Addressing Adults

I was also taught to address adults by "Mr./Mrs. (last name)," "Mr./Ms. (first name)" or "Uncle/Aunt (first name)." I have also tried to teach my children what is the most respectful way to address an adult. There have been a few times when a child has just called me by my first name, but I, very nicely, correct them and tell them that I prefer to be called Ms. (First name). Most of the time, I don't have to correct them again, but there are others that just don't seem to get it. Politely correcting them usually does the trick, even if its every time you see them.

Good luck!
D.
http://www.4myhappyhealthyfamily.com

If you live anywhere in the south, this happens it blew me also. However you and add Miss in front, that is they way of the south. Just remember to repeat this several times when they do call you by name they will get it. Remind them that you are a grown-up and this is what you like to be called.

You tell the child, in the presence of the parents, exactly what you want to be called. Explain, with a smile on your face and in a very pleasant voice, that this is what is most comfortable for you. You might also return the favor by asking the child what he/she wants to be called. Even if they respond with their given name, at least you have shown the courtesy as asking. If the child continues to call you by your first name, then have a very firm talk with the parents and explain that you will not respond to their child if he/she cannot respect your wishes.

To add another perpective:
I was raised up north, nobody used ma'am or sir ever. Adults were called Mr and Mrs last name, but by the time my kids arrived (35,38,40) they called our dearest friend Mrs.Lastname and her kids called me K.. Now that the kids are old, they always call me Mrs Lastname even though they would like to reverse it. The respect is ingrained. A dear friend died recently and the 38 yr old who wrote on her obit page, said, "Mrs. Lastname, i could never call you Susan".
That said, my grandkids in a northern state all call their parents' friends by their first name and treat them just as respectfully as mine treated our friends. So, this is more about a southern custom which you may want to preserve and perhaps you can, but I wouldn't stress about it. Actions speak louder than words. I work with kids, some call me Miss K. and some K. I don't get different behavior from each set. The behavior is what counts with me.

You should tell the child that your name is Miss M.. In the South, Ms. Miss, and Mrs. get all rapped up in one sound. It is perfectly appropriate to tell children what you prefer to be called. Don't answer if they use anything else. Within my group of friends, our children have been taught that. I would like to think it is not the exception in households but the rule. I also require my sons to use yes/no ma'am and yes/no sir, etc. It is plain and simple good manners. Maybe I was raised different?

If the parent tells the kid to call you by your first name, then you should tell the parent "I prefer to be addressed as Ms. M. or Mrs. Whatever, please." In Texas the "Ms. M." address is very common and many of my kids' friends call me that and I'm fine with that. If the children are older (and/or if the parents don't follow your instructions) then there is no problem with telling the kids how to address you. "In my house I prefer to be addressed as Ms. Queen of the World. That's how we do it here. Thank you." I also have no problem with telling kids that "That language is not acceptable in this house." "We don't treat things that way in this house." and I even prompt with "yes maams" and "no maams" on occasion. Many,many very nice children with very nice parents were never taught any of the basic manners. You are doing them a favor to at least expose them to the fact that manners are required and/or appreciated in certain circumstances. I always try to phrase my requests for behaviour in a way that is non judgemental but firm. "This is how we do it here." (Implying: If you want to stay and play, you better follow the rules. You can be a pill at your own house.) Good luck!!!!

If you prefer to be called by your last name, it is perfectly appropriate to say, "Please call me Mrs. so and so." My personal preference is for children to call me Miss S., so when they call me by my last name I have to correct them, too!

I would politely tell the child and his/her parents how you prefer to be addressed.

Hi M.,
I had this same issue with one of my friends and after I talked to her about how I should be addressed she was fine with having her children address me as Ms. and my husband as Mr. What I have learned is that many people weren't raised with addressing adults by Ms./Mr. or Aunt/Uncle. So when they have children they think it is ok for them to address you by your first name and its not ok. My kids are grown (well most of them) and they still call my friends Ms./Mr.. or Aunt/Uncle. Good luck but I don't think you will need it.

I'm part of a moms group and I like the new trend. The kids call the other moms Ms. First Name or Mr. First Name. It shows some respect, but it is not as formal as Mr. or Ms. Last Name.

our friends kids call us mrs jackie or mr first name and it seems to work fine. if you want them to call you by your last name tell them in a fun playful way thats mrs henery or what ever the last name is. best of luck.

I've had the same problem. I always talk to the parents about it. The parents also tend to pick up on it when my kids refer to them as "Mrs (last name)". I have comprimised with some friends to let my kids call them "Mrs (first name), but I am still refered to by there children by my last name. If the parents don't help reinforce it with the kids,then correct the kids. Kids have enough confusion about boundries and athority these days. They don't need more. Mrs/Mr is apropriate, and respectful. BTW, I've had no problem with parents in regard to this. Some seem suprised, or sometimes even embarassed, but never seem to mind correcting their kids.

