Additional Year of School/holding Kids back/T-kinder

Let the teachers help you decide. Two of my boys have late-July birthdays. I sent them to K on time and let the teachers know I was willing to have them repeat, if necessary. They are now in 1st and 6th and doing well in all areas (social, emotional, academic, etc)--they did not repeat. However, looking ahead, I worry about them being the youngest in high school and college. My husband was young--a mid-August birthday. He started college at 17 (West Point--of all places) and did just fine. But, it's different for everyone.

I can only comment that my older is a boy with a mid-June birthday. We started him in traditional K at age 5. He is one of the youngest in the class and he has occasionally commented that he's the smallest in the class. He's in 5th now, but no issues so far socially or academically.

How is July a late birthday?? She will be much older than other kids if you hold her back. One of mine has late Sept and even we sent her on time. She wasn't 5 when she started K. It's been fine.

My son has a July birthday (Sept 1 cutoff), and we chose to enroll him in Transitional Kindergarten (TK) rather than the regular kindergarten.

He was above average academically, but in so many ways we could just tell that his peers were older and more mature than him. Our school did screenings, and they recommended he do TK. Didn't really matter, as I planned to request it anyway :-)

Our son is now 10 years old and in 4th grade and we are still very, very pleased with our decision. As far as I know, so are the other parents from that class.

When our son was in preschool I talked to many, many parents about this. Of those who sent their newly 5 year olds to kindergarten a few had no regrets, many said if they had it to do over again they would have waited and some chose to have their child repeat a grade (with good results). Of those who chose to have their kids wait a year, they all said it was the right decision. Not one of them said they regret not sending them sooner.

I have yet to meet a parent say, "I wish we had sent them sooner."

What people so often fail to realize is that school so so much more than academics. A huge part of school is socialization. If someone is the youngest in their class, they are always going to be the youngest in their class. The other kids are always going to be more mature. That can be very rough. In school it's easier to be the oldest. It's easier to be the first one to turn 10, not the last. Or the first one to get to babysit.

When my son goes to middle school, it's going to be easier for him to hear some of the things he's going to hear if he's 12, almost 13 than if he's 11, almost 12. And I'll be a little bit more ready for him to hear those things.

This isn't just about success in kindergarten. These are going to be her peers for the next 13 years. So you have to decide which groups she fits into better. Those entering kindergarten this year or those still in preschool. Just watching my son play, it was easy for me to see that he needed another year before kindergarten.

Okay...teacher here and mom who's son has an October birthday.

I was very upset that my son couldn't start Kinder at 4 is was less than 30 days to the "cut off" date. And academically he was on fire he could name letters and sounds, count/knew numbers, could draw shapes and name them, etc etc....but I just accepted that he would have to wait another year.

It was the best thing for him socially he is one of the older kids, bigger kids, and he feels very smart and capable. (He is in middle school now and doing great...(I can't even imagine having some of the conversations I have to have with him about sex and things at 11...he is 12 and it seems so young to be discussing things I didn't even know about until high school or college.)

What I thought was academically ready for Kinder wasn't even close. The level they have to be reading at to move to first grade is about where I was reading IN first grade. The amount of math he was expected to learn was crazy. Kinder really is the new first grade. There is no time to play and develop they have to get them going on academics so fast it is mind blowing.

Also, he had to sit still for longer than he was used to and follow directions very well....this was so much easier for him being older.

I have never found a mom who wishes they hadn't held a child back only ones wish they HAD held them back. I know a lot of kids with summer birthdays who were "red shirted" held back.

Oh and kids do "fail" kindergarten. I see at our elementary about five to ten each year who are held back. (There would be and should be more but a lot of parents advance their kids who need another year of kinder).

As a substitute elementary teacher I can walk into a classroom and group them by birthdays the young ones and the older ones...all the way into fifth grade it is super obvious.

Good luck.

You cannot make a mistake giving a child an extra year to work on her skills.

Kindergarten is not about academics and vocabulary and math. It's about play-based learning (yes, still) and socialization and managing in a large class (compared to preschool).

I wish you would think of this as a detailed assessment vs. a "test" she has to "pass." That's so much pressure on a little kid and a viewpoint that, I think, is to narrow for our 5 year olds.

