one mom keeps asking me to babysit and drive her kids. i said no and then explained all the reasons why. she keeps asking and it is annoying me and insulting me. any advice? shortened this question since it was too long.
Just say NO to her-with no explanation at all. Sorry-can't do that. Keep saying this and do it in a businesslike way. Not a sweet way or a friendly way. Sounds to me like you are 'too nice' and everyone knows it thats why you are the target of users. This is one of the unfortunate results of being this kind of person.
I think that you need to keep doing what you are doing and distance yourself from her entirely. If the face you get isn't the friend, then she's a business partner/coworker only. Keep it short. Keep it professional. Keep it distant. Don't invite any more chummy behavior. Make the boundary that no, she can't come to the pool, drop off her kids, etc. Don't chat about the pool or park or whatever with her. Be vague about plans and activities and small talk. I think sometimes in the effort to be nice we get into the "feedback loop" of giving too much info. Sometimes it's better to say, "No" than to try to soften the blow.
Now, it does get tricky if you have a kid who wants to be friends with her kid, but sometimes the way we handled that is that our child could only do the things we were willing to be accountable for - ONE child, the child's friend. No siblings. A pick up and drop off defined by us so that we weren't stuck for hours with a child. Even now we have one girl whose parents are always late and if we need to be somewhere she can only come with if we're able to drop her off when we need her to go. We've flat-out told our kids that their friends' parents' lateness is a problem which is why it has to be this way.
If you think she might try to take advantage of the pool, you can tell the pool that she's been trying to take advantage of your membership and you are not inviting her.
I try to think of it this way - is it any more 'rude' of you to say no than it is for her to try to take advantage all the time? No. She's being rude to YOU. So don't do her any favors.
Get caller ID and do not answer, and when she asks, just say "no." Keep doing it. She will get the point. Smile, and always have someplace to go, be, do if she corners you. She will get tired of trying, and if she does not, tell her that you are just not capable of watching her kids all the time becuase they are a handful and she could do much better with a professional baby sitter who can pay the attention to them that they deserve. Just make yourself unavaliable, like you are doing, and the next time she says that she does not want to impose on Tanya, tell her that you are no different from Tanya, and an imposition to her is also an imposition to you as well. If all else fails, just say you don't want to.
I had a "friend" like this. You just have to cut it off and let the chips fall. Hold your head high, do not participate in any gossip, and people will see who you are above any stink.
M.
She's using you. You know it and she knows it.
You are going to have to be blunt.
"I can't afford to be paying for your kids. You don't ask anyone else so why do you keep asking me?"
"I'm sorry but your kids are too much for me to handle."
If she keeps asking (and the requests are outrageous) and it's in public then repeat the request loudly so everyone hears "You want me to <what ever it is>?!?" then laugh loudly. "You MUST be kidding! That was a good one!" Keep laughing till you've laughed her off.
you don't have to be blunt or rude.....but you can still say NO. Say it every single time she asks & she'll get the picture. Say it with a smile & a little laugh.....& most important, avoid mentioning costs/her husband's income/etc. It makes you sound a little jealous! Place the focus more on "sorry, we have a full house today"....& life will be easier.
By the end of your ?, it really sounds like you don't like this woman! Peace!
you know sometimes you have to make an enemie in life.
I'm very direct, if I don't feel like doing it, or don't feel comfortable, or something is wrong, weird, etc, I speak up.Yes, sometimes it creates awkwardness, but that doesn't stop me from saying NO. You don't even need to explain anything, just a very friendly sorry, can't.......fill in the blanks.
For an examlpe, when my older kids were younger and they played in our pool, and the neighbor wanted the little brother to come along,too... I would say, sure no problem, but you have to come and sit by the pool to watch him, because I'm busy with....of course he didn't tag along....
We can't please the entire world.
.
First lets look at her kids. Are they lonely and have no friends etc. I always hate to see the kid suffer because of the parent. If not then I really believe in Honesty so I would say look I'm sorry but I can't keep helping you like this you need to stop asking me for favors etc. Please leave me alone. It might hurt her feelings but its better that than to drag it on.
People treat you the way you let them-so don't let her do this-it sounds like you need an ocean between you! And how generous of her to let everyone know how much her husband earns!
If she keeps asking, just keep saying NO. Make it plain and simple and clear, "I'm sorry, but I can't", or No, I'm not able to help you out". You've already explained, no reason to go it again.
I am with Martha...use caller ID and dont' answer the phone. When you run into her always have an excuse that you have places to be, people to see and things to do etc....If you don't start setting healthy boundaries then it will keep happening.