I usually respond by saying I prefer to be called Mrs. (last name). No one has ever made an issue of it before and I don't think it is rude to make the request.

I insist my son refer to adults as Mr/Mrs except for close friends and family. The decision to call my dearest friend by her first name was made by her. He called her Mrs. (last name) until she told him to do otherwise. And when she got married, he called her husband Sir, because he couldn't remember his last name, until the man told him otherwise.
Somewhere along the way manners have become too relaxed. I see nothing wrong with wanting children to show you respect by not calling you by your first name, and I believe you have the right to ask for it.

Very simple...you just smile and repeat " you can call me Mrs. M." and leave it at that. The next time the chile addresses you as just M. repeat it again, "Mrs. M.", or what ever you want to be called. Auntie M.. lol

I have the same issue. I want my children to address adults with SOME kind of title. This generation is not used to MR and MRS. In short, children think they are on the same level as adults and therefore our young children have lost respect for their elders. My problem is that no one wants to be called by MR or MRS. I look forward to seeing more responses.

It is your name and you have the right to request the (what we today call "extra" respect.
I have no problem telling the child what I prefer to be called, if the parent doesn't like it then they do not need to bring their child around me. I feel the my first name starting with miss. is appropriate for those I consider Friends. so it would be Miss M..
We all need to show each other more respect these days, but it must start with the grown ups...we need to be a good example for our children.

I think it's up to the parents to make that decision for their children....and it's your decision to teach your children what they should call adults. I personally like Mr./Mrs. I think it teaches them respect for adults and they are not on the same level as them.

I too was taught this. I was told to call an adult Aunt or Uncle even if they weren't realted. It took me a long time to actually find out that some of my 'Aunts' were actually just older cousins & that some people, like our neighbors, weren't even related! I do find this weird to be called by my first name. I have nieces & nephews that are actually my age & they've never called me Aunt but my youngest neice & nephew are instructed to do so...very weird. Even my hubby's younger cousin's kids aren't even instructed to call me Aunt, only my hubby is referred to as Uncle. I don't understand this. I STILL call my elders Miss/Ms/Mrs. or Mr. If they object they just tell me, "oh, you can just call me Marge" or whatever their name is. Even supervisors & bosses at work are going by first names now. If you feel uncomfortable, I'd just say "Well you can call me MISS M." or however you wish to be addressed. If the parents object or question you, just tell them that as a child you were taught to call your 'elders' by Ms. or Mr. or Aunt/Uncle. That you don't feel comfortable being called just by your first name by younger kids. Good luck!

Although I was raised with Mr/Mrs (last name here) when I became a teacher I discovered that is no longer socially appropriate. Now, they say "Ms (first name here.)" I became accustomed to that and now that my friends and I have children, MOST of my friends tell their children "Ms (first name here.)" I have met some who use first names WITHOUT the title but not often. And Mrs is pretty outdated too. *shrug* I'm fine with it, but I think for a child using first name WITHOUT Ms is disrespectful. I NEVER correct someone else's child, though, in that regard.

S., mom to 5!

It's not something you should talk to the child about, you should talk to the parent in private and say "I would really prefer to be called ___" If they are a respectful parent who wants to teach their child respect, they will correct their own child =) If not, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it! It's not worth making a huge deal and not worth your kid losing a friend over (if that's the case here, it's your child's friend?) I would use it as a learning opportunity to your own kids as to how you would like them to address adults

It's a matter of respect and many young people now days were not raised to be respectful of their elders so they have no foundation of respect to pass on to their children. Feel free to correct the child as many times as necessary to correct the problem. "why thank you (or whatever's appropriate) but you know what? I prefer to be called ......." There are some adults that don't mind being called by their first name (When my children were young, I told their friends and schoolmates to call me Miss G. but it was because my last name was difficult for them to pronounce.) but children shoud be respectful of those that wish to be addressed by their last name.

To correct the child or parent regarding the parents' instructions to the child seems that it would undermine the parents' authority over the child. Instead of correcting them, accept that this is how they are raising their child, sadly. Then find ways to include your appropriate name in stories, etc. If you give a gift or write a thank you or other note to the child, sign your appropriate name (Ms. M., or Mrs. Hubert). (I just chose from the "H" names I know!

Another thought, be sure that your children don't pick up on that language. They will understand that good etiquitte opens doors and keeps paths straight.

My daughter is only 3. I refer to the parents of her friends as "Mama (first name)" or "Dada (first name)". One reason I do this is because I wanted her to feel comfortable approaching them with a problem if necessary. Also, she is at the age where she echos whatever I say... and she hears me call the friends by their first name.

I think it depends on the age of the child and the preference of the adult. Personnally, I find being called "Mrs Surname" too formal.

Are you the child's teacher? I think it is just a personal preference...I wouldn't worry about it too much. :-)