If you have concerns, you have your answer. A good teacher will be able to engage each child with whatever his/her starting point is. Every child has developed skills in some areas and emerging skills in others. It is far easier to give a child extra academic work or time in the reading corner than it is to try to bring a social awkward kid with motor skills issues to the point where she can, for example, write all the letters she knows or write out the numbers she can add/subtract already. There are many kids in her class who have the developmental skills but can't add or write all their letters - the point is, they all have some skills and they all have stuff to learn. One thing isn't better than the other.

And if you feel she is the only one who can't do X or Y, you will find you will be worrying and hovering and stressing out - that's bad for you, and it will spill over to her. Even if you don't say anything, she will feel your stress. Don't do that to her.

We started our son in kindergarten at age 6. In that "era", he would have started with half day kindergarten in the afternoons only - a child who napped for 3 hours well past the age of 4. I knew he would be exhausted, and therefore cranky and a behavior problem. By waiting a year, he started out in the morning program and was a full 6.5 before going afternoons. He was also on the small side, and he had little interest in reading. He had a terrific K teacher but a horrible 1st grade teacher who played favorites and really loved the advanced readers and made the slower readers see every day how slow and behind they were. He would have been unable to handle this horrible experience without the extra year of maturity and confidence. He spent a year in a pre-K program working on skills he needed, such as transitioning from one thing to another. He went in with some new kids, a new teacher, and a longer day because we put him in a lunch program 3 days a week. It was the best thing we ever did.

I have a brother who was much younger that pretty much everyone else in his class because he wasn't held back. He was immature for his whole life - still is, in my mind - and he still spends time trying to prove himself to others. He could have had a very different life if he'd felt equal to his classmates.

You know, my best suggestion would be to talk with the teachers who are doing the assessment and go with their suggestions. We sometimes have fears for our kids because we don't want them to struggle or feel 'different', but ultimately, the teachers will know what to look for and have a better idea of what the expectations of their curriculum are than we strangers would.

For what it's worth, I had some questions about placement for my son and I'm so glad I followed both my son's preschool teachers suggestions as well as the kindergarten teacher's assessment.

i'm surprised that's considered a 'late' birthday. my older son's birthday is early october. he missed the cutoff by a few days, but we felt he was ready, and in the good old days kindergarten was just a half day, so he actually started at 4. he was one of the youngest in his class right up until we started homeschooling when he was in middle school. no problems, but that doesn't necessarily apply in your situation.
i'm scratching my head over regular or developmental kindergarten. i realize, to my sorrow, that K is becoming more and more academically oriented instead of the play-and-start-to-adjust-to-a-more stringent-schedule regimen that it was designed to be. how it SHOULD work is that kindergarten (plain old kindergarten) should be perfect for a child like yours- ready to be academically challenged but still working on transitional social and motor skills.
that being said, kids are pushed so fast and hard into academics these days that i think it's nice when a kid can have the opportunity to be a kid for a little longer.
since she's going into kindergarten, i don't think it's actually 'holding back.' it's starting a little later, which has a much more positive connotation. if you think of it as her being held back instead of starting appropriately it will color your thinking. it shouldn't be a pejorative.
and i hope (it may well be a vain hope, i know) that a school whose job it is to evaluate and teach kids would have the flexibility and resources to give a kid in the 'developmental' kindergarten some more challenging and exciting things to do if it were clear she was bored. or, for that matter, a little extra support for a 'regular' kindergartner still doing what 5 year olds do- sometimes being physically or socially awkward.
whatever you decide, i encourage you to think of it and talk about it in positive, enthusiastic terms. if you decide to 'hold her back' reframe it as 'she gets to be carefree for an extra year!'
khairete
S.

I would just wait for the assessment and see what the school recommends. Some summer babies are more than ready for school, other kids who are even older, aren't. When we were kids, the cut off was December. One of my sisters was born in November and ended up doing an extra year of Kindergarten because she was just not ready for first grade at the end of her first year of K. One of my brothers was born in January so he was already the oldest kid in his class and he ended up repeating first grade because of learning disabilities. Both did just fine academically and socially.

