap, that he was going to go in his room for at least an hour and have quiet time w/ the lights off and shades closed. I hope you find something that works and you can all get some rest!

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A.P.

answers from Denver on

Make sure you are following a routine (not schedule). For example: (1)Breakfast (2)physcial activity (3)snack (4)quiet activity (5)lunch (6)naptime routine (7)physical activity (8)snack (9)quiet activity (10)dinner (11)betime routine. For naptime routine: Turn on soothing music, make the room dark, read a story, & put him to bed. Make sure he is getting plenty of exercise. He sounds like a kid that needs lots of activity. This might be a control issue. Tell him it is quiet time. He can choose to sleep or not to sleep. He can lay/play quietly in his bed. If you have taken everything out of his room --- what is there to tear up??? Take everything out of his room but his bed and clothes (closet/dresser). No toys in bedroom. Make sure he has a blankie or stuffed animal to comfort him. I have a friend who has gone through the same thing with her son. She claims that her son just won't sleep. Well, whenever I take care of him, I get him to take a nap. I think that she is not forceful enough. She is very lenient. Her child knows this and manipulates it. Also, her life is chaotic and there is not a routine. At my house I say, "it is time for nap." The boy tells me he doesn't want to take a nap. I say "fine, but you have to go to the bed and be quiet." He does that and eventually falls asleep because he is exhausted. You could even take a nap with him. Tell him he doesn't have to sleep but he has to keep quiet so he doesn't wake you. Bargain with him. Say when you are 5 you don't have to take a nap. But you are 2 and you have to take a nap or have quiet time. That is the rule. He is afraid he is missing out on something. Let him know that you will be napping as well. Tell him his toys need a nap, too. I hope at least one of these suggestions works for you.

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E.N.

answers from Provo on

I know you already moved him to a bed, but you might want to consider putting him back in the crib with a crib tent! They are amazing. My boy stared getting out of the crib at 9 mo old and we used the tent for a long time to keep him in bed when he was supposed to be.

You can buy them online or toys-r-us for about $80. They go under the mattress and zip up in the front. The zipper is only on the outside, so a kid can't get out. Some people think this is mean, but my son got sleep and so did I!! Good luck!

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T.T.

answers from Denver on

You might have to hang out by his room until he goes to sleep. The second he gets out of bed, go in and put him right back in, without talking to him. The first time you have to do it, say something like "It's bedtime/naptime. You need to stay in your bed." Then leave the room, but stand outside the door. When he gets up again, go back in and silently put him back in bed. Then leave again. It will take many tries and several days, but he will get the picture. It will be exhausting for you, but if you are consistent, it will work. Also, you could get him a little CD player and some quiet music for him to listen to when he goes to sleep. That worked really well for my son when he was that age. He really destroyed things in his room, too, when I would leave him there. I'm holding off as long as possible to put my daughter in a big bed! Good luck, I hope you find something that works. I know how frustrating that is.

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N.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Fresh air, a trip to the park, 2 hours playing with a kid his age will help him take naps.

He won't want to nap in his bed. Get him to sit on a pillow or the couch or on your lap for starters. Put on a video or quiet music. When he falls asleep, transfer him off your lap and put a light blanket on him. Give him hugs when he wakes up.

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