I am a SAHM who volunteers 30+ hours weekly at the school / church we are members of. Last year, after we lost half our income (mine) - I informed the school I would be removing our daughters due to finances. The Principal asked me to please apply for financial aide first. I did and my girls were awarded 1/2 tuition assistance (literally BOGO). I try to give back by volunteering as an office aide, lunch lady and substitute. My husband recently volunteered to sub at the last minute (he got off work and headed for school within an hour of finding out they needed a sub).
I have a brother who opened his own company in June and it has blown up! He is incredibly generous with his money, with tangible things (ie - jewelry, cars, iPads, laptops, etc.). That's just the way he is. I don't ask him for money, nor do I ask for gifts for my children. For Christmas, he purchased a car for my older daughter (who has a PT job, straight A's and a leader in various groups at church and school).
Our school is small and always in a financial bind. It's annoying really because I'm not sure why they budget us for 100 children when enrollment has been around 85 for three years. Regardless - out of the blue, the Administrator asked if my brother would ever consider paying tuition for the girls. I said "No" because he won't. He thinks private schools is a waste ("We went to public schools, what's wrong with public schools?"). He doesn't fault me or my husband - it's just an expense we've chosen to take on and I would never ask him to pay for it. In addition to that - she asked if he'd make a business donation to the school. I said I wasn't sure...She would probably want to propose that herself, as I'm the baby sister and he wouldn't want to hear it from me.
It's bugged me ever since. I mean, she told me to apply for finanical aide, we were awarded the aide (and we had to turn in our tax records, pay stubs, my letter of release when my company left town, etc.).
Was this really out of line or am I just being a weirdo about it?
Let me clarify a few things; My daughters car isn't "new"...It's an '06...The school found out about it (well, the WORLD found out about it) when she posted on FB, Twitter, texted, etc.
We don't pay for insurance or anything of that nature. He's keeping the car in his name, added her as a driver and will hand it completely over to her after she graduates. No, my children don't wear jewelry (unless you consider silly bands jewelry). They have expensive "toys" (ie - iPods, iPads, etc.) of which were purchased a year ago (when I had a job).
Prior to me losing my job (I made over $20/hour + bonus) - tuition wasn't an issue...Neither was contributing to fundraisers and donations of supplies, etc. I have yet to find a job in my field and have lowered my expectations of what I am looking for in a job.
I understand a car purchase is extreme, however - My mom told me about it and I (along with my sister, other brother and sister-in-law) tried to talk him out of it. But he insisted he really wanted to get this for her. My sister suggested he pay tuition and he told her "That's Brenda's bill..." She even suggested he put that money away for college and he told her that wasn't what he wanted to get her.
She was out of line to ask if he would be willing to pay their tuition but not so much for asking about the business donation.
I thought at first you were saying your brother's business literally blew up. As in exploded. :)
I wonder if the administrator is wondering why it is you need financial aid for school tuition, but your other child just got a car as a Christmas present. It may seem to her that a car for a teenager wasn't a necessity, but school tuition is. Do your kids show up with new jewelry, iPods and laptops, etc.?
I'm not saying it's any of her business really, but it might look weird to her.
Where did the financial aid come from? The school itself? If so, I might be looking for another school if you can't afford both tuitions next time it's due in case you are turned down.
It's not uncommon at all for parents to solicit donations from successful businesses in the community. I don't find that part strange. We have grocery stores in our town that contribute and donate everything needed for steak and spaghetti feed fundraisers, Mother's Day breakfasts and bbq's that benefit the volunteer fire department. Businesses donate things for auctions, etc. We're a very small community so all the businesses do something one way or another.
You might not be comfortable asking your brother, but perhaps another parent could. However, they should be warned ahead of time, I guess, that he doesn't believe in private schools.
I don't know. Your kids aren't your brother's responsibility, but if I needed money for my son and my sister wanted to buy him something really expensive, I wouldn't just take it without saying, "It's a lovely gesture, but I think the money might be spent better on......"
It might especially look strange if the daughter who is now driving a new car, attends the very school you can't afford for her to attend.