Regarding another response about doomsday stats on kids who go a year late or are held back...sorry but I just don't see that in my district. The vast majority of kids here are 18 before graduation and quite a few are already 19 or are turning 19 soon after graduation and they're not running from school. We have a graduation rate of 98%, with over 92% going on to higher education or the military. I think that where you see higher drop-out rates, it's reflective of lousy school systems and poor access to higher education opportunities. If the culture in an area isn't one where higher education is the default next step after high school, then quitting before the end is probably more attractive than it is in an area where you need that diploma to move on to the next step in your plan.

Where we live all kids must be 5 by Sept. 1st to start a Kindergarten. My daughter has middle of July bday and started K one month after she turned 5. She is in 3rd and has no issues academically/socially/emotionally.

My son has an end of August bday. He spoke late, walked late, had some hearing impairment due to tonsils/adenoids, and has always been at the bottom of the scale developmentally.

He started K about a week after turning 5. He has had no problems academically/socially/emotionally.
What I have noticed is that a lot of the boys have physically developed faster then him. It does not seem to bother him, but he wouldnt stand a chance in some of the school sports if he wanted to be on a competitive team league. He just does the recreational leagues.

My husband's side are very later bloomers (like bloom after High School). I am betting my son will follow in those foot steps. So had I held my son back, academically he would have been bored out of his mind, and the extra year would have never helped him catch up to his peers physically. I'm glad I did not hold him back.

But you know your child best and what is right for your family.

Maybe after you get the test results go to your school district and set up a meeting with the principal and kindergarten teacher to discuss the results, your concerns, and see what they say.

kindergarten/elementary school isn't the challenging part. It's middle school and high school where you will notice the maturity differences. My sister was encouraged to put my niece in school when she was barely 5. She was a straight A student and did well socially. BUT high school was the biggest problem. The things she heard and learned were just too much for her. She changed for the worse. Her little mind had a hard time with all her much older peers. She barely passed and it still affects her at 19.

My daughter has an end of August birthday. Cutoff is also Sept 1. She is now 11. We decided to put her in when she turned 6. If she gets bored in class there are advanced classes so that wasn't an issue for us. Either she will always be the youngest or oldest in class and we felt being oldest was best.

Where we are, you have to be 5 yrs old on or before Sept 30th in order to start kindergarten.
Our son has a late Oct birthday.
So he was 5 for about 2 months in kindergarten before he turned 6.
He's almost always the oldest/tallest in class unless there are any earlier Oct birthdays.
It's worked out very well for him.
When classmates had trouble sitting still or listening to the teacher - he never struggled with it like they did.

I turned 6 in kindergarten in Dec, my sister started kindergarten and was 4 for a few months before she turned 5.
I always thought it would have been better for her to wait a year.
She was ready academically but she cried over everything and had issues with friends.
She was always a little too eager to try to please everyone else and sometimes followed a not so good crowd (this had an affect in high school too).
A little more maturity would have served her well.

I don't look at it as holding them back.
I look at it as another year of freedom to play and mature before entering the conformity factory.
Kids are always bored in class - as they always move at the pace of the slowest student - and there's always someone who's hanging way behind.
So that's not a reason to toss them in on the early side.

For most kids, Kindergarten is a huge change. There is so much to learn. It's not just academics. It's a more rigid schedule than they've ever had (daycares and preschools are much more flexible), they have multiple teachers and classrooms, they are expected to sit still and listen, they social expectations are higher. It's really just more, more, more of everything they've experienced before.

The school is offering an evaluation (I agree to try and think of it that way, rather than a test that she couple pass or fair) to see what she is ready for. Ideally they will be evaluating, not just academics, but social skills and social maturity - can she sit still, does she listen to directions, how does she deal with struggles and new things, etc.

If she is young, she might not be quite ready for regular kindergarten. Then again, she might be. The evaluation should give you some insight. Be sure to ask lots of questions so that you and your husband both feel very good about your decision.

Please don't worry about her being "board" academically if you choose the developmental kindergarten. She might not have any academic struggles when she goes to kindergarten, but she will still be learning so much! The structure of school, playing with new friends, taking music and art classes, eating lunch at school, recess ... All of those things are learning. Even if she can read and other kids can't, there will be plenty of learning for her, so please don't let that influence your decision. If she's not ready in other areas, she's not ready.

I have to make two comments based on two different posts I looked at before writing to you.

First, Gamma - what a sad story. Both schools failed your grandson. It's a shame that his father couldn't fight the school on this issue.

