Advice for Friend

I'm EDITING TO ADD: For those that push people to stay together in the name of God... You have no idea the situation. It's not cool to tell someone to stay with someone and assume it's their problem when you don't know everything that's going on. You can be abused without being physically abused. You can be cheated on without the physical act of love. You can be scarred as a child without being hit. And you can be far more damaged in a dysfunctional family than a "broken" one. Not only am I a product of divorce, but I've been divorced myself. I've never been happier and more productive in my life. My daughter is excelling in her life and is happier now then she was when I was with her father. DON'T BE SO PRESUMPTOUS!!!

I left my 1st husband and I'm happier, healthier, and would do it again. It was very trying. I was always broke. I filed bankruptcy, but had a roof over our heads and had a car to get me to work everyday. I figured if I can pay the basics (food, gas, utilities, and home) then the rest doesn't matter. I learned to save with coupons online, from people at work, from a paper that someone was done with, and for Christmas one year, Goodfellas in my area helped me. They gave me gifts for my kids and $100 in groceries without question. Now that I'm doing better financially... I donate to Goodfellas anytime I can. I know they truly help those in need... personally.

If I can do it... She can too.

My advice, tell her to fall back in love with her husband... She's just not committed anymore, not that it is loveless, there is a difference. Why did she marry this man, was it loveless then?? As long as this man hasn't cheated or beat her, there is no reason to leave... Is he a bad father? If she's wanting to leave because she says it's "loveless" she is selfish, she's going to ruin lives because she's not committed. I'm putting a website about building strong marriages...
http://www.heavenministries.org/

Also, as Joyce Meyer says... "the grass might look greener on the other side but you still have to mow it..."

Financially she may struggle, but she will have to decide what she is willing to live with (financial stability and loveless marriage or happier personal life but less financial stability). Money isn't everything but you have to know what you can handle. For the kids...don't put them in middle. Keep their relationship with mom and dad as strong and consistent as possible. Don't make them pawns in the divorce. Don't talk bad about the other parent in front of the kids. You can make it as smooth as possible for the kids, but it takes both parents working toward that goal. It can be done, I have 3 kids and have been able to provide for myself and my kids just fine. Dad sees them every weekend. We are both flexible when it comes to the kids for their sake.

Send her to this site! There are lots of strong women that have managed to go it alone. In fact in my view it's the ones that are afraid to leave, becoming stuck and miserable that are the sad ones. Tell her how brave she is being and help her with encouragement. I believe the 12 year old will have the most difficulty. Advise family counseling.

If the marriage truly can not be saved, he is a addict or beats her or the like, that counseling can not help fix, than what she needs to do is concentrate on helping the kids heal. Divorce is devastating to children, they will have many problems and need time to mourn the death of their family. She needs to get them into counseling, and do not be surprised if the 4 year old regresses or starts wetting the bed, these are normal reactions and must be handled with love and patients. Saying it was just loveless says to me they just stopped trying, which is so sad and selfish when kids lives are being destroyed over it. I am sure as a woman she will be fine on her own, she is an adult and is making her own choices, but those kids have no choice in this, and it affects them more than anyone else, so they have to be the whole focus.