ADHD Help Needed

My OBGYN has the same exact problem with her son and tried different methods to correct it. She said that nothing was working so she finally decided to try some counseling. She chose a counselor who treats ADHD withOUT medication, but rather uses different treatment methods. After 6 monghts of treatments, her son went from a D average to an A- average in school. The psychologist's name is Dr. Bruce Kline and is on Stroop Rd. in Kettering. His phone number is ###-###-####. It might just be worth the phone call. I wish you the best.

I am a special ed teacher. I suggest you read up on the disorder. Here's a good place to start: http://www.cec.sped.org/Content/NavigationMenu/AboutCEC/I...

or go to www.cec.sped.org, in the search box type "ADHD" and the first listing is US Office of Special Education Programs study that details the disorder and how to teach kids with it. While its focus is on the classroom, the same principles apply at home.

A highly structured routine environment is a must. Kids with ADHD need clearly defined limits that are reasonable at the same time. They may resist at first, but ultimately they also feel out of control and structure and routine help them gain some control. Do understand that his impulsive behaviors are just that and that while for most of us, we have the ability to actually think before we act, ADHD folks don't have that filter. This does not mean that they cannot learn it, and the time to start is now! Be explicit about what the rules, boundaries and social codes are. Do not assume he gets it but chooses not to because its fun to be out of control. He doesn't and it isn't.

ADHD kids tend to be really smart and easily bored, but unable to focus on one thing at a time. This causes them to fall behind in school.

Another great site for gaining understanding of what it is he is going through is: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/misunderstoodminds/ Go through the attention activities to get a glimse into his world.

Regarding all his energy, get him in sports. Give him appropriate places to let all that energy out. I would steer away from meds as much as possible, and look into it as a last resort. There is also research out there on diet. Interestingly, for some caffeine can actually settle ADHD people down. Not pop, cause of the sugar, but tea or coffee or something. Do some research and see what his doctor says.

I hope this is helpful. Remember your stepson to be is no doubt a uniquely gifted little guy who just wants to feel loved and secure and able to be in control of himself, even when he is most frustrating. Anger, though we are all tempted, will not help him.

Hello Jessica,
Well first off my prayers are with you, your fiancee and your step son. The first step you seem to have already taken, getting your son diagnosed, realizing ADHD is a real and true disease, and being willing to work with it. I don't agree with the other response about ADHD not existing. My son was diagnosed when he was 5 and is now 10. Yes, some children do grow out of ADHD, but others don't. It is a difficult situation, but love, medicine, knowledge, and good doctors make a difference. The biggest motivation that has helped me keep going is to remember we may have to deal with their hyperness, and uncontrolable ways, but the child has to live with the disease. They are the ones who can't control themselves, they are the ones who have to deal with not being able to gain control even as they get older and know they need to. I think that each case is different to some degree and there is no textbook answer. You have to do what works best for you child. I have tried everything from disciipline (which i keep consistant and keep doing, not giving in even an inch), to putting reminder signs all over the house, to walking my son through each step, etc. The problem is that each thing I do works for a little while, then becomes obsolete. you have to keep working and the best thing that works for ADHD is consistancy, setting and keeping a schedule that works for you family. I definitely think that you should take a course in or join a group that teaches you about ADHD and gives you and your fiancee options and ideas. Let your son know how much he means to you and that you love him just as he is, let him know that you all are working through this together and don't ever give up on him or this. Best of luck.

hello ..try putting him a corner when he is mean to the dog..but everything you have said has to do with the adhd... but you really should talk with the doctors about putting him therapy and possible medication ...

about me : i am a 31 mom of 2 boys . ages are 8 and 6 ..my 8 yr old has adhd , noonan syndrome, thyroid problems, and allergies. my son was put on medication a yr ago to help with the adhd because he is to hyper cant still .. with the medication he is doing alot better.