Second, one post says that kindergarten is not for academic learning. I beg to differ. Both of my kids' kinders were jammed packed full of academic learning. There were huge benchmarks for them to reach in order to go to first grade, and first grade started off running, not walking. First grade is HARD. A successful kindergarten is really important. My older son was gifted and very ready for school. I couldn't imagine how the kids who were not school ready got through that particular kinder - it was a half-day program. My younger son thankfully had a full day kinder which he definitely needed - I was grateful that they had a rest period on mats since it was a long day - this kinder program was tough too.

Like your school, my younger son's public school had a school readiness test that they gave children whose birthdays qualified them for kinder. The guidance counselor explained to me that he was on the fence for most things, a little over in some and a little under in some. I asked her if he was HER son, what would she do? Would she keep him in preschool, or put him in kinder? She told me that if paying for preschool was a hardship, to go ahead and put him in kinder. If money wasn't an issue, to keep him in preschool.

So that is what I did - I kept him in preschool. That year, they didn't have a TK to put him in where I was. I was glad I did it - he would have been one of the youngest in his class. Because he had speech issues, he had an IEP and his kinder teacher the next year was great about following it. He worked hard and learned a lot. I was grateful to her for sticking with him.

For your daughter, I think that she can really progress in the next 5 months, and you should work towards that. I am assuming you have her in OT and PT - that is really important and you should be making this count as much as possible before she starts school. I would not go into the end of this school year with your mind closed to the possibility of her going to kinder. Wait and see what the preschool teachers say and what the school guidance counselor says.

I would also ask to sit in a TK class and see what the kids are doing in there. That might be an eye-opener for you.

I have an October birthday boy, so he is on the older side. Now in 8th grade heading toward high school, LOVE the fact that he has an extra year of growth, development and maturity behind him heading into these challenging years! He has at least 5 kids older than he is in class and they are all doing very well, too. I have never heard any regrets from parents having older children.

When is the cut off for your school for age/kindergarten?

I have kids born in the summer and they were fine. One had motor delay (printing, holding pencil, cutting) and has done well. I did some OT with her.

My personal feeling is - my kids all develop well when they are challenged, and have older kids around them. I used to notice a big leap in development when my kids went up to the next level at daycare/preschool. They'd mimic the kids around them. When they were at the top of their groups/class, I wouldn't see much growth at all. It didn't really concern me that much because they would grow in spurts and that seemed pretty typical.

I'd be more inclined to talk to the people doing the test and getting their ideas and impressions. I am guessing they are trained in this and could best advise you. Each kid is unique. If your daughter struggles feeling she can't do this/that the other kids can do now, then maybe she'd flourish with kids who are behind/equal to her. It really depends on how behind she is.

Mine all have done well academically so I just put them where they were supposed to go, and worked on the other stuff (printing, some social issues with one of mine, etc.) at home and got support there.

Not sure if that helps - but that was our experience.

I think you should send her...she will be fine in my opinion. I think that being bored academically makes kids hate school. My daughter's Kindergarten class had quite a few girls who had July/August birthdays and even though they were the younger ones in the class they all still had plenty of friends and got along with the other kids. I volunteered in the class every Monday, so I got to know everyone really well. As a group the boys were WAY more immature than the girls. The teacher was amazing though...she was loving but firm (in a calm, quiet way). In school they are going to be doing writing, ABCs, listening to stories, a little art, library, simple math work, counting pennies, money, days of the week, months, etc. In her gym class (what 2ce a week?) they do things everyone can do...running, dancing, hopping, kicking, and games. I can't see how being immature or less coordinated will hurt her much in school because there will be plenty of other kids just like her. Also, keep in mind kids change a lot in maturity in 6 months. I think if she passes the test she definitely should go to Kindergarten! But you can talk to her preschool teachers and to the test givers to get their opinion too.

If she is academically ready for the challenges of regular kindergarten and does well on the tests, why would you hold her back?

Every good kindergarten teacher recognizes that there is a wide range of social/emotional and maturity levels within the same class of children, so if your daughter is not among the most "mature" in the class, it's not going to be a problem. The teacher can handle that and guide your child toward her specific growth areas as needed. A gross/fine motor delay is no reason to keep her from the challenges she's ready for academically. Remember, part of the idea of education is to be challenged, to grow and learn, not to come into the class knowing and being able to do everything.