It might look like on one hand, nothing but the best for your kids, but on the other hand, you can't afford it. No matter how much you volunteer, it's still kind of like asking a church for food because you're too proud to ask anyone else for help, but you'll show up for that bread line in a new car that was a present from a family member instead of having them take you to the store to buy you some groceries.
No offense.
Like I said, I might be looking for other schools or the public school option just in case tuition isn't there for next time.
Maybe you'll be back to work by then and it won't even be an issue.
Best wishes to you!
I think it's totally out of line for an administrator to suggest you begging off money from your family, even if things are tight. THey shouldn't offer financial aide if they can't afford to give it.
On the other hand, how does she know so much about your brother and his financial prowess?
Because it also might seem off to her, that you are receiving financial aide and yet your daughter drives a brand new car and the children have expensive playthings.
But overall, yes, out of line and none of her business. (Unless you made it her business by telling her everything you told us!) :)
The correct answer when someone asks a question they shouldn't (which I believe the Admin did in this case) is . . . "why would you ask me that" or "I'm really not comfortable discussing that" You do not owe anyone an explanation for anything - especially having to do with your finances or your brother's for that matter. None of her business - period.
If part of the administator's job is to fundraise, I don't find her request odd. Awkward, maybe, but asking for money is often awkward. If she sees you having new, expensive stuff that your generous brother gives you, then she probably figured it was worth asking.
First of all you sound like an awesome volunteer! You are really helping pay them back with all of the time you are donating.. have you ever added up your hours and base it on at least $10. per hour?
I have to kind of agree with Shane. If your daughter has a new car, that means somehow the insurance also has to be paid, so that money is coming from somewhere.. So it may look to the school as there has been a change in your financial status..
But I am surprised the administrator would ask the way she did.. Instead she could have said something more along the lines of, "Do you think your brother would consider donating towards our scholarships?".. If she was really smart, she would remind him it is a tax donation too..
If you really like the school, I would explain a little of the circumstances and your brothers feelings about private schools.. If she can be that blunt with you, I guess you can be totally honest with her..
It's nice that your brother helps you out. That is not any business of the school administrator, and if asked again, you might say something like "my brother is independent and while we appreciate his gifts, they are entirely at his discretion and we are not in a position to advise him about how he uses his finances". And it was inappropriate to ask you about a business donation. That is her job. It would, however, be appropriate to politely inquire about how best to contact him, or if you would share his business phone number, so that she could approach him in a professional manner and request a donation. Don't make excuses for receiving gifts or legitimate financial aid or for making past expenses. If you are pleased with the education your children are receiving, just continue to volunteer, which is wonderful.
I see nothing wrong with the Admin asking you if you felt your brother may make a business donation to the school - - after all he got your teen a car. Donations are tax write offs too - so it's not like she's asking him to give his livelihood away. Most business donations get some advertising put into the mix too - such as newsletters sent home with the children or in programs during a school play or choir show.
It is the Admin's job to find resources, donations, funding and stuff for the school - even public schools do this!!
It was out of line. I think she believes she can talk to you on more personal terms than professional. Time to set her in her place. Let it go for now.But if she mentions it again, say if she wants him to kick down some dough, she needs to propose it herself and ask. Its not your place. Good luck.
M
To start with I agree with your brother that private schools are a waste. There is nothing wrong with public schools and I believe children in private schools miss out on too much.
Now that I have said that, yes you have every right to be upset about being asked to get money from your brother. There is no way I would ask my brother and honlestly knowing that he doens' t agree with private schooling I wouldn't give her the information to contact him either. Actually if I were in your position I would probably pull my children from that school. That is just way out of line expecting your brother to give them money.
Have you considered working for your brother? If it were me if I asked him anything it would be to work for his company. I would go above the persons head that asked for money and file a complaint. I wouldn't just sit and do nothing. She was totally out of line. It's great that your brother is doing so well. But stand up for yourself, you swallowed your pride and got financial aide, there is no way I would let her hassle me for my brothers money. I wish you well.
The administrator was totally out of line! I would talk to someone above her about it and complain. Her comment was quite greedy and presumptuous.
