I tried to understand what adultery is, So in this state law stated: Adultery is the voluntary sexual intercourse of a married person with one of the opposite sex to whom he or she is not married.
I had affair with other man and we did it but he is married. (But in above stated for whom he or she is not married). But since I am not happy in the marriage for other reason than affair. When I file for divorce, should I go for adultery or irreconcilable differences? My hubby already knew about my affair as I told him the truth. I only had affair once. I made mistake so he is giving me second chance. Any help would be appreciated.
I think what the law is saying, is, to whom YOU are not married to, not whether or not the person you had sex with is married.
If you live in MN it is a no-fault divorce state so you don't need to state a reason for the divorce.
I am going to get a little more elaborate on this. Do you have children? If you do I think if he *hubby wants to try again and you have children and goofed up and do not plan to do so again in the future, then try to work this out. I will not go into pages but what I will say is that the grass is not greener for anyone really, even if there are some very severe problems aside from violence (get out yesterday) and terrible mental illness that cannot be solved. So you had an affair, he knows, then end this and move on in your marriage. You cannot file for adultry anyway he could however, but I don't think you are clear. Are you trying to be with the man who you had an affair with?If that is the case look seriously at him and decide if you could deal with his possible future cheating. He after all cheated with you.
If your current husband forgives you and you love him and you perhaps got drunk one night (or whatever excuse people use) or were away on a business trip and got lonely or he looked at you a lot in the grocery store and you thought he was hot (turns out he could smell and have a bad personality anyway) then do what you can-take a chance and get to know your husband again. He might be more interesting than you thought. And remember if you thought he was wonderful and marvelous and handsome who else wouldn't? So possibly enjoy the fact that he loves you anyway and promise to not do it again. Perhaps get remarried to the same person and establish a new set of vows that you will remain with. You might have felt insecure, and perhaps neglected and perhaps sad that husband doesn't appreciate you. So now he might. Be done with it and possibly move on. Or leave but know that you might miss a very special person.
Okay, why are you thinking about filing for divorce if you just stated that he is giving you a second chance? Try to work things out, go to a counselor and see if you guys can reconcile your differences.
In your case and so not to your favor, your husband will be the one to claim adultery because you are the one who cheated. This is not good for you, but if you guys divorce, he will be the one to get the most out of the marriage settlement, because you betrayed the marriage.
If things do not work out you would file under irreconciable differences.
Hope things work out for you guys.
Just remember, marriage is work, and you both need to work at it.
As far as the definition goes. You are married and you had voluntary sexual intercouse with a man that you are not married to, therefore, you committed adultery.
Everyone thinks affairs are about sex, when in fact, only about 2% actually are. Affairs happen because someone is not happy in their marraige and they are seeking something else.
If hubby is willing to give it a second chance, why aren't you? Now is the time for both of you to take a look at what's good in your relationship and what's bad and fix it.
If you're sure you want to file for a divorce, you should consult with an attorney who will advise you what the best option is for your particular circumstances and the laws in your state.
If he is giving you a second chance why are you filing. You would file irreconcilable difference. Your husband is the one to file Adultery since your the one who was unfaithful to him.
I don't think it's in the person's best interest who did the cheating to be the one to use adultery as the reason for a divorce. That is usually what the offended spouse claims because he/she wants the other person to be the most at fault for the failed marriage. Adultery will most likely be seen as a negative against you....it is often viewed as a major lack of integrity (look at Tiger Woods and Jesse James....not too many people are seeing them as the victims) so my advice is don't go inviting trouble by jumping up and down waving your hands saying, "Me! Me! I committed adultery so give me my divorce!"....especially if there will be any custody issues.......
Your husband is giving you a second chance- and you are filing for divorce?
That is pretty loving of him to forgive you of adultery. Maybe you should look at other options besides divorce.
I am assuming since you are on here you are a mother. If nothing else you should give it a second chance simply for the love and respect you hold for your children because you will DEVASTATE them and crush them with a divorce. I don't care what anyone says, divorce is mercilessly cruel and painful on children. THEY DESERVE TO HAVE married parents. You had them, now you owe them a little "work" at this marriage to keep the family together and their life intact.
Go rent the movie "fireproof" and watch it together. Talk after.
Here are some books to read :
"HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS" -for both of you to read
"SACRED INFLUENCE, WHAT A MAN NEEDS FROM HIS WIFE TO BE THE HUSBAND SHE WANTS"- for you to read
"IF HE ONLY KNEW, WHAT NO WOMAN CAN RESIST" - for him to read
"THE BIBLE" - read it alone.. and pray to God for guidance before you open it. When I was having problems in my marriage, he told me to become a servant heart for my husband, and give of myself, even though I didnt want to. It saved my marriage and we are proof that a dying marriage can be revived and be better than ever. DON'T BE A QUITTER.
From my understanding of "Fault" States (I'm in a no-fault state):
Your betrayed spouse would claim adultery (in a fault state) because it would mean that (amongst other things) it would change the settlement agreement in his favor.
You can't claim adultery if he didn't commit it.
Not sure what state you live in but adultry is hard to prove and it is a long drawn out process. There are no-fault divorces which are fairly easy to get so long as both parties are in agreement Also irreconsible divorces are easier than finding fault on one person or another. It definetly sounds like you are done with your marriage. Have you talked it over with your husband? As a person who has been divorced besure it is absolutely what you want...the grass isn't always greener on the other side. i wish you the best of luck whatever you decide.
If you file under adultery, you are stating that HE cheated on YOU. That is not what happened. Your husband can file and claim adultery because YOU were unfaithful. You need to have a lawyer to advise on the best way to go about filing for divorce.
The definition of adultery that you give is saying- when two people have sex, and they are not married to EACH OTHER and at least one of them is married to someone else. So both you and this other guy you had an affair with committed adultery.
When you file for divorce and use adultery as the reason, that usually means that you are citing your spouse's adultery, not your own. If you are going to file, use irreconcilable differences.
Good luck to you!
I think you would choose irreconcilable difference. I think you would choose adultry if the other person in the marriage (in this case your husband) had the affair on you!
If I'm understanding your question it sounds like your husband has grounds for adultry not you. Personally if you live in a no fault state I'd just use irreconcilable differences which simply means you don't want to be married to your husband anymore.
Ths best of luck to you divorce is never easy no matter what the reason is.
I really think you should visit a marriage counselor. Please consider all options before considering divorce. I understand that sometimes divorce necessary. I have been divorced and re-married, I can honestly say I will not divorce again. The experience is horrible beyond words. I recommend you explore the alternatives first. If after marriage counseling, you feel the need to divorce then you file under irreconcilable differences.
Yes, it was adultery. Do not give your reason as 'adultery' for the divorce, because you were the one who did the 'adultery' in your marriage. Go for irreconcilable differences because that is more precise and fair to you. Good luck with everything. You did the right thing by telling your hubby the truth. People deserve to know the truth in this type of situation.
I'd ask my attorney about that one. My thinking would be to put irreconcilable differences but I'm no expert at all. That would be my guess. Good luck to you!