Based on your description of her academic abilities, it sounds like she's already going into Kindergarten ahead of many of her same-aged peers. She will likely be bored beyond words if you place her in a class below her academic abilities. She's got to have something to work on, some goals to achieve. Hers just may be the social-emotional part and the motor development.

I think your daughter will surprise you. Send her to school. I think her motor skills will get better quicker when she's with a classroom of kids - she sees what everyone else is doing might help her develop quicker than if she was at home.

I am not usually a proponent of holding kids back. I believe that, with very few exceptions, kids that meet the cutoff should go to kindergarten when they're old enough.

That said - your school has a test and that test is there for a reason. These are professionals who have seen thousands of kids come through and they know what to look for when determining whether or not a child will succeed. If they think your child is ready for regular kindergarten, put her in it. She can always repeat it next year if she ends up having a rough year.

I do understand about the motor skills hurting her confidence. Kumon makes good books for cutting practice - both of my kids had fun doing the little projects in the book and didn't feel like they were working or practicing. You can get them on Amazon, any bookstore, or any office supply store. For gross motor skills, take advantage of the LA weather and head outside as much as possible. Practice riding a scooter or bike, bring out a large playground ball (like a kickball) and play catch, kick it around, etc.

Our area offers a couple of different Jumpstart Kindergarten summer programs. Have you checked to see if there's anything like that near you? Maybe even through a rec center or something? We have one that's either four or six weeks, twice a week for a couple of hours. It is offered throughout the year, so a lot of kids do it in the spring. The other one is a summer school program - three hours a day, every day, for 3-4 weeks. Maybe if she did something like that, you'd feel she was more prepared.

my kids a mid july bday kid. he is at or above his peers in school. and i did not hold him back. he is the youngest in his class. . so if she passes i would send her. my son is also in a "magnet" program, they hold the students to a higher stnadard than they do the other classes of the same agr group. (we had to apply for it, and as parents we have to log volunteering hours for the class to keep our child in the class. they also have to keep up the grade or they lose their spot and have to go to a regular class.)

Honestly, my answer is.. why the rush to decide?
When do you have to place her definitively... end of July?

I know the school anticipates evaluating her soon (I would not view this as a test, there is not pass/fail... it is an evaluation of her maturity and abilities for readiness, not just learned skills and facts), but you seem to already by trying to make a decision. Not just before they do their evaluation, but when your child still has 7 more months to grow and mature before the start of the Kindergarten year.

Bear in mind, that the school is likely to evaluate with expectations of advancement in certain areas between the time of the evaluation and the start of K several months later. Or not. ASK.
And you also can take this time frame into consideration. Perhaps your child is lagging in social development now, but has a great summer making new friends and becoming more socially mature. Or has a gross motor/fine motor delay that you provide therapy for over the next 6 months that bring her in line with the majority of her peers. Is Occupational Therapy on the list of things you intend to pursue for her? Is that what is recommended for a child with gross and fine motor delays? Or are you just waiting to see if she overcomes them on her own with time? Perhaps she will. Have you considered what you will do if she continues to lag in this area?

Basically, you are putting the cart before the horse a bit. Yes, I understand you are just trying to look ahead and plan. All of us have this tendency to fret and worry if we are making the right decisions about things that seem so course setting. But really, wait and see what the evaluation reflects. If you already know she is delayed in certain skills, take proactive steps to address those issues and see where that goes.

Both of my kids were summer babies. One late June, one mid-July. The mid-July child just graduated and he did fine. Would he have done even better if we kept him back a year? Maybe. Maybe not. He was ready (socially and academically and motor skills wise) and so we saw no reason to hold him back. He's not a bookworm, but that fact wouldn't be changed by waiting a year to start kindergarten. It's just his personality. I have a brother exactly the same. The daughter (late June baby) excels in every way. Except height. She's short. But, that wouldn't change by keeping her back a year either... she's never going to be very tall. It's just the genes she inherited.

In either case, if I had tried to make the final determination about starting them in JANUARY after they turned 4, it would have been too early to decide. They do a lot of growing (mentally, physically, and maturity wise) in 7 months.

