Advice - Albany, GA

What has worked for me before, as a parent, or teacher, is to find out what is their FAVORITE thing. For example, watching Hannah Montana, cell phones, etc. Take this thing away if they don't get a positive report from the teacher each day. I would contact the teacher, and ask for a daily behavior report. They must get a smiley, or a star, or whatever system you work out with the teacher, and then if they don't, they lose the phone, the show, whatever. If they get a star each day for the week, find a reward, like family time, something they enjoy. It sounds maybe you are at a stalemate with them, if you set up something with you and them and the teacher, perhaps you will have better luck. It is always important to reward the positive. And maybe they are getting nervous about baby #5's arrival?

Good luck to you!

When my daughter who is now fifteen did that, I made her write an apology letter to the students in class for her behavior. I set it up with the teacher showed up and made her read it in front of the class. It worked!

For home everytime she would argue or give me an attitude I would add a day of grounding, I never argued back just started counting days out loud until she stopped. It still works now too!! While she is grounded she has to vaccuum one day then clean a bathroom another day, there was always something I would find for her to do. I'ts hard I give you kudos for handling twins!

mabey you should get a nanny to help you with your kids

I also have four children -- all daughters. Three of them are older, and then one is way younger (4 yrs. old.) I have learned that if you can let your daughters figure out for themselves (with a little of your guidance and explanation) that they really don't want the consequences THEY are going to have to endure for their poor behavior, and show that you really empathize and love them and want them to really shine, be happy, have freinds who enjoy being around them, teachers who think they're wonderful, and for them to feel good about themselves, it's so much better than trying to impose your own punishment on them. I wouldn't punish them for their behavior, because then YOU are owning the problem. They need to deal with their own natural consequences: i.e. they won't be able to enjoy field trips like the children who behave can, or whatever consequences the school sets up for misbehavior, the teachers will begin to have a negative attitude toward them which will make their school life much harder, the nice, well behaved kids will start to dislike them, etc. You can point these things out to them, but gentle and with real compassion by expressing to them that you only want good and wonderful things for them. I would simply tell them how sorry I am that they made some bad choices, but give them a hug and tell them that I KNOW they can do the right thing: that I believe in them 100% and have absolute confidence that they will be the sweet, charming, beautiful girls at school that they are at home, and that I'm proud to call them my daughters and I know they will make better behavior choices tomorrow. When they do, I'd give them a squeeze and tell them again how proud I am and that I knew they could do it! Open up for any discussion they may need to have with you about something that may be going on at school that's upsetting them that you might be unaware of -- sometimes they are so senstive to subtle things that teachers really don't even pick up on them, but they can cause a lot problems if you don't know about them and can help them figure out what to do about them. If they don't feel like you're going to over-react or go straight into punishment mode, they'll start talking more. It's really important to establish a comfortable, easy, honest dialog now -- they're about to hit all kinds of emotional stuff as teenagers and they'll need their mom as a reasonable, loving sounding board to talk things out with. All this is not to say that you shouldn't have boundaries and clearly established rules and acceptable behavior standards -- you definitely should. Kids need the consistent, clear understanding of what they may and may not do, but it doesn't need to be a battle field. Good luck, mom! I have no doubt you are indeed raising great young ladies!

Maybe you have not gotten the "right" thing that they love the VERY MOST yet. Evaluate what they really hold "near and dear" to their hearts. Everyone has something that they "just can't live without". When you find the right button you will know it.
You might consider doing a praise and reward system too. This works very well for mine, but they are younger. I love the saying "praise people to success". I always respond much better to praise than correction. Try this approach and keep in touch with the school/teacher. Work together to praise your girls to success!
Also if you have not already begun to pray for them. I strongly recommend prayer over their behavior, their way of thinking. Pray for you to have wisdom to choose the right path of discipline. Ask for God to show you the most valuable things your girls hold dear.
Good luck to you. I sympathize and am a little afraid of this pre-teen stage too. I already see disrespect in my two at times (6 & 4 yrs old). I pray for them and me EVERY DAY!
God Bless,
A.

I'm trying to get my 5 year old to stop acting up at preschool and what I'm finding is that rewards are working better than punishment. He's upset with the punishment but then it's over and he doesn't seem to think about it until next time he's punished. Find out something they really want and let them work for it with good behavior at school. Or take away favorite toys\priveliges and let them earn them back with good behavior. Again, mine is five, so I don't know if this applies at 11!

AAre the twins together in the classroom? There is usually a dominate twin that leads the behavior pattern. Find out which one and hold that one accountable. You need to visit and find out personally what is occuring. Separating the two may be the answer.