My daughter was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 7 when she was in the 2nd grade. She is currently on Focaline for her ADD. I was one of those parents that did not believe ADD or ADHD existed and I DID NOT believe medication was the cure all to bad behavior. Before my daughter began her 2nd grade year, I hand-picked her teacher. (Her 2nd grade teacher was my kindergarden teacher 20 - some years ago) After being in this woman's class for 2 months, she came to me and said "If I ever met a child with ADD, its your daughter." She then went into graphic detail about how she watched my daughter struggle every day trying to focus on the task at hand. She told me she wasnt disrespectful or disruptive, but that the smallest thing could throw her out of focus and she would have to work really hard to gain that focus back. I was still hesitant to put her on medication, but by the 3rd month in 2nd grade, she was flunking badly. She would come home and tell me she hated school because she was stupid and the other kids didnt like her because she was stupid. My daughter firmly believed that. The school she was attending said she would probably have to repeat the 2nd grade, because her grades were so low. I ended up putting her on medication after speaking with her pediatrician. She not only did not have to repeat the 2nd grade, but ended up with A's & B's for the 4th quarter of school finished the year a "high C" student. In the last 2 years, she has been on 3 different medications. Her grades are really good now, and she is no longer miserbale being at school. I only give her the medication on days she has school. Weekends and summers, she does not get them. I am by far NOT AN ADVOCATE of medication. I think every child is unique and every situation is different. Medication does not cure behavioral problems and I still have to remind my daughter of this daily. I think there's a fine line between medicating your child into submission so that you dont have to deal with them and medicating them for their own well-being. There are still days that with or without medication, my daughter is a handful, but I firmly believe that ADD/ADHD is heritary. I think I had ADD growing up and back then, there was no such thing yet as ADD or medication to make the struggle a little easier. As an adult, I think I still have it. I work a job now, where I sit behind a desk in front of a computer for 8 or 10 hours and after the first 2, I'm ready to crawl up the walls. I intend to get myself tested, since I seem to do better when I keep moving and I'm multi-tasking. I'm not sure how much this helps you, but finding the right solution for your unique issue has to come from you and your fiance. I pray that you'll find whats best for your family. Hope this helped some!
If you have any questions at all, please feel free to ask me.
N.

I had so many problems with my son when he was about 4-5. He did horrible in school and was even worse when he was home. I knew that something wasn't right. In a course of 2 years I took him from dr to dr and the school tested him and even sat and watched him in class. My son was diagnosed (2 years too late for me) with ADHD finally! I had some answers. His behavior is still affected today and he's 10 now. He's on Stratera 40mg. I can tell immediately the difference one day makes when he doesn't take it. It's hard to explain, but he doesn't listen, he has temper tantrums, he pouts, he angers easily, just his attitude stinks. But he's doing a lot better in school now that he can focus better. My suggestion is to talk to your dr. Hopefully they can help you. Like I said I went to 3 different drs. before I finally got help. He will need to get on some medication and posibly counceling which my son also did. But you have to deciede whether or not it's working for him.

Hi J.,
I can't speak to an immediate solution, but I can offer some advice for the long term. My husband was diagosed severe ADHD when he was younger, at the advent of Ritalin. So he was on meds for his middle school years and refused to take them in High School because they made him feel like an outcast. But because he didn't take them, he ended up getting kicked out of public school and private school. Ultimately, he did well in military school in a physically active, structured envrionment.
As an adult, working at a desk was not an option. He found his passion in the kitchen, working with his hands. Today, he is a very successful chef who is Mr. Mom in the afternoon. I trust that his energy, creativity and short attention span are well suited to stay at home with our daughter while I sit behind a desk all day. And he loves it.
Whatever you decide to do, don't give up never let your child use ADHD as an excuse. It should always be perceived as a gift. Look for creative opportunities that allow him to thrive in non-traditional environments. If my husband let the stigma of ADHD get to him, he would still feel like an outcast in today's world and wouldn't be half as happy or successful as he is today.

My nephew has severe ADHD and a psycotic disorder of some kind. He was on medication which helps alot, but was taken off of them to be reavaluted to see what he needs exactly. It has been tough without the meds, but we enrolled him in football which he loves that way he can take his aggression out on the field. He is a linebacker because his favorite thing is to be able to tackle without getting into trouble. Try getting him into a sport, trust me it helps out alot.

Is he on any medication. I am writing this b/c I have ADHD. I have had it for a very long time I he will get it under control has he gets bigger but for Now you just need to baby him just a little and if he is treating the dog bad try to keep him from the dog I had the some problem. Is he in school yet or not that could help him too. What he has is a learning disorder. PLease if you have any more question PLease feel free to ask me

D.