I'd simply suggest you decide to wait to make a decision. Listen to the evaluation report, discuss it, ask questions. Seek therapy for motor delays (if appropriate to do that). And wait to make a final decision about it until July (or whenever you HAVE to decide by), using ALL of the available information you have at that time.

Good luck trying not to worry over it until then. But just remember that there is no right or wrong. Only what you feel is best.

DO NOT hold her back! My son was in kindergarten last year and he too, is bright, but not very social b/c he is an only child. Kindergarten is basically an extensive of preschool. I was the room mom and I was shocked at the number of kids who didn't even know the full alphabet, let alone write their name so you could read it. What matters is a great teacher. Fortunately we had one and he loved school. I'm sure she do great! Oh, my son had no desire to write. It was a pain to get him to hold a pencil, ugh! What he would do (which I found helpful), was write in the sand with his finger. He would practice "writing" his letters in the sand. Kinda messy though. Good luck!

Your concerns are valid. I would send her to do the test, and also make sure you have ample time to discuss your views with the teachers and school staff before a final decision is made. Gather as much feedback as possible from her preschool teacher to share with the elementary staff. Are far as your daughter "getting bored" in class, and how she deals with that if it happens, that really depends a lot her personality. Again, let the preschool teacher can speak to how she is in a class, in a group of other children. In the end, you know your child better than anyone. How does the school feel about parents making a decision differing from their "recommended" if they allow it? I would hope they would trust that you know your child better than anyone and be supportive in placing her in the class that you ultimately choose

My daughter is also a July birthday and I wish I had held her back in kindergarten. She has had so many problems and is now in fifth grade and still behind. Mind you she does have a learning disability so that is an issue but she was also emotionally behind her peers. She struggled a lot in her early years. Since we moved over the summer and has lost her stigma of being a "cry baby" and has had the chance to make friends she is doing great but I really wish we had held her back. I also have a daughter with a November birthday so she is one of the older ones in the seventh grade and I feel it helps out. The work that they have the kids do today in school is tuff. I think being able to be more emotionally mature before starting school is better for them. In the end you have to do what you feel is the best choice for your child. I would go through with the evaluation so at least you have a baseline on where your daughter is.

When I see questions like this I think "Poor kiddo, mom thinks they're not very smart. Doesn't even think they can pass Kindergarten". Sorry but that is what I think. Since your girl seems pretty smart that doesn't seem the case.

There isn't any way I'd not put a child in Kindergarten when they are old enough. IF she does fine and passes then she is still with the kids her age.

It's hard, very very hard for kids to not be the same age as the other kids. I found a lot of information about kids that have been held back for no good reason. They get very bored with school once they get a little older. When they're in high school there's a 40% drop out rate once they turn 18. They aren't going to go to school when they're 19 years old. They're going to drop out and go to work so they can pay their rent. I think those statistics were on the Department of Education site somewhere.

Please put her in Kindergarten with her peers. If she doesn't do well she can try again. Otherwise she's always going to be behind all the kids her age.

When she plays sports she won't be with her friends. She'll be with the kids that should be her classmates.

I don't really mean to be rude or anything but this is a touchy subject to me. My grandson was held back due to absences when his dad worked nights and he got off work at 7:30am. School started at 8 and the babysitter had my grandson ready for school. His dad would pick him up and take him straight to school. He got there while they were still in the auditorium doing the pledge and stuff. His teacher counted him absent at 8am. No other teacher took roll until they got in their classroom.

Since he'd been counted absent every single day they had to count him as tardy and he lost half a day every single day.

We put him in a nearby school that started 15 minutes later and he was never late. But the damage was done. Even though he hadn't technically missed a single minute of classroom time he had a lot of absences. So the new school couldn't pass him and he was an A student. When he goes to school he is still an A student.

He is a junior this year and has already moved out of his mom's house. He's working part time in a shoe store and if he oversleeps he doesn't go to school. He's pretty much dropped out. He thought about just skipping the rest of high school and going to a jr college but he has to figure out financial aid if he's living on his own because they require his parents to show income verification.

So please, do not hold your child back.

I am always for starting school as soon as the age determines they are able to. In your case, she would be 5 before the start of the year and fine to go.

BUT!!! You have a very valid point of worrying about her social level. If that's a concern, I would think holding her back one more year at this point would be very beneficial. Does he seem to do okay with her peers now? Or is she already lacking?