Hi ladies I'm really looking for unbiased opinions here. Here is the situation. My son is supposed to stay with his dad for a 2 week period over the summer (he normally has every other weekend visitation) but he is signed up for a park and rec program which he is doing with his step-sister and best friend. Well, my ex husband now asked to keep for an entire month, which I was originally ok with it. However, I found out that since my ex works 3rd shift for about 3 hours durring the day my son (7yrs old) his step-sister (also 7 yrs old) and their 1/2 brother (3yrs old) are left to entertain themselves while daddy sleeps. (Step-mom works full time durring the day)Is it just me or does that not seem right? Neither of the kids are old enough by law to be keeping track of a 3 year old, and there is no supervision. Am I wrong to think that I should'nt let me son go over there for a month over the summer? That is where you ladies come in. Should I just let him go over there for those 2 weeks cause he'll be at the park and rec thing? Or what should I do? I'm really torn. I'm concerned about my sons safety, although I want to trust that nothing will happen. It would also save me some money in child care costs durring those few weeks, but that is something I am willing to put aside. All opinions are appreciated. Thanks for your help.
(I should add that I know his dad will not adjust his sleep schedule, I already asked)
Two unsupervised seven year olds can come up with a lot of mischief to do in three hours, especially if they are bored. What happens when your child isn't there. Do the other two entertain themselves or do they watch tv or electronics or whatever? I don't think I would be comfortable with it myself.
The 2 week program/stay with dad sounds like a good experience for your son, plus it give bonding time with step-sister and best friend.
I am uneasy about that rest of that month's stay where 3 kids are at home to do whatever while dad sleeps. The one child is 3... are the 7 year olds suppose to discipline and watch that child, bad idea. I would suggest to the dad that during the time he is sleeping a babysitter is found to watch your son and along the other 2 kids. It is very unsafe to leave kids that age unattended too, even if an adult is sleeping in the next room... kids that age can get outside (even if asked not to go outside), what if they need something. That is not a cool situation.
I have to admit that there has been times I have fallen asleep while reading to my daughter or while playing on the floor with her. I never stay sleep more then a few minutes and then wake up and check on my daughter... then make a bee line for some caffeine! Guys usually don't respond that way or quickly, once they are out they rarely hear that child crying, yelling or so on.
So as I said above see if the dad would be willing to get a babysitter for those hours of rest. Maybe cheap in a bit for what it would cost to watch one kid (your son, $15 a day) and have the dad pay the rest? If he says no then say you are not comfortable with leaving your child unattended (even with him asleep in the house, because issues/problems happen quickly and need that adult supervision) so if the son is to stay over for that month he has to have an awake adult to watch him or he will not be staying for the full month.
This definately sounds kinda scarey to me. I cannot believe on a regular basis he lets his 7yr old take care of a 3yr old! I know it's not really your place, but I would be asking someone like DHS what their opinion on this subject was and pass that info to him. I know it would probably strain your relationship with your x, but if you dont feel comfortable leavin your 7 yr old alone for two weeks to a month, imagine those other little ones alone all summer... What do they do when the 7 year old is in school? let the 3yr old entertain and feed himself?
If the dad is relatively close, maybe you could keep your son on his normal schedule during the time his dad sleeps. Keeping him in the rec program and whatever childcare program you use during the day.. Then when the dad is awake and the step mom is home your 7 yr old can go stay there then and overnight... which would solve the stayin alone issue for your 7 yr old.. But please do/say something to him and/or DHS about leavin the others alone... Thats so just not right.
S.,
Always go with your gut instinct when it comes to your children. We sometimes question our inner voice when we know we are right. Tell you ex that you would love nothing more than for him to spend a month with his son during the summer however if he is not enrolled in a supervised program during the day you are uncomfortable with the situation. I feel honesty is the best policy in any situation. Unsupervised children can get into trouble in five minutes let alone a few hours. We had my step-daughter enrolled in summer programs until she completed her 10th grade year. It's never a good idea to leave kids alone. When I was 7 my 10 year old brother took care of me after school and in the summer. During the summer months we would bike 2+ miles to go swimming in a near by lake. My mother had no clue that we did this when she was at work. We told her years later and she just couldn't believe it. Thank goodness nothing happened to us. If you don't put your children in these situations there won't be any surprises. Good luck.
M.
S.,
Personally I'm torn on the whole extended visits during the summer to begin with because it takes away the valuable time the kids need to develop healthy friendships.
Is dad far away? Perhaps you could work out an every other week type of schedule that would benefit more than hinder. Or try 2 weeks now, see how that goes and allow the other 2 weeks towards the end of summer. (I still don't care for that 2 week time stretch though, but that's my problem)
And who's to say dad would not adjust his sleep schedule while your son is there? It seems there are missing components here and it is difficult to give you very good advice, mostly because you are the one who knows your ex and these children best.
No matter what you decide, I hope it works out great for all involved. Have a wonderful summer!