Hi J.,
Sorry I'm so late to respond, I've been working way to much.
I found out I had ADHD at age 40. When I took my 15yr old son to the psycoligist. My son had a very hard time staying focused even with the smallest of tasks. He was becomming very defencive and angery over the least little thing. And was perscribed med's. He noticed a big differance when he took the med's. he seem to have a lot more confidance and not so stressed about school projects and test. He could retain more of what he read. When he was 5 I called him the child who never slept. Always in motion. I inrolled him in every active sport I could think of. Things will work out. I'm happy to say he is a healthy 20yr old in school doing very well. P.S he dose play the drums and is very musical. Try giving him an instrament to play with and see what he dose with it.
good Luck
L..

hi jess, children with Adhd dont have any impulse control. If they have something in mind to do (weather its right or wrong) they are going to do it. in some cases its worse than others. when you see him start to be out of control its time for him to sit get him a book to color or read. my son is very spastic. I started raising him with the mindset of let him run and wear himself out. NOT even close! the more he ran the more he was harder to control, and he would do off the wall things. They dont like not having control either, so you have to help him with his control by calming him down. My boy got so angry because he wanted to behave but wasnt able too, then on top of that he got in trouble. So he would lie about it and start hiding things he did wrong. So I learned he needs to be helped to stay calm and he needs to supported to do good things. KEEP HIS Mind OCCUPIED! Good luck! Hope this helped...K.

I totally understand what you're going through. I read through some of the responses from people and agreed with some and disagreed with others. My daughter is 4 1/2yrs old and was diagnosed almost 2 years ago with moderate ADHD. Being a single mom has made my treck a little harder but I manage. My daughter has been on Adderall for almost a year and then went off of it for the entire summer. Now all of a sudden she is having problems in headstart to the point that her behavior is making them consider kicking her out. When I was going through my divorce 2 years ago, my daughter tried to choke my son to death (literally) and so I immediately called my family physician. She referred me and my daughter to Dr.Bruce Klien and Associates. They evaluated her and determined that she had ADHD (along with some issues from my ex and I being apart). She has been in and out therapy with them on a as needed basis and is doing fairly well. It's hard, but remember to try and stay as calm as can be. The most important thing you can do when you get after him for his behavior is to let him know that no matter what, you love him, just not his BEHAVIOR. The therapist my daughter and I spoke to this last week has us trying a token rewards chart for good behavior. So far, it's working. Make a chart with several levels of awards, pick 1 behavior to work on at a time to correct and for every day that he can NOT to that unwanted behavior, he earns a token. As they accumulate in a cup, let him trade them in for things.....be it a new toy, a trip to the video store, a dinner out with an adult of his choice. Do each behavior correction for 12 weeks.....after that, it will become habit for him NOT to do the unwanted behavior. Be it an adult or a child, it takes 12 weeks to learn a behavior, good bad or indifferent. And remember, you MUST find time for an hour or two a week to spend alone with yourself. I hope I have been of some help.

J.

My daughter had moderate adhd. My boyfriends daughter also has it. Most children who have it severely have to be treated medically. 2 of my nephews have it severely. They had to be put on medication through a psychologist. It was causing them problems in school. Now my daughter and my boyfrends daughter didn't need medicine. They were able to concentrate with constant commands and continuous instruction. A schedule is the best. Same routine daily, must include vigorous exercise. These children become work-a-holics as adults. They never stop.

We literally have to wear my boyfriends daughter out sometimes. We can't give her any form of sugar or carbs, if its time to sit down and do homework. If she's too anxioux, we send her off on her bike for a little bit before homework.

If we want her to go to sleep early, she can't be cooped up in the house all day, she'll be up all night. They play hard and work hard. I never had a bit of problem with kids doing chores and outside work, who have adhd. I've done alot of babysitting children with adhd. Both my grandchildren have moderate adhd behaviors. I have the older kids take them outside and wear them down, or they won't sleep at night either. They want to go to sleep at 2am and wake up at 6am, then their cranky during the day. Their mother, also knows the need for plenty of exercise. She has them in all kinds of sports. Before they were in sports, they were crawling up her livingroom walls. Now their calm at home.

So my suggestion is loads of exercise, and a good tight schedule all the way up until bedtime. It may wear you out, but your child will be more organized, tolerable and tired.

Good luck...God Bless...Chrissy

I have four sons, one is ADD, one is ADHD. All I can tell you is to make sure he sees a Dr. if he hasn't and keep him on his meds. My son took Concerta, we had to up it to 36mg a day but without it, you couldn't stand to be around him. They suggested Adderal but for some reason at that time, I didn't want to try that one. I have been very happy with the results. He is now 13 and I'm not sure if he's outgrown it or just learned how to deal with it. They get to an age that they don't want their friends to know they "take pills" and I used to tell him, if he's annoying, constantly poking people and such, he won't have any friends. He has a lot of friends now and is doing very well. The ADD we deal with and he's much better, about to graduate but at least he's not hyper. Good luck~