Have you ever thought that their behavior could be chemically induced? I am the mother of a 12 year old daughter wwho was diagnosed with ADHD when she was 6 years old. None of the medicines the doctors presrcibed helped any. In fact the side effects amde things worse. Then I started to do research on behavior problems caused by our chemical laden environmnet. I found a company when she was 7 years old that sells only 100% natural products for the home and self. Slowly, I began to notice a difference in her attention and behavior. Now, she is in the 6th grade and is in the talented and gifted prodgram! I loved this company so much that I joined them as a member. Here is some of the information I found that I feel might be benifical to you and your daughterFormaldehyde is an inexpensive preservative that many companies use to prolong the shelf life of their products and is a cancer causing ingredient. It is in everything from baby shampoo to toothpaste and things such as soap and adult shampoo.
Now of course Formaldehyde is not on the label, instead you will see one of 30 trade names, one being Q15. You know many of us and our children have things like Asthma, ADD, ADHD and eczema. The products that we use in our homes attribute largely to that. The chemicals that we wash our clothes and sheets in, well we sleep in the sheets, we wear those clothes, so our skin is constantly in contact with that.
So, I have found a company that replaces those harsh chemicals and ingredients with more natural ingredients that are safer...safer for you to use, safer to use around our children and also safer for the environment.
The company is known as The Wellness Company because their focus is on helping people live healthier, be healthier...so all of their products focus on Wellness and Prevention. They have been in business since 1985 and are nationally known in the USA, Canada, and six other countries. They are an Inc 500 and Better Business associate.
They manufacture almost 400 everyday products. They have an eco-friendly cleaning and laundry line. and bath and body line. They are also a registered Pharmaceutical company. Everything you would find in your medicine cabinet. Over the counter cough and cold medicines, allergy relief products....Any type of product that you would use for a cut, a burn, a scrape, or a bruise.
They have also partnered with a world renowned New York fashion Designer, Nicole Miller. She has an entire line of cosmetics and skin care.
Best of all, the company's top selling line that is called Vitality for Life. This line includes exclusive high-end Vitamin and Nutritional supplements, Weight Management products, Sports nutrition products, as well as supplements for things like Arthritis, High Blood Pressure, and High Cholesterol. They also have a line of organic cookies and crackers, breakfast Cereals and Breakfast Bars.
And best of all when you join as a preferred customer; you are getting all of these products 40% off of their retail price!
And right now, we are offering a special enrollment price of only $1.00. That is a $28.00 savings, from now until March 20th. Plus you get an added bonus of $100.00 loyalty savings on products of your choice. That is getting $100.00 in FREE PRODUCTS just for trying us out. We offer a 100% guarantee and if you are not completely satisfied, call for a full refund and you may cancel at anytime!
Now, I ask you what could be better than that? No more harsh chemicals and a company that stands behind their eco-friendly products 100%. For more information or to join, simply log on to: www.enhanceyourlifeonline.com, click on "get more info" or call me at ###-###-####.
I hope that this infroamtion was found to be helpful to you.
Sincerely,
K.

I know I say this a lot to other moms, but www.loveandlogic.com is a WONDERFUL way and fun, I might add, to parent.

I've let a friend borrow my books, but it actually has scenarios in the book and they are so good. Without getting into an enormous long post, I'd rather just direct you to two books. Parenting with Love and Logic and Love and Logic, When Kids Leave You Speechless. There are many other books and CD's on this and on these books. To me they are comedy and they want you to try them out on your children. You can also join a yahoo group called Becoming Love and Logic Parents before you get any material and ask them this same question.

Our children do learn from us. What example have you set before them? Do you handle difficult fustrating situations in a calm respectfull way toward the person(s) you are interacting with? Check yourself because children expressing they see us doing or acting in ways they have observed are being sincere. I say all of this because we have to change in order for our children to change as hard as it is for us to accept this fact. (I am presently working on the change I want to see in my children by becoming that change myself). Enought said, something I have found effective in behavior change is taking away all clothing except 2 pairs of pants and 3-5 tops for an extended period (until behavior changes.) This may seem drastic but it worked. Another privilage taken away was getting my daughter's done until she brought her grades up (she would not take the opportunity to seek out tutoring that was available - for free!.) She learned that some of the things important to her would be taken away until she took responsibility to change/help herself. You must most importantly show consistency in whatever discilpine you choose to undertake in this and all matters concerning you and your children. If these are your eldest children it is imperative that you lay down the law so that the younger children will see you are serious!

Is it possible that this is the onset of puberty and it's hormonally based? It might explain why the punishment doesn't work - since we can't control our hormones, it makes it hard to control our behavior. Just a thought! Good luck, too!

E., my daughter had a similar experience. On 8 Mar, my two daughters went shopping for baby stuff at Toys-R-Us. I remember the date because it was my other daughters birthday. The called laughing because when they came out of the store, the pregnant daughters wig came off and her water broke. They called laughing hysterically because of the wig. I know you didn't need all of that, but you laughed, I am sure. So I went to the hospital and waited, but she never showed up. So I called, she went home to shower, get her things, and eat. The labor pains stopped, so she did not come to the hospital. But she called her doctor, but because her labor pains were not close, she was okay. So we had a baby shower the following week. And labor started at the shower. We knew then this was it. So whe could not eat, but again because she was hungry, she ate and labor stopped. I beleive this baby was only kicking and screaming because he was hungry but not wanting to come out. Finally on 31 Mar, the doctor induced labor and we have a healthy, now 10 year, old baby boy. You can, the baby can, only if you trust and beleive that you can.