(ADDED "SO WHAT HAPPENED") EX Husbands and His New Wife Problems.......

On the outside looking in... it would appear that you are trying to stay in the picture and cause problems...sorry...but like I said from the outside looking in. Honestly the only communications I feel the two of you should be having ALONE should be about the kids and then that shouldn't be a big secret. I do feel you are out of line to be texting him about his everday life it is disrepectful to the new wife.
Regardless of what he/she may have done to you, 2 wrongs don't make it right.
You should apologize and let her know you meant no harm and that your wrong and move on.
If it's not a 3 way conversation with all parties involved there will always be conflict.

E.,
You need to butt out and apologize to his new wife... you're in this situation for many years to come and you want things to go smoothly. So keep it short, say "I'm sorry, I will no longer text or call him about non-child related issues."

She can't sue you, so don't worry about that.

It must be very hard for you with 2 kids. Try to find a single mom support group or another group that interests you to help you focus you life in the present and future rather than in the past.

E.,
I want to be very respectful to you in my response but I think you are playing games with your exhusband and his wife. Deep down it almost seems like you are taking a little pleasure in the fact he had been keeping you a secret from his wife, the excitement of being in on something that she is not is giving you some kind of wierd high. I find it a little puzzeling that you and your ex could not be friends enough to work out the problems in your relationship but now you are friends enough that you can counsel him on his current marriage. Again, no disrespect intended....
You are right that you and your ex need to keep the doors of communication open about the children you share together but that should be the extent of your conversations. What goes on in his life is none of your business and vice versa. I hope your exhusband has enough integrity that he will stop engaging in this secret and shady behavior with you and that he will honor and respect his wife enough to be honest with her.
Sounds like you need to find some good friends to share your time with or maybe even go on a few dates to move on with your life. Please make the choice to be an honorable woman and don't do to another lady what you wouldn't want done to you.

As a "new wife" who has an ex-wife in the picture I would not be thrilled if she were texting my husband. I am very supportive of them talking on the phone, email etc about the kids and visitation. I would not be happy with her texting him to ask about problems with our marriage. It's NONE of your business what's going on in their marriage whether he brings it up or not. You should draw the line at discussing their relationship. I think its great if you can still be "friends" b/c that's best for the kids involved. I think that you need to be the bigger person and if he brings up problems just say you don't feel comfortable discussing that with him. I would just strongly encourage you to not be "that ex wife". Its hard enough being married to someone with an exwife and kids without having to worry about the ex wife being sneaky, mean and nasty. So I guess what I'm trying to say is BUTT OUT!!

On the one hand, she does not have any basis for a lawsuit, and that's just a silly threat.

On the other hand, it does not sound like you are being above board. Yes, you have the right to keep in contact with the father of your children for the purpose of healthy co-parenting, but extending those communications into digging up dirt on his relationship with his new wife just seems shady. If I were her I'd be upset too.

You should want your kids to be in a healthy environment; you should not want to make problems in their father's relationship or cause discord in their other home. Honestly, I think you should back off and not text him unless you need to make arrangements for the kids.

Since you admitted that you are texting him for non-child related issues, I think the wife has the right to be upset, but she should be upset with her husband, not necessarily you.

You need to butt out of their life and concentrate on yourself and the lives of your 2 children. Unless your ex and his wife are doing something really crazy in front of the kids, you have no business asking him how his relationship is going and your excuse of communicating is very weak. Communicate strictly about the children and leave the sneaky part out of it. That energy should be spent on yourself or your kids, not your ex husband.

I think you are playing in a space you should stay out of.

If I were you I would keep all my communication focused on the kids and be as transparent as possible. When you call, call the house. If the new wife answers say hi be polite and tell her why you called (Hi, XX. Is XX home? I want to ask him what time he is coming to get Kid).

If you email him copy her under the pretext that it involves the whole family (and yes, both you and new wife are in a family together). I think that is the only way she will not hate you so much.

You where married to her husband at one point, you had sex with him...she's gonna hate you whether you like it or not, the only thing she can do is to tolerate you for the sake of his kids, which she will do because she loves him and he loves her that's why he married her. If it wasn't for his kids, he would not talk to you, you would have been out of the picture a long time ago. Texting is a very sneaky form of communication. Stop texting him, it's just making you look desperate to both him and her. If your kids are old enough to talk, have them call him to tell him how their day went. You only need to call in case of an emergency or when you have plans to meet so he can keep his children. If you really have to talk to him, call when you know she will be there and she can hear you discussing the kids.