Advice - Eden Prairie,MN

He will need to participate because it is HIS paternity that is being established (no stealth tests as suggested). Just do the test with a real lab that will prove chain of custody. Nothing to hide right.

ETA: Pay for the test! If you get structured child support, it will be a good ROI. Just because he's not paying it now doesn't mean he us t liable for it in the FUTURE! It is your responsibility for your child to get this done.

http://mobile.walmart.com/m/phoenix;jsessionid=4F84928D8E...

Under $30. Results in 2 days.

K.,

Just make the appointment to get them both (ex and son) tested. It will shut them up. Unless the fiance is using your name, I'm not sure you need to address this any further. I wouldn't even talk to her about it. Let her flap in the wind.

It sounds like, other than child support, you may not want these people to have much involvement in your life or your child's. They sound terrible.

I think that if HE requests the paternity test he has to pay. IF YOU request it then you have to pay. That's a big difference. I would just post on the sight that you have given permission multiple times and he won't go do it because he knows this child is his and is just trying to make it seem like you are a bad person.

This way she will have this knowledge FROM you in writing. Make sure that you tell her that you have been telling him you agree many many many times and he just won't go do it. That the ball is totally in his court.

If you receive any state assistance you can talk to your worker and ask them if the state would require him to submit and get it out of the way. If you don't receive any assistance, such as them helping you get child support, then you are going to have to just leave it as it is and let him say what he wants.

By letting this girlfriend know that you have agreed multiple times she may or may not believe you but if you put in writing "I agree totally to allow my son, XXX xxx to be tested for parentage with XXX xxx at any time he requests for us to submit" then she has it in writing on the internet and perhaps it will give you credibility and make him look like the idiot he is.

It sounds to me that you don't actually know for sure that he is the father, or you would have done this already. The fiance wants this done before she marries him so that if indeed he is NOT his father, that she doesn't have to help him support a child who is not really his.

If you didn't have sex with anyone else during this time, then what do you have to be afraid of? Just get the test done. Talk to your lawyer first - he or she can tell you what lab to use. Have the lawyer send the results to this guy. With your lawyer on board whose law license depends on doing things legally, you WANT a bonafide test done - not one that the fiance cooks up from reading on the internet.

I would also want this done in a lab because there can be NO WAY of him substituting someone else for the test (like his best friend). The lab worker swabs his cheek or takes his blood as well as your child's. The lab will check his ID to make sure it is really him. If you two were there at the same time it would give you assurance that he isn't passing someone else off who looks like him with HIS ID, as well.

Be "above board" here and proactive. You say that your son and his father aren't close. How do you expect them to be ever be close if the man questions whether or not this is his son?

If you were not actually faithful to him, then you will be paying the piper. No man wants a child who is not his to be passed off as his. I don't know the law, but perhaps if he is not really the father, you might have to pay him back the money he has paid in child support. (Again, I don't know the law.) If there is even a remote possibility that someone else is the father, it's going to come out, whether you have the test done, or he demands to have the test done.

I would move forward getting the test done asap just to shut them up! I would be the one to push the issue and make him (dad) take the time to get it done.

Just agree to the test. And confront his nosy fiancee in person. Let her know that you already agreed to the test so she needn't try to get a test without your knowledge.

ETA: Toni: It's Libel, not slander.

Maybe purchase a kit and have it mailed to him certified, return receipt requested or proof of delivery. Some how that you can PROVE you sent it and he has to sign for it. Lay it out on him. I don't think him asking a question on a site carries any weight. But if YOU order it and have it delivered to him, with proof that you ordered it and that it was delivered, his BS will be bogus.

Do not tell them that you saw her posting and do not post anything in response yourself. Do not engage on this! It would only give them ammunition to paint YOU as the one out of line ("she's stalking my girlfriend on the Internet" etc.) when you're not. But I would print out and also keep electronic copies of all her online postings as records in case you need them in the future!

Do you have an attorney who handles your custody and child support issues? If you don't, please, please get one immediately. These kinds of communications are better handled, and less emotion gets involved, if a third party like an attorney handles them. You also need legal advice in case your son's father suddenly decides he does indeed want his son and tries to get some form of custody -- you say that the dad has no interest but beware; some men do a turnabout and decide they want to wrest their kids from their moms, whether it's to prove a point, to hurt the ex, or because they and their new girlfriends suddenly want a just-add-water instant family.

Get. An. Attorney. Now.

Then have the attorney inform your ex that you are willing to do the test and when and where to show up for it. Absolutely the dad has to pay for it. I wonder if dad is actually going to turn up fo the test himself after all his fussing about getting one? It's possible he's using the repeated requests for tests mostly to harass you. But go ahead and through your attorney schedule a test and see what happens.

The attorney also should be working with the court to garnish your ex's wages to get your child support. If you don't know what garnishment is, the attorney will, and you should pursue it very vigorously (it's where the court orders that money be taken directly from the non-paying parent's paychecks and given directly to you). If the dad is under contempt right now you need a lawyer to stay on top of that and get you the money your child needs.

If you already have a lawyer, talk to him or her about the online posts and mention that you are not going to reply or react in any way but that you are keeping copies. And get on your lawyer's case about being more aggressive in your child's interests regarding child support. Get those wages garnished. Your ex sounds like a jerk and I hope he moves far away from you someday very soon.....

I can understand your hurt and anger, but for the sake of your son, just get it done.

I, too, urge you to take the initiative in getting the paternity test done. Do it locally. Don't use the mail order route because he can easily dispute that. Ask your doctor how to go about getting it done then tell your ex to make an appointment with the provider. Talk with the provider of the service and ask them how to arrange for the test.

Another reason to not use a mail order service is that he could submit someone else's DNA. You want an accurate test. I'd want to be there when they do the swab so that I'd be sure it's him.

I understand not wanting to pay for it. However, I suggest that it's worth paying for it to eliminate the drama. And it would put him on the spot and perhaps add incentive for the court to enforce the child support order.

Just get the test,and have him pay for it..

I say you do the paternity test yourself and hand it to the both of them all wrapped up. You can smile sweetly as they open the "present" and read the results. That is, of course, if there is NO question of who the dad is. It would be so great to see the expressions on their faces! lol

i'm not sure i understand. if he asks for it, and you say yes, what happens then?
how do you know what his fiance posts on legal websites?
of course you shouldn't have to pay for it. when he asks about it, if you say 'sure, when would like to have it done? meet us at the doctor's and pay for it', how can there be an issue?
khairete
S.

If you can afford it, have an attorney write her a strongly worded letter about SLANDER and the possible consequences.

Other then that, as long as you and your son knows the truth....BLOW her off.